Can't bi me love: how to tell a guy he needs a trim
A while back, I was dating a person who was taller than me and had a wicked case of nose hair. I could see straight up his nose and it was like a jungle in there! It was also very distracting and made me feel less than romantic. We broke up for unrelated reasons, but I'm wondering this: should I have said something about the jungle? It could have been an act of kindness to his future girlfriends.
~Who Nose?Dear Who Nose,
Unlike pubic hair, whose sole function is to keep Cosmopolitan magazine in business, excessive nasal hair does have a solid evolutionary purpose, and that purpose is
Martin Scorsese. Can you imagine a world without
The Departed? That's what I thought.
Oh, also, according to
Wise Geek,
"Nose hair is one of the body's first lines of defense against harmful
environmental pathogens such as germs, fungus and spores."
So there's that, but that shouldn't stand in the way of you, a flowbee
and your ex's nosefro. In fact, I would go so far as to say that rotary
clippers saved my parent's marriage, before they got divorced anyway.
As usual, attractiveness is a matter of personal taste. A disgusting
jungle of nose hair to you may be considered an ornamental landscape of
delight to another. It's also not that easy to throw in a nose trim
suggestion during casual conversation, and a surprise "gift" of a
Tweezerman 5000 is hardly subtle. The polite way to ask him to trim
would be to tell him that his hair tickles, irritates, causes hives or
reminds you of your father. (I leave the actual lying part up to you).
Then ask if he wouldn't mind, for your sake, to trim the hedges. Since
nose maintenance is fairly minimal, this shouldn't come off as a
particularly difficult or obnoxious request.
Physicians recommend that you tread lightly when trimming nose hairs,
to not disrupt the floral bouquet that is the nasal canal. If one
removes ALL the hair, then they can be prone to allergy attacks,
sinusitis and respiratory infections. So tell him to restrain any
artistic urges to craft a likeness of
Kobe Bryant in his nasal
passageway.
Got a question of your own? Email
anna.pulley (at) gmail.com
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