I've heard many people - including Lance Briggs - opine that the Bears suck.
Well, they they did suck last week. They were quite vacuum-like against the Falcons and Packers, too. But they did beat the Steelers ... and if you beat the Steelers, you can't be guilty of all-out suckiness.
You want a truly suck-a-licious squad? Meet the Browns.
Browns make Bears look relatively suckless
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It's not enough that they are ranked at or near the bottom in pretty
much every offensive and defensive category - an impressive
accomplishment given how bad the bottom third of the league is.
The Browns are so bad, they couldn't even sack Aaron Rodgers last week.
And every team - I'm talking Division III, powderpuff, prep JV, Pop Warner, lingerie, younameit - beats the rusty gate of an offensive line charged with protecting the Packer passer. (Just watch the carnage caused again by the Vikings' front. Run, Aaron, run!)
So Jay Cutler will have all day, and the Bears will throw and run and catch pretty much whenever they want to. Why, even Greg Olsen might decide to rejoin the offense. Meanwhile, the Browns will do what they do best on offense - cough up the football or punt.
By 3 o'clock Sunday - 4, if you forget to set your clock back - the Bears will have won by three TDs plus. Which means they'll have a 4-3 record.
Far from great, but far from truly sucky in an NFL that has redefined suckiness this season.
Man, I can't believe I just kinda-sorta-defended a mediocre bunch of mopes coming off a 35-point loss to the freakin' Bengals.
I mean, shouldn't I at least allow for the possibility that the Bears will overlook the Browns and find a way to do the impossible?
Well, if that happens, Jerry Angelo will have no choice but to fire Lovie Smith, all the assistant coaches and most of the Soldier Field ushers. Then, Angelo will have to fire himself.
But it won't happen.
It can't happen.
The Bears simply cannot dig low enough to find that level of suckiosity.
Right, Lance?
The Browns are so bad, they couldn't even sack Aaron Rodgers last week.
And every team - I'm talking Division III, powderpuff, prep JV, Pop Warner, lingerie, younameit - beats the rusty gate of an offensive line charged with protecting the Packer passer. (Just watch the carnage caused again by the Vikings' front. Run, Aaron, run!)
So Jay Cutler will have all day, and the Bears will throw and run and catch pretty much whenever they want to. Why, even Greg Olsen might decide to rejoin the offense. Meanwhile, the Browns will do what they do best on offense - cough up the football or punt.
By 3 o'clock Sunday - 4, if you forget to set your clock back - the Bears will have won by three TDs plus. Which means they'll have a 4-3 record.
Far from great, but far from truly sucky in an NFL that has redefined suckiness this season.
Man, I can't believe I just kinda-sorta-defended a mediocre bunch of mopes coming off a 35-point loss to the freakin' Bengals.
I mean, shouldn't I at least allow for the possibility that the Bears will overlook the Browns and find a way to do the impossible?
Well, if that happens, Jerry Angelo will have no choice but to fire Lovie Smith, all the assistant coaches and most of the Soldier Field ushers. Then, Angelo will have to fire himself.
But it won't happen.
It can't happen.
The Bears simply cannot dig low enough to find that level of suckiosity.
Right, Lance?
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