A League of Her Own

Friday Cubs Headlines: Ted, Toilets, and Jim Edmonds

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Dear Mr Lilly,

Good morning! How goes your off-season so far? How's the shoulder feeling? Good? Good enough to pitch opening day? Hmmmm? HHHHMMMMMMM? You do realize that, unless you start healing A LOT faster, we might end up with Carlos Silva or Spellcheck in our starting rotation, don't you?

Hurry the $#@$#@  up!

Love,

LOHO

No, I'm completely serious:

With Ted Lilly out through at least April, the Cubs will be searching for two new members of the rotation, one to replace him and one to replace the departed Rich Harden.

So Cubs camp will turn into a tryout camp.

"An opportunity really," said pitching coach Larry Rothschild, preferring not to use the word tryout. "Somebody's going to get a real nice opportunity."

Four veterans --
Sean Marshall, Tom Gorzelanny, Jeff Samardzija and newcomer Carlos Silva -- will join several youngsters with the knowledge that one of them could stick all season. And all four look at themselves as starters.

All four of them, with the exception of Sean Marshall, see someone else when they look in the mirror. This story scares the crap out of me.

As you can see by my posting of a week-old article, there's precious little Cubs news out there today. Unless you count this as "news:"

Glenn Beckert, the second baseman on the 1969 Cubs team that blew a big division lead, thinks training in Arizona has been a detriment to the team.

"I think a change would've been good for the Cubs," said Beckert, who lives in Englewood, Fla., 60 miles north of Naples. "I know the people in Mesa won't like to hear that, but Florida produces a lot of world champions, and the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908 and haven't been in a World Series since 1945. The fishing down there is great, too. I and my old roommate Ron Santo are closing in on 70, and we'd would like to go out knowing the Cubs at least made it to the World Series."

Let's see. . .  Cubs. . .  Cubs. . .  Cubs. . . oh! I expect there to be a fair amount of crying into oatmeal this morning around these parts, as your precious Jim Edmonds signed with the Brewers.

Out of baseball last season, center fielder Jim Edmonds has landed with the Milwaukee Brewers. He signed a minor-league contract Thursday and will try to help the Brewers compete with two of his former teams, the Cubs and Cardinals.

Edmonds helped the Cubs reach the playoffs in 2008, but sat out last season after generating little interest on the free-agent market. He's 39 and the holder of 382 home runs and a .284 career batting average.

How will we ever be able to cheer against him?!?!?!

Blah. I still hate Jim Edmonds.

No other Cubs news to be found, I'm going to share my favorite news story of the day:

A woman is suing Metra, claiming she was injured when a toilet on one its trains "exploded."

Julianna Mandernach says she boarded the Rock Island line train on Jan. 29 last year and used one of the restrooms.

"Upon flushing said toilet, the contents of the toilet exploded out of the toilet and splattered the plaintiff, resulting in injuries to the plaintiff."
Frankly, I think it's her fault for using the train bathroom in the first place. Icky.
 
And, my favorite video of the day:
 

 


 

Since it's becoming increasingly clear that I'm experiencing a fair amount of schadenfreude this morning, I'm going to sign off with an uplifting, peppy version of "Five Song on My iPod."

  • Beautiful Day: U2
  • Oh Marie: Louis Prima
  • Damn Good Disguise: The Mendoza Line
  • Redemption Song: Bob Marley
  • Freedom: WHAM! (Don't you judge me!)

Have a great Friday--and don't forget to stop by Designated Hotter in a bit to vote on whether or not Xavier Nady is at all attractive--only 19 days until pitchers and catchers report! 

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45 Comments

flyball said:

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I like Florida, I really do, especially the west coast, I wish I could go visit there this winter, but I don't believe having orange trees outside the hotel rooms instead of cacti will make a team win the World Series

LostinFla said:

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But staring at cacti hasn't helped the Cubs win over the past 50 years either...

I'm not so much disappointed that they aren't coming to Florida as I am that the whole process was so transparent. Naples (and a lot of real people there, real FANS) were used to the hilt by the "new" owner to leverage a better deal with Mesa. Standard business practice but distasteful in my book and suggests to me new ownership is still far more interested in making money than winning.

When Cub fans, as a whole, reject this philosophy (and the Cubs by extension) perhaps whatever current management group is in control will decide winning is more important. But I guess when you haven't won in 101 years, it's easy to temporize and say, what's the rush?

Perkins said:

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Most owners will be more interested in money than in winning. Usually, more money comes from winning, so they're all interested to some extent, but I think Bronson Arroyo was the one who said Steinbrenner is the only owner more interested in winning than in money.

Also, the way Ricketts played Naples is absolutely hilarious. It's about the only thing I've liked since he bought the team.

Northside Neuman said:

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Friend, to say that because a business uses another locale in an effort to leverage a better deal over a competitor is greedy, well its just good business. The Cubs generate $50 something million dollars annually for Arizona, which is why the Mesa officials are bending over backwards to get this done. Their are only four or 5 marquis baseball franchise in the league with the Cubs drawing power, and the Red Sox, Yankee's and Braves already play in Florida...

Furthermore, the Cub franchise is now saddled with $425 million in debt from the purchase when prior to the sale the team never had debt associated with it. They have to pay off the debt obligations, rebuild Wrigley Field and continue funding annual operation in the area of $160 million just to open the gates on opening day.. The Ricketts are not making much money at all.. Yet.

Dmband said:

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Im sorry, has anyone, anywhere, even asked the Cubs why Lilly waited pretty much the month that he is going to miss of the season to have the surgery? I know Ive harped on this, but I just want to at least hear an explanation.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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I think Julie said that Rothschild said at Cubs Con that the surgeon they wanted to use was booked, and that was part of the reason.

AndCounting said:

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And before anybody gets angry about that, the guy they used was the best in the business. He's the Rudy Jaramillo of the medical community.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/95442/30-rock-dr-spaceman-medical-moments

jmkobus said:

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Glad to see the Cubs are still really screwing the pouch on the Spellcheck ordeal. He needs at least another half season, preferably a whole season in the minors. That is the one person I do not want to see in the rotation on opening day

JulieDiCaro said:

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What he needs is a one-way ticket to the NFL. He chose. . . poorly.

Aisle424 said:

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He probably actually chose really well. I doubt he gets $10 million guaranteed in his career as a WR.

The Cubs chose poorly.

AndCounting said:

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Saying Florida produces a lot of champions is like saying you should always call "tails" in a coin flip. Or maybe the Cubs should play all their home games in Yankee Stadium, because that has proven to produce a lot of championships, too.

Perkins said:

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I dunno, I have this rock that keeps away tigers.

baturkey said:

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Lisa, I'd like to buy that rock.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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And doesn't it read almost like the woman boarded the train and went immediately to the bathroom?

AndCounting said:

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And you have to wonder what she . . . deposited in the toilet that could cause injury upon ejection. Seriously, when even the toilet on the train deems your stuff too nasty to swallow, you need a gastroenterologist more than you need a lawyer.

plamorte said:

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makes you think twice about the saying "shit a brick"

gravedigger said:

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I'm really happy you keep posting here. Now I'm not the only one who posts totally inappropriate things, meaning Julie has someone else to give the evil eye to every once in a while.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm also happy he keeps posting here. He's one of my very favorite tweeps. I found him AND Andcounting over there.

plamorte said:

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I feel so loved, Twitter represent!

gravedigger said:

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Don't push your luck, pal :)

Edelweiss said:

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It isn't the toilet's fault she had explosive diarrhea. Blame it on the breakfast burrito she wolfed down. Wait...maybe she didn't quite make it, and the suit is to cover her embarrassment.

Dmband said:

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"He's the Rudy Jaramillo of the medical community."

good stuff.

spiney said:

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Rob Neyer links to 2 sites that project the Cubs ending up in 3rd. They both show the Reds in 2nd place? I cannot see that.

http://espn.go.com/blog/sweetspot/post/_/id/2192/friday-filberts-37

gravedigger said:

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I think the Cubs are going to finish last. This is going to be a miserable season.

spiney said:

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Thanks, I think you punched a hole in my diaphragm and my heart fell to my feet.

But, I'll be OK. 'Cause I think it's going to be a miser-tastic season!

gravedigger said:

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See, I like to keep my expectations low. Because when they inevitably meet my expectations, I kind of feel like everything went as planned.

JulieDiCaro said:

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We have equal amounts of fun when the Cubs are really good or really bad. Winning is fun, but being bad gives us more to make fun of.

gravedigger said:

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Sometimes. But sometimes the anger I display here is very, very genuine.

Perkins said:

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There's always the Pirates. They're like the kid with scoliosis and asthma that prevents you from getting picked last.

gravedigger said:

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Headline: Nady signing is official, retarded.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Trivia question here at Caribou (I got it wrong):

(NO GOOGLING!)

Who became the 3rd hitter, after Babe Ruth and Jimmie Foxx, to hit 35 hrs and 100 rbis in a season?

gravedigger said:

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Shit, I can't even find it by googling it.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Okay--now I know why I got the question wrong: I didn't read the last phrase "Who became the 3rd hitter, after Babe Ruth and Jimmie Foxx, to hit 35 hours and 100 rbis for seven straight seasons?"

That would have been helpful. I was up there going "Are you trying to tell me Mickey Mantle never hit 35 hrs and 100 rbis?!?!?!?!" like a crazy person.

spiney said:

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Hank Greenberg?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Eh-I screwed up the question. See above.

spiney said:

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Third and last guess - Sammy 'hey you got your cork in my bat' Sosa?

JulieDiCaro said:

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that's the one!

gravedigger said:

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Future Hall of Famer Sammy Sosa.

Fixed that for ya.

Perkins said:

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That has a nice ring to it. I'd prefer "Future unanimous first ballot Hall of Famer Sammy Sosa," but I suppose we should be realistic here.

gravedigger said:

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I agree, we do have to be realistic about the fact that the sportswriters who chose HOFers are total fucking idiots.

Edelweiss said:

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Maybe they'll elect Aaron Miles.

spiney said:

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Then it's got to be something that took forever - like Mark McGooey?

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm in love with this Onion piece on JD Salinger's passing:

"Bunch of Phonies Mourn JD Salinger

CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bunch_of_phonies_mourn_j_d

cubsforever said:

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I know it is late and Cubjulie may not see this tonight - it is Friday after all - but why do other clubs take chances on 5th outfileders and are successful and the Cubs sit on their hands? Eric Byrnes is work the risk - only $400,000 and if he fails you still have Fuld or Colvin or somebody else to try. AS for Middle Relief - the Cubs had a very good guy - set-up in Michael Wuertz - who just signed for 2 years at $5.25 million - a real bargain - he was only 6-1 and an ERA under 3 last year - and the Cubs do like to trade with Oakland. When the got Gray and let go a great guy in Jake Fox - they should have got Micahel back - and I will bet they still could if they let go Atkins or Berg or one of the other youngsters - are even package someone like Gorzelany - then the bullpen would be solid again Marmol - Guzman - Weurtz - Caridad from the right - and Marshall and Grabow from the left - then we still need a 2B guy and another starter. Is Wang ok from the Yankees? Just don't tell me it might be Pedro ----

baturkey said:

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http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4867415

It looks like Wang is going to miss the start of the season, and has been linked to the Mets, the Dodgers, and the Cardinals.

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