Cop, pulling over taxi driver:
Sir.
Red.
Light.
Means.
Stop.

Overheard at the Maxwell concert at United Center

Girl (with attitude): OMG how many more songs is he gonna sing?! I gotta do homework...it's a school night!

Via email from Tatiana C.

Overheard on the Purple Line near Howard Station

Caucasian woman: Are you Chinese?
Man: Yes.
Woman: Do you know how to make crab rangoon? Those fried wontons with cream cheese?
Man: No, that is not traditional Chinese food.
Woman: Yes it is. It's on the menu under appetizers at the Chinese restaurant.

Via email from Jennifer B. of Evanston

Overheard on the corner of State and Randolph.

Guy: Bro, my girlfriend was kidnapped by ninjas. I need money for kung fu lessons.

Via email from Tiana H.

On the Red line near Sox-35th

Boy 1: Yeah, she is hot, but she's my cousin, dude!

Boy 2: She's only your second cousin... you're not even related.

Via email from Keith M.

Near the St. Alphonsus Oktoberfest at 3000 N. Lincoln Ave. this weekend.

Girl 1: It's September! I thought Oktoberfest was supposed to be in October.

Girl 2 (joking): Well, maybe it's October in Germany.

Girl 1 (serious): Really? Hm.

Dog tethered to a tree outside Treasure Island on Wells St. Girl walks by on cell.

Girl, yelling at dog: Shut up, I'm on the phone!

Via email from Chris B.

Couple on the escalator.

Girl: Does the ground shake when I walk?
Guy: No. But the ground does.

Via email Kimberly A.

Flight attendants at O'Hare.

Attendant to other attendant: I just fill up the water bottle in the lav when I run out. They don't know the difference.

Via email from Jessica