A League of Her Own

Chicago Cubs Headlines for Monday

Cubs vs. White Sox

If I ever had a similar look on my face, my grandfather used to say
that a bird would come by and poop on my lip.

Cubbiejulie said it best in yesterday's game recap, it stunk. And should you wish to read the recap, go to yesterday's recap thread and click on the link there. Here, we'll deal with the aftermath. 

Not-so-stable Z showed up on Sunday, and we'll turn to our regular feature, What Did Lou Say?

"He came out throwing the ball pretty well, and they scored a few runs," manager Lou Piniella said. "I don't know if he lost concentration or what.

"It wasn't one of his stellar games. Actually, it wasn't a good game for us period. You don't mind getting beat like we did on Saturday, but today wasn't good baseball."

And how long will we have to deal with the fact that Mark DeRosa is a Cardinal? I guess as long as he's playing there and the Cubs have to play them. Gordo's all up in it today:

According to one source, Cleveland expressed interest in lefty Sean Marshall, who has been a major -- if unsung -- part of the Cubs' staff the last two seasons as a swingman. Whether DeRosa could have been had for another pitcher or package of players, the Cubs clearly weren't ready to be as aggressive as the Cardinals.

''I wonder how our fans feel about that one?'' Marshall said of DeRosa landing with the Redbirds. ''As long as he plays the way he did against us last weekend [1-for-7 in a Cubs' sweep], we're good -- just kidding.''

Does anyone think this team would be better off without Sean Marshall right now?  And Lou says what needs to be said:

Manager Lou Piniella acknowledged the lift the Cardinals might get from a player like DeRosa but stopped short of saying DeRosa -- or anyone else -- has been on his wish list for a midseason acquisition.

''We need to get [Aramis] Ramirez back in the lineup,'' he said. ''That would be almost like a trade for us, for a bat. We get him in the lineup, and a few of our guys start swinging it a little better, we go.''


The Trib columnists have much to say after Sunday's loss, and we'll start with Steve Rosenbloom:


Somebody do something.

You could fire the manager. Lou Piniella said he has no answers, other than sending Milton Bradley to his room without dessert, so what would you actually be losing?

Oh, you'd be losing the money you're paying Piniella this year and next, but it seems you're already losing that as you lose games and lose ground in the standings, and maybe lose hope. I don't know what the Cubs already are paying Brenly to talk, but it's probably close to what you pay a guy in uniform for answers, and Brenly sounds like a guy with some answers.

If you're going to keep the manager but hold the players accountable, fine. Then use different players. Bench the failures. Make them know it's hit or sit. Sorry, but you can't fire Gerald Perry again.

Please for the love of god don't supplant Brenly for Lou.  I will agree with benching the failures, but other than playing Fox and Hoffpauir (third and right, left and right, third and left?) who else do you plug into this lineup?


Lastly, we'll turn to Crazy Uncle Phil for a dose of wacky:

As Lou Piniella was saying on Friday, enough's enough.

Get Carlos Zambrano out of here, even if the Cubs have to give him away. He's not the guy you want as the ace of a curse-busting team, and at this point, it's wishful thinking that he'll ever mature into that guy.

Proving that I did not attend Kellogg, Wharton or even the Acme School of Business, I offer this proposition for Jim Hendry: First thing Monday morning, put Zambrano on waivers. If anyone claims him and the $62.75 million left on his contract, which runs through 2012, immediately trade him for whatever is being offered, from a bag of balls to a 32-year-old minor-leaguer.

Because Hendry gave Zambrano a full no-trade clause in a 2007 contract extension, Zambrano can choose: Either go where he's being dealt, waving goodbye to Wrigley Field, or block the trade and deal with the knowledge that you're playing for a team that believes it can live without you.

Phil, do you have anything mildly homophobic to add?

Unfortunately for the North Side drama queens, their ace once again reported for work wearing size 30 shoes and a red rubber ball on his nose. Zambrano pitched badly and lost his cool for about the zillionth time, venting his frustrations on Sox hitters en route to a 6-0 loss.

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35 Comments

thisyearcub said:

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Hilarious. Trade Z! Fire Piniella!

Widespread Panic, and I ain't talking about the band.

I can't think of one Chicago media writer who is actually fathomable and not full of utter crap, writing nonsense to try and sell a few papers.

Umbra said:

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Problem: The Cubs Suck.

Solution: Cut Carlos Zambrano and fire Lou Piniella.

Problem: The economy sucks.

Solution: Cut services, raise taxes in order to balance the budget.

Problem: I lost $30 playing video poker last week.

Solution: Double or nothing this week.

Problem: No one is buying newspapers.

Solution: Propose increasingly idiotic solutions to all of life's problems.

gravedigger said:

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I mean, seriously. I'm never buying a newspaper again.

gravedigger said:

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And to the best of my ability, I'll avoid clicking on any Tribune links. My god, how fucking inane.

thisyearcub said:

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"Cut Carlos Zambrano" has replaced "Hoffpauir should be playing over Lee" as my "Glad you're not running the team" award.

But it's still only July, and these writers are getting ridiculously worse, so we'll see.

JulieDiCaro said:

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hey! i said he should be playing over lee when he was hitting .479 and lee was hitting .108. though i still think we should have traded lee in the off-season.

thisyearcub said:

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Julie, I don't think you have to buy McDowell beer just yet ... Sox only lead the series 3-2, and there is still that makeup game to be played in September. If the Cubs win (and they will), it'll then be a wash.

JulieDiCaro said:

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yeah, but jack and i decided yesterday would be the rubber match. that was when i thought the lou/milty smackdown would energize the whole team, and before i remembered that nothing seems to energize this team.

gravedigger said:

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No, the White Sox will win that game, since the Cubs aren't going to win another fucking game all season long. I'm pretty sure about that.

My god I hate this team.

Can they please stop sucking?

JulieDiCaro said:

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Now that gravedigger is back and grumpy, we can start winning again!

gravedigger said:

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when have i not been grumpy?

Doc said:

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Gravedigger is grumpy and I have my goatee back...

Those are guarantees that the cubs will start winning.

millertime said:

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I like how this "Lets trade X" and "Lets trade for Y" seems to work.

Lets Trade Zambrano! For...?
Trade Bradley! And get...?

Trade for DeRo! Who do we trade?

I know for a fact that Jimmy H could have traded Aaron Miles for Albert Pujols straight up. Why didn't you do it Jim?!?

If I was GM of this team, we'd have Aramis and ARod at third(ARod can back-up Aramis when he gets hurt), Hanley at SS, DeRo at 2nd, Pujols at 1st, Babe Ruth in right, Kenny Lofton in center, and Billy Williams in left. It's all a matter of making smart trades.

JulieDiCaro said:

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We do need to get Kenny Lofton back, though. At this point, it's the only way we can guarantee ourselves back into the playoffs.

Jack McDowell said:

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If Julie chooses to back out of our rubber match agreement, that's fine with me. When we actually make up this game, you guys will be playing all the call-ups and we'll be battling for the division. Who'll win that game?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doc said:

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Hey, our AAA kids are kicking ass. When called up this year, they are the only people on the team that are producing. So beware!

JulieDiCaro said:

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I think we should just hold open tryouts for several positions on this team. I refuse to believe that Mike Fontenot is the best 2B on the North Side of Chicago.

Doc said:

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I still think Fontenot and Theriot should switch positions.

JulieDiCaro said:

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I'm not backing out of anything, I still have my pride, you know! As I said, I am avaiable for beer purchasing at your leisure, just please PLEASE don't me make go to the South Side! Maybe I could take you to a Cubs game and we could drink there?

JulieDiCaro said:

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To be fair, it's torture to try to come up with new and interesting things to say about this team day after day on the game threads, and half the time I just post whatever pops into my head. If I had to actually write an actual column or article on this team every day, I'd probably be making ridiculous trade suggestions, too.

You can only say "'wow, this team sucks" so many times.

JulieDiCaro said:

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Bernie Madoff got 150 years---the max.

It's about time this country got it's priorities straight when it comes to sentencing white collar criminals.

millertime said:

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Hooray for Justice! Only 30,000 more CEO's to go!

millertime said:

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I think this Blog has done a fairly creative job of supplying things to talk about. Here are things the papers have as yet to mention as solutions to the Cubs' woes:

1. Rich Harden's Ass. What can we do to harness it's powers?
2. Rallymals.
3. RallyBonsai.
4. The board based conspiracy by Gloopy the Chocolate monster against Milton Bradley
5. Ted Lilly's abs.


Doc said:

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I'm not sure how #4 is going to help the Cubs' woes.

millertime said:

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Knowing is half the batte. GI JOE!!!!

Jack McDowell said:

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agreed...now if they just had the cornuts to do the same with child molesters, we wouldn't have to hear all this B.S. celebration for Michael Jackson

JulieDiCaro said:

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the "remembering michael jackson" stuff makes me laugh, i haven't had time to forget him with the wall-to-wall news coverage.

gravedigger said:

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pretty sure no allegations were ever proven. also pretty sure he was acquitted in a court of law by a jury of his peers.

jtbwriter said:

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What is that "Uncle Phil" smoking? Or is he the resident Sox apologist! Z hitting Pod's backside was not on purpose-Prezinski yes....Pod's no. This guy makes TJ Simers (Pg 2 LA Times guy) look like a Pulitzer Prize winner! At least the Cards/Brewers lost.
And thanks for the heads up on Madoff's just desserts! I still think all his victims, a baseball bat, a locked room and five minutes!


JulieDiCaro said:

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i'm not so sure it's what phil is smoking, i think that he just forgets that he's not supposed to listen to the voices in his head.

Doc said:

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I'm not sure what it is, but every sports writer in this town is turning into Jay Mariotti.

summerguy said:

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They probably all do not go in the Cubs Clubhouse either.

JulieDiCaro said:

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so i've got wimbeldon on in the background while i'm working. john mcenroe and mary carillo are hilarious together. i wish they called all sports.

baturkey said:

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You cannot be serious!

Doc said:

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Dammit! Reedz is on the DL??

People, you have to tell me these things, okay? I've been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin' bone here! Need the info!

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