A League of Her Own

Chicago Cubs Headlines For Tuesday

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 After a long, loooooong off day, the Cubs are back at it tonight at PNC Park. I'm not sure if it's adorable or sad that Aramis is hoping two days off in a row is going to bring his swing back:

It wasn't exactly a benching, but third baseman Aramis Ramirez was given a rest Sunday, so with the Cubs' day off Monday, he will have a two-day break before playing in Pittsburgh with his .155 batting average.

When manager Lou Piniella asked Ramirez after Saturday's game if he would like a day off, "I said I'd take it. If it lasts for two days, it might do something," Ramirez said.

"Sometimes you go out and work, work, work, then you step back and see what's going on and it helps. It's just a matter of getting my mechanics right."

Speaking of mechanics, Dave Van Dyck ponders the effect hitting coach-extraordinaire Rudy Jaramillo has had on the Cubs, and why he can't get Aramis and DLee going:

Coincidence or not? The Cubs as a team batted .266 in April, 20 points higher than last season.

Coincidence or not? Alfonso Soriano, booed nearly into oblivion, has discovered bats seemingly dipped into fountain of youth balm circa 2005 when he had a career high in RBIs.

Coincidence or not? Mike Fontenot is hitting .303 and Geovany Soto .322 while trying to resurrect their careers.

Coincidence or not? The Cubs' two most productive hitters, Soriano and Marlon Byrd, are longtime disciples of Rudy Jaramillo.

Hmmm, it seems there is growing evidence that the Cubs didn't really overpay last winter when they made Jaramillo the highest-paid hitting coach in baseball at a reported $2.4 million for three years.

Of course, the baseball season is barely a month old and the Cubs have yet to face the league's best staffs, but the resurrection of Soriano alone could be worth the salary. And make no doubt about it, Soriano is a huge Jaramillo fan from their days together in Texas.

So, if Jaramillo is indeed a miracle worker, what has happened to slumping No. 3 and 4 hitters, Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez? They are veterans, who basically march to their inner feelings when it comes to hitting, Lee saying when asked about Jaramillo: "My swing is kind of what it is. I know what I need to do. When you step to the plate, it kind of locks in."

Players who have benefitted most from Jaramillo are the ones who needed it most to save their sagging statistics: Soriano, Soto, Fontenot, even Kosuke Fukudome.

Hmmmm. I wonder if Rudy has tried having Rami and DLee breathe through their eyelids? Think about it, Rudy.

Because there isn't all that much to talk about after an off-day, I'm going to take a moment to indulge the nerd in me who ADORES Illinois-born SCOTUS Justice John Paul Stevens:

In one of his last public speeches before retiring, Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens on Monday bypassed talk of the court's deep ideological divide and the battle to replace him and instead talked to a Chicago legal group about his beloved Cubs.

The Chicago native recalled one of his most precious boyhood memories of watching Babe Ruth hit his famous "called shot" for the New York Yankees in the 1932 World Series with the Cubs.

Justice Stevens was part of a trifecta voting block (with Thurgood Marshall and William Brennan), rammed through many of the civil rights decisions that have shaped our nation. He's a million years old but still sharp as a tack, and, despite terrible back problems, held out for 8 years of the Bush administration until a democrat was in the White House, to retire. Of course, he WOULD be a Cubs fan.

Cubs play tonight on WGN at 6:00 pm.   

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140 Comments

plamorte said:

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Fan getting tasered at Phillies game: awesome.

http://bit.ly/bwTr9T

kiwibob said:

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Boo... link fail for me.
I'd just spent ages trying to find the footage on mlbtv too...

summerguy said:

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They have the link on yahoo sports

kiwibob said:

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Oooh...
But then I found this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqtPUhYdz6M

JulieDiCaro said:

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wait. don't you have to be touching someone to taze them?

kiwibob said:

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Are living in the stone age?
You shoot a plastic looking pistol thingy and darts with wires attached zoing out of your tase-gizmo into the perp/fan's flesh and then delivers the stunning blow. It's all completely harmless and tremendous fun unless it kills you...

flyball said:

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hehe, snarky bob

plamorte said:

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no, the taser fires projectiles that are sharp so they go through clothes and hit you, then you get the SHOCK, haven't you seen the hangover??

JulieDiCaro said:

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yes, but I guess I never thought about it. I just assumed you had to physically touch someone.

Doc said:

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wait a minute...you're a lawyer and you don't know how a taser works?

JulieDiCaro said:

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i know how a rack belt works, and I'd like to try one out on you. Is that good enough?

Doc said:

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You'll have to get in line if you want to use one of those on me. There are at least 5 other people that are in front of you right now.

baturkey said:

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Rack belt sounds like a euphemism for the word bra.

Doc said:

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oh dear...that sounds even worse now.

Doc said:

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I believe it is true that most Phillies fans will be tasered at some point in their life.

Eric From The Dugs said:

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^^^ This.

Any proper announcer would have made puns about the electric atmosphere at the ballpark for the rest of the night.

They're talking about punishing the guard. Regardless of what happens to him, I'm sure this incident will make people think twice before running out onto the field.

Umbra said:

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Heck yeah, punish the guard. Excessive force. You don't need to shoot people or give them electric shocks that have killed people. Just tackle them like they used to do in the good old days.

flyball said:

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where's Bob Howry when you need him

Doc said:

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lol...heck, he was just in Chicago last weekend! But I was thinking more like randy meyers or kyle farnsworth.

Umbra said:

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"Thank God, he didn't get to Bobby -- I don't know what Bobby would've done to him," said Cubs catcher Koyie Hill. "He's a giant. Bobby scares me."

JulieDiCaro said:

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That was hot. that was the moment women everywhere fell in love with Bob Howry. He was like a cowboy at high noon.

flyball said:

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can the Cubs bring him back?

Doc said:

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can I kick your ass for even mentioning that? Boo!

flyball said:

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you can publicly ridicule me if you can prove that he would be worse than every other pitcher currently in the bullpen

JulieDiCaro said:

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i want him back too. he's better than Grabow.

Doc said:

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Um, judging by his stats in Arizona this year, He's just barely better than Grabow right now. But he's worse than just about everyone else we have in the bullpen.

JulieDiCaro said:

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but still better than Grabow!

Doc said:

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~sigh~

Yes. Better than Grabow. It's like choosing between the shit with bits of corn in it and the shit without bit of corn.

It's still shit.

JulieDiCaro said:

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If you missed the last episode of Throwing Like A Girl, Nats (credentialed!) blogger Kristen Hudak talked about how the Nats basically sold 90% of their Opening Day tickets to Phillies fans, who overran theit stadium on Opening Day, booed the home team, and heckled all the Nats fans. IN THEIR OWN PARK.

It's a good listen.

gravedigger said:

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the phillies fans were EVERYWHERE during the opening series. the neighborhood was infested, they were tailgaiting in the fucking street.

Doc said:

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And we should taser them all.

AndCounting said:

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It really is.

MillsChC said:

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Maybe this incident will give Lou & Larry the idea to have a Cubs security guy chase, with a taser, any reliever who comes out of the bullpen and walks the 1st guy he faces.

kiwibob said:

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I think it would be a lot easier for Lou if the pitching rubber had an electrified metal plate embedded and he had a big red button he could push.
Oh... and while we're inventing gadgets let's get him a White Russian dispenser...

JulieDiCaro said:

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I agree and I support this idea whole-heartedly.

Maybe the Cubs could even raffle the chance to be person who gets to taze relievers for a game?I know I'd pay a LOT for a chance to taze Spellcheck.

kiwibob said:

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It could be like an episode of Oprah where Lou gets on the mike and tells every fan to look under their chair. If you've got the taser then you get to do the zapping...

Eric From The Dugs said:

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If you give Lou control of a taser gun, I think they'll also retire the post-game press conference.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I love this idea, let's pitch it to one of the "ambassadors" at the next game.

Teebob2000 said:

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I was watching that game on DirecTV when it happened. The camera, of course, didn't show the guy on the field (because NOT showing people running on the field has totally stopped this from ever happening again!) but showed Yadi Molina who was just coming up to bat to lead off that inning. As soon as the guy evidently got zapped, the crowd roared in approval (it's Philly, after all) and Yadi got this eye-bugging, truly aghast look that was priceless.

JulieDiCaro said:

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hee hee. i'm so sad i missed it.

every team should have a designated "fan taker-downer." for the Cubs, it should be Big Z. you run on the field, you get Big Z chasing you down. you do it in (whever he's playing now), and batshit crazy Elijah Dukes comes after you. In the Cell, it's Ozzie.

That would put an end to this whole thing really quick.

Healthhere said:

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I believe it is true,

Umbra said:

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I believe you are not.

kiwibob said:

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Who are you, oh remarkably breasted smiley blonde lady? And what does that enigmatic remark mean? Could it perhaps be designed to lead me to your website where I can find such expert medical tracts such as "How do the sperm survival rate is not high" and "How to quit smoking: The new father must know".
You intoxicate me with your bosomy blandness and your tenuous grasp of the English language. Let's run away together and you can tell me all about "Women causes of genital itching" which I notice you're also something of an expert on...

Umbra said:

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"Life is not living, but living in health."

Moisture is the essence of wetness. And wetness is the essence...of beauty.

Umbra said:

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The lady in the picture must have checked out the section on breast health care. I didn't read the full article, but I think I'll have to after the tag line:

"For each female, the breasts are very special meaning, it has nothing to do with breast "

What does it have to do with!?

AndCounting said:

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Pretending your chest is a missile launcher. It's a Gloria Steinem quote.

Edelweiss said:

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Those are not real.

Max Power said:

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Not sure why I missed this yesterday, Bob, but that made me laugh out loud. "You intoxicate me with your bosomy blandness and your tenuous grasp of the English language" shall live on in my mind, if not on the CN server. I'll take this as a sign that you are on the mend.

Doc said:

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Um, Julie, this place keeps getting creepier.

AndCounting said:

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I believe it is true.

plamorte said:

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it's an injustice no one has gave you props yet for this! Nice Adam!

Teebob2000 said:

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Hey, everybody -- be nice to our new friend Busty McClip-art!

JulieDiCaro said:

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If anyone here is interested in hosting their own podcast (on any subject), please let me know .

plamorte said:

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Manscaping 101 with Pat.

Edelweiss said:

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Weaselnuts got a manscaped butt when the Bic lighter singed the hair there. Good thing the stuff in front is small, or it would have gotten burned too, as he was bending over,

Doc said:

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Really? Any subject? hmmmm!!!

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm being serious! I'd like to have something going every night here on LOHO. Want to be LOHO's football guy? Soccer guy? Music guy? Just shoot me an email . . .

Doc said:

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LOHO's porn site evaluator guy?

JulieDiCaro said:

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why not?

Doc said:

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Get Millertime for that one...he'd probably be an expert.

Dmband said:

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"You intoxicate me with your bosomy blandness and your tenuous grasp of the English language. "


HAHAHAHAHAHA. Awesome.

Edelweiss said:

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danke schön.

Cutsizzle said:

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http://www.chicitysports.com/forum

Would love to invite you Chicago fans to an all Chicago sports messageboard. We could use more posters so check it out and post some with us! Discussion, news, articles for all Chicago teams...Bears, Bulls, Cubs, Sox, B'hawks.

If you love to talk and read about Chicago sports, this is your home!

kiwibob said:

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Unfortunately this is our home...
It's something of a work in progress, yes... the roof still leaks, raccoons have made a nest next the the hot water tank and there's a cantankerous alcoholic called Gravedigger who lives in the basement sipping moonshine from an old tin bath... but a home it is.

secdelahc said:

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Don't forget the leotard and fishnet wearing carlheartscubs...

kiwibob said:

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Second floor, first on the right. He's got his own balcony too....

JulieDiCaro said:

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Please stop pimping out your blog on my site.

Thanks.

plamorte said:

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she's a lawyer you know

kiwibob said:

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And word on the street is she buckles a mean rack belt....

Doc said:

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*sob*

yep.

plamorte said:

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I joined once and it sucked and died. It was reborn and I joined again and I tried but I just don't have the time and energy to commit to you ChiCitySports. It's over. I'm sorry. Yes there is someone else. It's LOHO. It's love, we...we were just a thing. And ummm...it's me not you, etc. etc.

JulieDiCaro said:

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"It's not you, it's me? You're giving me the 'it's no you, it's me?' I INVENTED "it's not you it's me!' Let me tell you something, if it's anybody, it's ME, baby!"

plamorte said:

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The Lip Reader!

plamorte said:

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www.Twitter.com/RotoRant

Would love to invite you Chicago fans to an all fantasy sports twitter page. We could use more tweeps so check it out and interact with us! Discussion, news, articles for all Fantasy sports...Baseball and Football (my definition of ALL fantasy sports may be different than yours)

If you love to talk and read about fantasy sports, this is your home!

Max Power said:

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Fantasy EPL? I could use the help...

jarowcliffe said:

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This place is randy today! Tazers, Boobs, Sperm life cycles.....where am I?!?!

Teebob2000 said:

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Bet none of this foolishness happens on cishitysports.com, that's for sure! Or chicity, or something like that.

jarowcliffe said:

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No it does not...its pretty much just sports and thats it.

Ive been posting on there for a couple days...its not bad but its a matter of time before all the Gomers find it and ruin it like they did prosportsdaily.com. Thank goodness for A League of Her Own!!!

JulieDiCaro said:

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what do you mean . . " i've been posting on there for a couple of days" ?????????

so basically, you chose this forum to announce that you're cheating on us?

Doc said:

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We all cheat on you, Julie. He just had the guts to admit it. We are all afraid of you.

plamorte said:

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The nose ring drove Doc away IMO....

Doc said:

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Actually, I have started to like the nose ring thing, now that she explained her reasoning behind it...

It's more of her constant abuse that makes me leave. But I keep coming back because I know there is no other site out there for me.

But I come back knowing I can change her.

plamorte said:

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And because she only does it because she loves and cares about you

Doc said:

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It's my fault. I'm the one that was wrong. I deserved to be a abused.

plamorte said:

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Poor guy, even developed a stutter from the beatings....

Dmband said:

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One off day ant this is what we've become...

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW CUBS.....HUH...ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!!

JulieDiCaro said:

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this is nothing. you guys should have seen the 400-comment posts we would wake up to over at BCB when gravedigger, sec, and proggy had been up posting all night.

secdelahc said:

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Ah, the memories. Such drunken shenanigans we had.

gravedigger said:

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That was after it was like "haha, gravedigger drinks a lot," but before Julie threatened an intervention. Now everyone's accepted it.

JulieDiCaro said:

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no i find your drinking to be amusing and entertaining.

secdelahc said:

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I blame faith for instigating it all. No real reason, except that we see him so rarely here that he can't defend himself.

Edelweiss said:

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The three Cubs who lit farts were sober.

gravedigger said:

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remember the "bags of fat" debacle? that elicited my first of the series of infamous "emails from Al"

Doc said:

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I should have done more than just lurked back in those days. Oh the fun I missed!

DustyBaylor said:

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Please...please do not mention BCB...oof.....oh wait..I just got banned...

JulieDiCaro said:

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so what was your name on BCB?

Doc said:

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My burrito I got for lunch today just exploded all over my lap! Boo Chipotle!

JulieDiCaro said:

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rolled too tight. just like the crepes.

Doc said:

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What is interesting is that when the rolled it up initially, the tortilla ripped and so they got another one and dumped all the yummy ingredients into the the new one. Then I got to work at my desk...took one bite...and splat!

I'm glad the dogs aren't at work with me...they'd be licking my lap right now.

Umbra said:

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I don't get it. Why did it explode on your lap? Didn't you use the foil wrapper? People who do not use the foil wrappers to eat their Chipotle burritos scare me. Granted, the entire point of the burrito as a food is that you put messy yummy stuff in a pile and wrap it in a tortilla so you can carry it around and not get stuff all over you. So in a perfect world, the foil isn't used.

But why get rid of the fail-safe device? Chipotlengineers give you foil to solve this very problem.

Teebob2000 said:

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Really!! Man's working without a net, gotta give him points for guts, if not brains.

Doc said:

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Well...what happen was that I was holding it in the middle and the foil wrap began leaking yummy steak juice and when I move one of my hands down underneath it to catch the juice that side of the burrito split down the side right where the seam of the foil was and it all disintegrated into my lap. I think the real mistake was slacking around work for 15 minutes before I finally got a chance to eat the burrito...it weakened the tortilla.

Edelweiss said:

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we civilized people eat tacos and burritos with a knife and fork.

jarowcliffe said:

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Dominicans...

thisyearcub said:

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Look for Ramirez to get back on track beginning tonight. He always does well against his former squad. You'll be singing my praises tomorrow morning.

JulieDiCaro said:

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yours or his?

flyball said:

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maybe that is Aramis

Doc said:

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no...Rudy Jaramillo.

flyball said:

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we've cracked tyc's real identity!

flyball said:

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whats the likelyhood that Ramirez does awesome and the rest of the team does not

Dmband said:

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Doc-

Its precisely this occurance that makes me opt for the burrito bowl. Sure, you lose out on the tortilla, but its still quite good with no mess.

Doc said:

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Yeah...but then I need to use a fork...and I'm not very good at that.

Scooping the burrito off my lap with my hands and then eating it was still ok...and still tasted pretty good.

Now I'm going to smell like a burrito for the rest of the day. Luckily I have no meetings this afternoon.

JulieDiCaro said:

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you need a spork.

Doc said:

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Those things dumbfound me.

Doc said:

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It's been 2 hours since some anonymous person posted something completely random or tried to pimp out their own site on here. And the taser/boob talk has quieted down.

This place is becoming boring now.

Umbra said:

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It's May 4th, so I figured we'd be busting out the Star Wars quotes by now. I can start.

This blog is now the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Doc said:

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Umbra! I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I logged on board.

Teebob2000 said:

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But I was going to chichicagosports.com to pick up some power converters!

Eric From The Dugs said:

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So talking about taser boobs should speed things back up twice as fast, right?

Umbra said:

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You're trying to merge these stories, somehow. I just don't see it.

Doc said:

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In news about sports I couldn't care less about, Vinny Del Negro got fired by the Bulls today. And why was he hired in the first place?

JulieDiCaro said:

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it's kind of like the bulls hired bill wennington as their coach.

Teebob2000 said:

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The Bulls hired Wennington to be their coach?? I musta missed that week.

Doc said:

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I posted this on Twitter...so I'll post it here too...

The Pirates have given up twice as many runs as they have scored this season. Worst pitching in the majors...2nd to worst offense in the majors. The equates to a bad bad team.

flyball said:

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they almost elevate being bad to an art form

JulieDiCaro said:

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which means they'll take 2-3 from us.

Doc said:

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I'm figuring a sweep...the Cubs can only beat teams that are closer to .500

Dmband said:

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Now lets all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice.

Dmband said:

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(that was in response to VDN's firing)..

sloan peterson said:

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The comments have set off the filters on my computer like no tommorrow! On the other hand, it has been very enlightening to see what the Cubs have driven their fans too..
Can we also arrange to have announcers tasered too? I can think of at least 10 whom could do with a shock or two...

Dmband said:

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Hey do you guys remember when McDonalds subbed the McJordan (the greatest tasting McDonalds sandwich ever) with the "Beef Wennington"?

It was the same damn sandwich....

And now its almost as if niether ever exsisted...I mean, can I get a damn Beef Wennington on a limited basis at least?

For those who dont recall...the Sandwich was essentially a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Bacon and Mcd's BBQ sauce.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

I blame Julie for mentioning Bill Wennington...who I really like on the radio btw...he's no Stacy king, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite announcers.

Umbra said:

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I'd be in favor of bringing it back on one condition: we also bring back the hamburgers Hardees made to promote the movie Apollo 13. I don't know where they got that sauce (probably outer space), but that was a tasty burger.

AndCounting said:

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The Bacon & Cheese Angus burger at McDonald's is something special. Every time I go in there (and with happy-meal loving children, it's a lot) I tell myself I won't order it because I don't need to eat that much, but every time I wind up ordering it and thoroughly enjoying it. It's not the best burger in the world, but it's the best thing McD's has ever done.

Dmband said:

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I can agree to these terms.

Doc said:

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What the hell is that parrot eating?

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