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Chef Daley Serves Up A Dish Chicago Just Can't Stomach

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The Parking Ticket Geek

The Geek is an idiot, who gets a lot of parking tickets, and knows how to fight back.

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A big steaming plate of shit.

That's what Chef Daley cooked up for us up back in December.

With a smiling face, and his trademarked stuttering delivery, he served up a $1.15 billion dollar parking meter lease deal that reeked worse than even certain rank areas of Lower Wacker Drive, utilized by the homeless, to vacate their bowels, on Summer's hottest day.

It smelled then. It smells worse now.


Since December, Daley has been trying to feed Chicagoans his poo-poo platter of poor parking and privatization policies, while telling us how great it should taste.

First, he ladled bowlfuls of his crappy deal to the City Council. While many of them initially recoiled in disgust, Chef Daley force fed them his fetid stew until all but five aldermen, in just two days of alleged deliberation and without any real information, ended up chowing down.

Chicago motorists first began smelling something funny when the now quadrupled meter rates began showing up on meters. The stink grew worse when the shocking realization of longer hours of feeding the meters, and no more free Sundays or meter holidays.

A putrid smog of frustration spewed over the skyline from Daley's City Hall kitchen, when the transition from city to the now privatized parking meter system, under the control of Morgan Stanley aka Chicago Parking Meters, LLC and their operations partner, LAZ Parking, went terribly wrong.

A rash of broken and intentionally vandalized meters, mislabeled meters confused motorists, meters overflowing with quarters because of the quadrupled rates and not enough personnel for quarter collections, and meters registering wrong times or no time, angered motorists in every corner of the city, who promptly turned their noses up at Daley's disgusting dish.

That stench refused to dissipate after the city and the new lessee claimed they had fixed all the problems about three weeks ago. But just last week, a massive failure of over 250, or nearly half of the new Pay & Display pay boxes, leaving an even worse taste in the mouths of Chicagoans.

As more things went wrong with the meter transition, and the details of the hastily passed deal, came under the bright light of scrutiny, more and more people got angrier and angrier, and the stench grew to Biblical noxiousness.

A hurricane of complaints overwhelmed ward offices, along with a flurry of negative press and now the formerly meek and emasculated aldermen, suddenly, shockingly, removed their nose plugs long enough to begin their chorus of mea culpas and rationalizations. It seems the fear of losing an election somehow cleansed their political palate like a refreshing lemon sorbet, and emboldened most to now be critical of the deal they so willingly lapped up back in December.

Then this past Friday saw Attorney General Lisa Madigan, the somewhat effective EPA of corruption and malfeasance within Illinois, saw the cloud of evil smog over the city, and thought it politically convenient to begin sniffing around.

The only people that haven't come around Daley's kitchen to check for rat infestations in this meter deal is Patrick Fitzgerald's U.S. Attorney's office.

Perhaps, if we get lucky, perhaps the feds are peeking around the back door of the kitchen and they can help us take this piece of crap deal off the menu.

Then Tuesday, the Inspector General's Office, after five months of looking around the Mayor's kitchen, and taste testing Daley's deal, weighed in with its scathing review of what Chef Daley has forced down our collective throats. No stars! The IGO's report exclaimed.

But Daley, continues to claim this deal he cooked up is tasty and healthy for the city, because Morgan Stanley's $1.15 billion dollar payment not only filled the budget gap, but allegedly insured a balanced budget through 2012, saved jobs, kept taxes from rising and gave the city a $400 rainy day fund.

Chez Daley's current Maitre d', Paul Volpe, and Sous Chef of this disgusting deal of fecal discharge, angrily responded to the IGO report, indignatly saying, "This transaction provided great benefit to Chicago taxpayers and residents, allowing us to continue providing vital services and avoid steep tax increases during this difficult economy," Volpe said."It is insulting to suggest the City Council made that decision irresponsibly and without proper information."

Unfortunately, the reality is, Mayor Daley, Volpe and his administration miserably and disastrously mismanaged city finances, putting Chicago in such a weakened financial state, they had to desperately grasp for the first quick and "easy" money that came around. Morgan Stanley stepped in like one of those Payday Loan companies that populate the poorer sections of the city, and Chef Daley, ponied up the title to the meters, then took the money and ran. Fast.

Chef Daley and his sycophantic waitstaff, faced with the prospect of having a budget hole of historic precedence, decided to look for the easiest short term fix for their problem, without any regards for the long term, or if the parking meter lease deal was actually good for the city.

Then the administration purposely withheld pertinent information and critical details of the lease deal, from aldermen and the public in order to push it through the city council as quickly as possible. Once passed, the money was sucked into the budget black hole, never to be seen again.

Chef Daley's inedible meter lease deal filled his budget gap, and allowed him to sock enough money away, to finance his upcoming personal epic-sized bacchanalia in 2016.

The parking meter lease deal, is unique as, unlike the many Turd du Jour's that the Daley Administration has served up before, none have been as repulsively fragrant or prepared so awfully or served in such a large helping.

Seared, souffled, sauteed, baked, fried, it doesn't matter.

No matter how Chef Daley prepares his entree' of crap, no matter how much parsley he uses when he plates this dish, no matter how many beautiful culinary adjectives he uses to describe this entree on the menu, it's still crap.


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2 Comments

Patrick Barry said:

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Please take down that photo. It debases the written content.

The Parking Ticket Geek said:

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Patrick-

Sorry your're offended by the photo. But it's humorous and adds to the story in my opinion. I would suggest scrolling down about an inch and not looking at it.

While I appreciate you reading my thoughts, I disagree that it debases the written content. The entire column is scatalogical in nature. I reference poop many times. The photo is of poop.

I'm not taking it down.

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