A League of Her Own

Friday Cubs Headlines: Gillooly, Grimey, and Goat-Negation

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Sean Marshall upon hearing about his competition.

With the news coming this week that he has as much of a chance at the starting rotation as Carlos Silva and Jeff Spellcheck, LOHO wants to know: If you were Sean Marshall, how many people would have killed by now?

Ol' Reliable (Bruce Miles), take it away:

Need a guy to go from the starting rotation to the bullpen? Sean Marshall's your man.

Need a spot start, sometimes on a moment's notice? Invoke the Marshall plan.

The 27-year-old lefty has done it all, most of it pretty well, since coming to the big leagues in 2006. He's done it without complaint, too, including a couple of stints in the minor leagues.

While it's good to be the good soldier, playing that part can get a guy passed over for more plum jobs. But it all seems OK with Marshall.

"It's a good thing," he said Thursday. "I've really worked to do different roles in the last couple of years to help the team win some games. I'm happy to do that. I've dealt with some adversity, going to the bullpen for long relief, short relief, occasional starts, and I think it's been good for me."

Am I the only one who's waiting for Marshall to accidentally electocute himself while imitating Spellcheck in a unmitigated rage? Yes?

Okay, Sean. I'm okay with it if you are. I guess. . . .

Speaking of being okay with things, rookie Rafeal Dolis heard Lou's pleas to take out Theriot and did his best to oblige:

Yet another eventful day here at Fitch as they all seem to be. During live batting practice today, Ryan Theriot took one off the left hand-wrist from young right-hander Rafael Dolis, who brings it at about 95 mph. Theriot went down to the ground and got looked at by one of the trainers, but he said afterward he was OK.

In a matter of moments, Theriot was up, walking around, and looking for a trainer/television camera.

In news of other Cubs who needed trainers today:

Right-hander Angel Guzman, who already is coming off a knee scope, "had some discomfort in his shoulder," according to Jim Hendry and has been shut down. Jim says Guzman, who has a long history of injury problems, is not seeing a doctor, but that the Cubs would "take the precautionary path" and push him back a couple days. Trainer Mark O'Neal might have an update in the morning.

I think it's a capital idea for a guy with "a long history if injury problems" to be "not seeing a doctor" when he has "some discomfort in his shoulder." Perhaps it's been these kinds of decisions that have lead Guzman to have a long history of injury problems in the first place. But I digress.

I know you've all been waiting with baited breath to find out if Soriano's knee is 80%, 85%, 87.5%, or 92.6% percent, so let's get right to it:

Alfonso Soriano reported good progress with the knee.

"Kind of surprised myself," Sori said. "I'm pretty much better than I thought. That's a good thing. It's only the second day, and I feel the difference."

Sori said he ran about 85 percent yesterday and didn't feel anything. He'll take live batting practice again today. 

So the Soriano Knee-O-Meter is currently at 85%. I think we need to some sort of sidebar graphic for this one.

As the season approaches, it's time to start getting our fantasy house in order. Currently, we have 3 leagues set up: SABR JRKS (see what I did there? ha!), Cool Kids (obviously, this is the league I'm playing in), and Beer Pong (coughloserscough). We can add more leagues if there's a high enough demand, but right now this is what I have:

SABR JRKS: berselius, millertime, ted lilly fan club, cubby23, and RobinWI. There are 5 spots left in this league. 

Cool Kids: Me, JulieRubes, summerguy, Aisle424, doc_blume, ca_rodriguez, jarowcliffe, it'sjenjen, dustybaylorf and lsnow2684. This league is full and closed.

Beer Pong: Goose, Ricos, flyball, carl, max power, natebeal, and canopygirl. There are 3 spots left in this league.

If you want to play, all you have to do is let us know in the comments--we'll take it from there.

AAAAAND, and, for the May 18 rooftop meetup (7:00 pm, $75 gets you on the roof PLUS all you can eat and drink), we currently have 28 people and counting! We need a firm head count for this one, so if you're definitely in, send me an email or a DM on Twitter.

If you haven't heard by now, Mark McGwire is enraged at his brother for calling shenanigans on his official, Ari Fleischer-approved story of his illegal drug use and has vowed never to see him again:

Mark McGwire said he's saddened his estranged brother wrote a book that chronicles their use of performance-enhancing drugs and reiterated his claim that he only took them to heal from injuries.

McGwire said Thursday he's so up set with his brother, Jay McGwire, that he doesn't believe reconciliation is possible.

"I don't plan on ever seeing him again," said McGwire, the new hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Lo, in a LOHO celebration of brotherly love done gone wrong, I give you

5 songs on my iPod: Jay and Mark McGwire Version:

  • He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother: The Hollies
  • Liar, Liar: The Castaways
  • Family Tradition: Hank Williams Jr.
  • Goodbye to You: Scandal
  • Do You Want to Know A Secret?: The Beatles

Have a great Friday--less than a week until the first ST broadcast!

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78 Comments

MillsChC said:

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Is that the McGwire brother that was once a backup QB for the Seahawks?

and... what happened?.. I got kicked out of the Beer Pong league already?

JulieDiCaro said:

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This is why I posted the names--I knew I was forgetting people. Of course you're still in the beer pong league, big guy.

DustyBaylor said:

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I'm going to ask if it's me in the "Cool Kids" league, or if someone just liked the name? I mean, I already got t-shirts made and everything...

DustyBaylor said:

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I'm going to ask if it's me in the "Cool Kids" league, or if someone just liked the name? I mean, I already got t-shirts made and everything...

JulieDiCaro said:

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Yep, that be you.

DustyBaylor said:

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Hmm...maybe if i double post a few times?

plamorte said:

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Soriano Knee-O-Meter? Give me 45 min.

"Ballbreaker"- AC/DC
"Taste the Pain- RHCP
"Grievance"- Pearl Jam
"Effect & Cause" - The White Stripes
"Maybellene"- Chuck Berry

flyball said:

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you make fun of the BPL, but you know you love us, and you should remember how nice we were to the Cool Kids League in the past

DustyBaylor said:

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Scandal!!! Nice.....god bless the 80's..

JulieDiCaro said:

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This is why I asked. I knew I was forgetting people. You're in.

DustyBaylor said:

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Suh-wheet....Now I can wear my t-shirt with pride...looking forward to it!!

plamorte said:

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Alfonso Soriano's Knee-O-Meter! http://twitpic.com/15fwm1

Ted Lilly Fan Club said:

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Shouldn't you mention that Ted Lilly Fan Club was promoted to SABR JRKS by winning the Cool Kids league? We're just saying that we're egomaniac narcissists with attention issues, can you help?

baturkey said:

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Sign me up for BPL.

My Five for Friday:

Snail Dust - They Might Be Giants
American Music - Violent Femmes
Let Me Clear My Throat - DJ Kool
I Remember Jeep - George Harrison
Tom & Mary - Ben Folds Five

flyball said:

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ps, I looked it up, you did in fact win last year, I feel like that should earn you a prize, but since its the lazy league I'm too lazy to make one

so congratulations winner of the slackers!

baturkey said:

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Well maybe I'll smash the boombox in the locker room!

AndCounting said:

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FINE. Put me in with the Sabr jrks. I promise to lose and to do so ungraciously.

AndCounting said:

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And are replies broken or are we just being antisocial? Let me check . . . nope. Seem fine.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I think they were broken earlier.

AndCounting said:

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That makes sense. My equilibrium was completely thrown off by a completely straight column of comments.

Which reminds me, where's gravedigger?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Or, maybe for a while, everyone was mad and no one was talking to each other?

baturkey said:

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I think he's pretending to be trapped in a snowbank, lying in wait for a St. Bernard with a barrel of rum.

FrankS said:

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So Mark's little brother Jay writes a book which basically supports the story that Mark has been spinning, but Mark is never going to forgive him. From one article I read, the book claims Mark didn't do steroids and other PEDs until 1994. Has Canseco ever given a timeline for when 'roids became fashionable in the A's bathroom stalls?

Doc said:

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5 songs...so sue me:

Higher and Higher - The Moody Blues
Thirty-Three - The Smashing Pumpkins
Can't Cry Anymore - Sheryl Crow
Blue Collar Man - Styx
I'm a Believer - The Monkeys

Doc said:

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I've never been a cool kid before...it will be fun being around the popular kids now. Do I need to start smoking behind the school now too?

JulieDiCaro said:

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The Cool Kids don't smoke. We get straight As and sit in the front row of every class and play lots of extracurricular sports.

Doc said:

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um...that doesn't sound too cool to me...that sounds like everything I already have done. Boo!

JulieDiCaro said:

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that's what makes you cool, right?

RIGHT?

Doc said:

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Um, not in the real world.

Edelweiss said:

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I'll bet Ryan Theriot was never one of the cool kids, even though he was on the baseball team.

DustyBaylor said:

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5 Songs?
Blues Before and After-The Smithereens
Another Tricky Day-The Who
Allison Road-Gin blossoms
Counting Blue Cars-Dishwalla
Good-Better Than Ezra

AndCounting said:

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5 McGwire/sibling rivalry-ish songs from my iPod:

"Brother," Toad the Wet Sprocket
"Cain," Patty Griffin
"Split Needles," the Shins
"Dirty Little Secret," All-American Rejects
"Big Me," Foo Fighters

Teebob2000 said:

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Jingo - Santana
Police On My Back - The Clash
Miserable - Lit (GREAT anti-love song!)
Soul Singing - The Black Crowes
Generator - Foo Fighters

JulieDiCaro said:

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Hey Pat--can we put the knee-o-meter on the sidebar?

plamorte said:

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Sure, do what ya want with it! Is it too big? (i get that a lot)

JulieDiCaro said:

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no idea, i let the techy people deal with that.

plamorte said:

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let me know, i can add something to the side, like what percent he is currently on

JulieDiCaro said:

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that would be awesome. like "Fonsie Says: The Knee is at 85%"

Teebob2000 said:

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I'll take a spot in whatever league is primarily for idiots if there's room (and I don't mean to imply that participants who are currently IN the league primarily for idiots are in fact idiots, just that they're in that league, whichever one that is).

(I guess I mean it would be like a student who's enrolled in a remedial-reading class even if they don't need to be, but wanted an easy "A". Same thing.)

flyball said:

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that would be BPL, we're actually all really intelligent, just really relaxed about the whole fantasy baseball thing

Teebob2000 said:

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Is it Friday yet?

plamorte said:

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Now that I think about it, Marshall does kind of look like Frank Grimes too.. http://twitpic.com/15giil

JulieDiCaro said:

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hee hee hee.

JulieDiCaro said:

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This week has completely blown. I'm so glad it's almost over. I've got one client to meet with and then my weekend begins.

gravedigger said:

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Same here. Except when I finish my work here, I'm spending the weekend working on something for you :P

JulieDiCaro said:

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because you love me?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Seriously, Carly? David Geffen?

Wither Warren Beatty? James Taylor? Daaryl Hall?

AndCounting said:

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Wow, I thought it was about me. I guess I'm not vain after all.

JulieDiCaro said:

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But Daaryl Hall is, he said he thought it was about him. And I don't think he found that statement to be ironic at all.

AndCounting said:

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Carly was such a tricky little devil with that song. It's a real Catch 22. You can't really prove her wrong by not thinking it was about you; it just means you're vain and clueless. Maybe that's David Geffen, I don't know.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Wasn't it David Geffen who bought the right to know at a charity auction? I know she auctioned off the answer, but the winning bidder had to keep it a secret.

AndCounting said:

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That would be exquisite poetry.

flyball said:

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did she finally fess up?

JulieDiCaro said:

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yep. even though geffen is gay, she was pissed about him promoting joni mitchell over her.

huh.

Doc said:

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That really was a disappointment. It was a lot more fun when I thought it was Mick Jagger.

jarowcliffe said:

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Will the details for the cool kids league be emailed to us? How bout the draft?

Im excited about it....should be lots of fun

JulieDiCaro said:

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Just keep your pants on, I'm getting to it.

jarowcliffe said:

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just wondering...sorry...I didnt want to miss anything lol

berselius said:

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Hey SABR league types - if for some reason we don't fill the league (or even if we do), is anyone interested in making it NL-only?

JulieDiCaro said:

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You should make it ex-Cubs only. Now THAt would be a league.

berselius said:

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poked a few people on acb --- dylan is in and Yeti might be too

berselius said:

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FPO is in now too, so I think that's 9 people now. Julie, can you send me everyone's email so I can start setting this up?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Holy Hockey Score, Batman!!!

It's 6-0 US in the first period. Kane has scored 2x.

Teebob2000 said:

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Even better, they were batting .462 after 1 period: 6 goals on only 13 shots. The poor Finn starting goalie pulled himself out after giving up the first 4 only 10 minutes in.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Heh heh--check out the Knee-o-Meter!

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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It's spectacular.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Good God, now Lilly is out with the flu. This is clearly some kind of terrorist attack.

Doc said:

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um...why couldn't all this happen to someone that we don't care about like Carlos "The Orca" Silva.

Teebob2000 said:

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That's why we can't have nice things.

Edelweiss said:

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You seem to have run out of hot guys for your Designated Hotter, How about featuring Gravedigger, so we can see what he really looks like.

canopygrl said:

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See, I should so fight this "war on terror" from the ballpark. We should pitch the idea of Cub-land-defense; Perkins and I could head it up...

Dmband said:

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Love the Knee O Meter....great stuff

Dmband said:

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Im pretty sure Lilly just doesnt want to start spring training yet....the mysterious knee soreness followed by the "flu" sounds a lot like the same ailments I get around the holidays..

canopygrl said:

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Hello from afar! Glad to see fantasy and REAL baseball are starting soon.
My 5:
As Good as I Once Was- Toby Keith
Keg in the Closet- Kenny Chesney
Mad World- Gary Jules
There She Goes- Sixpence None the Richer
Rehab- Amy Winehouse (weird since I've never finished listening to it, I d/l it after she won all those Grammys and deemed it crap right away)

JulieDiCaro said:

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Oh HI MARY!!!!!!!!

So great to "see" you. How's life in the desert?

canopygrl said:

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It's okay, nothing too exciting considering the lack of booze.

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