A League of Her Own

Chicago Cubs Headlines for Saturday

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno




Is Jim Hendry Jay Leno or Dennis Kucinich in this sketch? Or is he one of the bachelorettes? To answer your question (or is it answering my own question?), I'd have to say that Jim Hendry is Dennis Kucinich, Rudy Jaramillo is Jay Leno and the bachelorettes are Cubs prospects. Please keep in mind that two of the bachelorettes are Cybil Shepherd and Jennifer Tilly. (which binds them to mediocrity)

Why do I think Jim Hendry is Dennis Kucinich? Please read our dearest Mr. Miles.


In addition to watching minor-league prospects Starlin Castro, Josh Vitters and Andrew Cashner in the Arizona Fall League, the Cubs may have made significant progress toward hiring Rudy Jaramillo as their new hitting coach.

Cubs general manager Jim Hendry declined to comment on the record Friday when contacted by telephone about Jaramillo because the coach is under contract to the Texas Rangers until Oct. 31.

However, Jaramillo this week declined a one-year offer to return to the Rangers, and the Rangers said they'll grant permission to other clubs wishing to interview the highly respected batting coach.

It is believed the Cubs have spoken to Jaramillo, and sources indicate he is clearly Hendry's top candidate to fill the job. If all goes well, Jaramillo could be on board in a few days, giving the Cubs the kick-start they want to an important off-season.


Hey, Rudy, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow our minds. HEY RUDY! *clap clap clap* HEY RUDY! *clap clap clap*

But is everything as it seems? Would Rudy come in and turn Alfonso Soriano into Joe DiMaggio? Probably, but maybe not:

Despite Jaramillo's record, the Rangers' runs-scored total fell from a major-league-leading 901 in 2008 to 784 this year, or seventh in the American League. Rangers batters led the American League in strikeouts and were 12th in walks, and that concerned the Texas front office.

Interestingly, the Cubs suffered a similar fate from 2008 to 2009. They led the National League in runs scored, with 855, in 2008 but fell to 707 this year, or 10th in the NL. The Cubs also had big drop-offs in walks and on-base percentage from 2008 to '09.

I'm not sure about cause and effect here, but I think that Umbra and AndCounting cleared that up in yesterday's diary, so it need not be rehashed here.

If Rudy Jaramillo wasn't enough to be unreasonably excited about (work out that phrase yourself if you don't want a preposition at the end), we have the bachelorettes! And could I get any more drunk/manic while doing headlines? We've been wondering since the end of the regular season: "What does Tom Carkeek have to say about the AFL?", and we finally have our answer:


Against Surprise, Cashner gave up two singles in addition to the homer and struck out two while walking one. He said he was conscious of trying to get ahead of hitters, and the results speak for themselves.

Cashner faced 10 batters. He threw first-pitch strikes to five. Four of them were retired. The only time he got ahead of a hitter and failed to record an out was when he started 0-2 on Mitch Moreland of the Rangers before losing a seven-pitch battle and walking him.

Cashner also learned a little about teamwork with two players who might join him soon at Wrigley Field.

Third baseman Josh Vitters dived to his right and knocked down a ball ticketed for the left-field corner off the bat of the Yankees' Austin Romine leading off the second. Vitters' play kept Romine to a single.

The next batter, Tyler Henley of the Cardinals, smashed the first pitch through the middle, but fleet shortstop Starlin Castro snared it behind the bag and backhanded it to second baseman Ryan Mount for a forceout.

If Vitters and Castro hadn't made those sterling plays, Cashner would have been looking at a man on first, no outs and a run home. Instead, three pitches later he was out of the inning unscathed.


Lesson for today: Carl should be forgiven for drunken Saturday headlines, and the Cubs have the best third baseman and shortstop to ever play the game on the way to Wrigley. And the second coming of Cy Young. Let's go team!

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4 Comments

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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If you find spelling or punctuation errors, you can shove it.

berselius said:

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Castro is going to be a great SS for this team, possibly as soon as next September

baturkey said:

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I liked Jennifer Tilly in Bound.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Well, we all know there's no better way to negotiate with someone than to let them know (via the newspaper) that they're your number one target!

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