The Case For "Life's Short. Get a Divorce."--Letterman and Lasko

Rather, the focus of this post is the humiliated partner.  To that end, David Letterman has been the hot topic of affairs gone awry. Most of you have seen or heard about the Letterman sex scandal. If not, in a nutshell, a CBS producer, Robert Halderman "blackmailed" Letterman and requested that Dave pay him the sum of $2 million dollars in exchange to keep Dave's secret safe. The secret involved Dave having multiple sexual relationships with female members on his staff. Halderman threaten to expose Dave in a screenplay if Dave did not pay him.  As a result, Dave softened the blow by making a public announcement on his show that he was indeed having sexual relationships with members of his staff.  Then days after revealing on air that he'd been sexually involved with women from his television program, Dave apologized to his wife on his "Late Show," saying that his wife had been "horribly hurt by my behavior."  Dave publicly vowed to work on repairing his relationship with his wife of one year and partner of over 20 years, Regina Lasko.

We can clearly name all the recent cheaters, from John Edwards to President Bill Clinton, Governor Elliot Spitzer, Governor Mark Sanford, Frank Gifford, New York Governor, Mark Patterson, San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsome, Actor, Matthew Broderick and the list goes on. The common element of all of these men is  despite well-publicized reports of their husbands' extramarital affairs, the wives opt to stand by their man through it all. Even with that continued sense of outrage, betrayal, disappointment, shame, distrust and of course, that natural feeling of being less attractive or somehow blaming themselves, the wives choose to remain in the relationship. They all seem to have the same mantra of staying because of the children or keeping the family intact.

As someone who has been cheated on, I cannot help but think about the immense difficulties for a wife staying in the marriage when the ultimate betrayal has occurred.  The intimacy is gone and happiness is fleeting even if the cheater professes that he wants to change and work on the relationship. The problem with staying is that the focus again centers on the cheater and his narcissistic conduct that brought the couple to this point. The wife must not only deal with the pain, hurt and inevitable destruction of self-esteem while still focusing on forced forgiveness in order to "work" on the relationship.  

This all begs the ultimate question....At what point does personal happiness become paramount before saving a sinking relationship and yourself?  At what point do you profess self-assurance instead of continued depletion of your self esteem by staying under the power and control of the cheater? Even self help books advise people to eradicate negative and abusive relationships when seeking happiness. So how is leaving a marriage any different?  Of course I recognize these are  private decisions but I personally applaud Regina Lasko for having the chutzpah to request a public apology and notwithstanding the apology, still procuring a divorce from Dave.

In leaving Dave, Lasko demonstrates the qualities of a leader with a sense of personal dignity, conviction, intelligence and self respect. Lasko sends out a message that more women should adopt when being mistreated by their lover or spouse - that THEY remain strong and in charge of their own destiny in the face of the ultimate betrayal; that THEY deserve to be treated with class, dignity, love and compassion; and that THEIR feelings and relationships are not to be treated like disposable objects.

Lasko's decision to leave Dave actually sets her apart and further shows her ability to act as an important and positive role model.  Many people say that a person should stay with a cheating spouse "for the children" and to keep the family together, irrespective of the emotional toll and other myriad of problems. Lasko, by her very conduct in refusing to tolerate Dave's substandard, inhumane treatment of her, is teaching others an invaluable life lesson, to wit, that treating people with respect and consideration is not just an important way to live your life, but the only way to live your life.

All in all, Lasko should be commended for standing up for herself and telling a cheating Dave that his lame apology (that even he treated like a joke) does NOT make his conduct "okay," that it cannot and will not repair the damage that he caused to their relationship and family, and that she will not continue be subjected to such maltreatment. Lasko has recognized and acted on a valuable life lesson, namely, that life is far too short to be unhappy and married to a heartless, selfish and manipulative man who treats her as a subordinate while lying to all involved.