A League of Her Own

Chicago Cubs Headlines for Tuesday

All-Stars

Girth Matters.

If you missed it, Veggie Lasagna won the most boring homerun derby in history last night, which probably means it was the first one that was actually de-juiced. The worst moment of the entire night (and mind you, I am speaking of a night that featured Joe Morgan interviewing Joe Buck and Chris Berman in the booth with Joe Morgan ("Winnie the Pujols?" Seriously?)), came when some dingus reporter asked Prince if he talked to his father before the HR Derby, proving himself the only person in baseball who doesn't know that Prince and Cecil are estranged. To his credit, Veggie refrained from punching the reporter in the face, saying only, "Ah. . .nah."

Also, for those who missed it, St. Louis is the greatest city in the history of civilization. As our own millertime stated last night:

After listening to Joe Buck, I've learned that Cardinals fans are just the best evvah! They never boo their players, and they're super nice to other team's players, why isn't the all-star game at St. Louis every year? Isn't Albert just the best ever? The Cardinals don't play selfish "Lets hit a home run ball" (edit: This is exactly what they do. They have a lot of home run hitters.) They play small (no they don't). LaRussa just knows how to manage (like when he managed to get that DUI, or decided to have Rowand hit over Pujols in that one All-Star game. You know, in case the NL tied the game, and the game went 45 more innings.)

I had the celebrity softball game on for a while when I was working last night, and I think the Cubs should give some serious consideration to taking a flier on Nelly. He's definitely a better fielder than Soriano.

Dave Van Dyck amuses himself on an off-day by reporting a complete non-story:

ST. LOUIS -- Because Blue Jays ace Roy Halladay has a no-trade clause, the All-Star Game might be an opportunity for him to be "recruited" by the two Chicago representatives.

That would include the Cubs' Ted Lilly, who was Halladay's teammate from 2004 to 2006, and the White Sox's Mark Buehrle, who has been asked to help in matters like this before.

"I don't know how good a recruiter I am," Buehrle said with a chuckle. "The last guy I called was Torii Hunter, and two weeks later he signed with L.A."

Lilly avoided the question, except to reiterate what a great teammate Halladay could be. But if Cubs general manager Jim Hendry had a deal worked out and needed some "assistance," Lilly would surely volunteer.

"One of the better teammates you could have," he said. "Whichever club gets him will be very, very fortunate. He brings more to a team than what he does on the field. Sometimes I think clubhouse leadership is overlooked a little bit."

Is clubhouse leadership lacking with the Cubs?

"We're doing OK," Lilly said. "But if you incorporate someone of that nature, that's going to do nothing but help your club on and off the field."

(sarcasm font)Told you we need DeRosa back. (/sarcasm font).

The Trib has adopted the FOX news tactic of thinking they can get away with even the most ludicrous headline as long as they put a question mark after it. For example, the headline with this story was "Recruiting Halladay?" As in "Does Obama Eat Babies?" "Do Liberals Want Al-Qaeda to Win?" "Sasha Obama: Secret Taliban Op?" We're not saying she IS, we're just asking.

While we're all reposing during the All-Star Break, Geo is hard at work in Mesa:

The Cubs want Soto to get special attention, and with all the injuries the team's trainers are attending to, he couldn't get that if he stayed with the team. He left Sunday after Game 1 of the doubleheader against St. Louis and planned to begin rehabbing immediately.

"We're going to attack it quickly and see where we're at," he said. "The MRI said [the strain] was mild to moderate. Hopefully we're looking at something like 15 to 20 days, and I'll be back with the team as soon as possible."

I'm suprised the team sent him all the way to AZ to rehab, considering it's warm here. And AZ is a border state. Just sayin'.

Let's see, Crazy Uncle Phil is out with his "first half awards," which are so boring and predictable that I won't even bother with them. The Cubs, like we all guessed, are showing interest in reliever BJ Ryan, and, after all he's done for them, the Cubs kick Yosh Kawano in the head.

Since we all had so much fun the other night, we'll do a game chat for the ASG tonight. Don't forget, we're still taking nominations for the "Gameday All-Stars," so we need nominations for the worst gameday photos for each position in both leagues. Every team must be represented!

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51 Comments

flyball said:

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they kicked Yosh out? Don't they know he has all the secrets to Wrigley?

oh and Arizona is awesome, just sayin'

gravedigger said:

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im telling you, this team really does find ways to embarrass itself.

completely unrelated, but there's this one intern in my office who, at random intervals, looks back as if he's making sure i'm still here and doing work. i'm starting to think he's not really an intern but a spy.

flyball said:

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have you thought maybe he's making sure you're not watching what he's doing?

JulieDiCaro said:

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maybe he thinks you're a spy.

i just realized it's bastille day, which means i can drink wine much earlier today in honor of my second homeland.

vive la france!

berselius said:

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I didn't bother reading the Phil Rogers columns. Is he handing out Gold Stars to players in addition to some pluses and minuses?

thisyearcub said:

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He's giving gold slips out to all the good players. If you're bad, you get your name on the board. Really bad means a checkmark by it.

flyball said:

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I think we should start putting them On Notice

berselius said:

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Also, I think that Fielder is back on the (delicious) meat-eaters' team. I don't know the best way to describe it. The gravy train?

summerguy said:

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Yeah its not eating healthy if you eat veggies soaked in butter, cheese, and bratwurst every day

JulieDiCaro said:

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The bacon train.

thisyearcub said:

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Julie, I agree about Nelly. He was a one-man wrecking crew. Surely he can field grounders at second, right?

millertime said:

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Nelly has done sports movies before, so I'm sure he'll be fine.

summerguy said:

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What am I, an asshole? I did the first like 5 teams and no one commented on them! I personally liked Gregg Zaun's Old Man River photo.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I know you did--I'm trying to get other people to help you out. Everyone just pick a team and run through the photos. No biggie.

millertime said:

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Where do I post the photo? I CALL RANGERS!

JulieDiCaro said:

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just post the link. i'll compile all the photos.

millertime said:

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Where do I look for photos?

JulieDiCaro said:

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if you go to a team's mlb.com page, just go down the roster and click on the player's names.

millertime said:

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Also, the "? at end of headlines" seems like a popular move for politics. I can make a poll, and ask voters "If you knew Obama was the anti-christ and wanted to drink the blood of white men, would you vote for him?". Surprisingly, Obama is receiving no support in my poll.

millertime said:

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Anyone know how the Sotomayor hearing is going? I've tuned in, but I don't know how its going. Those old men are scary. As in, why are these old white men the ones making important decisions? They can barely speak. How can they even twitter?

millertime said:

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Brewers fans are so pumped right now. Earlier in the year everyone wanted to trade Prince. Cause he only hit 32 HR last year. Bum.

summerguy said:

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The Cincinnati Reds would be represented by Starting Pitcher and annual funny gameday photo, the goofy looking Edison Volquez

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/7639

JulieDiCaro said:

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edison is a perennial all-star. last year's photo was even better.

summerguy said:

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Sad showing for the Rockies... most of them took decent pics. I guess I'll chose the guy with the longest last name on the team and with the confused look on his face:

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/7281

millertime said:

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Rangers weren't as fun as I thought. I shall go with C.J. Wilson and his pornstar facial hair.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/7571

millertime said:

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Sweet, CNBC is doing a special about the porn industry.

gravedigger said:

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someone say something. im bored at work

gravedigger said:

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fine. screw you guys.

JulieDiCaro said:

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of you're that bored, you can start putting together our fantasy team.

gravedigger said:

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fantasy team?

JulieDiCaro said:

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i mean our gameday all-star team.

gravedigger said:

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oh, uh, i got work i need to go do

JulieDiCaro said:

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jerk.

if i told you to pick the hottest all-stars, you'd be all over it.

gravedigger said:

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are we doing that?

gravedigger said:

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haaaaa gross.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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Juan Cruz is always a contender. 6'2", 145

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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Another oldie but a goodie: Dmitri Young

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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Santiago Casilla can pitch without a neck

gravedigger said:

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maybe Jakubauskas can loan castilla some neck

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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I like that kind of thinking.

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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What is it with MLers and their ridiculous facial hair? Jayson Werth

gravedigger said:

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i... i have no idea

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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The pouty lips of former Cubs farmhand Renyel Pinto

Carl Heartscubs Gierhan said:

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Chris Denorfia with stupid facial hair.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Chris Jaberwocky or whatever looks like Jim Carrey doing Fire Marshall Bill.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I never thought I would say this, but I'm sick to death of Facebook.

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