Chicago Cubs Headlines for Tuesday

It appears the Cubs are in on the hunt for Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman. Aroldis Chapman? Chapman? And he's Cuban?

Huh.

Chapman will likely get more than the $32 million that the New York Yankees dug up for fellow Cuban defector Jose Contreras(notes) in 2002, according to Sports Illustrated. And why not? The guy can supposedly hit 102 mph on the radar gun. The Yankees, of course, are in the hunt for Chapman as well and had him as a guest at Game 6 of the ALCS.

Teams that supposedly have serious interest include the Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox, Chicago Cubs, New York Mets, Oakland Athletics, and St. Louis Cardinals.

Let's see. .  . did we talk about the Cubs leaving Mesa? Yes? Okay. . .  what about LaRussa resigning with the Cards and bringing Mark McGwire with hi . .   you're right, we did that yesterday. . .  hmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay, enough with the real news. On to the fake news.

This Heckler article made me giggle:

The Cubs signed hitting guru Rudy Jaramillo to a three-year deal today as hitting coach and right fielder, filling two desperate needs from its dismal 2009 season.

"Rudy knows more about hitting than most of our players have forgotten and, trust me, they've forgotten a lot," said GM Jim Hendry. "And a guy who knows that much about hitting must be good enough to play right field for us. I'm so sure of that, I'm staking on it whatever remaining credibility I have."

Jaramillo has spent 15 seasons with the Texas Rangers. His signing has stirred up speculation the Cubs will bring back troubled OF Milton Bradley, who prospered at the plate in his one season as a Ranger.

"If we bring Milton back he and Rudy will play right field at the same time," said Hendry. "We hope Rudy's gentle guidance will prevent Milton from snapping again."

Hendry said he's only considered one lineup scenario should his team go with two men in right next season.

"We'll probably just go without a left fielder and put someone really fast in center," said Hendry. "Anything to get [Alfonso] Soriano off the field is what we in the biz call 'addition by subtraction.'"

And from The Onion:

MINNEAPOLIS--Following the Yankees' Game 3 victory over the Twins in the ALDS Sunday, Alex Rodriguez demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the most basic celebratory techniques when he broke bottles of champagne over several of his teammates' heads. "We were all screaming and cheering, but he just laughed in this weird monotone for a minute or so, then lifted his arm straight up, smashed a bottle on Melky [Cabrera]'s head, and rubbed the shards of glass into Melky's eyes," teammate Robinson Cano said. "He fired a cork into [Nick] Swisher's face from point-blank range, too. Then he just ran around in tiny circles for about 10 minutes. It was bizarre." Rodriguez's publicist later released a statement of apology indicating that, from this point forward, the Yankee third baseman would jump on home plate with the rest of his teammates after game-winning hits, and would no longer try to lick everyone's face.

No one is more relieved than Jeter.

That's it for the headlines this morning. A couple of odds and ends. If there's a free agent you're terrified to see in Cubbie Blue next season, EMAIL it to me, along with a brief description of what makes said FA so scary. PLEASE DON'T POST YOUR ANSWER HERE.

Also, we're trying to pick a game for LOHO Day 2010, so if you're going to be around in late July, feel free to toss a suggestion date out there.

Happy Tuesday, kids!