Love in the Time of Foreclosure

The future of LITTOF in 2010

2010-01-01T08:24:25Z

Happy New Year, everyone!

It's just over an hour into the new year and already I feel better.

2009 wasn't an easy year. For us it was mostly defined by losing our house and declaring bankruptcy.... and the subsequent readjustment to a new life. And though that was overwhelmingly challenging, the truth is that it wasn't all bad.

Here are some of the highlights:

We broke our attachment to material possessions
We grew closer as a couple
We were gifted with a beautiful home for two years on an island in the Pacific Northwest
I finished writing a new full-length play
We discovered the depths of our resilience
We saw parts of this country we'd never seen before
We reconnected with old friends and made some new friends too

But the biggest thing to impact my life in 2009 was this blog. I began writing it in 2009. January 9, 2009 to be exact. Here is that first post.

Writing this blog has truly made an enormous impact on my life. As a result, I feel like I have grown as a writer. I've met amazing people through the blog and was able to process some pretty crazy emotions and experiences. As a writer, it is through writing that I grow as a person. It is because of the blog that we have this place to live and that I have more confidence in myself as a writer than ever before.

It's been such a journey. When I began writing it, I had no expectation of anyone reading it outside of my family and friends. I thought perhaps it could help others going through the same thing, but wasn't sure that it would actually reach anyone. My only goal was to write as openly and honestly as possible about our situation.

I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for reading, sharing and commenting on this blog. You've given me strength and self-assurance. I've loved corresponding with readers who write in for advice or just to share that you might be going through the same thing. Thank you for your advice and your support. Thank you for letting me know when it has made a difference for you. Being able to make a difference has been the biggest gift of Love in the Time of Foreclosure.

My realization & the big announcement
Last summer when we closed on the sale of our house, a LITTOF reader joked about what we would call the blog now that we avoided foreclosure. At that point it was obvious to me that I would continue writing, though as our story wasn't over yet and I saw the title of the blog to contain a larger context. Love in the Time of Foreclosure applied not only to our personal story but to the story that Americans were facing throughout the country. This being "the time of foreclosure."

But that comment has been stuck in my head lately. We personally did avoid foreclosure. We are no longer in foreclosure. That story is over. And I don't want to keep living it over and over and over again.

You might have noticed that my blog posts have been fewer and farther between of late. Some of that has to do with the month of December. I was largely unmotivated to do anything. But I had a lot of resistance towards blogging and I wasn't sure why. Until I realized that I'm just ready to move on.

I'm ready for the next chapter. The one that doesn't include foreclosure. By continuing Love in the Time of Foreclosure, I feel like I'm continuing to live back in that time. That very challenging time. And I'm ready to let it go.

What am I saying?

I'm saying this: My first post of 2010 is also my last. At least here.

Wait. What?

This blog on ChicagoNow will remain in the archives so that old posts can be accessed, but I won't be writing new posts.

What?! Yep. It's true.

I will be keeping the original blogspot site active. It is there that I will post any news updates and possibly occasional articles while I figure out what is next.

But why?

Because it's time. It's a new year. A new decade. And I'm ready to let go. I don't want my life to be forever tied to our foreclosure story. It's just time for me to move on. For us to move on. The foreclosure isn't our entire story... only a small part.

In the spirit of full disclosure and 'telling one on myself', the writer in me has loved having a steady audience and readership for the first time in my life. That has, frankly, made it hard to objectively assess my commitment to the blog. I haven't wanted to let go for fear that I would somehow disappear. That my success as a writer is tied to this blog and this blog alone. As a result I've been clinging to the blog like a security blanket. And that just doesn't work for me.

Last summer we had to let go of our house and most of our possessions. Now it's time to let go of the blog. In order to clear the way for what's next.

And what is next?

Well, I'm not sure yet. I'm still designing 2010. What I know for sure is that 2010 will be amazing. Today we went bowling. I didn't break 100 on the first two games. I flipped a switch in the third. And I stepped up to the line and said, "I'm gonna bowl a strike now." I was completely sure of that. And I did. I bowled a strike. You gotta get, I hadn't bowled one strike in twenty-four frames. And then, just like that I did. That's how 2010 is going to be. Like stepping up to bowling a strike and actually bowling a strike. It's going to kick 2009's ass! I'm sure of it.

This post wouldn't be complete without acknowledging you. Here goes. I'm grateful...

-I'm grateful to ChicagoNow for including Love in the Time of Foreclosure on their site and for welcoming me into the family. I'm grateful to my friend Eileen for suggesting LITTOF to ChicagoNow in the first place.

-I'm grateful to Bob for being my editor and reading almost every post before it went live.

-I'm grateful to my mom for agreeing to write articles on the blog as The Real Estate Mom.

-I'm grateful to the community of LITTOF readers. I'm grateful for the opportunity to share our story and for the fact that it has made a difference for some people out there.

-I'm grateful to Ron on Orcas and Joy on San Juan Island for welcoming us so kindly to the San Juan Islands and for always looking out for us! Thanks for the lamp and the coffee, Joy. And thanks for helping us with the table, Ron!

-I'm grateful to LITTOF reader Judith @theluxpod for sending us yummy chocolate from London and having to disguise the package as "used socks."

-I'm grateful to LITTOF reader Jennifer @loonyladybug for sending us an awesome road trip CD.

-I'm grateful to the owners of this house (!!) who reached out to us and offered us a place to live. You guys have shown us such generosity and trust that we are overwhelmed at times.

-I'm grateful to friend and talented playwright/screenwriter Jennifer Maisel @jennifermaisel for naming the blog. Yep, she's the brains behind the name. It began with the less creative name of simply Steph and Bob. So, thank you Jennifer! For that (and more.)

-I'm grateful to Greg Pincus @gregpincus for his invaluable mentoring!

-I'm grateful to everyone who shared the blog. To everyone who commented and took an interest in our story.

-I'm grateful to so many of you who told me you sent our blog to Oprah or NPR or NBC because you thought it was a great story that should be seen on a wider scale. Your faith in us always made a difference.

-I'm grateful to those of you who said that this should be a book! Or a movie! Maybe one day it will.

-Oh- I'm grateful to Apartment Therapy and CurbedLA for posting about our huge estate sale because I think that really helped spread the word. (Man, that feels like soooo long ago.)

-I'm grateful to the LITTOF reader who bought our white dishes in L.A. (I hope you're enjoying them.)

-I'm grateful to The Story for having us on. That was a lot of fun and really therapeutic, actually.

-I'm grateful to my amazing family and wonderful friends who never once told me I was insane to be sharing so frankly in such a public forum.

This is starting to feel like an Oscar acceptance speech. This is where I look quickly at the monitor and say, "It's saying wrap it up. Uh, um... uh....I'm just so grateful. Thank you."

So that's it. It's been fun.

To catch any future updates, you could sign up for the RSS feed or the e-mail list at the Blogger site. Just look at the right hand column for those options.

Thank you. For more than you'll know.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Steph

Does your house have a job?

2009-12-30T06:45:09Z

Last year at this time Bob and I were doing everything in our power to save our house. Those of you who have been following LITTOF know this quite well. We tried everything. Mostly what I wrote about was our quest to modify our loan. But what I haven't written much about is our attempt to make our house a star with earning power.

It was L.A. Of course we went there. We thought, we have this gorgeous house with stunning views... what production company wouldn't want to use our home as a location and pay us thousands of dollars a day for the privilege?!

My first encounter with a location scout
One morning while Bob and I were walking Pablo, we noticed something going on at the Schindler up the street that had been vacant ever since we moved in. There was a small film crew in the driveway. I began to walk up the drive and was immediately greeted by somebody who asked nicely if they could help me. I requested to speak to the location manager with two goals in mind:

1. Finally see the inside of the fabulous How House designed by Rudolf Schindler
2. Get the location scout to take a look at our house as a potential location

The location manager was very friendly and said that he'd be happy to show us the house at the end of the shoot (that never happened) and that he'd love to take a look at our house (that did happen.) Oh, they were doing a still photography shoot for a Nordstrom catalog, by the way.

Later that day, the location scout took some digital photos of our house and said he'd follow up in a day or two. He said that our house had great potential to be used as a location for still photography. Long story short, I never had any success with follow-up. But the whole experience inspired us. For a short time we were convinced that we could land some big shoot that would save the house and we'd live happily ever after.

Stalking the scouts
Anytime we saw a film crew in front of a house in our neighborhood (which was often... like several times a week) we stopped and asked to speak to the location manager. We said we were interested in using our house as a location. We'd get the location manager's card and then e-mail them photos of our house. And man did we have photos. We'd send them links to the Apartment Therapy tour of our house and to my blog that I wrote in the voice of our house. So, not my blog. But our house's blog.

One day Bob came home from running errands with 4 different cards from location managers. Yep. Four cards. Four different film shoots in our neighborhood alone. In addition to using their cards, we would go online and register with reputable location companies such as Plan-It Locations.

Coming up empty
The thing is... all of our efforts translated into zero dollars. It just didn't pan out. We heard that nobody was having any luck renting their residences as locations because of the economy. The money, we were told, just wasn't there. A familiar story. So, though we tried, we had no offers.

Not until, that is, we sold the house. Since we sold the house we have had three offers to use our former house as a location. One of the offers was for a Comcast commercial and would have been 15 hours and over $2,000 net. Another, that I received today, was from Bravo and would be over $3,000 net for 15 hours. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I've passed all inquiries along to the new owners. And each time I just shake my head and laugh at the irony. Because what else is there to do? I guess things like this can take a year before they translate to any kind of actual money. We just didn't start early enough.

Learn from our mistake
But here's the thing. You can learn from our mistake. We didn't try to have our house work for us until it was already too late. I wish we had started as soon as we finished the remodel. Had we done that, we might have had a fighting chance.

I've written several times that we're not sure if we'll ever own a home again. But if we do, we're going to make damn sure that our house works for us. We would want our house to have earning power. Whether that means buying a duplex to be able to rent half out or buying a place that would be attractive to location scouts and production companies, our house would work for us.

There's work for houses all over the country
Here's the other thing... you don't have to own in L.A. to land a job for your house as a location. Chicago, New York, Seattle, Miami or even Dubuque, Iowa is fair game. You never know. It doesn't hurt to at least try. When I told the Plan-It Location scout that we had moved to an island in Washington, she wanted to know if we'd be willing to list our house here in case they had any inquiries for a Pacific Northwest location. So, really... it doesn't hurt to try.

P.S. The biggest thing we worried about in listing our house as a location was bothering our neighbors. That definitely is a risk you take and it always helps to be upfront. Had we landed anything we would have talked to each neighbor to let them know the situation in advance.

Just a little thought for the New Year. If you own a house, how will you have it work for you in 2010? Something to consider... especially if you're upside down on your loan.

Dear Secret Santa...

2009-12-25T08:23:18Z

Dear Secret Santa,

It is no secret that I've been a bit in the dumps lately. I think you can tell by my posts. December wasn't easy. The reality of being so far away from family, friends and everything familiar finally sunk in. And then the frozen pipes. And the cold. And stress about bills and our debt. And, well, just everything. I fully surrendered to my bad mood. For a solid couple of weeks.

And then yesterday I got a letter that lifted my spirits. Big time. A letter that moved me and totally humbled me. This letter came from the power co-op on the island. It read in part:

Congratulations! You are the recipient of a $250 anonymous donation that has already been applied to your electric bill.

!!!!!!!!!

What an unexpected gift! You truly outdid yourself, Anonymous Donor/Secret Santa. Bob and I are so incredibly grateful for your act of generosity. We have no clue as to your actual identity, but we hope you read the blog so that you will see this thank you. We have no other way to thank you. And we thank you humbly from the bottom of our hearts. We are so moved and want you to know how much a difference this makes for us.

Not only will your gift help us tremendously with our finances, but you've also lifted our spirits. You have shown us (as cheesy as this might sound) the true meaning of Christmas. Your gift is an inspiration to me. Really. It had me realize that spending so much time being sad that I'm away from my family only limits my scope. I miss what's here. I miss seeing opportunities to get outside of my own head and make a difference for others. Just as you have for me. Thank you for that. For reminding me that life isn't and should never be all about me. Especially during the holidays.

Merry Christmas!

With deep gratitude and warm holiday wishes,

Steph & Bob

A tale of two houses

2009-12-16T19:07:01Z

House #1 - The traditional sale
Last night I spent some time with a new client presenting a market analysis of their home. My new clients had been listed with another Realtor for over 200 days, and they were frustrated with the whole process of selling their home.
I explained to them that my taking on their listing would not magically transform the real estate market, and that very good Realtors have been stymied by this once in a career down market.

I did promise to communicate with them often even when I had nothing to say specifically about their home. It is so frustrating for sellers to get their homes ready every day and then have no one even look at their homes for weeks on end. Even with all the publicity out their in media land, sellers still ask the question of themselves "What am I doing wrong?"

House #2 - The short sale
To add to their frustration, located next to my sellers' home is a home that had recently gone under contract in a short sale. Now, the next door neighbors' home is identical to my clients' home.

Both homes were built in the 1970's, probably by the same builder because the homes are nearly identical.

Both homes are raised ranches which are sometimes difficult homes to sell because the floor plan is a bit outdated. The short sale was priced $30,000 under my seller's sales price.

The short sale was in deplorable condition. It needed total updating including a new roof. It is 3,000 square feet of work waiting to happen.

My seller's home is impeccable. It has new windows throughout, new doors, a new kitchen with new appliances, an island, and a very up-to-the-minute copper backsplash. It has new bathrooms, new pergo floors, and beautiful landscaping. It's decorated throughout in neutral colors. In other words, there is nothing to do but move in.

Does a short sale always equal a bargain?
My sellers' frustration that their neighbors home sold for $30,000 less when it's in such deplorable condition and in need of a total re-do is well-justified. And here is the reason I gave them for the buyer's choice...

When it comes to short sales and foreclosures, people think they're getting a bargain and that they can make improvements to a house without having any idea of what those improvements will cost. My sellers are incredibly handy and did much of the work on this home themselves, but they were quick to tell me that even with their labor the repairs and updates were costly. So many buyers out there today think that short sales and foreclosures are the opportunity of a lifetime. And sometimes they are. But in this comparison the short sale falls, well, short.

So, even if your temperament can handle the long delays of buying short or snagging a foreclosure remember, you're getting absolutely NO warranties on anything in this house. If the septic fails after you move in, it's your problem, if the roof leaks, get out the buckets... and the list goes on.

Let's just break down the cost of equalizing these two identical homes.
These prices are approximations and are on the conservative side:

New roof.... $8,000
New kitchen (face lift only).... $10,000
New appliances.... $10,000
New windows throughout.... $15,000
2 new bathrooms.... $20,000
New carpeting.... $8,000
Avoiding the hassle of a short sale & subsequent remodel.... Priceless.

Add to this that by buying a house that is already fixed up you're really using the bank's money rather than your own reserves for the fix-up. Interest rates are low and if you amortized the $30,000 difference between the two homes your long term cost is about $160 per month at 5%.

The moral of the tale
So, when buying in today's market, be aware of the cost of repairs and updating. You may be way ahead of the game to look at a well priced home where the work is already completed over that fixer-upper short sale where the headaches, hassle, time and cost all come out of your pocket.

See you next Wednesday,

-Pam, The Real Estate Mom

Why we filed for bankruptcy

2009-12-14T19:39:42Z

While everyone is shopping for holiday gifts and planning the perfect holiday, I have the perfect topic for discussion: Bankruptcy.

Yay, bankruptcy. Ho ho ho. Happy holidays. Happy Hannukah. Merry Christmas.

Seriously, though. It's been on my mind quite a bit lately given that ours was just discharged. And, last week I received this e-mail from a LITTOF reader:

I was wondering why you decided to file for bankruptcy and what benefits you got from doing that? The laws have been changed recently to give consumers so much less ability to get out of their credit card debt. What debt were you able to wipe out? I am close to being outside of the statute of limitations on my credit cards and have a small remaining student loan debt which I am ok with continuing to pay. Then there's the IRS, which I have no hope of any relief from. I'm mainly interested in the credit card debt angle.

This question appeared at the perfect time as we just found out, by talking to the IRS, that our bankruptcy was discharged as of November 25th. We are still waiting for our discharge papers to arrive, but it appears our bankruptcy is complete.

It seems this reader is looking for guidance in terms of what to do in their situation. So as I answer their questions, please note that I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY and my answers are not intended as advice or guidance, but only an explanation for why we did what we did and what we have found to be the result in our individual case. For anyone considering bankruptcy, please seek the legal advice of a bankruptcy attorney.

That said, I will do my best to answer this reader's questions...

First things first. What is a bankruptcy discharge?

From UScourts.gov: "A bankruptcy discharge releases the debtor from personal liability for certain specified types of debts. In other words, the debtor is no longer legally required to pay any debts that are discharged. The discharge is a permanent order prohibiting the creditors of the debtor from taking any form of collection action on discharged debts, including legal action and communications with the debtor, such as telephone calls, letters, and personal contacts."

Why did we file for bankruptcy?
We really had no other choice. We had lost everything - 60% of our income, our house, our investments, our furniture. And we still had a mountain of debt that we couldn't cover. Additionally, we were worried that National City (our second mortgage) would try to come after us for the difference in the short sale. Chapter 7 was our only protection.

What benefits did we get from filing? In other words, what debt were we able to wipe out?
We were able to wipe out our credit card debt. Which was significant. And hopefully we protected ourselves from National City - our second mortgage. The only problem is that they have continued to call us throughout our bankruptcy. Which is actually illegal. Our bankruptcy attorney has sent them a letter notifying them of our case number and that by law they have to cease all calls, but they have continued to call. We've been logging each call.

Regarding student loans and the IRS...

We still owe the IRS and the State of California in back income taxes. We are in the process of submitting an "Offer In Compromise" to the IRS and we are setting up a monthly payment plan with the State of California.

Both of our student loans have been on deferral for the last year. We start paying $72 a month on Bob's loans starting in January. We don't know about mine yet. I spoke with Sallie Mae and they told me that I had to wait for a letter to arrive and they couldn't give me anymore information as to when collections would begin again, etc. That messes with our budget a little, but we'll do our best to estimate.

What problems have we encountered from filing?
None yet. However, our car lease is up in March and we will need to get another automobile. One car is enough for us on the island, luckily. But we're not sure if we're going to be able to get a car loan at this point.

Do we pay cash for a used car (would involve having to save no for that chunk of change) or do we try to get a car loan. How hard is it to get a loan after declaring bankruptcy? We're not sure, but it's something we're looking into now. Also, we're a little hesitant to buy used at this point just because of the hidden problems.

That about covers it. I think.
Let me know if there's anything I missed. And thank you for the question!

Oh, and please chime in if you have anything to add. Thanks!

We have water!

2009-12-14T18:39:37Z

The pipes thaw
At about 3PM on Friday, water started running through our pipes again. Glorious water! We immediately ran throughout the house and checked everywhere to make sure water was fully restored... and to listen for any problems. Sound of water gushing to indicate a busted pipe. That sort of thing. Luckily, we encountered no such sound.

We did find ice, however, in the water holding tanks. Bob went to work at breaking up the ice so it could flow freely and took a chunk as a souvenir.

It was such a relief to get the water back!

This week we are getting bids to insulate the pipes. We're feeling much better.

Thank you
To everyone who commented or sent e-mails with encouragement and tips on how to avoid this sort of thing in the future. Thank you for caring!

Taking my own advice

2009-12-10T20:30:07Z

Are you happy on the island?

I'll be honest. The answer to this question changes day to day at this point. Well, week to week. Last week I would have answered with an emphatic, YES! Yes, we're happy on the island. It's so beautiful and we're so happy and grateful and inspired and meeting such wonderful people.

But Sunday something changed.

Sunday
We suddenly decide we have to get off-island. We need a break. So we hop the 8:05 AM ferry and head to Bellingham. We do some shopping. What begins as, "Let's pick up a few things we can't get on the island" turns into an entire day of shopping. I buy a sweater from TJ Maxx and Bob buys wool socks from Costco. We stock up on chicken (it's quite expensive on the island) and Pablo's dog food. Then we drive around. Bellingham is quite beautiful and very quaint from what we can see of it. The day flies by. Before we realize, it's time to head back to catch the ferry.

On our way back I say, as if a secret confession, "I don't want to go back to the island." I feel guilty as soon as I say it. But Bob quickly confirms my feeling by saying, "Me either."

But we go back. Because where else would we go?

Monday
We're both gloomy. The entire day. It can't be ignored so we sit down to talk about it. We open the flood gates and I think we're both surprised by how much pours out. Our mutual complaints and frustrations go like this:

It seems like we'll never be out of debt.
I'm always cold now. I hate the cold.
I miss civilization.
I miss our old house.
I miss our friends.
I miss our family.
I miss having money.
I'm not cut out for country life.
I feel like I'm standing still... like all forward motion is halted.
I feel lonely and isolated.
I hate how dark it is.
I hate that everything closes at 5.
I hate that this is so hard.

I cry a little. Or maybe a lot. We just look at each other in a state of despair. What the hell are we going to do? Is this a phase? It's gotta be a phase. We were fine on Friday, we both said. More than fine. Friday we were singing Christmas carols with the locals at the tree lighting ceremony and I was crying tears of happiness for such a wonderful small town holiday moment.

How did we go from that to this? From joy and gratitude to despair and longing in just a couple of days?

We resolve to just keep going. Take things day by day. We receive some advice from our loved ones along these lines:

Don't waste your time there by wanting to be somewhere else.
You'll regret it if you don't take advantage of your time there.
Tough out the winter. You'll wonder what you were so upset about by Spring.
Be grateful. At least you have a roof over your head.

And I totally agree. It seems almost ridiculous to be complaining about such a gift. A roof over our heads. A place to live where we have the time and space to create what is next. That Bob has a great job. That I have the time to write (now to find a job for me.) And that we're experiencing something we never would have experienced before in our lives. All of that is reason enough to be grateful. To take my own advice and embrace the experience.

I start thinking that maybe the reason we're so miserable this week has nothing to do with being here... but everything to do with being in debt. It so happens that we just found out that our bankruptcy was officially discharged on November 25th. We have yet to receive our Letter of Discharge, but what this means, essentially is that the IRS will begin collections on our debt. We'll be submitting an Offer in Compromise which is essentially an attempt to settle our debt for less than we owe. We have to prove financial hardship and it's a long process, but it's all we can do.

Anyway, this just brings home the reality of our debt and the fact that I'm not working. In order for us to attack our debt, I need to get a job that actually pays real money. Any money, though, would be better than none. Though we don't pay rent on the island, we still have living expenses and we're quite frankly terrified to see our electric bill next month.

So, I think, it's very possible that we're miserable because we're so far from being financially free. And that on the island there are fewer things to distract us from this reality. I say to Bob,

"Do you think it's possible that we're so unhappy this week is because we're finally being forced to deal with all of those things that we put off with other distractions?"

I mean, if we were in L.A. paying a lot in rent and struggling day by day to get by would we really be happier than being here?

I don't know. It's worth consideration. It's the "wherever you go, there you are" phenomena.

Tuesday
We wake up to a freezing cold bedroom. Damn, it's cold. We are wimps. L.A. has turned us into thin-blooded wimps. I stay in bed as long as possible before I have to get ready for my morning run.

"Uh, there's no water," Bob says from the bathroom.
"What?" I did hear him. I just... couldn't believe it, I guess. Need to hear it again.
"There's no water," he says more slowly, "the pipes froze."

Don't you just love the universe's timing? I shower at a neighbor's house after my morning run (by the way I ran in 20 degree temps... not so wimpy, I guess) and buy bottled water to use for drinking and washing of hands and brushing of teeth. We're both pretty frustrated about the pipes. We're told there's nothing that can be done until they thaw. We just have to wait.

So, I ignore it as best I can and go about the day. We decide to work in town at a cafe with indoor plumbing. While wallowing in misery, I stumble across this tumblr post from Terami Hirsch who has named my post How to Be Happy. Now. as the best article of 2009. I can't believe it. I re-read my post and realize that I need to take my own advice.

When we get home, I decide to do something that always makes me feel better - rearrange the furniture. Literally. We move our bedroom to the second floor because it's carpeted and far warmer than the first. Smart move. We love it. The change lifts our spirits and we sleep cozily. I even end up kicking the covers off at one point.

Wednesday
Still no water. Before I even get out of bed, I write my "Design Your Life" intentions for Jess Constable's blog- Makeunder My Life. This only strengthens my resolve to "get through this." My intentions have worked for most of my life. They've carried me through some dark places. Marital despair and financial ruin. Why can't I take my own advice, I wonder? By the time I finish writing my intentions, it's clear that we will get through this. It may frankly suck right now, but we'll get through.

I did say still no water, right? I take it in stride. We're told by almost every plumber in town that we need to let the pipes thaw naturally because it's too risky to use even a heat lamp. Should take a couple of days. We agree to check into a local motel so as to have a place to shower and regroup. Nice to have indoor plumbing.

In spite of my best intentions and the running water, I have a bit of a meltdown. I'm frustrated that I've spent so much time "trying to be a writer" with no income to show for it. It's time for me to rethink my career, I tell Bob. Maybe I should be a paralegal. Or a dental hygienist. I don't know. I just want guaranteed income. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I want to be your partner in attacking this debt. I want to stop feeling like I have no power. More despair.

Thursday
Apparently the meltdown exercised some demons because I wake up resolved. Determined. Yes, things are challenging now... but they won't always be this way. We're not alone in our response to the island, either. We're told that many people have a hard time adjusting to being here. Lots of people get depressed in the winter and everyone's first year on the island involves a lot of trips to the mainland. The need to escape.

So it's a phase, I think. We go to the local coffee shop to work. I start investigating online teaching options. I mean, I do have my Masters. I can teach. I would love to teach. And I keep writing. Grateful for the light that has seeped back into my body. I might not have it all figured out just yet, but I'm heading in the right direction. And Bob and I are clearly in this together. Talking, listening, (occasionally lashing out) but mostly (and thankfully) working it out.

Oh, and I'm doing my best to take my own advice (from my "How to be happy. Now." post):

We've learned so much along the way. The biggest triumph for me is really getting that we don't need money and stuff to make us happy. To be complete. We just need each other and a good dose of perspective. Love. And each other. Sharing our fears and hopes, connecting and rising above the morass.

By the way, the pipes are still frozen. Another night in the motel. Tonight, I think I'll go for a swim in their indoor heated pool. There's always an upside, right?

Thank you, Terami for naming my article "How to be happy. Now" best of 2009. That reminder came at the perfect moment! It served as a virtual slap in the face. In a good way. Thank you so much!

And thank you, Jessica for allowing me to share my life intentions with your readers. Writing them out really helped ground me in my commitment to always rising above any limitation.

LITTOF readers, what helps you "up" when you're feeling "down"? And do you ever struggle to take your own advice?

Design Your Life

2009-12-10T17:56:32Z

This summer I discovered the wonderful blog Makeunder My Life - Designing a life with intention by Chicago jewelry designer, Jess Constable. You might remember my post about her Weekly Exfoliations where she passes on or repurposes at least one item a week from her life that she no longer needs, uses or loves. Her spirit inspired me right away. And I had the pleasure of meeting her at a gathering for Chicago bloggers called ChiBLOGo.

All of this is to say that when Jess asked me to do this week's Design Your Life post, I was thrilled! What is the Design Your Life series?

Design Your Life
Every Thursday guest bloggers from all walks of life share their intentions and tangible, actionable ways they design their life accordingly.

You can read my design your life post on Jess' blog here:
Design Your Life: Steph in the time of foreclosure

If you like it, leave a comment or share it with a friend, please. Thank you!

(Shopping tip for the holidays: If you're looking for jewelry for anyone on your list, be sure to check out Jess' jewelry line Jess LC. It's beautiful and really well-priced. Seriously, check it out.)

The Real Estate Mom's seller's "To Do" list for the holiday season

2009-12-09T19:17:23Z

2009 is coming down the home stretch and making for the finish line. I'm already closing the door on '09 and looking ahead to 2010, and I'm sure you are too. I've been getting lots of calls from anxious sellers who want to list their homes in the new year.
My own personal opinion is to get your home ready in January with the goal of listing in February, because February really is the start of the spring market.

The first time buyers tax credit is beginning to make a favorable impact on the real estate market and the new credit for any buyer of $6500 is sure to stimulate the market. Number of home sales were up considerably in November over November 2008 which indicates the prices are attractive and the incentive is making a difference. So aside from cleaning and staging your house there are other things you need to know to get your home ready to put on the market

Here is my home seller's "To Do" list for the holiday season:

1. Have a market analysis prepared by three Realtors who work in your town. If you don't know three Realtors ask your friends for a referral. Getting three opinions of value should give you an accurate picture of what your home is worth based on the homes that have sold within the last 6 months that are comparable to your home.

Be sure to tell the agents you want a complete and accurate picture of the sale price of your home (not a fantasy-land kind of price). Make sure your Realtor provides you with a seller's net sheet which will show you all of the expenses you will incur in selling your home. You need to know your bottom line. This won't be an exact number, but it will give you an idea of what you can expect at the closing table.

2. Locate your survey, title policy, paid assessment letter from condo association (if any), tax bill, utility bills for one year, and a key to the front door, and make a copy for your Realtor.

3. Make a list of every major improvement you have made while living in your home and the date it was completed.

4. Make any repairs to your property before you put it on the market.

5. Prepare a list of your favorite things about your home and give it to your Realtor.

6 Pack up anything that makes your house look cluttered. Remember the decorators law of three...there should never be more than 3 things on the top of any surface. The kitchen is an exception, but if you're not using that blender, or toaster everyday and its sitting on the counter, find a place for it and tuck it away. Your Realtor will help you with this. You're going to be moving anyway so you might as well pack it up and move it out now!

7. Make sure the front door sparkles and the front walk is shoveled. First impressions mean a lot.

8. Let the light shine in! Speaking of the front of your house, if you have gigantic shrubs blocking your windows...trim them! Buyers like light, and big shrubs darken homes and block the view. On the theme of light, make sure you have adequate lighting in every room. You can't imagine the homes I've been in that look like the black hole of Calcutta. You can't sell a home if you can't see it.

9. When filling out the seller's disclosures be sure to tell your Realtor anything that could be a problem. My motto is "When in doubt, disclose."

10. Relax and work with your Realtor. This can be a frustrating market because it takes time to sell a home and buyers are few and far between. That's why your goal should be to be the best priced home in your price range, and your house should be in the best condition. As I've said before, this is a price war and a beauty contest. But, homes ARE selling when the buyer perceives your home to be "first in show."

Good Luck and Happy Holidays!

Small town news

2009-12-08T21:13:53Z

What's news to you?

Anyone who has lived in a small town knows that news spreads mostly by word of mouth and that the word "news" is relative. The local newspaper here is only published once a week. So the best way to get your news is via online sources. Since we've lived in Friday Harbor I have been relying heavily on an online newspaper called the San Juan Update to keep informed on what's happening on the island.

Bob and I met San Juan Update publisher Ian Byington and his wife Josie at a local coffee shop just before Thanksgiving and he published a little story about us yesterday in the Update. Now we're famous! Actually, we ran into Ian this morning and that's exactly what he said to us when I mentioned the story. "Now you're famous," he said and quickly added, "Sorry." I just had to laugh.

If you're looking to get a better feel for what life is like here on San Juan Island or what constitutes "news" in a small town, I highly recommend checking out the San Juan Update. Today's lead story is all about the Festival of Trees- the annual fundraiser for the San Juan Community Theater. No, we didn't attend. Too pricey for us right now. But I am volunteering at the Holiday Family Film Night at the theater this Friday. Big news. Small town.

Seven ways to be a good holiday gift giver and not go broke (even if you already are)

2009-12-02T23:57:56Z

Last Christmas we were in pre-foreclosure and this Christmas we're in bankruptcy... so it goes without saying that for the last two years we have had to be creative about our gift giving.

I love giving gifts. Not giving gifts as a way to save money was never an option for me. So, take it from someone who truly has no money to spend on gifts, that it is possible to be a good gift giver without going broke... even if you already are.

1. Give what you've got
As in, give away your belongings. Your cherished possessions. This is how we gave gifts last year and it was incredibly satisfying. We went through our belongings to find items that we thought the people in our lives might appreciate even more than us. Little things. Things that we love but weren't necessarily using.

For example, my stepmom is a wonderful knitter and I happened to have a basket full of yarn that I hadn't touched in over two years. Rather than allow that yarn to continue to mock me for never having knit it into a scarf, I chose to give it to Silvia so that she could have the pleasure of turning it into something beautiful. Along with the yarn, I gave her a knitting book that I knew I'd never actually use. Verdict? She loved it.

Another example. I gave my brother Tommy one of my favorite t-shirts that he had been wanting for a long time. In fact, he'd asked me for it several times before.... but I hadn't been willing to part with it. Until last Christmas. I finally realized that giving him the shirt would make me happier than keeping it.

This is my favorite way to give gifts. It made last Christmas so meaningful and not at all about the commercialism of Christmas. Every single thing had meaning.

2. Green wrapping
Wrapping can often end up being way more expensive and time consuming than ever intended. I love beautifully wrapped gifts, but can't afford to go all out. Last year I used the holiday-themed Trader Joe's shopping bags as wrapping. This not only saves money, but also offers a 'green' solution.

Other ideas for wrapping:

Magazines
Advertisements
Junk mail

3. Make your own gifts
I know, who has time, right? It's true. It's often more challenging to find the time to make gifts than to find the money to buy them. But if you have the time and the energy, it's a no-brainer solution to saving money.

Let's be clear, I AM NO MARTHA STEWART! In fact, I've never actually been successful at this. I've made attempts, but nothing that's really satisfied me. This year, though, I hope to succeed. There is so much driftwood on this island and I'm attempting to make driftwood candle holders. I love the look. And driftwood is so light it's easy to ship. Using natural materials for gifts is yet another way to save money!

The key to making your own gifts is harnessing your own talent and what you have at your disposal. If you're a wonderful baker, then bake! If you're a singer, make a CD, if you love music and are always discovering new music, give a mix CD. This may seem cliche, but I always love getting mix CDs from my brother Tommy and sister Alexa because they are always discovering new music and I usually love the music they introduce to me.

Check out some unique suggestions for alternative gift-giving from Buy Nothing Christmas

4. Give yourself
Find a way to contribute to someone in your life by cooking them a meal or offering to watch their kids or cleaning their car. You know the people in your life. What would make a difference for them this holiday season? More often this kind of gesture means way more than any store bought gift.

5. Draw names
Talk your family into pulling names from a hat so that each person only has to shop for one family member. We did this last year and everyone was so relieved. It was actually really nice to be able to focus on just one person.

6. Shop garage sales
I once found a brand new unopened gift set of luxury scented candles for only $3. It was the kind with the really pretty packaging and the candles themselves were in glass. Classy. And only $3.

The only problem with shopping garage sales this late in the year is that you're pressured to find something. The garage sale shopping tactic works better throughout the year. When the pressure is off.

To help with finding the best thrift and garage sales - if you're in the Chicago area- visit the Garage Sale Warrior. Diana (the warrior) is genius at sharing all the best sales in the area and saving you time!

7. Stay away from shopping malls
If your goal this holiday is to spend less on gifts, then staying away from the mall just makes sense. To me, at least. However, you might have better willpower. I have nothing against malls, it's just that I usually overspend when I go there. I get carried away. It's too easy to get sucked in. So if you're anything like me, I highly suggest shopping Etsy as an alternative to the shopping mall. Unique, beautiful and handmade gifts and a personalized shopping experience. You can't go wrong.

What suggestions do you have for better giving for less?

Targeting troubled homeowners or Spam in the Time of Foreclosure

2009-12-02T17:53:10Z

I tend to get a lot of housing crisis spam at my loveinthetimeofforeclosure@gmail.com address. Though I don't usually read the messages, today one made it's way to my inbox that I just had to share with all of you.

Here's the message:

Subject: Troubled Properties
Hi, quick question. Would you find it valuable information to know, within a few days, which homeowners have missed a mortgage payment? With credit bureau data, you can be the first to contact homeowners and lenders, long before anyone else knows that a property is distressed.

Our data is acquired through a soft inquiry on credit reports and is exclusive to one client per zip code. By targeting homeowners that are 30, 60 or 90 days behind on their mortgage, you can eliminate your competition and have months to resolve foreclosure situations. This data is not a NOD list that is public knowledge available to anyone that seeks it.

If you'd like to get a jump start and contact troubled homeowners at the first indication of hardship, please reply back and I'll send a one-pager with more information. Or, for a more personalized consultation and free count, please call me at 607-759-5058. Thanks.

Warm Regards,

XXX XXXXXX

First of all, this is clearly spam as there is nothing personal in the message. This person has clearly never read Love in the Time of Foreclosure or they wouldn't assume that I would "find it valuable information to know, within a few days, which homeowners have missed a mortgage payment."

Why would I want to know that? Why would anyone want to know that? Well, someone must, I suppose. So this guy sells lists of names, phone numbers and addresses of people who have missed mortgage payments? That's what it seems. But how crazy.

I had to know more. So, I did a little research. Turns out that this person's company is all about marketing to homeowners that are in pre-foreclosure. And they do actually sell their information (including phone numbers) to Real Estate Agents (!!!) so that they can "get a leg up on their competition."

That means that you could be a homeowner who has missed one or two mortgage payments and you could get a phone call from a Realtor who knows that you've missed your payments. Yep. Not your lender, but a Realtor who wants to help you by selling your home in a short sale.

Wouldn't that freak you out?! Getting a phone call from a Realtor (a stranger) who knows you've missed a couple of payments??? It would me! I imagine the call would go something like this:

REALTOR: Hi, Mrs. Walker. How are you today?

HOMEOWNER: Fine. Is this a sales call?

REALTOR: I understand you've fallen behind in your mortgage payments.

HOMEOWNER: Excuse me?! Who is this?!

REALTOR: I'm a Realtor and I can help you avoid foreclosure.

HOMEOWNER: What?!

REALTOR: I know this must be a really hard time for you--

HOMEOWNER: Don't call here again.

REALTOR: You don't want end up in foreclosure.

HOMEOWNER: I'm hanging up now.

Does this disgust anyone else as much as it does me?

I'm just floored by this. I would link to this company's site but I don't want to send any business their way.

One of the managing partners of the company also has a blog all about marketing to homeowners in pre-foreclosure including tips on telemarketing to troubled homeowners (as if troubled homeowners don't already get way too many telemarketers calling) and "gaining the trust of troubled homeowners."

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

By targeting you, we're helping you

The blog claims that by targeting people in pre-foreclosure Realtors can actually make a difference for homeowners who are distressed. And maybe it's all coming from an altruistic place (though I highly doubt it), but having been a distressed homeowner I can tell you right now that I would never respond to a cold call from a Realtor who had paid for inside information about my financial distress. Would you?

I mean, is this even possible? I know not all Realtors out there have as much integrity as my mom, but are there really Realtors who would stoop to this level? I guess, perhaps. If this company exists, there must be an audience.

It just reminds me of how we felt when we were going through this. The spam and scams all claiming to "help distressed homeowners" made us sick. We felt bombarded and like it was impossible to find any unbiased advice. This is not the way to help troubled homeowners... by selling their information. It's just disgusting. Or is it just me?

Thoughts?

Mortgage morals

2009-12-02T00:06:20Z

Have you heard about the Associate Professor of Law at the University of Arizona who suggests underwater homeowners should be walking away from their homes in droves, guilt-free?

It kind of has people up in arms. Walk away? Guilt-free? What about morality? Morals don't belong in a decision like this, suggests Brent T. White - the author of the incendiary and extremely relevant working paper "Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis."

Here's the abstract:

Despite reports that homeowners are increasingly "walking away" from their mortgages, most homeowners continue to make their payments even when they are significantly underwater. This article suggests that most homeowners choose not to strategically default as a result of two emotional forces: 1) the desire to avoid the shame and guilt of foreclosure; and 2) exaggerated anxiety over foreclosure's perceived consequences. Moreover, these emotional constraints are actively cultivated by the government and other social control agents in order to encourage homeowners to follow social and moral norms related to the honoring of financial obligations - and to ignore market and legal norms under which strategic default might be both viable and the wisest financial decision. Norms governing homeowner behavior stand in sharp contrast to norms governing lenders, who seek to maximize profits or minimize losses irrespective of concerns of morality or social responsibility. This norm asymmetry leads to distributional inequalities in which individual homeowners shoulder a disproportionate burden from the housing collapse.

When I read this, I thought, YES. Yes! That is exactly how we felt. We felt the emotional constraints binding us to make a moral decision in regards to our house. The social pressure to be a good citizen and pay our mortgage no matter what was ever present!

In fact, I was once told by a HUD counselor that you should pay your mortgage before even feeding yourself. I am not kidding. They gave me an example about a family who had to go without food in order to pay their mortgage, but that was a sacrifice they were willing to make. The unspoken suggestion was that I should be more like that family and place my house above my health. Starvation is socially acceptable, apparently. Defaulting on your mortgage, not so much.

There's something off there, don't you think?

When we were facing foreclosure, we tried to consider all options. One of those "options" was walking away. But walking away never really occurred as a real option to us. Why? Well, we were trying to stay in the house no matter what. So, walking away would have been counterproductive. It was extremely hard to separate ourselves from the emotion of the situation and simply make a 'business' decision. But, I have to say, I think that we never would have walked away because of the desire to AVOID the shame and guilt of foreclosure, just as White writes.

I'm not even saying that I agree with White's suggestion that more people SHOULD be walking away. But, he has a point, I think. Especially when you consider his last two sentences in the abstract:

Norms governing homeowner behavior stand in sharp contrast to norms governing lenders, who seek to maximize profits or minimize losses irrespective of concerns of morality or social responsibility. This norm asymmetry leads to distributional inequalities in which individual homeowners shoulder a disproportionate burden from the housing collapse.

You can't argue with that. Well, maybe you can. But I can't. I totally agree and I believe that White's suggestions are worth evaluation. Nothing much has changed since we were facing foreclosure. The lenders aren't doing much more now than they were then. Foreclosures are still happening. The housing crisis hasn't resolved itself by any stretch of the imagination. Bold thinking and reevaluation of long-held beliefs is perhaps exactly what we need right now.

QUESTION: Could you walk away from your mortgage? Why or why not?

I highly recommend reading the complete paper (especially if you happen to be facing foreclosure.) You can download it here.

Also worth the read is Kenneth R. Harney's article about White's paper in the Washington Post: The moral dimensions of ditching a mortgage - Washington Post

Is this house haunted or not?

2009-11-30T11:00:00Z

Ever since I first wrote about the possibility of this house being haunted in the post "Day 3 on the island: Is this house haunted?" I've been getting questions from readers, friends and family wanting to know.... well, is it?!

Is it haunted?
Do we have any evidence to suggest it might be haunted?
Has anything spooky happened in the house?
No, no and not yet.

The spooky hallway light

Well, okay... there was one night when we were convinced that the ghost was messing with us by triggering the hallway sensor light. It kept going on when no one was in the hallway. We were in the living room by the fire and the hallway light kept flicking on. Then off. On.... then off. Freaky.

We were certain it was the ghost. We might have even talked to it. Asked it nicely to please knock it off. Told it we were only here to take care of the house and there's no reason to mess with us. Yes, we were drinking wine that night.

The following morning Bob had a perfectly good explanation for the flickering light. The air pressure created by the fire in the fireplace. That pressure was triggering the sensor. Not the ghost. Our conviction that it was the ghost was perhaps created by our over-indulgence in red wine.

We've since turned the sensor off on the hallway light. No need to get freaked out by an electrical tick.

So where does that leave us? Living in a haunted house... or not?

I'm happy to say with the utmost conviction... not. Not haunted.

As far as we can tell this house is absolutely ghost-free. Aside from the flickering hallway light, we've had zero ghost-related incidents. Nothing freaky about this house. My evidence for it not being haunted is that I feel absolutely, 100% comfortable here. I can be here alone and not be scared. And that's saying a lot. I have come a loooooong way. Honestly, when we first moved in and especially after I was told that the house had a ghost, there was no way I would ever be alone here. That's changed.

But what about what that local said about the house being haunted?

Well, either she's confused this house with stories from another or she was seriously trying to mess with us (but I highly doubt that as she is a very sweet person.) Or... it was perhaps haunted at one time but isn't anymore. There is, as I've been told, a lot of "paranormal activity" in the San Juan Islands and everyone seems to have a ghost story to tell. For example, it's common knowledge that the hotel at Roche Harbor is haunted. So I suppose it is possible that this house was at one time haunted. But I did ask the former owners when I met them at the farmer's market one Saturday and they laughed at the suggestion. Not a nervous laugh. A genuine laugh. As in, "What an absurd thought." As in, "Haunted?! Silly girl." And I have to say that comforted me.

But the thing that comforts me the most is my own intuition. And I just feel good here. Comfortable and at home. I'm good. Bob's good. The house is good and is not, as far as we can tell, haunted. So what's the point in looking for ghosts where there aren't any?

How to prepare for a winter power outage

2009-11-30T06:16:34Z

Like it or not, winter weather conditions are upon us. Many have already experienced snow, freezing temperatures and... power outages. In fact, we have experienced two power outages since moving to the island.

Power outage #1
It happened a few weeks ago. It was 6:00 and Bob and I were both working. I was writing while Bob was uploading a bunch of data for work. We had just been remarking on the strength of the wind. The gusts were exceeding seventy miles per hour and seemed to shake the whole house. Suddenly, the lights flickered, then died. We looked outside, no lights to be seen aside from the ambient light from Friday Harbor three miles away. We were shrouded in darkness.

Bob ran for the flashlights and I began to light the candles. Luckily we had stocked up on candles... not for the event of a power outage but for ambiance. Candles are pretty. We had luckily purchased three tall candles in glass from the super market. Those are great for power outages as they are easy to carry from room to room.

I located the phone number to call in the case of a power outage while Bob started to build a fire. Sure enough. Power was out. And not just in our area, but on other islands as well. No updates as to when it would be restored. Just wait. No more internet connection, no more heat, no way to cook food... boy, are we reliant on power.

It was too early to go to bed so I curled up in my zero degree sleeping bag with a book and a candle... and read by candlelight. Bob busied himself by plugging all the places the heat was escaping-- under the doors, the tops of the windows, etc. He was determined to keep the heat in and the cold out. And that wind was not only fierce, it was cold.

We thought that we'd be warmest if we slept in the living room by the fire. And we were warm in our sleeping bags but we both kept waking up. The wind gusts were so fierce there were times I thought a tree might crash through our big picture window - next to which I was attempting to sleep. So we eventually retired to the bedroom and hoped for the best.

And we learned that cuddling keeps you much warmer. We slept peacefully the rest of the night through. When we awoke in the morning, the power was still out. It was finally restored at 7:00 AM... making that 13 hours without power. And we survived.

We also learned that there are a some things we should buy in case it were to happen again:

1. Kerosene and/or battery-powered lantern
2. Propane powered camping stove
3. More tall candles
4. Another flashlight
5. Battery-powered radio

Power outage #2
We were up yesterday morning getting ready to catch the 8:05 ferry to Anacortes. Well, Bob was up. I was still in bed trying to get up. It was windy again. We had plans to go to Bellingham for the day for a much needed off-island adventure. Just as Bob finished his shower, the lights flickered and then went out. And so did the heat. Perfect timing to go off-island.

As we drove to the ferry, we noticed that no one else seems to have power either... until we got to town. Town was all lit up- Christmas lights and all. It was darn windy, but they had power. And we escaped for the day, hoping that by the time we returned, the power would be restored and all would be right with the world.

We learned later that the power was only out for about an hour. But still, it never hurts to be prepared. Especially if you live in a rural setting or a place that is much colder than Friday Harbor. Like, Chicago, for example.

Power outages happen

Our power would go out in Los Angeles from time to time. But it was never out for too long and we never had to worry about freezing temperatures. However, no matter where you live - whether in a city or in the country- it's good to be prepared for power outages. Especially this time of year.

Links:

The CDC offers these tips for when the power goes out unexpectedly.

Preparing for and Responding to a Power Outage from The Preparedness Pantry blog offers more tips and product suggestions such as 100-hour candles and portable heaters.
(link to online site- suggestions for being prepared)

Reporting an outage
If you ever lose power (due to something other than neglecting to pay the bill) call your local power company to report the outage. Chicago residents call ComEd to report an outage.

What tips do you have for preparing for a power outage?