Bears Host Ladies Night, Squeals Ensue

Robbie Gould, Earl Bennett, Brett Basanez, Caleb Hanie & Nick Roach

Tuesday night the Chicago Bears hosted their annual "Football 101" seminar, an event designed to teach women about the game of football, give them a behind-the-scenes look at Soldier Field and let them learn more about their favorite Bears players.

From the moment I stepped into the United Club, it was clear this was no game day at Soldier Field. In fact, at times it was more like a fireman's date auction.

Gone were the usual beer bellies, trash talkers and Ditka 'staches. Instead, women wearing everything from jerseys to blue and orange boas, filled the club level, trying samples of Barefoot Wine, shopping for Bears gear and waiting for autographs.

One of the highlights for attendees was a tour of the locker room. Equipment manager Tony Medlin answered all sorts of questions about the team's pads and uniforms. Fun fact: Bears punter Brad Maynard wears the smallest shoes on the team: a size 7! Very surprising for a kicker.

After the tours, some mingling and a few drinks, everyone settled in for the main event: a panel featuring five current Bears and radio personalities Jeff Joniak and Tom Thayer. For the first few hours the hundreds of attendees were well-behaved, even shy, but when the players took the stage, things officially got nuts. I actually heard someone yell "Show me the goods!" Women were jumping up and down, squealing and giggling like a pack of bachelorettes at a strip club or an audience at a particularly rowdy taping of Oprah.

And the guys milked it for all it was worth.

Backup QB/Dreamboat Caleb Hanie whips the crowd into a frenzy

Backup QB Caleb Hanie was met with chants of "Ca-leb, Ca-leb" and fellow QB Brett Basanez got the room more riled up, announcing "I bet you that Caleb could rip all the buttons off his shirt if he wanted to..."

For the rest of the night, the guys played right into the crowd's hands, flirting as much with each other as they did with the women. Hanie and Nick Roach talked about rooming together on the road--"one on top of the sheets, the other underneath" according to Basanez. Joniak asked the guys for their idea of "a perfect date", a woman from the crowd offered a free salsa lesson on stage (but was denied by event security) and another asked the entire panel to go on a date with her.

And somewhere during this meat market, there was football.

My favorite part of the program was when Thayer and the guys went through game tape, discussing specific plays like "Near Left, Kick 200, Ohio, Z Dragon". They explained that Near Left sends the tight end to the left side, while Kick 200 tells the offensive line to block to the left side and the running back to go right. Ohio tells the "x" receiver to do a clear-out or "dancer" route and Z Dragon tells the receiver on the strength side to run a slant flat combination.

I can say with complete surety that I was one of very few women there who liked hearing about routes more than roses and blocking more than boxers (or briefs). In fact, I'm pretty sure every time Hanie so much as shifted his weight, the two women behind me climaxed.

But no matter what motivation women had to attend, it seemed everyone had a fantastic time. The guys were in great spirits and they clearly loved being showered with affection. And whether they were there hubby-hunting or they truly wanted to learn about the game, it was good to see so many women get excited about Chicago sports.

A hint for the guys: if your lady doesn't want to watch the game with you this weekend, just give her a glass of wine, pull up a few photos of Caleb Hanie and watch her turn into the world's biggest football fan. You're welcome.

A few more pictures from the night...