LeBron Will Leave Cleveland: LeBron James is soooo gone

LeBron Is Sooo Gone

Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James (23) drives the ball past New York Knicks' Larry Hughes (0) during the fourth period of an NBA basketball game Friday, Nov. 6, 2009, in New York. (AP Photo/Kathy Kmonicek)

Did you by chance catch the Cavs-Knicks game the other week on ESPN?

If you did, you probably felt like me and completely forgot there was even a basketball game being played because the only thing the stupid commentators talked about the entire time was how LeBron James could be playing in New York next season.

Then you had the Knicks fans, who cared so little about their current team that they all showed up to Madison Square Garden with Knicks versions of LeBron's jersey. What a bunch of sycophantic weasels.

Their team is so bad, it's like watching fat stoners play "NBA Jam" with one hand while they eat Cheetos with the other. So what they do? They beg an actual basketball player to come play for them.

As I watched LeBron play his brains out that game, I wanted to snatch him by the face, squeeze his cheeks and say, "I knew it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!"

Because yeah, fine, I admit it: He is definitely leaving.

The best thing to happen to Ohio since--um, what's the answer here? Since native son John Glenn became the first American to orbit the Earth? Since Jim Brown was picked by the Browns in the 1957 NFL draft? Since the Yellow Creek iron ore deposits were discovered?

Anyway, Ohio's taken its hits in recent years and frankly loosing LeBron James is going to hurt way worse than shedding the state's industrial base ever could.

But there he was, after a game where he put up 33 points, 9 assists and 8 rebounds with an ease normally reserved for mundane household tasks like taking out the trash, yucking it up with CC Sabathia, Jay-Z and A-Rod, calling Madison Square Garden the 'Mecca' of basketball.

And you know I don't even blame him. My friends and I are all pissed that he's soooo definitely going to leave, yes, but what the hell did we do?

After college I was Chicago-bound.

We live in New York and L.A. and the Second City because, to be perfectly blunt, things are going on in these places.

I may not hang out with Derrick Rose or Common or Adewale Ogunleye, but I love Chicago and would rather make my home here at this particular juncture in my life than whittle away the hours in Cleveland or Akron or some rural Ohio locale close to home. So how can I look bitterly at LeBron because he'd rather hang out with CC and Jay-Z in badass clubs in the Big Apple than drink mudslides at an Applebee's in Canton (which, yes, is the coolest thing in Canton)?

So fine. Go. I hope you'll be very happy.

But I knew it was you, Lebron. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

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