A League of Her Own

Minnesota Twins version of Chicago Cubs Headlines for Friday

Minnesota Twins manager Ron Gardenhire hugs players after being introduced before the game against the New York Yankees in game 1 of the ALDS at Yankee Stadium in New York
Creepy manager hugs didn't help win game one, so none for game two



We should've been preparing for this moment since our Twins lost on Wednesday, but it slipped past me. I failed to see it coming. It's the use of the "must-win situation". To be fair, Kelsie Smith probably doesn't write her own headlines, but the St. Paul Pioneer Press has graced us with the fabled "must-win" one game before it's actually a "must-win". Tonight's game is a "probably-should-win-if-we-want-to-win-the-series". Anyway, on to Kelsie:


True. The Twins played the Yankees in the 2003 and 2004 American League Division Series. Both of those series started at Yankee Stadium, and both times the Twins won Game 1, then lost the next three.

So they do have that -- a split in each of their past two postseason appearances at Yankee Stadium -- and tonight they need it again.

The Twins desperately need a win in Game 2 to avoid heading back to the Metrodome forced to win three straight against New York to advance to the American League Championship Series.


Not only did the Yanks give the Twinks the full-on New York jerkface treatment in Game 1, they might be lecherously eying their nubile young soon-to-be free agents.

You don't think the Yankee execs are crunching the numbers on Joe Mauer right now? "Let's see, should we offer him eight years or 10 years? Would he like his own office? How about a private jet to fly his parents in from Minnesota once a week?"

Then there's Michael Cuddyer. Like Mauer, his contract is up after next season, maybe sooner in the unlikely event the Twins don't pick up his option. No doubt the Yankees are trying to decide whether he'd be a benefit to the team. "Hey, he can play a little first base, too. He might be a nice guy to have around. Open the vault!"


One guy they won't be getting their hands on just yet is Jason Kubel, who's looking to lay the smack down tonight.


Even after going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts in Game 1, Kubel craved a chance to decide Game 2.

"I'm definitely there now," Kubel said. ''I want to be up when the winning run is on base -- or when I'm the winning run. I want to be that guy."

Michael Cuddyer wants Jason to be that guy, too.

"He's grown up a lot," said outfielder-turned-first baseman Michael Cuddyer. ''He's taken it upon himself to become one of our main guys. He knows that he's a stud.

"When you can convince yourself of that, you become very dangerous."




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61 Comments

Umbra said:

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Nobel Peace Prize Winner Barack Obama.

thisyearcub said:

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Word to that.

JulieDiCaro said:

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WOW!!!!!!!!

gravedigger said:

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Gor what?

Proggy said:

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Apparently, good intentions.

Based on the Nobel Committee's increasingly demanding standards, I will begin to make space on the mantle for my inevitable Nobel Prize in Literature for the totally awesome novel I absolutely intend to write someday.

Doc said:

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This would be a great time for him to send more troops into Afghanistan.

Umbra said:

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Then next year, he'll win the Nobel Prize in Irony.

gravedigger said:

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Yo, Obama, I'm really happy for you and I'mma let you finish, but Nelson Mandela won the best Nobel Peace Prize OF ALL TIME.

baturkey said:

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Post of the day nominee.

thisyearcub said:

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"It doesn't seem really fair that an opposing team should be allowed to shake white towels when there's a white baseball flying through the air. Dodger blue towels — how about that?"

Cry me a fucking river, Adam Wainwright.

Umbra said:

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Maybe the fans could wave around the dollar bills that Adam Wainwright is being given to catch these baseballs. The white of the baseball really pops with a green background.

gravedigger said:

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Is it just me or is there no other team in baseball that makes as many blatant excuses as the Cardinals?

thisyearcub said:

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Close between them and the Brewers.

Doc said:

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One difference, the Brewers often times beat the crap out of each other in their frustration. The Cardinals just drink.

Doc said:

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Damn...we are reverting to a Cubs site...my bad.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Oh darn it, I forgot to wake up early to watch NASA bomb the moon. I guess it all turned out okay?

gravedigger said:

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Well, I'm still here.

Maim said:

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America can, should, must, and WILL blow up the moon!

We're earthlings, let's blow up earth things!

This is the moon blowing up, and this is me smiling!

Umbra said:

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When I was a boy, blowing up the moon was science fiction.

Now, it's science fact.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm not sure about this, but I'm pretty sure the guys on "The Universe" decided that blowing up the moon would be a bad thing.

JulieDiCaro said:

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shouldn't that say "science non-fiction?" it's more parallel that way.

Umbra said:

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No.

I put 'blow up the moon' in my google machine, and this is what I got:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Csj7vMKy4EI

And I screwed up the quote anyway.

Cuz you don't mess around with God's America!

Doc said:

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It's a good thing we bombed the moon before it developed nuclear weapons. I'm sick of the moon defying us and the UN. It was time to take action.

AndCounting said:

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Are you ready to assume control of the chaos on the moon after the bombing is over? How long are we gonna be stuck on the moon cleaning up the mess we made, huh? We need to get out of the moon, right now. The moon people don't want us there, and if we really believe in freedom we'll let them handle their own government.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Post of the day.

Doc said:

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um...

Common thread?

Mark DeRosa?

AndCounting said:

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From the look of his picture, I'd say that columnist was downloading porn when they took that shot.

I retract my late-night sympathetic rage on behalf of Cardinal fans.

thisyearcub said:

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Good gracious! That guy's jacket size must be like 102 long

Umbra said:

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Now, now. Make fun of the man's ideas, not the man himself.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Our game tonight is at 5:00 CT. I just know we're going to win!

AndCounting said:

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I'm trying to decide which games are more annoying: ones that affect my sleeping habits or those that change my eating habits. If I didn't love the Twins so much, I wouldn't bother turning on the game until 7-ish.

JulieDiCaro said:

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The ones that affect sleep. I can go days without eating, but nothing gets in between me and my sleep.

AndCounting said:

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We must agree to disagree. I rarely skip meals. The last time I missed second dinner I cried myself to sleep.

JulieDiCaro said:

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was that a LOTR reference?

AndCounting said:

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Oh, crap, I guess it was. Once again I've failed to compartmentalize my dorkiness.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I *ALSO* can't hide my dorkiness! You're going to fit in so well here. . .

JulieDiCaro said:

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I just watched the video of the Holliday error. Did that ball bounce off his goodies?

Ouch.

gravedigger said:

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I dont know but WHAT THE FUCK is with the guy with the mustache???

Umbra said:

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Who puts Swiss cheese in a variety pack!? It contaminates the other cheeses! I am throwing out a half-pound of otherwise perfectly fine cheddar and cojack.

Also, I greatly enjoy watching the Cardinals lose to LA.

millertime said:

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That cheese was a gift. Ass. You'd better not throw it out. At least see if your roommates want some.

See if I ever bring you food ever again, ungrateful science stopper.

gravedigger said:

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See the thing with you guys is I can't tell if you're joking or not when you talk amongst yourselves.

If I even understand what you're saying.

JulieDiCaro said:

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It's their creepy triplet talk.

gravedigger said:

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I know, its just so weird, isn't it?

millertime said:

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your wierd.

AndCounting said:

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I don't know how much more of this Twin cheering I can take. Saying that I loved the Twins brought an unwelcome song to mind: "I Said I Loved You, But I Lied," by Michael Bolton. I then proceeded to sing that song only to remind myself that A) I do a pretty decent Michael Bolton impression, and B) I know way too many of the lyrics.

I have drilled down into untapped wells of self-loathing I never dreamed existed.

Doc said:

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My fear is I'm never really going to fully enjoy this playoff cheering thing...I'm going to be completely preoccupied this weekend and will not even have a chance to watch a television to follow the games. And then the Twins will be gone because every baseball team I cheer for gets swept out of the playoffs.

Ugh.

gravedigger said:

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Yeah I won't even have my cable set up before the Twins are eliminated.

gravedigger said:

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Also, I still don't have internet at home, and posting from my phone is horribly painful. I seriously wish CN would develop a mobile site.

MN Pat said:

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Tonight during the game I'll be in one of the few bars in Minneapolis without a TV. How did this happen? Oh, that's right, I'll be drinking for free. Go Twins, and hooray for free beer!

Dmband said:

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"Are you ready to assume control of the chaos on the moon after the bombing is over? How long are we gonna be stuck on the moon cleaning up the mess we made, huh? We need to get out of the moon, right now. The moon people don't want us there, and if we really believe in freedom we'll let them handle their own government."


just read this....classic. Very well done.

AndCounting said:

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Aw shucks. Thanks. :) I haven't done nearly enough to speak out about this, though. I'm ready to record my rock opera, Lunar Idiot. Who's with me?

flyball said:

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ok, i'm ready for the game now

JulieDiCaro said:

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i am also ready for the game.

gravedigger said:

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Me too. Here's the thing. I can either go home and follow it on my phone while watching Cohen brothers movies, or I can stay at work and watch the game on the big screen. But that means staying at work.

What do I do?

AndCounting said:

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Watching Fargo is more true to our allegiance than listening to Ron Darling and Chip Caray.

gravedigger said:

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Well, that one I watched last night.

millertime said:

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Rent, buy, or steal Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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I do enjoy Drop Dead Gorgeous. And own it.

AndCounting said:

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Okay . . . there has to be a Hudsucker Proxy joke in here somewhere.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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Barton Fink! Barton Fink!

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