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6 Ways Chicago Can Solve The Asian Carp Problem

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Keith Ecker

Keith Ecker once fed a giraffe from the comfort of a minivan. He's also a journalist and a comedian.

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Political Pundit Oliver Quimby

Enjoying a cool dip in our majestic Lake Michigan? Watch out! There might be Asian carp in those waters. That's right. ASIAN CARP! The most sinister fish of them all.

These "bitches of the lake," as they are known locally, threaten Lake Michigan's entire ecosystem. Not even electric fences can stop them. It's like that movie Piranha, except these are carp. ASIAN CARP!

But wait! I, political pundit Oliver Quimby, have thought of some clever solutions to solve this problem. Unfortunately, our graphic designer quit just last week, so I had to teach myself Photoshop. But you'll get the idea.

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