A League of Her Own

LOHO's Top Ten Scaaaaaaaary Free Agents (ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION, TOM RICKETTS?)

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Henry Blanco, Brian Roberts, Marco Scutaro

There are a lot of scary things on Halloween: teenagers who show up at your door, sans costumes, and demand candy, the ever-increasing cost of our annual Halloween party, the probability that the dads on our block will blow up another pumpkin with an M-500 without warning while I'm standing right next to it.

But few things are scarier than the thought of Jim Hendry hitting the winter meetings and coming back with the 2010 equivalents of Aaron Heilman, Kevin Gregg, and Aaron Miles.

Here then, in your own words, are this year's Top Ten Scariest Free Agents (in no particluar order). The name of the LOHO reader suggesting the player is included.

10. (gravedigger) Mark DeRosa

9. (@bigdeadsidebar)  I fear signing Rick Ankiel. Lefty hitter. Power at times. Knows the division. Plays all 3 OF spots. Sounds like a Jim Hendry signing to me.

8.  (millertime) Sean (Chone) Figgins: Two reasons here.  For starters, if Hendry actually does sign a guy named Sean Figgins, he will probably suck at baseball, and the Cubs will be terrible.  If he does sign the real Sean Figgins, he will also probably suck at baseball, and the Cubs will be terrible.  Any combination of the name Sean or Figgins will probably result in a poor decision.  In fact, lets just not sign anyone named Sean.  Or Shawn.  Or Shawne.  Or any other stupid spelling.

7. (@plamorte) Marlon Byrd: Hendry had interest in him b4 & he had a career year in Texas. Remember last time we signed a Ranger coming off a career year?

6.  (John Caruthers--WAIW): That kid from the Giants who killed a man.

  He was serious. Check it out:

A baseball prospect for the San Francisco Giants is the main suspect in the killing of a 25-year-old man in the Dominican Republic, police said Sunday.

Angel Villalona turned himself in 12 hours after the man was shot at a bar in the southern coastal city of La Romana, Col. Adrian Urbaez told The Associated Press.
5. (flyball) Shawn Estes
  
2009 Stats - Started 9 games, Relief in 1, 43.2 Innings, W-L 3-2.  
That is why I'm scared.  If Estes plays this season its because some team takes a flyer on him, signs him to a minor league deal with an invitation to Spring Training.  Estes has already shown that he doesn't want to play in the minors, but will pitch in relief, making it just a little too easy to keep him on the roster at the beginning of the season.  Do I think the Cubs will sign him?  No.  But everything is just a little too, why not.  Why not bring a guy back that used to play for the Cubs, why not take a small chance on a guy, why not put him on the roster, why not let him spot start, why not just give me a heart attack now. 
 
4. (Adambuckled) Aroldis Chapman. Dude has a 102 mph fastball. Scary. He'll probably wind up pitching for someone other than the Cubs and lead them to a World Series championship, which is just a non-scary way of saying the Cubs won't win. Scary. But if the Cubs do sign him, we'll soon discover that 102mph is a Cuban euphemism for towel drills. Scaaaary.
 
3.   (umbra) Geoff Jenkins
 
2.   (carlheartscubs) Jason Marquis, Jason Kendall, Omar Infante
 
2a. (berselius) My terrifying FA nightmare is Jeff Francouer, who is allergic to walks and would instantly dethrone Ryan Theriot in the Most Overrated Cub competition. At least all of you LOHO types will be able to admire his good looks as he strikes out swinging, again. He'll keep those good looks by refusing to wear the new, safer batting helmet despite the fact that one of his teammates took a serious hit to the head just months ago. 
 
1. (Bruce Miles and me) Gary Matthews Jr.:
 

Matthews' numbers have declined severely since he left Texas and their former batting coach, Rudy Jaramillo, after the 2006 season. You know where Jaramillo is now. In '06 with the Rangers, Matthews had a hitting line of .313/.371/.495 for an OPS of .866 and an OPS-plus of 121.

(snip)

Matthews' decline in production prompted an article on fangraphs.com to describe Matthews as the "most delusional man on the planet" for his assertion in the L.A. Times that "when I'm playing every day, I feel I can be a top-of-the-line center fielder, and that, I would think, is what a lot of teams want." 

That says it all, I think.

So there you have it. Scary, no? I could see Hendry going after any and all of these guys.

Boo!

 




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34 Comments

gravedigger said:

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Clearly, DeRosa.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I think it's a sad commentary on how far we've sunk that Brian Roberts is no longer on this list. At this point, I think we'd all be thrilled to have Brian Roberts.

Doc said:

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I think Brian Roberts would be thrilled to play for the Cubs too. Seriously, if I was a player, I'd hate having to play for that organization. The only thing it has going for it is the cool stadium.

Doc said:

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Jason Marquis is quite scary....

I just can't wait...hendry gives him another 3 years $30 million and he sucks again for 2 seasons...and then we trade him before the 2012 season, and he's an all-star from some team like Arizona.

Doc said:

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And you know what? Marquis is THE WORST hitting good hitting pitcher of all time. Honestly...everyone says he's such a good hitter...I don't recall him doing much of anything as a hitter when he was with the Cubs.

Geez I hate him.

gravedigger said:

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Yeah he's #2 on my list after DeRosa.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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He hit a grand slam against the Mets last year.

Doc said:

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a lot of good it did them.

Doc said:

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I received a nice e-mail from the Cubs today with an attached letter from my new best friend "Tom" (which is how he signed it).

The nice thing was that he didn't ask me to sell my child into slavery to help pay for the renovation of the ballpark.

JulieDiCaro said:

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He also said that he's determined that the ticket prices stay affordable for families with kids.

We'll see. . .

Doc said:

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He didn't say which families with kids. I think he was only referring to those families who live in those ritzy neighborhoods in the northwest suburbs.

Doc said:

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Is Michael Barrett a free agent? Or is he going to remain in exile up in Toronto for another season?

AndCounting said:

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I thought I saw him on a free-agent list, though I can't imagine him remaining on the open market for long.

Doc said:

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um...you think he'd be picked up quickly? I don't think so. The Blue Jays basically just kept him on the DL for almost half the season because they really didn't want him taking a roster spot up. His career is, I believe, pretty much over.

AndCounting said:

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I should have made my sarcasm more obvious. Y'all don't know me well enough to distinguish my facetious comments from my sincere idiocy.

Doc said:

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Well...I was among the minority of people here that absolutely hated, with a passion, Michael Barrett. So, I just assume that everyone else in the world actually thinks he's a good catcher.

AndCounting said:

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I liked him in his first year, but my affections waned the longer he played, and then he forgot how to play baseball. Now that I think of it, that description might actually apply to every Cubs catcher since Jody Davis.

Doc said:

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Four of the scary dudes are former cubs.

That's not a good sign.

Dmband said:

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Ricketts is going to be on B&B on 670 I think at 330cst..they usually dont hold back in terms of questions, so it may be a better interview than the guy from VineLine asking him pre-approved press conference questions.

Doc said:

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They are sure talking it up right now...

They had better follow through with some good questions to the guy.

Doc said:

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The snoozefest that is "Monsters in the Morning" is being canceled.

Dmband said:

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That show is just not good. I dont really enjoy either of those guys....and they have no business replaying that at night either.

On another note, I saw reference to the 30 for 30 documentary's on ESPN, I have to say, so far those have been REALLY good IMO. The one regarding the Baltimore Colts move out of the city was exceptional.

Doc said:

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I liked the two of them, Jiggetts and North, together back years ago on the Score. I've absolutely hated Mike North since that time, and unfortunately, teaming up with Dan Jiggetts again just didn't change my opinion. That show was painful to watch at times.

Doc said:

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The B&B interview has start a few minutes early.

Dmband said:

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Maybe Im just buying what they are selling, but I am really happy/excited about this ownership change. "Tom" seems like he gets it...and its not a corporation devoid of all emotion and thought and driven strictly by the bottom line.

Dmband said:

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Does anyone else NOT CARE AT All if its called Wrigley Field brought to by Bud Light or whatever, if it means we can get some money that will be reinvested in team, park, etc.

I mean, its ALREADY NAMED AFTER A COMPANY!!!

Doc said:

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I don't care to the point where I hope they tear down the stadium and build a new one.

flyball said:

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I think its technically named after a person, who also named a company

Dmband said:

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So...

What have we learned.

A)Payroll is going to stay the same
B) Hendry is going to stay
C) Ballpark improvements will be done this offseason (YAY!!)

I did like how they ended the interview:

"We dont want Milton Bradly anymore"

Tom: "We will see what happens".

JulieDiCaro said:

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Heh.

"We don't want Milton Bradley anymore."

canopygrl said:

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I'm so glad to be back, missed you guys!
I second. third, millionth getting rid of Bradley...

millertime said:

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Julie, your football team might actually win a big game. 21-7 over Iowa.

secdelahc said:

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That would be quite the upset! Iowa has a pretty good team this year. Although, I wish my Spartans had beaten them last week!

millertime said:

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It's weird, from a national perspective, Sparty always seems to get a lot of love. People were saying that if they had won out, they'd have a chance at the Rose Bowl.

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