A League of Her Own

Ponch, Child Porn, and the Cubs

As long as we're doing some fixer-upperering around here (you know, getting a real third baseman, selling Freel in a garage sale, hitting the ball), I have a request:

 

 

Can we be done with the "celebrity" 7th inning stretch?

Honestly, it was fun in the beginning. Bill Murray. Eddie Vedder. Bonnie Hunt. William Peterson. People from Chicago who love the Cubs. It made sense. It was a tribute to Harry. It fit.

Six years later, we find ourselves still enduring the off-key wailings of D-list celebrities who are usually up in the booth with Len and Bob to promote the "accidental" release of their latest celebrity sex tape or recent stint on "Rehab With Dr. Drew."

Note to the Cubs media department: Denise Richards, Sharon Osbourne, Jesse Ventura, and Kellie Pickler are not "celebrities." They are people who once did something that no one can remember and now inexplicably keep showing up on my TV screen. That's not the same thing.

Over the last few years, I've learned to pretty much ignore the tone-deaf caterwauling that goes on during the 7th inning. Seriously, I really could care less if the 2009 Girls' Class A Water Polo team from Mokena is in the booth. But every once in a while, something happens that is impossible to ignore. There was Mr. T promosing repeatedly and effusively to "never let us down," Cyndi Lauper asking why the "thrower" stood on the "little hilly thing" and Tony Romo. . . well. . . Tony Romo.

And then, last night, there was this:

 

In case you missed it, that is former CHIPS star Erik Estrada (aka Officer Francis Llewellyn "Ponch" Poncherello) discussing the various friends he made on "The Surreal Life" (for the curious, these include Vanilla Ice, Tammy Faye Baker, Charo), reminiscing about CHIPS, and oh, discussing his child porn viewing habits. He also weighs in on Ron Jeremy's significant 'talent.'

Really, don't miss the clip. The best part is how Bob just sort of remains silent and leaves Len hanging through most of it.

I'm not sure what's more disturbing: the fact that Erik Estrada, who has apparently watched child porn, has been on such children's shows as 'Drake and Josh,' 'Higglytown Heroes,' and 'Mother Good Theater,' or that someone in the Cubs organization thinks that continuing to trot out these washed up losers, after a couple beers and a few decades of toiling in obscurity, is a good idea.

I think most Cubs fans, but this point, are over the whole celebrity thing. If the Cubs want to bring up the big guns (Bill Murray, Bonnie Hunt, the 2007 State Champ Jr Varsity State Chess Team), I'll simply zone out during the stretch and the subsequent interview. But enough with the idiots who have no idea what the words to the damn song area, what the "stadium" is called, or why they've even been asked to sing in the first place.

And for the love of God, don't make me listen to the prurient viewing habits of the formerly rich and famous.

All of this, of course, begs the question: Where is Larry Wilcox when you need him?

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21 Comments

millertime said:

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Until Kim Kardashian makes an appearance, I refuse to be over the celebrity thing.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Dempster to the 15-day DL with a broken toe (a "non-baseball-related injury").

"The Cubs placed Ryan Dempster on the 15-day disabled list Tuesday with a broken right toe. The team recalled Kevin Hart from Triple-A Iowa to take his spot.

CSN's David Kaplan reports the injury didn't happen while playing and that he will likely miss three weeks."

Oh, well as long as Kevin Hart is back, everything should be just fine. #$*!@#@#$@#!@#@#$!!!!!!!!

Maim said:

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I can't dispute that he was most likely tipsy at the very least, but to be fair, he DID talk about how he's actually working with (okay, I'm foggy on this) the police department to CATCH child pornographers. I attributed whenever he said something like "I've seen my share of child porn" as a foot-in-mouth, total misspeak. Possibly of the drunken variety.

I don't disagree that people like Kelly Pickler (whom I have never actually heard mentioned in a conversation that wasn't about the 7th inning stretch) should NOT get to do the stretch. I'd sing the SHIT! out of the stretch, and I actually, like KNOW things about the Cubs, but I will never be asked, because I have never put out a shitty album once or whatever Kelly Pickler is "famous" for. (Though I do like it when someone from the Bears or Hawks or Bulls sings it.)

JulieDiCaro said:

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fwiw, i would TOTALLY ask you to sing the stretch.

JulieDiCaro said:

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yeah, i know it was totally a foot-in-mouth thing. i don't think erik estrada is a huge perv or anything (i don't think. . . )

i'm just sick of listening to this crap. just let pat and ron sing. i'm tired of the parade of idiots.

Maim said:

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Oh, and I may have been released from jury duty because I am a Cubs fan. The defense attorney actually asked me which team I preferred in the Q&A. I was let go.

Doc said:

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of course...

Because only sox fans would have any sympathies for a criminal.

JulieDiCaro said:

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and liberal Cub fan former public defenders who don't trust cops.

heh.

Doc said:

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So, Julie, how many more diaries are you going to post today?

JulieDiCaro said:

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i still have the game thread to go.

Doc said:

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There should be a 3 or 4 man rotation for the stretch...

Ronny,
Lenny,
Bobby

and maybe Patty.

That's it.

And maybe The Playmate of the Year once in a while.

But that's it.

And Angelina Jolie.

But no one else.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Dempster says he injured his toe jumping over the dugout rail to celebrate on Sunday. Apparently, this has something to do with his nail. Dave Kaplan says sources told him Demp is gone for at least a month.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/david-kaplan-chicago-sports/2009/07/how-ryan-dempster-broke-his-toe.html

JulieDiCaro said:

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Gordon Wittenmeyer is saying that dempster is saying that he might only miss 3 starts.

abe frohman said:

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Dear Cubs,
Please stop sucking. And signing players who suck. And starting the sucking players in the starting lineup. And making non-leadoff-hitters the leadoff-hitter. And please do something about second base. Oh, and stop getting stupid injuries and even stupider (yes, I said 'stupider') suspensions. Stop not running away with the NL Central. Just stop it already. I'm done with it. All of it.
love,
abe

MillsChC said:

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Clumsy oaf... use the stairs next time you're running out to celebrate a blowout win. Hopping over the rail should only be reserved for walk-off wins.

JulieDiCaro said:

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and ted lilly needing to confront shitty umpires.

FrankS said:

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Hey, Denise Richards might actually be a Cub fan. I think she's from Naperville. Well, Wikipedia says Downers Grove and Mokena, so at least she is a local "kid." And she was married to Charlie Sheen who was Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn in two of the Major League flicks. So you've got some sort of baseball connection there.

Maybe Ricketts will put an end to the Guest Conductor. Or maybe as a means of raising revenue to buy future free agents, he'll sell the opportunity to lead the stretch to vain Cub fans.

baturkey said:

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Or invite infamous singers back and have fans pay for them not to sing.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Denise Richards is NOT from Naperville.

There's a difference between people who are from here and people who are from here and have been lifelong Cubs fans. Michael Madsen is from here--I think he'd suck at the stretch.

Maim said:

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The thing about the jury duty is that I really wanted to be picked. I'm sort of being bullied by this dickhole at work and I was kind of excited to get a break from him. Also I wanted them to realize how much work I actually do, just because it'd be good for job security.

Do you think I was released because when the judge was explaining the charges, I stood up and said, "Damn girl! I cain't believe you did that shit!"? Could that be why?

JulieDiCaro said:

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I totally want to do jury duty, too. I've never even gotten a summons. Boo.

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