Attention, Moms and Dads of Incoming Freshmen: Velcro Parents Are Ruining It For Everybody

I understand only one thing from this phenomenon: the love. Of course it's difficult to say goodbye (It's actually more like "See ya soon", don't you think? 99.9% of students do see their family again; some of them within the week!) to a young adult who has spent the last eighteen years in your home, under your watchful eye. It's tough to think about what "horrible things" might happen to them once they are living in the dorm. It's hard to think about what would happen if they were to make bad choices. And the "what if's"? Whoa, those can be killer. What if they need something? What if they get homesick? What if they can't decide what to eat for breakfast? What if they need help with their homework? What if they don't call...ever? 

Dwelling on all of those things will only cause a slow burn that will eventually lead to insanity. As parents, we set a foundation of morals and values in our children starting from their first days. As they grow, we build on that solid base. Nobody is perfect and mistakes occur on their way to adulthood (some mistakes bigger than others, depending on the kid!), but, to quote a character from one of my favorite movies which has no place being mentioned in a post about college freshman (The Money Pit), "The foundation was good, I'll say that. And if that's okay, then everything else can be fixed."

"Cutting the cord", so to speak, when you drop your young adult off at college really shouldn't take more than the time allotted by the school. First of all, you should trust that the school faculty and staff know what they're doing; it's their business. Second, by sticking around longer than you're supposed to not only has a good chance of making your kid more anxious and less confident, but can also lead to embarrassing situations for everybody.

Case(s) in point? The parents who are hanging around the school to videotape their kids, pick up their laundry, or attend classes. It's become such an epidemic that the New York Times is reporting the desperate measures of some colleges that now have special methods for tossing parents out on their keisters. Atlanta's Morehouse College is one such school. The article states:

The University of Minnesota is also mentioned; parents of new students are invited to a reception while their children set up their dorm rooms "without adult meddling".

I am sad that colleges and universities have to resort to such sneaky behavior. I can't say I blame them for doing so, but it's disappointing in a societal sense. First "Helicopter Parents", then "Velcro Parents"...what's next, "Super Glue Parents"? (You read it here first!) As parents become more clingy, educational institutions will gradually increase the reality check on move-in day; they have no choice. Unfortunately, if parents don't check themselves, I envision a time when they'll have to do the equivalent of a drive-by move-in, merely slowing the car down to about ten miles an hour right outside campus, allowing the new freshman to jump out just in time to catch all of his or her belongings, which siblings will be tossing out as the car continues down the road.

The college my son will be attending has made it blatantly clear that Sunday's move-in activities, which begin between 7:30-8:00 a.m., have a definite ending time: "New Student Orientation continues with sessions for students and parents until 3:30 p.m., when students say goodbye to their families. Orientation continues for students only from 4:15 to 10:00 p.m." To me, this is a happy medium. The school has scheduled activities for both parents and students, as well as a designated "See ya later!" time. 

To be completely honest, had there not been organized events in the afternoon, my husband and I would have planned to get on the road after lunch time, allowing our son to get acquainted with his new roommate and the other guys on his floor. It's not because we don't love him (we do, dearly!) or that we don't want to spend every minute possible with him, but we have to leave eventually. Not that we won't take the school up on the events (we will!), but I can tell you that it's going to be hard to hug our kid and leave, no matter what time we head out. 

At some point, kids have to leave the nest. Standing back and watching them spread their wings is their parents' reward. Bittersweet? Absolutely. However, raising children who can leave home and handle more and more responsibility as time goes on is proof of a job well done.