I Think I'm Still Drunk From Blogapalooza
Nice pen, nerd (Photo: Mallory Hoake)
I doubt there is anyone reading this who does not know what Blogapalooza was, but let's just sum it up as this: There were free drinks and a bunch of people from ChicagoNow.
Anyway, a whole bunch of my friends showed up, Megan, Elliott, Broken-Legged Brian, and I got way too intoxicated. So intoxicated that I don't even have a hangover. I'm just still totally drunk. Right now--while writing this--still drunk.
Basically, I just spent the night shoving my book preview under people's noses and glad-handing. It turns out I'm pretty good at glad-handing. You just say things like, "Hey, there! Steve Markley. Nice to see you." Or, "Hey, howzitgoing? Steve Markley. Love the dress." Or, "Heyo! Steve Markley. Sorry I just threw up on your shoes."
Anyway, I was having a great time meeting all my "fans" (by which I mean, people I already live with and/or watch Browns games with anyway) as well as the other ChicagoNow bloggers. I even got interviewed by some super-pretty news lady for the TV, who clearly did want to "grab a dink--I mean, a drink--I mean, let's cuddle."
So all-in-all, great fun.
Then someone stole my bag.
That's right: at the event where I was supposed to be glad-handing, some cretin piece of garbage stole my bag. My list of suspects included all of the bloggers who were there. I was suspicious of Candace Jordan of "Candid Candace," definitely Brandon Frein of "Styled in Chicago," and certainly of Caitlin Giles of "Wee Windy City," who I'm sure was using her children's face-painting booth to run some kind of organ-trading pyramid scheme.
But then I looked over and saw Jen Weigel of "I'm Spiritual Dammit" across the mall already stealing my people, and of course, there's Susan Cordogan of "Chicago RSVP" who you can't trust, and Matt Lo Cascio of "Jay Cutler Superstar" seems like an obvious supect, as well as Steph Yiu of "RedEye" who is the most obvious con artist I've ever seen, not to mention Amy Guth of "Chicago Subtext" who I think was convicted of arson once, and then you have the Morelli brothers who are definitely from some kind of Mafia family, but then again never rule out Ashley Bond, who seems sweet and nice but would probably gouge your eyes out with her thumbs if you risked glancing the other way.
What I'm saying is everyone was a suspect, and I had upwards of $14 worth of stuff in that bag, including:
- A copy of Stieg Larrson's "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"
- All the copies of the preview of my book that no one took
- A notebook with the list of all the money that RedEye owes me for columns
- Another notebook with all the pornographic thoughts that occur to me and subsequently become columns and blog posts, not to mention notes to myself to remind me what I'm supposed to do every day ("Don't get drunk and get bag stolen with notebook inside" is a good one).
And you know what turned out to be the case? Some intern named Ernest took it.
That's right: I woke up fully clothed on my couch, smacked my head a couple of times, and called my bookie to say I'd lost all the the bag with all the money I owed him so we were even-steven. But then Ernest's text message came in.
"Hey man," he texted. "I think I might have accidentally grabbed your bag last night."
Oh really, Ernest? Ya think?
So he brought me my bag, and I bought him lunch and punched him the stomach a bunch of times.
What I'm saying is that Blogapalooza was awesome. Oh, and here's a picture of me and Ashley Bond at the after party.
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8 Comments
Amy Guth said:
Ha, convicted. Pssh.
Glad you got your loot back.
Tracy Samantha Schmidt said:
You totally missed the part where you went on a drunken tirade about how blogs are NOT the future of journalism.
Jen said:
Thank goodness you found your bag, and didn't need to start the week breaking kneecaps.
ErnestWilkins said:
Uh..I'm that intern, and I havent been punched that hard..well, EVER.
Steph Yiu said:
Stephen Markley you CANNOT be abusing our intern!!!!
Carrie Kirby said:
I'm insulted not to be accused of stealing your bag. Specially since I use my baby sling to shoplift ALL THE TIME. It's called being frugal, man.
Sophie said:
Such a good show! I have a feeling they're bringing back Sal. Apparently that actor lives in New Orleans and owns a store on Magazine Street. My mom (a super fan of the show) saw him the other day and freaked! And I also loved that scene with Sally watching the man burn alive. It's the small things they do: when Betty clears the picnic blanket in season 1 by just leaving all their trash on the grass. Or when Sally comes in with one of those dry cleaner bags on her head, and Betty is more concerned about her clothes than her daughter suffocating. But I like that they don't go out of their way to point these moments out. They're just natural parts of life (for that time period).
Stephen Markley said:
Sophie, I assume you're referring to 'Mad Men' and not me being drunk at Blogopalooza?
I totally was looking for someone to go as Betty to my Don for Halloween!
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