A League of Her Own

Chicago Cubs Friday Headlines

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Good morning, campers! Rise and shine, up and at them, brighten up your eyes and bushy up your tails and all that. It's time for your Friday headlines!

 

The "DUH" moment of the morning, Paul Sullivan informs us that large, backloaded contracts are hampering the Cubs' ability to make big signings this off-season:

 

General manager Jim Hendry conceded Thursday that money was a factor in the decision to trade veteran reliever Aaron Heilman to the Diamondbacks for a pair of minor-league prospects. Heilman stood to earn around $2 million in arbitration this offseason, and probably would have been nontendered next month because of his salary and the belief that relatively inexpensive relievers Angel Guzman and Esmailin Caridad can handle the right-handed setup roles.



Other arbitration-eligible players also may be traded before the end of the year."

 

By all means, let's get rid of all our arbitration-eligible players. Because God knows the arbitrators would have given John Grabow even more than the 2 years, $7.5 million we gave him. (Julie's head explodes). Oh, and by the way, if the amount of cash Heilman was to earn was in any way MORE of a factor than his craptacular play last season, we're in more trouble than I thought.

 

Speaking of Grabow, Dave Cameron over at Fangraphs says more eloquently than I did why I think the Grabow signing sucks:

Once again, we're witness to the power of ERA as a negotiating tool. Over the last two seasons, Grabow's thrown nearly 150 innings and posted an ERA of 3.09, giving the impression that he's a high quality LH reliever. Yet again, ERA misleads.

 

Grabow's FIP the last two years? 4.37, thanks to an atrociously high walk total. The entirety of his low ERA over the last two years is driven by an 82 percent rate of stranding runners, which is just not sustainable. He's succeeded by putting men on base and then wiggling out of jams, but that's not the same thing as pitching well.

 

It would be one thing if Grabow had developed this knack for stranding runners by elevating his strikeout rate, but he's not any different now than he has been for his entire career.

 

Can I get an "Amen?"

 

If you're on Twitter, it's worth reading through @keithlaw's feed to find the hilarious posts sent to him by Cardinals' fans regarding his Cy Young voting. They include one fan calling him an "idoit," and another wondering how he can possibly quantify numbers. Good stuff.

 

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If you wondered whatever happened to that fabulous thong we gave away as the grand prize for our 2010 Cubs motto contest, LOHO reader/contest winner herlihy was kind enough to provide us with a photo. The fact that he's turned it into an ascot is just one example of why LOHO readers are so fantabulous---fashion sense and creativity, people.

 

For those of you who are super-sleepy because you stood in line at midnight to see "New Moon" last night (Aisle424 and Matt, I'm looking at you two), I decided I'd give you something fun this morning. Please enjoy this gallery of tweens whose hormones shoved them into poor decisions they are bound to regret later in life. There is nothing your future husbands are going to love more than a giant tattoo of Robert Pattinson on your back!

 

We haven't done a "5 songs on my iPod" last lately, so here we go:

 

1. Swim--Jack's Mannequin

2. Designs on You--the Old 97's

3. California Stars--Wilco and Billy Bragg

4.  I Wanna Know What Love Is---Foreigner (?) Hee hee.

5. You Are The Everything--REM

 

We'll have some free-agent fun starting this afternoon. Until then, make sure you keep the bottle hidden in a drawer or under your desk. The weekend begins. . . . .now. 

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63 Comments

AndCounting said:

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Why the tattoo of Ed Grimley?

flyball said:

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I should really go over and ask the tattoo people ( Fresh Ink) if they ever deny or try to convince someone to not get a specific tattoo on grounds of it being ridiculous

Doc said:

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Check out my analysis of third base.

And, could someone please, please explain to me the appeal of this Twilight thingy? I don't get it. Maybe I'm just getting old or something...but I just don't get it.

millertime said:

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1. You are probably very old.

2. You obviously don't get it. Vampires aren't just scary anymore. They're sexy, dangerous, powerful, knowledgeable. They now have emotions and instincts beyound just "EAT HUMAN GOOD DRINK BLOOD RARRRRR!". They're a very natural anti-hero. They're born with this power/curse, and they have multiple chances for redemption or damnation. Also, they have the whole "social outcast" thing going on, since most humans try to put wooden objects into their hearts. But maybe. Just maybe. They're just as human as us? If you prick a vampire, does he not bleed?

Also, sunlight doesn't actually kill them anymore, it just makes them sparkly.

It's like repackaging vampires, except for girls, since girls like going batshit crazy about things (like the Beatles, or N-SYNC, or George Bush).

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm not one of the freaks, but I have read the books, and I can explain it.

It's not about Edward being a vampire, it's DESPITE him being a vampire. He's always there to protect Bella, always says and does the right thing. He's the perfect guy, his only flaw is that he wants to eat her.

So the real appeal is. . . how much crap would you overlook for the PERFECT GUY?

millertime said:

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I see. So it's about how girls willingly choose a guy who has flaws and might try and kill her someday instead of a nice guy? Because if you just ignore all of his flaws or the bad things about him, he'd be perfect?

flyball said:

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I'm willing to deal with flaws, but could he be a little less ...dramatic?

Edelweiss said:

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Don't forget, the people who like vampire movies are teen-aged girls, who have not yet dated real adult men. They also are nuts about rock stars, or anyone else their parents would not approve of.

millertime said:

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I shall post my randomely generated songs.

1. "Freak on a Leash". Korn.

2. "Killing in the Name" Rage Against The Machine. (The best way to revolt against The Machine is to become rich rockstars.)

3. "Ball and Biscuit" The White Stripes. My favorite band. Doing good so far, random iTunes.

4. "Eleanor Rigby" Ray Charles version. Nice.

5. "Video Killed the Radio Star" Presidents of the united states version.

Not too bad of a run today.

flyball said:

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"We mustn't dwell, no we mustn't, not today, not on Rex Manning Day!"

thisyearcub said:

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FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!

Maybe that should be Hendry's mantra for all the people who want to get rid of Bradley.

Umbra said:

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I'd think considering his relationship with Ricketts, he'd quote Dennis from It's Always Sunny:

"I'm not allowed! I'M NOT ALLOWED!"

Edelweiss said:

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The media are always trying to tell Hendry whom he should have on his team. None of these guys has actually managed an MLB team. He has had a winning record for the last three years, but to listen to the David Kaplan types, he is a loser unless the team wins the World Series. Some of these guys have feelings about certain players that have nothing to do with the performances of those players. They will say a player sucks, but will not be too specific, because if they start to compare them with their peers, it will become apparent they are off base. By the way, David Kaplan was very enthusiastic about the Bradley trade last year, but he thinks others have forgotten what he said. Now he pretends he was never for it.

gravedigger said:

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I want to be able to embed youtube videos in the comments.

gravedigger said:

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What kinds of things are generally permissible for you to steal from your office on your last day of work?

thisyearcub said:

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A. anything not nailed down

B. Wait, you're leaving? Didn't you just start your job?

gravedigger said:

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Yeah like 6 months ago, but I got recruited for something way, way better.

millertime said:

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Are you the Cubs new 2B?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Post of the day.

gravedigger said:

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BTW, for those of you who were wondering, I just learned that my icon is called a "Bunchy." That sounds as gross as it looks.

thisyearcub said:

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Is that the Twilight nonsense, New Moon? Yeah, no ... that crap is ridiculous. If you want to see a good movie with Kristen Stewart in it, might I suggest "Into the Wild" or "Adventureland."

Though it is amusing to see all these older women go crazy for a teenage book.

millertime said:

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People like to obsess over things. Like Harry Potter. Or Twilight. Or Chicago Cubs baseball.

How many hours a day do we all sit here fanatically writing about a game that grown men play? I guarantee I've spent way more money on Chicago Cubs stuff than those people will spend on Twilight.

thisyearcub said:

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You know MT, your argument has some merit.

1. People dress up like Twilight characters just like they do Cubs players (jerseys).
2. People spend money on Twilight-related merchandise like they do Cubs gear.
3. People side with certain Twilight characters (that stupid team Jacob, team Edward) just like they do Cubs players (Team Bradley, Team Fuld; Team Hoffpauir, Team Lee-whoops!).
4. People wait outside overnight for the book/movie tickets to go on sale just like waiting outside (or online) for Cubs season tickets.
5. Women lust after the Twilight guys just like they do Cubs players (Both unwittingly?)
6. Guys want to be like the movie stars like they do baseball players (either in terms of playing or possibly fame, this point is a little gray).

ZOMGZ!!!11!!! Following the Cubs is like following Twilight. I need a hot shower.

JulieDiCaro said:

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It's disturbingly true.

flyball said:

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I have never been accused of being a member of Team (enter baseball players last name)

of course I have been on Team (enter name of Bride)

millertime said:

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I'm captain of Team Guzman.

thisyearcub said:

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I'll take Team Castro. And I still am captain of Team Soto, even though I know some mates have jumped ship.

flyball said:

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really? should we make you guys special team captain jerseys?

millertime said:

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If possible yes.

gravedigger said:

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Is it bad that I'd do the guy from Twilight? 17 is so close to 18. Close enough. Right?

AndCounting said:

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FSOMI:
1. "Up to the Mountain," Solomon Burke (with Patty Griffin)
2. "Fool for a Lonesome Train," Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals
3. "Still Fighting It," Ben Folds
4. "Just a Touch," R.E.M.
5. "Play Me," Neil Diamond

Dmband said:

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I think you get a pass on that comment regarding the Twilight guy as long as you dont judge me for thinking Kristen Stewart looks amazing in "Into the Wild" in that trailer scene...

Dmband said:

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Ps...that did look ALOT like Ed Grimley...which is hilarious.

Dmband said:

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5 Songs
1.Meet me on the Equinox-Deathcab (oddly enough on the Twilight Sountrack!LOL
2. Just Breathe -Pearl Jam
3. 1901- Phoenix
4. Rest My Chemistry - Interpol
5. Forever - Drake Feat. Kayne West, Lil Wayne, Eminem (I know..I know).

Umbra said:

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Based on these music choices, your opinions on the Chicago Cubs have somehow become more valid to me. Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is great. Frantic, million-miles-an-hour spastic, but I like it.

Umbra said:

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1. Manhattan- Kings of Leon. The man was born with the voice to sing rock'n'roll.

2. Getting Better- The Beatles. Remember how, like, 10 years ago everyone agreed that Sgt. Pepper's was the Best Album of All Time? (Rolling Stone did this). And now it has been completely replaced by Revolver? What is up with that?

3. Scat Man- Scatman John. I got this for when I had a sweet rave party. I lost the dance-off, but only because Steve took his shirt off. What kind of hip-hop name is Steve? Steve.

4. I Know- Fiona Apple. A song about being so needy/so in love with someone that you accept their infidelity. I don't know if it's out of forgiveness or dependency. Unsettling.

5. I Walk Alone- Oleander. This was a music-exchange gift from a friend of mine. She got They Call Me The Breeze by JJ Cale out of it, as I recall. I got hosed in that trade. I expect she thinks she was the one that got a raw deal. I'm sorry, did Oleander write "Cocaine" and "After Midnight" before they were covered and made famous by Eric Clapton? No? Then I'm right.

baturkey said:

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Adventureland is a funny movie.

Song for Shelter - Fatboy Slim
Everybody needs a 303 Fatboy Slim
Molly's Lips - Nirvana
Elektrobank - Chemical Brothers
Lovely Rita - The Beatles

Dmband said:

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Im glad I could someone lend some credibility to my sometimes emotional, irrational cubs comments!


"The man was born with the voice to sing rock'n'roll."

100% agree...so good...so very good.

Dmband said:

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ps. Phoenix is headlining the annual XRT holiday party..its at Allstate, which is a terrible, terrible venue, but I will go to see them..I think Flaming Lips are also playing...

Umbra said:

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I've decided to make another list of the top five songs I hear all the time right now that I hate hate hate.

1. Whatcha Say- Jason DeRulo. Imogen Heap does this thing with AutoTune that I find very cool, with leading tones and resolving chords and one vocal track that isn't AutoTuned very much at all. Jason DeRulo takes an already AutoTuned song and AutoTunes it faster and higher so it turns into the most annoying bit of an already annoying song.

And let's talk about the lyrics. At least Shaggy had the intelligence to say "It Wasn't Me" when confronted about cheating. This song is pretty much about how sorry this guy is for being caught cheating. And why should this lady stay with him? Because "when I become a star, we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you." Not a good answer.

2. Fireflies- Owl City. This song is number 2 on the Billboard Top 100, you guys! It was number 1 last week! I cannot get away from it. It contains the line "I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they try to teach me how to dance". For serious. The absolute lack of any revisions or second drafts or an editing process is amazing. The guy just thought it up, wrote it down and sang it without giving it another thought. I could understand if you got drunk off strawberry daquiris one night or something and wrote that line, but wouldn't you sober up eventually and discover that you wrote that? And then burn the paper you wrote it on and swear that you'll never drink ever every again?

3. Meet Me Halfway- Black Eyed Peas. When I first saw the commercial for DirectTv with Fergie as a pants-less wood nymph and Will.I.Am wearing weird goggles on the moon with an elephant, I thought someone had slipped something in my drink. (Or as Fergie pronounces it, 'draaaaaank!'). But this is a real song.

4. Down- Jay Sean. I swear he says the word 'Down' at least 300 times in this song. And because he is trying to gain this woman's attention and failing, he is "down like the economy". Topical!

5. I Gotta Feeling- Black Eyed Peas. I didn't want to put Black Eyed Peas on here twice, but I think I have to for two reasons. First, I just checked with the official press release, and the name of the song is 'I Gotta Feeling', which is hilarious to me because the only way to parse this in English is if they are using Feeling as a verb, and the Black Eyed Peas are secretly robots who do not know how to love, but are trying desperately to feel something, anything, by making hellish robot music.

Secondly, the song is in 4/4 time, so they have a problem when they list the days that they are going to party on, because there are seven days, which is a prime number. They solve this intractable problem by just saying that they'll party on Saturday twice. It's the Gordian Knot of partying.

millertime said:

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Listen to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha. Or don't. This is one of the few songs that I instantly have to violently turn off the radio whenever I hear it. I will dive from the back seat and rip out a radio just that I don't have to hear another minute of this painfully bad song.

Words cannot even describe how bad a song this is.

millertime said:

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This song is #2 on iTunes.

If you like this song, just...give up.

Umbra said:

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I'm pretty sure they sampled that from The Bard's Tale. For Mac.

JulieDiCaro said:

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The only one of those songs I know is "I Gotta Feeling."

JulieDiCaro said:

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Oh wait, I know "Meet Me Halfway." I'm not as old as I thought.

thisyearcub said:

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Owl City just pretty much took one of the top 10 albums ever created, Give Up by the Postal Service, replaced great lyrics with bubblegum lyrics, and profited.

/please Postal Service come back!!!

Dmband said:

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Any "artist" that replaces the "s" in her name with a dollar sign is instantly crossed off the list.

Looking at those top ten lists does nothing more than validate the "dumbing down" of the masses...

JulieDiCaro said:

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Another deal bites the dust:

"According to one report, the Rangers, Cubs and Mets are discussing a three-way trade.

The deal has the Rangers sending Kevin Millwood to the Mets, who would trade second baseman Luis Castillo the Cubs. To complete the trade, the Cubs would send Milton Bradley to the Rangers.

Said one high-ranking Rangers official bluntly: "Not happening."

The other two clubs would love the deal. The Rangers have no interest in trading their No. 1 starter in that deal."

thisyearcub said:

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Good news ... that deal sounds atrocious!

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm actually really disturbed if Hendry is really even considering these horrible deals.

flyball said:

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I'm hoping that he's not, but he's letting the media talk go on so that other teams keep Bradley in mind, and offer deals too

FrankS said:

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Cubs, Schmubs. I'm just happy that "Chuck" will be back on January 10th.

flyball said:

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ooooh, Chuck, love it, but I came to the cool kids table late and I still have to catch up on last season

AndCounting said:

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The rapidly changing MB speculation is driving me nuts. I want people to make a prediction on where he's going, stand behind it, and wait silently to see what happens. My guess: he's staying. That's my last word on the matter.

millertime said:

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He is going to the expos AND THATS FINAL!

JulieDiCaro said:

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Why, has there been another one?

Damn, I was only out for a little while!

herlihy said:

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Best ascot ever. I can't decide whether it's natty or rakish.

JulieDiCaro said:

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It's definitely rakish. It made me think of "You're So Vain" almost immediately.

Dmband said:

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MB to Toronto. Thats my stance...

Why, how, and for whom...no clue.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Booo. That probably means we'd get stuck with Vernon Wells.

I think we need a "Where in the World Will Milty End Up?" contest.

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