Really, Tiger Woods?
So yeah, I'm a criminal defense lawyer, news junkie, and general loudmouth, so you knew it was only a matter of time before I had to weigh in on this one. Here goes.
On Friday night, Tiger Woods was leaving his home in Rich People, Florida, when he inexplicably drove into a fire hydrant and then a neighbor's tree. Though he was driving slowly enough that his airbags didn't go off, he was reportedly unconcscious upon police arrival and was taken to the hospital with "serious" injuries.
WARNING: The next few paragraphs of this post are going to be rank with speculation, so if you're the kind of person offended by people being able to make logical deductions from evidence, stop reading now.
My first thought when I heard the news about the crash was that it was a DUI. After all, who leaves their house at 2:30 am and manages to not even make it out of their driveway without hitting stationary objects they've presumably driven around before? When the police stated to the press that "alcohol was not a factor," I assumed that meant they were still waiting for the results of the drug tests.
But when world came down that Tiger's wife, Elin, smashed the back window of Tiger's SUV in a heroic effort to get him out, my response turned to "Oh, so she was chasing him out of the house with a golf club, smashed his back window, causing him to crash the car." (Note: Allegedly)
Spend enough time in Domestic Violence Court and you learn to spot a domestic dispute at 100-yards. And given that Elin has supposedly changed her story, and the fact that I find it really hard to believe that a slow-motion crash rendered it necesssary to drag someone out through the back window of their car, this is looking more and more like your typical ghetto domestic fight. (see the photos of the crashed car, with the doors that sure look like they function here).
Except for one thing.
As of this afternoon, Tiger had reportedly turned the Florida Highway Patrol away for the third time, citing "privacy" concerns.
This is a great legal strategy. From now on, whenever my criminal clients are contacted by the police, I'm going to instruct them to refuse on the grounds of privacy. The only problem is that this strategy will not work. EVER.
Unless you're Tiger Woods.
My guess is that Tiger's waiting for the scratches on his face (most likely inflicted by his wife, as there was reportedly no blood on the steering wheel of his car) to heal. In addition, it's been reported that Tiger was taking prescription painkillers at the time of the accident, which probably means that he technically was driving under the influence. Not that I think he expected to be driving his car at 2:30 am. I think that part suprised him. So he may also be waiting for the prescription drugs to clear out of his system. And he and Elin may be taking time to make sure they get their stories straight.
The problem is that all of this should be filed under the heading "obstructing police investigation" and "tampering with evidence."
According to Woods' management agency, IMG, the Florida Highway Patrol has informed them that Tiger's talking with them is "voluntary and optional."
Really? Because we have damaged private property (the tree), damaged public property (the fire hydrant), and physical injuries (Tiger's face).
As a lawyer, I can't imagine another scenario where the police would consider a statement from the parties involved in an accident as "voluntary and optional." And if you think that this is a private, marital issue that we all should butt out of, I'll let you know that many of my domestic violence victim clients felt the same, only to have the police and prosecutors inform them that the decision to drop charges wasn't theirs. I've even had prosecutors threaten to hold domestic violence victims in contemp for refusing to testify against their abusers.
If you don't believe me, ram into a tree in your neighborhood and see how the police take it when you tell them you don't want to talk about it.
Whatever the reason for the (alleged) scuffle between Tiger and Elin is their business. But explaining to the police what happened in an accident that involved the time and resources of law enforcement is not. Particularly when Tiger can't find the time to talk to the police but CAN find the time to blog about it on his website. As much as I admire Tiger for his prowess on a golf course, I can't help but be disgusted by his thumbing his nose at law enforcement.
Tonight, the Florida Highway Patrol stands guilty of illustrating to the people of America exactly what the dual system of justice in this country looks like: one for the Tiger Woodses of the world, the other for you and me.
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45 Comments
gravedigger said:
I don't care about this. I want to bitch more about the Bears.
cubbiejulie said:
Who are the Bears? I have no idea what you're talking about.
(walks away humming to self)
gravedigger said:
I don't know, meth is a hell of a drug.
flyball said:
I'm good with that
AndCounting said:
All good points, but even if the cops do bring Tiger in for questioning, he's just going to tell them he didn't have his A-game, he felt like he was driving really well, but for whatever reason he just wound up finding a tree. I don't know if they'll buy him referring to the fire hydrant as "the drink," but hey . . . he's Tiger Woods.
And if they do try to press charges, the children of the world will rise up to his defense, a la Spartacus.
cubbiejulie said:
Ha. So true.
I just hate the double standard. Especially as a public defender. If people think poor minorities (or caublanasians or whatever) get this treatment, they should go shadow a PD somewhere for a while.
GRRRR.
AndCounting said:
It's gotta be at least a triple or quadruple standard. If he were a Kennedy, he could have run over a bunch of less important people and still gotten out of this without so much as a ticket.
Seriously though, I don't expect the media to question this one much at all. It's just one of those instances where an athlete's image is more valuable when it's good than when it's tarnished. And as far as the justice system is concerned, it's probably in their best interest (financially speaking) to let Tiger do his thing, pay for any damages, and move on rather than pay for a drawn-out investigation. Not saying it's right, but . . . you know.
cubbiejulie said:
Tiger Woods, you are no Ted Kennedy!
summerguy said:
I know I have been very distant from LOHO since the Cubs sucked all life out of me, but thank you for this. I felt like a crazy person because no one else was even questioning the fact that Tiger Woods turned the police away from an investigation not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. Unbelievable.
cubbiejulie said:
That's why I wrote this. A lot of people on Twitter are questioning it, but in the media, it's basically TMZ. No one dares question Tiger.
You HAVE been distant. Are you working in nuclear power now? Have you fulfilled your lifelong dream of becoming Homer Simpson? Are you wearing blue pants?
summerguy said:
Yes I am in nuclear power now... and I am close to becoming Homer Simpson. AND I wear blue scrub pants almost every day.
cubbiejulie said:
That's awesome.
Doc Blume said:
it is awesome, but don't plan on having an kids...they either have 3 eyes or be like Bart Simpson.
MillsChC said:
Anyone that cares about, watches, plays, knows about, or reads about anything or anyone associated with golf is a bore.
The only time in my history I was vaguely interested in anything related to golf, was when Michael Jordan was trying to squander his fortune betting on his awful playing. That story made me chuckle.
Golf is for sucks.
summerguy said:
I am far from caring about anything related to golf. I just find it retardingly hilarious how a "superstar" like Tiger is treated to a double standard in the media and apparently with the law.
cubbiejulie said:
I like golf; playing and watching. But I find golf a lot more interesting when Tiger is playing.
Doc Blume said:
Golf is probably number 3 on my list of sports that I follow next to baseball and football. Jack Nicklaus was my all time favorite, but and Tiger is right up there too. I'll watch events that have Tiger in them more than others, but that is mostly because the events Tiger plays in are the more prestigious events, not necessarily because Tiger is in them.
This is all just so weird.
--MGb said:
Closest I ever came was Happy Gilmore.
Doc Blume said:
While I suspect you are quite correct on just about every facet of this thing, I sure hope it isn't the case...because than Tiger Woods becomes way too human for me. That isn't suppose to happen until after he retires, or in the case for the PGA, until he goes on the Senior tour. I have no hope left for humanity.
gravedigger said:
What's hilarious is how, in his statement, he says his wife acted "courageously."
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
gravedigger said:
lol I'm not done laughing at this yet.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Doc Blume said:
It was courageous for her to actually not beat the crap out of him even more than she actually did.
cubbiejulie said:
This is a huge part of my problem. I probably wouldn't have written anything if he hadn't put all that out there on his blog. That made steam come of of my ears.
I don't know if I'm more disappointed in Tiger (though I suspect I would do the same if I thought I could get away with it) or the police.
carlheartscubs said:
I wonder if she was standing by him with a golf club when he wrote that.
gravedigger said:
The Simpsons was painful tonight.
Doc Blume said:
I shut it off after about 5 minutes...watched Return of the Jedi instead.
carlheartscubs said:
I nearly fell asleep watching it.
millertime said:
I know. I kept expecting funny things to happen. They didn't.
cubbiejulie said:
Hey guys, we'll put up the headlines as an afternoon diary. We wanted to give the Tiger diary a little longer to enrage people.
Dmband said:
Has anything come out as to why he was leaving his house that late...that, to me, is the most damning piece of evidence....Now, if he comes out and says he was going to get a burrito, his story just became much more believeable...otherwise, seriously why else would you leave your house that late unless you were
A) Hammered Drunk
B) In a painkillers induced haze
C) your wife found out about the your 7 mistresses..
flyball said:
so one good thing about work the Monday after Thanksgiving is the yummy treats in the kitchen, brownies as a mid morning snack are completely acceptable today
millertime said:
Tiger Woods will come out on top. He always does.
FrankS said:
And Elin is the one who is going to get the shaft. I wonder what kind of pre-nup she signed?
AndCounting said:
Jason Whitlock has the completely opposite take on everything. He seems to think the media is engaged in a full-scale assault on Tiger's reputation and that neither the police nor the public has any right to know more.
I agree that the media in general isn't owed an explanation, but his assertion that the police are just investigating as a publicity stunt is the definition of stupid. I admit I'm not all studied up on Florida traffic code, but I'm pretty sure that driving while intoxicated is not the only punishable infraction in the book. I believe that when a perfectly healthy adult drives into public property, the authorities have a right to investigate. And, as Julie also eloquently said, when domestic violence results in physical injury requiring hospitalization, inquiring about the matter isn't a stunt. It's the law.
Answering to the police isn't the price of fame, it's the price of allowing your personal crap to escalate into a car wreck, a passed out mega-athlete, and a lame-ass explanation. I don't think I deserve an explanation, but The Woodses don't deserve a free pass, either.
cubbiejulie said:
I don't think he owes the public an explantion about what's going on in his personal life. I DO think, however, that you owe the police an explanation when the city has expended resources and you've damaged public and private property.
It just boggles my mind. I'm going to go hit a tree and fire hydrant in my neighboorhood and see how many people think I don't owe anyone an explanation.
Alex Quigley said:
Julie, I thought this single sentence in his statement was remarkably telling:
"I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again. "
Um, no one ever says that about a simple oopsie car accident. You can't make sure they don't happen. That's why they're caled ACCIDENTS.
cubbiejulie said:
Heh. True.
He also said something like "the rumors surrounding myself and my family are irresponsible."
But not untrue.
flyball said:
hey football people, when do bowl selections get going?
cubbiejulie said:
You know what? The sports gods have really screwed me this year. Cubs sucked. Bears suck. IU sucks. Thank God for the Winter Olympics and curling, or I'd have no reason not to sleep until March.
Blah.
flyball said:
sooooo, I shouldn't harass you about tomorrow's game?
millertime said:
Mr. Green. In the Library. With the Wrench.
Do I win?
shawn said:
I love how tiger woods can lie and get away with it, he was clearly
drunk and in a fight with his wife.
I wrote about the same thing in my blog
http://reallychill.org/updates/tiger-woods-drives-better-when-hes-drunk-by-fratguy/
jtbwriter said:
Afternoon from cool and windy So Cal-
Appreciate the superb analysis by Julie and all-except for the statement by someone that he was drunk. Problem is the troopers eliminated that as an issue-that's why the statement to the police is/was voluntary. Unless they do suspect drugs...that's why they may get an order for his med records in the ER.
My best take on this-Tiger got beat up by a postpartum wife-he takes off to go to his workout place, she throws/knocks the golf club through the window and distracts him enough to crash the car. She panics-realizes or comes to her senses enough to pull him out of the car. He covers for her in a loving/or at least caring attempt to keep her out of court/mental place and protect their children. Sigh. His/his reps spin on the facts totally blew any of the "official statement" being believed. Sad time for a otherwise intelligent guy.
ON the other hand, I totally will go off on the Vets committee if they blow off Coach or Gil Hodges in the HOF voting again next month!
pat Griffith said:
this is all gossip and speculation. when you assume it makes an ass of U and Me
jj said:
Tiger has been subjected to the scrutiny of every media source imaginable simply because of his celebrity status. He deserves some level of privacy that we take for granted. If you or I ran over our neighbors tree I don,t think we are going to be on the 6 o'clock news nationally. The double standard works both ways.
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