A League of Her Own

Cubs Announce "We Came Up With More Ceremonies!" Ceremony

Look people, if there's anyone that understands the value of a good promotion, it's me. It's how I keep all of you coming back day after day, even with the Cubs 57 games back and no good news on the horizon. Why do you think I keep dangling Sam Fuld's pants in front of you?

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But even I know when to say when.

In addition to the upcoming honoring of Billy Williams with the unveiling of his statue outside Wrigley, the Cubs are also going to re-honor Harry Caray with a ceremony celebrating (pointing out?) the moving of his statue from Clark and Sheffield to the area outside the bleachers.

Does this really require a "rededication" and obligatory rededication ceremony?

Of course, after the ceremony marking hauling Harry's statue 500 feet is over, we only have another week until the ceremony to unveil Billy's statue. And this is only a little over a week after the ceremony to honor Bobby Cox. And Lou Piniella, and a mere few days after the ceremony to honor Andre Dawson. Not to mention the ceremonies to honor police officers, fire fighters, and the military.

It's only a matter of time until Ernie's statue gets jealous and wants a ceremony of its own. And how long after that until the statue of Santo goes up? And we've already had approximately 187 ceremonies to honor Ronnie, 67 of which took place this year. 

Look, no one argues with honoring Hall of Famers, soldiers, or first defenders.  But do we really need to be holding a string of endless ceremonies to honor noodles (yes, there was a ceremony for that, too) and moving hardware down the block?

Fans aren't going to fall for these cheap attempts to get them to the ballpark to watch a really crappy team forever. I don't think.

More importantly, how much cash do all these ceremonies cost? Could omitting them, say, have paid for a better "veteran reliever" than John Grabow? Because I would have rather had that.

Alas, the Ricketts seem to love their pomp and circumstance. So as long as we're coming up with ceremonies to get the fans out to the ol' ballpark, here are some ceremonies I'd like to see:

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    "Jeff Samardzija is still in Iowa" Ceremony

Putting to rest the terrifying rumors of his call-up, Jeff would show up at Wrigley in his Iowa uni, and sit in a dunking booth outside Wrigley before the game. For $50, you get three chances to throw a strike and dunk Spellcheck. Two strikes in a row and you get to cut his hair. Three in a row and you get his spot on the roster.

2.     "Hey, We're Getting Closer To Having a Manager" Ceremony

For weeks now, we've heard nothing but speculation and rumor about who the next Cubs manager will be. Wouldn't it be nice to know we're getting close?

How about if Hendry gives us a heads up that he's "really really close to picking someone" and we all celebrate before a game? Or better yet. he can let us know when he's down to 6 candidates, then 4, than 2. we'll have a ceremony each time, with Jim giving roses to the guys who are still under consideration. I can already see Ryno in his formal tux.

3.      The "We've Sold Every Conceivable Inch of Ad Space at Wrigley " Ceremony.

The concourse already has a neon "No Vacancy" sign, but the field itself is sorely lacking in corporate sponsorship. Specifically, both the scoreboard and the ivy are screaming out for ad revenue, no to mention home plate.

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4.       "The Chicago Cubs Honor the Gatorade Cooler" Ceremony

Honestly, has anyone put up with more grief the last  few seasons than this guy? Not only did he have to deal with daily beatings from both Milton Bradley and Big Z, but he watched two consecutive teams go 3-and-out in the post-season. AND he had a front row seat for Mike Fontenot's sweaty muttonchops every game. If there's anyone (anything) that deserves to be honored, it's this guy right here.

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5.     The "Last Ceremony of the Year" Ceremony

It's always hard to say goodbye to baseball season, but it's even harder to say goodbye to the ceremonies that have distracted us from from what was going on on the field. Ideally, the Last Ceremony of the Year ceremoy takes place on the last day of the season. None of us wants to comtemplate meaningless baseball in Chicago without ceremonies.

  Right?

 

 

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33 Comments

Doc said:

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I'm kinda pissed I missed the "Congratulations to Carlos Zambrano for Graduating from Anger Management Class" ceremony.

JulieDiCaro said:

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me too.

Doc said:

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if that's the case, we should both go to some anger management courses to deal with our anger over the situation.

sloan peterson said:

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Please someone Photoshop a picture of Z with a graduation hat, and diploma.....

Doc said:

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Speaking of Ronnie's...

I believe the Cubs are holding a "Welcome back to Wrigley Field, Ronnie Cedeno" ceremony before the game tonight.

gravedigger said:

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#4 is not only awesome, it sounds like something one of those crazy minor league teams would actually do.

Doc said:

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Aren't the Cubs one of those crazy minor league teams?

sloan peterson said:

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For #2 would there be a "confessional" whereby the rejected managerial candidates could dish about how they really felt about the remaining candidates? The exit music could be "Bad Day" by Daniel Whatshisname...

Doc said:

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How about a "At least we aren't delusional about our chances this season like the Bears are" ceremony. Are they actually going to win 3 games this year?

HackWilson09 said:

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Crane Kenney's plans for a joint celebration sort of exploded in his face last week. (metaphor explained below)

His aim to stage the Great 69 Celebration was originally intended to honor Banks, Jenkins, Santo and Williams, while at the same time paying homage to Szamardija's rate of 6 walks per 9 innings in Des Moines.

Unfortunately, a parade took formation over in Boys Town on Halsted Street, and headed straight for Wrigley. They were looking for an erected statue.

Look... Does anyone want to hear any more details? Probably not...

Karen said:

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oh jeez...don't get Edelweis started

Umbra said:

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Karen, you are my new favorite.

Edelweiss said:

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At least you guys get to keep the awsomeness that is Jeff Baker. Nobody wanted to deal for him, nor to pay for his "cosmetic" surgery.

Edelweiss said:

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Do tell.

flyball said:

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why are they moving the statue again?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Billy wanted Harry's spot. As Billy is still alive, they gave it to him.

JulieDiCaro said:

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i've got a football scrimmage tonight. can anyone take the game thread?

JulieDiCaro said:

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i guess that's a 'no.'

cadarnell said:

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I think most fans are ceremony'ed out ... we just need to get to the ceremonial last pitch .. maybe spell-check could toss it ???

Teebob2000 said:

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It would still get knocked over the fence, somehow.

Bobcubs08 said:

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if spellcheck had enough control to actually get it over the plate and not hit the guy in the balls.

Bobcubs08 said:

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wow. great fielding again.

baturkey said:

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Dempster needs to settle down and maybe breathe through his eyelids.

Bobcubs08 said:

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rose goes in front, big guy.

JulieDiCaro said:

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when you win 20 games in the show, you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes, and the press will think you're colorful!

cadarnell said:

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the cubs need a rain out .... uggggg

Bobcubs08 said:

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so what's the over/under on the announced attendance?

Doc said:

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I'm going to say 27k. It's so hard to tell because of the season ticket holder no shows (of which I am one tonight)

JulieDiCaro said:

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I am choosing to watch a show about the end of the world instead of this Cubs game. It's less painful.

Doc said:

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South park

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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The great comeback is on! 5 runs in the bottom of the 8th. Only need a 7-run rally in the 9th to tie.

Edelweiss said:

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The Cubs are soooooooo yesterday. Other teams are more fun to follow.

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