LOHO Can Be Yours! (for a small fee)
Okay, okay.
We're eliminated.
Waiting 'til next year again.
Everyone is depressed and doesn't feel like talking Cubs baseball.
I get it. Sit there and pout if it makes you feel better.
But let me ask you this: Ever wondered what it would be like to cheer for your team (a team that probably WON'T break your heart) deep into a playoff run? I know that many of us got a chance to do this in 2003, but the ensuing trauma caused me to block the entire experience out. I'm talking about the chance to cheer for a team with a real leadoff hitter. A shortstop with range that can STAY on base after he gets there. A bullpen that you actually look forward to seeing, rather than running for cover and cowering in the corner whenever your starter leaves the game.
Ever wondered what that would be like?
Because you're about to find out.
HOW TO BID ON LOHO ON EBAY
This morning, in the hours after the Cubs were officially eliminated from the playoffs, LOHO officially went up on Ebay for postseason rental.
Yes, postseason rental.
What does this mean? Well, to be blunt, it means LOHO is whoring itself out to the highest bidder in shameless desperation to see what it feels like to cheer for a NORMAL team in the postseason. It also means that the winning bidder gets to choose what team this blog is going to root for down the stretch. We won't know what team that is until the auction ends in 7 days.
Once we have our new postseason team, this blog will throw itself behind it, with morning headlines, game threads, and all the rest. We'll even change up our banner. By the time the postseason is over, Spring Training will be right around the corner. Once "our" new team is out of the running, we'll go back to cheering for the most depressing team in sports.
Whatever money we raise in the auction will go towards financing LOHO Day next season.
Come on, guys! A chance to really root for a "real" team in the playoffs with all your LOHO pals, just like we've always dreamed of! Who's with me?
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61 Comments
AndCounting said:
Wow . . . way to put the "ho" in LOHO. :) My vote is for the Rockies, if I'm absolutely forced to turn tricks, I want to turn tricks for Troy Tulowitzki.
cubbiejulie said:
LOL! "Way to put the 'HO' in LOHO"
Can I steal that?
AndCounting said:
Oh yeah, that's public domain.
gravedigger said:
Well, I like the free shipping.
Doc Blume said:
We are sluts.
cubbiejulie said:
your point?
Doc Blume said:
Well, this is my first venture into sluttiness.
Do I need to dress differently or get a new hair style now?
cubbiejulie said:
You have to get all kinds of oils and lotions, you have to shag carpet and weirdo lighting. You have to get new friends, you have to orgy friends.
Doc Blume said:
cool...sounds fun. Since I have no friends now, I will have no emotional attachment to anyone from my former unslutty life.
Doc Blume said:
I am wondering if some of the other fans might look at us a a jinx.
I can see it now, a bunch of Yankee fans paying us to root for the Red Sox, just so the Sox get swept out of the first round.
cubbiejulie said:
Yet another angle I had never thought of. I think we really need to play to the Yankees. All the money is in New York.
KY Cub Fan said:
This has to be the most creative idea I have ever seen!!! Pretty soon, we can start renting out Wrigley for World Series games just to see what it would look like. I do have one question for cubbiejulie, what is your pimp name?
cubbiejulie said:
I don't know. How would I find that out?
MN Pat said:
You should send your idea to Fox Sports, indicating that you'll be happy to do an interview with Eric Karros about it. Then you can make oogly eyes at him while dropping puns about "taking one for the team."
cubbiejulie said:
that's a fantastic idea.
MN Pat said:
I'm here to help.
cubbiejulie said:
Actually, I think we should involve Eric Karros in this process as much as possible.
Doc Blume said:
And Scarlett Johansson
Max Power said:
You stink.
Doc Blume said:
WTF! No bids yet!
cubbiejulie said:
LOHO pal Caitlyn Giles tells us all about Gwen, the HOMELESS American Girl doll.
http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/wee-windy-city/2009/09/the-american-girl-empire-goes-too-far-with-its-homeless-doll.html#
LOL--WTF?
KY Cub Fan said:
If you want find out what your pimp name is, go to the Player Appreciate website below. Pretty damn funny!!
www.playerappreciate.com/pimphandle.asp
cubbiejulie said:
Normally, I hate the whole pimp/ho thing, but this is for a good cause (getting a lot of people to LOHO Day next season). My pimp name is Sweet Chocolate J. Love.
Niiiiice.
Doc Blume said:
Hey...that's cool...
I'm Professor Truth Blume Shizzle
baturkey said:
Mr. White Chocolate J. Gates
millertime said:
Mine was Frank.
thisyearcub said:
Frank "My Pimp Hand is Strong!!" Miller
secdelahc said:
I am Devious Honey J. Tickle
Doc Blume said:
That seems about right.
secdelahc said:
Why yes. Yes it does seem right.
Max Power said:
Yeah, I got Larry. Larry the Pimp is less impressive the more you hear it, and with the t-shirt I made myself that says "I'm Larry the Pimp" I hear it a lot now.
thisyearcub said:
I got hos, (I got hos)
In different area codes (area codes)
millertime said:
Why ya think you take a ho to ho-tel?
Hotel Everybody.
Even the Mayor.
Reach up in the sky for the Ho-zone layer
And Here's a Ho Ho cake for your ho ho crew
and everybody want some cause
Ho's gotta eat too!
thisyearcub said:
Every day is a ho-liday.
flyball said:
dear fans of other teams, I do not look good in yellow and orange, and prefer a nice classic look, nothing with a lot of stuff, please keep that in mind
cubbiejulie said:
Check us out on the Trib Front page:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/
Scroll down on the left!
Perkins said:
Tigers and Yankees, in that order.
cubbiejulie said:
People, please.
We are cheering for whoever pays us the most money. We can hope, nay, we can YEARN for certain teams to win, but then you guys had better get on sending out the ebay links to the fans of the teams you want to support!
Doc Blume said:
What is Bill Gates's favorite team...because hopefully he'll bid like a billion dollars and we can all retire early.
gravedigger said:
The new link that says how to bid just leads back to this same page.
cubbiejulie said:
fixed
millertime said:
What will this blog do once it gets it's 30 pieces of silver?
cubbiejulie said:
what are you talking about? we're going to cheer for the team that gives us the silver. then we're going to go back to being Cubs fans.
it's all very simple.
Doc Blume said:
yeah...it's like cheating on your wife with some gal you meet on a business trip. When the trip is over, so is the affair, and it's like it never happened.
Not that I would know about such things.
Doc Blume said:
The only difference is that in this case, that gal you cheat with is paying you to cheat on your wife.
millertime said:
Julie, your response is so perfect I don't even know what to say.
Cubbiejulie? More like Cubbiejudas. Zing.
Santo-to-Soto said:
I saw this on the Trib website and couldn't believe what I was reading. Both my grandfathers lived thier entire lives bleeding Cubbie blue, one 80 the other 92, my father is 71 bleeds the same shade of blue. I am 49 and bleed blue from the palms every time they lose. I live and die for this team. I would never sell my soul and cheer for another team. When the White Sox won the WS it sickened me, and they are a Chicago team and I wouldn't root for them. Switching allegience for some post season glory, I think not. Devil you cannot have my soul, I am going to heaven when I die, and it will be in my 1968 road gray #10 Ron Santo jersey.
cubbiejulie said:
Oh lighten up. We're all just as big of fans as you are. We just want to have some postseason. You don't want to participate? Don't.
It's just for fun.
gravedigger said:
Not me. I fucking hate this team. I still can't figure out why I'm a fan.
AndCounting said:
I'm setting aside the loyalty issue for a moment. I'm genuinely concerned for the amount of bleeding going on in your family. Blue, red, orange, whatever--if you've got blood coming out of your palms after every loss, you need a hotline and a couple pints of blue O negative, stat.
secdelahc said:
We're just looking for some fun to wile away the postseason. Obviously, we'd all prefer it if the Cubs were there, but that's not gonna happen, so let's enjoy ourselves!
jtbwriter said:
Good afternoon from comfortable SoCal...
LOL-thanks for the noontime laugh! I think "renting" LOHO out to a worthy team like ..say...the Angels would be fun-I'm sure the Cubs will not mind! The Angels are a lot like the Cubs-inspirational, fun, lovable,break your heart almost every year- and they, unlike a lot of other teams-already clinched! Besides, wouldn't it be fun to see them make mincemeat out of the Cards, Phils or TBA?
Jimmy Greenfield said:
Alright, my bid is in. $10 might just win this thing.
Dmband said:
Santo to Soto-
Seriously? What are we supposed to do not watch the playoffs? Its not our fault (well maybe its MillerTime's fault a little for the undying Bradley love....KIDDING) the team is not in it. I dont really get how this is being a traitor. You cant root for a team that is NOT in the playoffs. Unless you want us to post about the Cub player's respective Golf Scores....
"If I gave you some money out of my wallet, would that make the pain go away?"
Dmband said:
It may be a requirement for this to be an AL team though...
That seems reasonable.
secdelahc said:
Nope. There are no rules here, except that we stand behind the winning bidder's team request. We may even have to root for the Cardinals. Or the Yankees. At least it won't be the White Sox.
Maim said:
And remember! Rooting for a team and pretending to root for a team are nearly indistinguishable via the internet!
carlheartscubs said:
With our lack of morals, we can easily fake it.
Dmband said:
It may be a requirement for this to be an AL team though...
That seems reasonable.
tybstuckincali said:
Just remember that even though the Cubs failed again,at leeast they sucked naturally, and did not need to cheat with steroids to suck. Therefore the L.A. Cheaters aka Manny and Los Dodgers should not be taken into consideration. I nominate the Yankees,so that if nothing else every Red Soxx fan can be reminded on their blown lead against them....
tybstuckincali said:
Just remember that even though the Cubs failed again,at least they sucked naturally, and did not need to cheat with steroids to suck. Therefore the L.A. Cheaters aka Manny and Los Dodgers should not be taken into consideration. I nominate the Yankees,so that if nothing else every Red Soxx fan can be reminded on their blown lead against them....
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