So if Iowa, New England, or nearby Winsor, Canada isn't your idea of a destination wedding, you just scored some more options!
Topping
the list of seemingly conservative regions of the globe that have
managed to beat the US in the race to legalize gay marriage is Latin
America!
Actually, it's not that much of a shock ever since the
2006 election of
Michelle Bachelet as the president of Chile. I won't
steal Wikipedia's thunder and would actually love for you to read up on
her so you can share in my obsession. But as far as fast facts go,
she's agnostic, divorced, currently single, a doctor, and a
socialist...and she was elected the female president of a traditionally
Catholic country. Now that's progress, folks.
December 28th
marked the date of the first gay marriage to grace continental South
America. This particular wedding took place in Tierra del Fuego on the
southern tip of Argentina.
These two become the first same-sex couple to be wed in Argentina
Earlier in December, Mexico City
passed a bill to legalize gay marriage. In the fall of 2009, Uruguay
became the first country in Latin America to allow same sex adoption.
The civil union discussion is also on the table in Brazil, Colombia, and Ecuador.
Personally,
I can't think of anything more lesbianic than getting married in a pair
of Keens down in Patagonia. You can ride in on horseback and all of
your bridesmaids can wear matching softshells.
And if you are
having such a wedding, you damn well better invite me. However, I
don't want you to just think I'm inviting myself. I will be in charge
of the prayer. I've already written it-- in Spanish and English for
the benefit of all guests and wedding support staff.
Here goes:
Sagrada Virgen de Guadalupe,
Primero,
gracias por protegernos desde su sitio debajo de 94/El Expressway
Kennedy en la avenida Fullerton. Espero que le gusten las flores que
le traigo cada día santo de obligación.
En este día que marca el
matrimonio de dos mujeres (inserta nombres aquí), le ruego varias cosas
para asegurar que tengan un matrimonio feliz y saludable:
Ojalá que sus Subarus funcionen bien por lo menos hasta 150,000 millas.
Bendita madre, proteja a sus LCAs mientras participan en la liga de ADMC en deportes como fútbol americano y softball.
Ojalá que abran sus puertas a cada animal herido, huérfano, o sin techo que se conozcan.
Ojalá
que este matrimonio dure más de tres meses, y finalmente, ojalá que
sigan chingando más de una vez cada seis meses y que no sufran de cama
muerte lesbiana.
Le ruego esto en el nombre del padre, del hijo, del espíritu santo. Amén.
Translation:
Sacred Virgin of Guadalupe,
Thank
you for protecting us from your site underneath 94/the Kennedy on
Fullerton. I hope that you like the flowers that I bring you every
Holy Day of Obligation.
On this day that marks the marriage of two
women (insert names here), I pray for several things to assure that
they have a happy and healthy marriage.
I hope that their Subarus function well until at least 150,000 miles.
Blessed mother, protect their ACLs as they participate in the CMSA league in sports like football and softball.
I hope that they will open their doors to every animal hurt, orphaned, or homeless that they meet.
I
hope that their marriage lasts more than three months, and finally I
hope that they continue fucking more than once every six months and
that they do not suffer lesbian bed death.
I ask this in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen.
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