A League of Her Own

Wrigleyville Draws Ire of Really Bored, Bad Terrorist

Bomb with Lit Fuse

In a season that has seen anger management diaries, giant noodles, and players being impaled by shards of flying debris, we now have a failed bomb attempt.

Welcome to the Cubs, Ricketts family!

Sami Samir Hassoun carried what he thought was a bomb -- fashioned from a paint can and hidden inside a shopping bag -- on a street near Wrigley Field more crowded than usual Saturday night after a festive concert by the Dave Matthews Band, authorities say.

Moments before, the Lebanese immigrant had allegedly instructed his cohort to dial down the timer to detonate in 20 minutes, saying half an hour was too long.

Hassoun dropped the device in a trash can just feet from one of the neighborhood's popular bars, turned and headed back toward the vehicle when a swarm of
FBI agents and Chicago police arrested him.

But wait, lest you think that Sluggers was the only thing this guy planned on taking out:

He talked of tainting the water supply, assassinating Mayor Richard Daley and attacking the city's hot spots downtown and on the North Side, according to a federal complaint filed Monday. And to rattle the city's nerves, he'd explode or ignite car bombs over and over, authorities said.

But the best part of the whole article is here:

Hassoun's Facebook page listed him as a graduate of American University of Beirut and said his favorite shows on TV included "Seinfeld" and "Scrubs."

Awesome.

Given that the FBI was onto this guy from Day 1 and he never had a chance of blowing up anything, I'm really disappointed he didn't turn out to be some disgruntled Cubs fan who went completely over the edge. Because that could have been fun. Imagine the trial.

And as if this day couldn't get any more bizarre, Crazy Uncle Phil is making some sense:

Shouldn't Major League Baseball outlaw maple bats? Apparently it couldn't even if had the blessing of its players' union, which it doesn't.

"People say ban maple bats," said Rob Manfred, MLB's executive vice president of labor relations. "We couldn't play if we banned maple bats. There's not enough ash available. If you banned maple, you'd find there's not enough high-quality ash available. We're dealing with an ash blight in the United States.''

Manfred says there are fewer shattered bats in games this season than in 2008, when MLB and the players' union launched a joint study of the issue because of safety concerns. They have since implemented quality-control guidelines and made minor changes to bat designs, demanding slightly thicker handles and thinner barrels.

But is that enough? Not if you believe in a product called the BatGlove, which advocates say could make baseball a drastically safer game without impacting the performance of the bat.

It is a thin, clear plastic wrap that can be applied to the handle of a $100-$150 wood bat for about $5.

"The application does not change the performance of the ball on the bat," said Jason Rosenberg, a New York-based baseball fan who devotes his Web site -- itsaboutthemoney.net -- to the issue of shattered bats. "It just keeps the bat together when it does break. You don't have parts of the bat flying around, like the one that hit Tyler Colvin."

Hmmmm. Does anyone else think it's a little TOO coincidental that the bomb plot is hatched the day AFTER Tylermania! is taken out? Like, maybe someone wanted to get him out of the way?

Unfortunately for Tylermania!, I can think of few things worse than having to take a phone call from Bud Selig whlie injured. Or anytime,

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig said he spoke with Colvin.

"Hopefully he's going home tomorrow," Selig said. "It scared me."

Colvin was standing at third base in the second inning of Chicago's 13-3 victory at Florida on Sunday when he was struck by a sliver of Welington Castillo's broken bat. Castillo doubled on the play and Colvin scored.

A Cubs trainer said Colvin was hit in his upper chest, allowing air into his chest well and potentially into his lungs. He was being treated with a chest tube to prevent a collapsed lung and was expected to remain at a Miami hospital for a few more days for observation.

The issue of maple bats and how they shatter has been something that Major League Baseball has studied. Orioles manager Buck Showalter brought it up Monday.

"You see that guy get hit with the bat yesterday," he said. "Why does that have to happen? It's just surprising to me that it hasn't happened before to anyone, the fans or the umpires."

Cubs are back at it tonight with Big Z on the mound. Let's hope nothing explodes but the offense.

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60 Comments

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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At least Selig didn't visit him in the hospital. That would've scared Tyler.

AndCounting said:

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If Bud's second gig isn't a part-time Angel of Death, I'll be more than a little surprised.

JulieDiCaro said:

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he looks a little too decrepit to be the angel of death. imagine the grim reaper as a bit more spry.

AndCounting said:

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For some reason, my imagination injects an accountant/administrator vibe. I expect Death to wield lots of paperwork and double speak.

PsyMar1 said:

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that would be The Auditors. Death doesn't get on well with them.

sloan peterson said:

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Hassoun's Facebook page listed him as a graduate of American University of Beirut and said his favorite shows on TV included "Seinfeld" and "Scrubs."

I always had my doubts about those Seinfeld people.....

secdelahc said:

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They're un-American.

sloan peterson said:

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Last night during the Yankees-Tampa Bay game, they showed the footage of Colvin, and Ken Singleton said he remembered during a minor league game when an ash bat broke and hit the umpire in the chest-the point he was making was that the ump had a chest protector to slow down the broken piece;players have no such protection. Maybe players should wear a lightweight chest protector,since there are not enough ash trees apparently, and maple bats will not be banned.......

plamorte said:

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i like this tweet: @SpikeRocks: Pretty impressive stuff from Manny Ramirez. Was able to come to Chicago and double Minnesota's lead in the division.

Doc said:

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I just love the fact that the White Sox claimed him. And it cracks me up that a number of Sox fans were actually excited about it.

HA HA!!!

HackWilson09 said:

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I think Major League Baseball is missing out on a big opportunity here.

* After the strike of 1994, Bud Selig's plan to allow rampant steroid use in baseball was very effective in bringing fans back to the ballpark in droves. Especially when mediocre or slightly above-average players were now capable of hitting more home runs each year than the great Babe Ruth. Bud Selig loves steroids. Always has. And he loves maple bats because maple bats hit more home runs too. He doesn't care who dies or gets maimed in the process. We're talking about billions of dollars here.*

Now we have a situation, an OPPORTUNITY to switch to titanium spring-loaded bats, and long-distance baseballs engineered by Nike, stitched together lovingly by young, Vietnamese hands overseas.

Imagine home runs not only sailing halfway down Kenmore, but occasionally bouncing all the way across Grace Street and into the cemetary, and rolling to a stop upon the grave of Marshall Field. Any player to hit the scoreboard clock will have $100 dollars donated by Walgreens in his honor to JDRS. Pitchers can pitch from behind advertising screens, and players can indeed wear very cool body armor -- uniforms of kevlar and teflon, and facemasks painted with dayglow skulls.

You want excitement? You want ratings? Change the game!

Golf did it. Remember when a wood was made of wood? Ain't a more traditional game than golf...

(* the conspiracy rant above was composed with humorous intent, and is not to be considered for the purposes of slander/libel litigation against user hackwilson09. thank you.)

JulieDiCaro said:

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no metal bats!

secdelahc said:

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They could just have a metal core with a wood overlay! Hooray for technology!

JulieDiCaro said:

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so people can be impaled by metal core instead of wood!

HackWilson09 said:

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Death Metal Bats!

Would you be happier if the titanium bats were painted to look like ash, and programmed with a wooden bat-crack sound? Or you could have an old guy sit next to the dugout and whack an ash-wood bat against something really hard, like Jim Hendry's skull, at the exact time that a player is swinging -- that would lend some authenticity and keep the game old-school.

JulieDiCaro said:

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i like the idea of having an old guy sitting next to the dugout. after all, senior citizens have the highest unemployment rate in the country.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I can't believe no one commented on my fabulous bomb photo. Boo!

sloan peterson said:

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Sorry-I'm at work and your photo is being blocked by Pandagate Defender.The reason being given is"inappropiate for viewing/pornography". That must be on heck of a bomb!!

Aisle424 said:

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I tried to tell you not to put nipples on the bomb...

JulieDiCaro said:

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shut up. you always say that.

plamorte said:

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that would have been an easy job and hilarious!

berselius said:

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That photo is the bomb, Julie

Dmband said:

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Considering I was standing next to Sluggers on Saturday night, at first I didnt want to laugh at this situation, but alas your headline did make me chuckle.

I think anyone who was in attendance at DMB on saturday should be able to punch this dude square in the face at least once.

JulieDiCaro said:

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and the rest of us should be able to punch anyone who was AT DMB square in the face at least once.

plamorte said:

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gravedigger said:

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Or we could punch you in the face for not appreciating good music.

JulieDiCaro said:

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ahahahahahahaha.

so touchy.

Doc said:

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Why can't the Cubs get anyone good to play at Wrigley...you know, like Styx or something? Geez.

sloan peterson said:

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Only if they could get head-case DeYoung to sing with them...(and I mean head-case with love)

Doc said:

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screw the rest of them...just put DeYoung up on the stage.

berselius said:

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thirded

Dmband said:

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is that because you jealous you missed the best live performance of the year?

JulieDiCaro said:

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oh give me a break--I saw DMB a bunch of times before they hit it big. actually, they're okay. I would probably like them a lot better if it weren't for their obnoxious fans (smiles at Mark).

gravedigger said:

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Oh, no disagreement here. I think its quite unfortunate that they have some of the douchiest fans on the planet.

berselius said:

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Are you talking about DMB or the Cubs?

gravedigger said:

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both...

Dmband said:

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Coincidentally, Dave did play his song "Timebomb" right around the approximate time this was taking place.

Thats kind of crazy, no?

ps. he also covered Niel Young's, "Needle and Damage Done" on Friday night which was amazing, and even sang some Zepplin lyrics during All Along the Watchtower.

I know you were all dying to know that.

JulieDiCaro said:

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If I heard DM covering Neil Young I would start shooting people.

Doc said:

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I fully expect you'd start shooting people for much less than that. You are a ticking timebomb.

JulieDiCaro said:

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A TICKING TIMEBOMB WHO IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!

Doc said:

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Get in line.

Teebob2000 said:

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Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Dmband said:

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Cj-

I actually agree with you 100% about the fans. However I will tell you that seeing them now is a completely different experience than seeing them 10 years ago. Totally different instruments, also Tim Reynolds, tours with them.

Truthfully, they've never sounded better. Not just saying that either.

JulieDiCaro said:

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that may be true, but, were i to go see them, i would be the oldest person there by 10 years and the only girl without a tramp stamp.

just sayin'

gravedigger said:

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Yes. This is very much true. But I go for the music and do my best to ignore the troglodytes.

However. Their last 5 years of music have been.. well.. not my favorite.

Dmband said:

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Not a Neil Young fan? hahahahaha

JulieDiCaro said:

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very funny, wisenheimer.

Dmband said:

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I will say the douche factor was extremely high..pretty annoying. If I saw another guy in a polo screaming "play crash into me!" one more time I would've lost my shit.

gravedigger said:

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Seriously. I'll crash into you with an elbow to the adam's apple.

gravedigger said:

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Uh, Julie. Your legal expertise?

http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/mlb/news/story?id=5596325

Mrs. McCourt says she didn't read her pre-nup before she signed it, so it should be thrown out. That can't possibly stand up in court, right? If it does, I'm so breaking my lease by saying I didn't read it first. Also not paying my credit cards.

gravedigger said:

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Oh man, this article is awesome. It includes this: "[Frank's attorney] noted that during a deposition earlier this year, Jamie McCourt said the reason she didn't read the agreement was because reviewing legal documents was boring."

Also, at the end of the story, it talks about how Jamie's driver ran over a pedestrian on the way to court.

JulieDiCaro said:

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it's not a defense, but that doesn't mean she won't get some of what she wants. frank is going to have to decide if it's more expensive to fight her or give in.

sloan peterson said:

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She has already lined up some of LA's big $$ guys like Burkle, Eli Broad,& Riordian, and has some veteran Dodger players like Newcombe,Bill Russell, and some say Lasorda to buy Frank out. Also she was married to the buy for almost 30 years, had grown kids with him, and he tells the court she was never a partner, and not a wife. Deep down she trusted him, and signed the docs without reviewing the way she should have. I know people who have done similar stupid moves just because they had been married a long time.....

Doc said:

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I'm amazed that she was actually president of the Dodgers.

sloan peterson said:

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The worst part is Jamie McCourt was responsible for the Dodgers keeping Andre Eithier,signing Ausmus, and keeping Furcal, the only bright spots in the lineup for that team. If she's gone, they're left with Frankie, who admits he has nothing to do with selecting/keeping players...

Dmband said:

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hahahahahaha. Nice Gd. We actually nick named the guy in front of us "Northface" and he did not apprecitate it. He was covered head to toe in what was brand new gear. Hilarious.

I acutally like Northface, but Im not quite sure why you would pay 1500 for a pair of sweat pants.

cadarnell said:

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I like the idea of a disgruntled Cubs fan going on trial for an attempted bombing. Just think of the witnesses his lawyer could call to prove that he was driven to insanity and terrorism by the Cubs.


Mr. Durham .. did you in fact let a slowly hit ground ball go between your legs costing the Cubs a chance to go to the world series in 1984?


Mr. Bartman .. do you in fact get in the way of one Moises Alou on a foul ball costing the Cubs a chance to go to the world series in 2003?


Your honor ... I rest my case ..

secdelahc said:

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Ugh. Three more hours of class... Tuesdays are evil. But it gives me a chance to watch Gameday cartoons.

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