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It's Official: The Blackhawks Aren't Going to Win the Stanley Cup

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SarahSpain

Sports reporter, sarcastic smartass, music lover, funny gal.

It's official: The Blackhawks aren't going to win the Stanley Cup this season.

It won't be because of goalie play. It won't be because their defense is banged up or their power play is inconsistent. It won't even be because they're limping into the postseason with absolutely no momentum or confidence.

The Blackhawks aren't going to win the Cup because of this:

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That's an actual mural in Chicago, visible from the Eisenhower Expressway. That gentleman in front is supposed to be Hawks captain Jonathan Toews, though it looks more like the love child Toews would have with the mutant nurse from that one Twilight Zone episode.

toewsmutantchild.png

Pictured behind Mutant Pig-Nose Toews is, you guessed it, the Stanley Cup. Apparently whoever commissioned the damn thing has never heard of a little thing called a jinx.

The Blackhawks haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1961. They haven't even made it to the Finals to compete for the Stanley Cup since 1992. Chicago fans finally have an uber-talented team to root for and now the whole shebang is getting jinxed by some overconfident, spotlight-seeking, mural-loving chump.

I'm all for celebrating the team--heck, paint the entire roster (even Sopel!) on the side of The Bean, I don't care. Just keep the Stanley Cup out of it. This is worse than the Sports Illustrated cover jinx, worse than the Madden cover jinx, worse even than the "buy me a Coke" jinx that occurs when you unintentionally say the same word as your buddy at the exact same time.

The city of Chicago might as well throw the Hawks a pre-playoff parade, start scheduling appearances for the Cup at the Taste of Chicago and Venetian Night and begin work on the Championship banner for the UC rafters.

I'm not encouraging vandalism, but what if overnight the Stanley Cup in the mural should somehow disappear. What if the painting was just good ol Mutant Pig-Nose Toews and a crowd of fans. Or maybe the Cup turns into Kane--lord knows those two never go anywhere without each other, why leave Jonny all alone on the side of a building?

It's not too late. There's still time to save the Hawks' hopes. Just a few brushstrokes here and a few brushstrokes there and we can all move past this. So if you're the kind of person who knows about those kind of things (large-scale acts of vandalism, mural modifications, etc.) you know what to do. 

[HT to @msconduct10 - check out her super-rad blog here]

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23 Comments

Andy said:

Dear God. Kelly said she saw this off the expressway and wow, thats really horrible. Not only a jinx, but an ugly one at that.

Rock Mamola said:

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They should just keep the Rodman painting up there....so colorful!

AlexParker said:

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I doubt they'll make plans for Venetian Night this year. What I want to know is, who is behind the mural?

rfm2 said:

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yeah, just like it was a curse when sidney crosby touched the prince of wales trophy last season....that turned out well. of course, i wouldnt expect anyone in chicago to understand since they all became hockey fans about 3 months ago.

this isnt what prevents the blackchokes from winning the cup. it'll be the hockey gods deeming the bandwagon losers of chicago as unfit to watch their team win.

ps: i'll understand if you idiots need to google "prince of wales" trophy.

SarahSpain said:

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I wouldn't expect a (red wings? canucks? penguins?) fan to understand sarcasm.

p.s. i'll understand if you need to google "satire."

duehaus said:

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weak

Arcy D'Arcy said:

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You know who else isn't going to win the Stanley Cup this year? The Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose.

SarahSpain said:

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I dunno, I heard Sister Rose has a filthy slapshot.

Stackers said:

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@rfm2...Thats rich, a Penguins fan calling Blackhawk fans "bandwagon" fans. Didn't you guys about lose your team a few years back?

This jinx has to be as bad as Vancouver pre-planning the parade route.

PS. Even though I am a Wings fan, Sarah Spain is still hot!

Coy said:

Where did you learn to write?
Just terrible.

Perno said:

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Shut it troll.

bubba said:

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Not to change the subject or anything...but Sarah...are your boobs real?

bubba said:

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p.s. the only reason I found this story was cause yahoo.com's front page had it...so give thanks to yahoo for getting all this exposure...

Perno said:

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Agreed, Yahoo sent me over here too...I'm a regular reader of Da Bears Blog on this here ChicagoNow thingy though.

SarahSpain said:

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yeah, wysh is a great guy & puck daddy is clearly the best hockey blog out there. he does good stuff.

Mike Phillips said:

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This jinx couldn't have come at a worse time, either. Hawks are on a slide. Pretty sure that, somehow, the Cubs will suffer because of this too. Go Wolves?

Perno said:

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No such thing as a jinx. Things happen or they don't, a jinx is just another excuse for not executing.

duehaus said:

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look kids....falling stars

Jackie Tithof Steere said:

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Well done piece. Do hope the jinx thing doesn't happen, though.

Doug Thonus said:

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That is the worst mural ever. Shoot the guy who came up with that picture. I'm a bit frightened at how quickly you found a perfectly matching mutant image.

Does google have software for that? You simply type in Toews mutant pig face and it comes up with the match or was that some serious due diligence?

Doug Thonus said:

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And as a sidenote, I'll blame the goaltending if they don't win. Of course since I can name about four blackhawks what do I know ;)

SarahSpain said:

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Doug, the only Twilight Zone episode I've seen all the way through is that haunting mutant people episode, so as soon as I saw the Toews mural that image popped into my head. You might wanna suggest that software to google, though. Sounds useful. : )

SP said:

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Although removing the Cup from the mural would suffice, I believe I've devised a more effective alternative. This IS quite a pig nosed picture of Toews, but as a result, he's got a strong hair lip presence as well. I call for a uniform color change, spotty beard, and turn him into Ovechkin. The jinx plays.

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