The Lavender Menace

High holy holidays: take one

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Oh hello!  It's been a while.

In fact, it's been so long that since my last post, there have been major technological developments (mostly related to Apple), an unnatural disaster, a national holiday, about 17 celebrity deaths, and a new Gaga song.

Truth be told, shit ain't been so exciting 'round these parts.  My hangover rate has decreased by 75%, largely on account of the fact that I am hot and heavy into road racing season.

Fernando.

I spent last Friday night as I do most Friday nights these days-- sleeping.  I spent last Friday in the bowels of Illinois with two male teammates.  The only lesbianic element about it was when I was falling asleep and doing my brain plyometrics, which rendered my ability to identify 15 gay Chicago 'Amy's, on the spot, which may very well be a post or a study for another day.  Speaking of studies, this man sleepover was very Dian Fossey.  I felt like I was observing the gorillas in the mist-- ball scratching, chest bumping, fist pumping and all.  The boys managed to clog our toilet within 3 minutes of arrival to the hotel.  We then escaped to devour fuckloads of pasta and a responsibly sized bottle of Chianti, as the great Italian racers do.  We fell asleep to "Pet Sematary" on tv and awoke to one of my teammates saying, "Don't go in there" in his best Fred Gwynne voice-- a double entendre both for our inevitable dreams of pet sematary and for the giant turd whose remains still haunted our bathroom.

Roberto.

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Grown-up events and classin' it up

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

I awoke from my post-brunch nap to the theme music of Law and Order.  I of course had seen this particular episode before, but that didn't stop me from watching it again.  I find that whenever I watch enough Law and Order, I start viewing everything as a possible investigation.  I took my dogs out, and started observing everyone else outside in the dark-- a vigilante on the lookout for "perps."  The closest I found were some girls arguing audibly in a white SUV.  But I gave them a good, long stare.  A stare that said, "I see you.  And if one of you goes missing, I am prepared to give a sketch of the other's likeness to the DA's office."

I got slightly crunk at lunch (I refuse to call this particular travesty "brunch"), more so than the typical Sunday.  However, I attribute that to both my post-race dehydration and the fact that Latitude in Lincoln Square (put you on blast!) ran out of eggs. RAN OUT OF EGGS.  What is brunch with no eggs?  Bullshit, that's what.  So I was driven to drink instead.

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The Weekend Update: lots of celebrity action!

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

So tonight l am forecasting that Circuit will trump the lezzie social scene with comedienne Julie Goldman at Tamale Presents LOL and the return of "So, You Think You're a Rock Star."  The festivities kick off at 9; seating opens at 8.  Admission is $10, or $5 if you're a member.  (I think membership is granted by sending an email to Julie Mosier or Christina Wiesmore.)  After Julie Goldman's performance, she'll be hosting some live-band karaoke as well as performing a ditty or two herself.

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Julie Goldman at Tamale Presents LOL

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Rainy day activity: Performance Anxiety

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

This weather is bullshit.  And thus, this evening is deserving of a quality indoor activity.  And so I bring you Performance Anxiety that will be dropping at UIC tonight at 8pm.

Gallery 400 (the program's host) describes it like this:

Performance Anxiety is a program of short video works dealing with performances of cultural identity. In navigating complicated understandings of gender, race, class, sexuality, or existence in on- and off-line spaces, individuals accept and internalize cultural rules or ideologies and pass; reject them, identifying such performances as a form of cultural oppression; or even scramble and combine rules and codes in personalized constructions. Performance Anxiety (run time: approximately 50 minutes) features the work of American artists Rochelle Feinstein, Kate Gilmore, James Murray, Jeroen Nelemans, Greg Stimac and Stacia Yeapanis.

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James Murray


The show is curated by Jefferson Godard and my awesome, original blog boss, Alicia Eler.  The program will be held on the first floor of the Art and Design Hall at UIC-- Van Buren and Peoria.  See Gallery 400's site for more info!

Spring is in the air...and summer festivals are on the horizon

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

The last few days in Chicago have been simply divine.  Today I had lunch on Citizen's patio and made my coworker note the beginnings of my seasonal farmer's tan from our mere hour outside.

Last night I enjoyed drinks on SoulSlamma's porch.  These drinks came pursuant to the two very strong margaritas I had at Frida's for the Garden of Eve (May 15- save the date) planning meeting.  On the stoop, we drank, listened to the Pretenders, and ate Apart pizza.  In true warm weather fashion, the change of seasons not only marks the budding of croci and the return of squirrels, but also the emergence of the crazies and people that just generally want to get it crackin'!

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What will we tell our children?

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

I am sitting here in Winston's with Downtown and SoulSlamma listening to smooth jazz and "working."  And by working I mean recapping the weekend's (which for Dowtown includes both Sunday and Monday nights) events.  We rode a Boom Boom Room tangent onto a conversation about straight men who enjoy the company of lesbians.

Now, I refer not to the aberrant straight, guy friend.  I refer to the seemingly random guy who genuinely enjoys hanging around lesbians and seeks out their company.  This guy is perfectly comfortable being the only dude in a roomful of lady loving ladies.  Now if I were experiencing this from the vantage point of a posse of femmes, I think it would be reasonable to assume that some of this attention was due, in part, to our not "looking" gay.  Or, perhaps that the guy was only lurking around waiting for us to reenact a scene from some girl on girl porn that he fancied.

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Help some sistas out!

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Oh, hello!  It's been a while.  I was in Asheville, NC riding my bike.  There I met some of the friendliest people in the world (sorry, midwesterners, you've been trumped) and more dreaded white people per capita than I had ever hoped to encounter in a lifetime.  This week I am racing my bike every night after work, so these posts may seem a bit cracky, or could very well be written under the influence of a beer, which post race, is dizzyingly drunk inducing.

However, that is neither here nor there.  I write to you today to ask your help in making some temporarily transposed Chicago lezzies' dreams of marital bliss come to fruition.

There is a certain competition underway, by local domesticwares paragon, Crate and Barrel.  It is called the Ultimate Wedding Contest and awards up to $100,000 for the winning couple, as well as a bunch of consolation prizes of still significant amounts of money and gift certificates for housewares.  

Current Seattlites and former Chicagoans, Emily Hartl and Rachel Donofrio, have entered this competition, which has proved to be a grueling few months of vote wrangling, nail biting, and media courting to stay with the top 10 going into the judges' circle.

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Emily and Rachel, the promised

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If you wanna be my lover, gotta get...

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

vajazzled!

You heard me right.  "If you want me to put a ring on it, then you had better put some bling on it."  "Oh this is only going down from here."  This must break some sort of record for number of shitty puns to cram into 4 lines.

One woman's expedition into the land of vajazzlement has quickly become a viral internet phenomenon.  Like all things vagina related, this came to me from fellow blogger and vagina czar, Michael Lehet.  You may recall that he also tipped me off on the art of vaginal coloring.  But in case you haven't seen, yes SEEN, it, allow me to connect you to the blog post.

You might also enjoy this video:
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A&C Productions choose lawyer; lawyer files first complaint

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Earlier last week, Andi Cruzatti and CW confirmed that they had selected a lawyer to represent them and explore possible recourse.  Hired to represent them was Nicole Bashor, an associate at McCracken & Frank.

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Nicole Bashor, associate at McCracken & Frank

Bashor sits on the board of directors for the Lesbian and Gay Bar Association of Chicago (LAGBAC).

Friday afternoon at 3pm McCracken & Frank filed a complaint against Spin nightclub and defendants, David Gassman and Robert Hoffman. 
Bashor filed for the declaratory judgment, which asks the court to declare the contract between Spin and A&C Productions valid and enforceable, and follows with a breach of contract claim.
 
When asked to elaborate on an alleged class action lawsuit pending against Spin independently of these proceedings, Bashor responded, "no comment."

Based on the evidence that I saw when covering the story initially, it's my speculation that further legal action concerning discrimination and harassment is forthcoming.  It is rumored that this is only the first complaint to be filed.  Again, Bashor's response to that was, "
I can't comment on any other legal matters at this time." 

Is 'assless chaps' a redundancy?

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Quite frankly I'm not sure.  But I bet there are some sources right here in Chicago who could answer that question for you.

When many of us think of the Chicago leather scene, we think of the Rogers Park block that prominently features Jackhammer, Touché, Mephisto Leathers, and not so prominently- the Ashland Arms Guest House (it subtly occupies the second floor above Jackhammer and Mephisto).

Not surprisingly, when it came time for the Leather Archives and Museum to find a permanent home in 1999, the board settled on a site quite near the "leather block" at 6418 N. Greenview Ave, just east of Clark St.

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Bi the way... (guest blog)

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Today in my Feast of Fun podcast I talked with Marc and Fausto about the much maligned bisexual woman.  I find myself in no way capable of speaking to this from the bisexual woman's point of view.  And, I copped to having done some irrational judging in my day too.

I asked another devout lesbian and collector of femmes, Downtown, for her take on the bisexuals.  To my surprise, she answered:
"If it weren't for bisexuals, I wouldn't have had a single date in my 20s.  Bi women?  I love 'em!"

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Some called into question Barrymore's worthiness of GLAAD's Vanguard Award, asking what ever happened to her bisexuality?

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Women lead mass boycott of Spin nightclub on grounds of sexism, racism

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

After what many would call the final nail in the coffin, a group of women has ignited a grassroots movement to boycott Spin.

On Saturday, February 20th Kid Sister drew a packed house to Spin for a show she hosted featuring Somilia Rabee and Earth Tone DJs.  The event was put on by A&C Productions.

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Worst Facebook phishing scam ever

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Ok, guilty.  I'm on Facebook at work.  Hence why my green circle likely positioned me as the target for this woefully pathetic phishing attempt.

Perhaps you recall my post about the lesbian baby shower.  Well, in case you couldn't tell from the photos, Suzanne is about 8 months pregnant.  As such, I was slightly taken aback at our most recent chat on Facebook, for obvious reasons.

The only thing funnier would have been if this scam artist had chosen her wife, perhaps sitting right beside her, to solicit for money instead.

But I'll let you see for yourself.  I took screenshots of the conversation and have amassed them for your viewing pleasure.  Click through the slideshow and be entertained.

Gallery sneak peek (11 images):

View the gallery...

On our duty to be out

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

A friend of mine recently posted a link to an Outsports article illuminating John Amaechi's comment to the Daily Telegraph wherein he told professional soccer players to stay in the closet.

His exact comments were these:
I personally have spoken to 10, 12 current professional footballers who are gay, they exist, I promise you. As it happens none of them have asked me if they should come out. But if they did, I would tell them not to. I'm not a gay right activist. I don't insist that they be a Joan of Arc. Why? Because that is what would happen: they would get burned at the stake. And how does that help anyone?

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John Amaechi, former NBA player


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Kate Bornstein to speak tonight at Northwestern

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Thanks, Marc, of Feast of Fun for the tip on this one!

Kate is a radical, transsexual writer, performance artist, playwright, and gender theorist.  She has several women and gender studies canons on the shelves and most respectably cares for pugs, cats, turtles, and a bustling ant farm.  She is clearly a woman after my own heart.

To my baby dyke Northwestern followers writing papers for your classes, y'all better put your boots on and slosh through this shit to make it over there.  This is prime paper material right here. 

She's speaking from 7:30 to 9 on Northwestern's campus, more info. on the presentation here.

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Kate Bornstein

And speaking of our favorite queer cougars, did anyone make it out to see Patti Smith at the libes yesterday for her book signing?  I was getting crunk with cougars of my own at Curve.  It was maybe the most ridiculous afternoon of my life.  Epic post to follow.

Bikram Yoga Has Made a Believer out of Me

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

I have yet to find Jesus, but I think I've found the next best thing: Bikram yoga.  Any by 'found,' I mean I was tipped off by my friend, Karla-- Suze Orman's soulmate and knower of all things cheap and pragmatic.

For example, when moto scooters first became the preferred mode of fair weather dyke transport, Karla ordered like 10 of them, piecemeal, from somewhere in Asia and assembled each one, part by part, for resale here in Andersonville.  So when Karla placed her endorsement on the 30 days for $30 deal of Bikram yoga in Andersonville, it was hard to say no.

A bunch of us "committed" to doing it for a 30 day period, starting this week, with a frequency of our choosing.  Mornings are a no-go for me, and I have a 9 to 5, so midday is out of the question too.  As fate would have it, I was relegated to the 8pm class where I would join my dear friend, Julie Kabb, who sacrificed attending the 5:45 class in the interest of camaraderie.  Though obviously grateful for her companionship, I think a more destructive pair to the class's chakras or auras or chi...whatever that pagan witchery is...could not be found.

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Intervention: figure skating

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Why hello.  I am writing you from my couch this Monday night because if I had my druthers, it is where I would spend the next two weeks of my life.  In fact, I had an absolutely delightful Valentine's Day for the sheer fact that I drank lots of Glogg, hung out with beautiful, funny single friends, and had a 360 degree view of the pairs figure skating short program via 6 TVs at Mary's Rec Room.

(Also, I took some cold medicine which is giving me cloud brain, so don't judge if this seems dumber or less legible than normal)

I don't know what it is about figure skating, particularly pairs and ice dancing, but every story is like a Behind the Music: Fleetwood Mac level of nail biting betrayal, love, and loss.  In fact, I love figure skating so much that two nights in a row I have forgone watching 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' so as to painstakingly follow the Chinese, Russians, and Germans on their journey to the medal stand.

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Not Lady Gaga; German pair in Sunday night's short program.



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How to throw a lesbian baby shower

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

I don't think it's going to come as a surprise to anyone that lesbians don't experience too many unplanned pregnancies.  As such, might I recommend that you women take a page from my first friend set of expectant moms and plan to have your final trimester fall during the Super Bowl.

Lesbians can find all sorts of reasons to miss a baby shower.  "I am in the first 6 months of a relationship," or "I am cleaning the grout in my bathroom this weekend," or "I have a softball game."  However, lesbians don't miss the Super Bowl.  Even bad lesbians like me who thought Tim Tebow was in the Super Bowl.  oops.

We knew this baby was coming, but when someone mentioned the words, "baby shower," we all kind of recoiled like someone had told us we had to go in for colonoscopies.  I know nothing about prams, strollers, breast pumps, or the difference between a 2 month old and an 18 month old, really.  In fact, at one point during the party, I leaned over to someone and said, "Do babies sleep on their sides, backs, or stomachs now?"  I also told the story of how when I was 11, I accidentally threw a young child into a moving ceiling fan.  I was tossing him up and catching him like you see parents do, but failed to account for the low ceilings.  Whatever, I was 11.  And the kid was totally fine.  Nonetheless, the sharing of this childhood story immediately exempted me from babysitting duty.  Phew!  Only supervised visits for Aunt Katherine.

In the shower planning emails, it was also made abundantly clear that we would not be playing the usual cutesy games that the ladies do at showers...like eating mashed up chocolate out of a diaper and saying, "ooooh!  Baby made a stinky!"  So our game and entertainment captains, Bobbi and Flo, set to work scouring the internet for baby shower games for men, loosely interpreted to mean 'lesbians.'  I assure you it was a rollicking good time, but I will let you judge for yourself.  We are coming of age as parents, my friends.  Learn from this, and reproduce what we have created here.  Brilliance.

(to see the slideshow, click 'view the gallery' below the thumbnails.  note: there are captions) 

Gallery sneak peek (26 images):

View the gallery...

Attention: new favorite place in the world

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

When the Game told me there was a new 24 hour "internet cafe" in Andersonville, I immediately thought of those skeevy European internet cafes where you type in constant fear that the patron before you ejaculated on the keyboard.

What is now Winston's Internet Cafe at Clark and Argyle was formerly a bar you might recall from the not so distant past-- Clark's on Clark.  Winston's shares the block with Man Country, and famed, defunct ancestor, the Eagle.  The Game was convinced that there was still a dungeon underneath this cafe and gushed about her love of it saying, "How amazing is it that these unsuspecting people are drinking coffee and reading the NYT while below them someone is getting paddled with a ball gag in his mouth.  Amazing, just incredible."

As my weekend two weekends ago was a rather extended one and characterized by all play and no work, I found myself up a creek last Tuesday.  So I figured I would go check out this Winston's.

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Shut up, CBS: the Super Bowl pro-life commercial fiasco

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

If you haven't heard about it already, then you're in for a big surprise this Super Bowl when, rather than seeing Janet Jackson's nipple, you will be treated to a pro-life commercial put on by the blow-hards over at Focus on the Family.

Initially when my friend tipped me off to this, I thought about the piece I'd write and came up with a list of snarky commercial ideas to demonstrate the total ridiculousness of this ad, the inappropriate message that this ad sends, and how they manipulated someone's personal story to do it.

Background: the commercial basically shows Tim Tebow's mom talking about how doctors advised her to get an abortion, but she didn't, and that's why Tim Tebow is playing in the very Super Bowl you're watching right now.

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Tim Tebow will appear in an anti-abortion ad during the Super Bowl on Sunday

But then I was walking to FKA Thursday night and thinking to myself, how DO you really make someone understand the circumstances around an abortion and why allowing a woman to have a choice is so important, when all they want to see is 'baby killing'?  The most compelling story I could think of is also a personal one and a true one, so here goes.

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Thursday! Recap of last weekend; forecast for the one forthcoming

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

The simple fact that it has taken me until Thursday to write about last weekend should speak to its degree of glory.  It was also one of those Wednesday-Monday sorts of weekends in terms of going out, but certainly not in terms of actual 'being off of work,' which is why this week has been a giant ass dragger and I paid for it in the form of a Tuesday all-nighter for work, details in a separate posting.

So I'll recap my weekend social selections over the pages of this blog, but I'd also like to learn from you, fair reader, if there was an event that I overlooked that was worthy of the attendance of fellow Chicago lesbians.  Maybe Circuit and Spin didn't suck last weekend.  And if that was the case, please state your case while enlightening us.

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Surprise! There's an election tomorrow and YOU'RE voting!

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Ok lesbos, soapbox time.  As surely many of you know, tomorrow is an election day.  And I would bet that many people were not planning on voting.  Honesty corner, I find these local elections very overwhelming.  However, we cannot continue to make noise about not having equal rights and gay marriage if we're not going to get our butts to the poll and vote in the very elections that elect the seemingly minor lawmakers who inevitably determine these major issues.

There are like 4000 candidates and again, honesty corner, I really have not been up on the issues surrounding water reclamation of late...or ever.  I somehow ended up on email distributions of candidates I've never even heard of, and I get more correspondence from them than I do my parents or even my close friends.  And of course, I've neither opened nor read any of it.

So I set out this weekend/this morning to try to gather information about the candidates so I didn't end up at the polls as I did the last presidential election where my ex and I proudly checked the "Obama/Biden" box on our respective ballots, and then had an "oh shit" moment as we were faced with about 25 candidates for strange judicial positions we had never heard of.  We then employed the very unofficial and embarrassing tactic of whispering between our cardboard barrier as we attempted to identify anyone that was a Democrat and a woman and/or a minority and checked their name (we were trying to abide by democratic principles and make government representative).  And so began our racial profiling election practice.

This time, I intend to arrive at the polls armed with knowledge and substantiated opinions.  Perhaps you have heard of Linda Pauel, candidate for Cook County Circuit Court Judge.  She has been actively getting out to court the lesbian vote and is wildly popular amongst the Chicago lesbos.  Now lesbians, this does not mean that when you and your gf have a public display of dysfunction out at Circuit some night you go before a tribunal of Linda Pauel and a jury of your peers.  Circuit Court Judge has nothing to do with Circuit the nightclub.

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Photo courtesy of Linda Pauel's Facebook page

 
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CAWS: Conservatives Are Worth Saving

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

So my grandpa died the day after Thanksgiving in 2008.  He had been near-death for quite some time before this.  Specifically, he was near-death during the 2008 presidential election.  Way back during primary season, my grandfather, a lifelong Republican, had admitted that he was flirting with the notion of a Hillary vote.  This was the real progress we could only hope for in America.

It remains to be seen whether he was lucid, or much concerned with the election, in the months leading up to his death.  Regardless, the possible Obama/Biden vote was not off the table.  Except for my grandmother, who essentially hid it under the table.  My grandmother, perhaps the staunchest Republican of all, actually took the absentee ballot for my invalid grandfather, weeks before his death, and cast it for McCain/Palin.  Did I mention they live in Ohio?  Yes.  If my grandma weren't so old and cute, I might have actually reported her for voter fraud.

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Lesbians: a call to action. Vote for your favorite music!

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

So the website, Top Gay Songs, recently came out with a list of the Top 50 Lesbian Songs.  Now before I throw up on this list and shred it to pieces, I would like to draw attention to the fact that the creators invite our feedback, which I very much admire and appreciate.  So literally, with enough feedback, this list will actually be shaped by "lesbians" (technically anyone could reply), as opposed to the gay men who actually made it (as evidenced by the Cyndi Lauper "Time After Time" that they clearly forgot to delete from the men's list).

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The epitome of lesbiana - the Indigo Girls


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Palazzo di Lesbos

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

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Subarus not featured in this photo

This weekend marked my friend group's second annual pilgrimage to Devil's Head for "snowboarding."  If you could not tell that our villa was masquerading as a lesbian commune from our mountain of beer bottles in the back, or the horrid music emanating from within, then certainly the fleet of hatchbacks and small SUVs in the driveway would out us.

As I found myself girlfriendless this time around, I brought along my trusty copilot, Downtown.  We thought about inviting the Game, but Downtown aptly pointed out that we'd have 0 chance of getting the Game to come away for the weekend unless we were able to convince her that T's had opened a Merrimac, WI outpost.

So we made the best of it.  Upon arrival Friday night, we promptly cracked open our local New Glarus beers and cued up some Keith Sweat on the karaoke machine.  The couples were nestled all snug in their beds...and Downtown and I were smoking hookah and facebook stalking people, like the good single people that we are.

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You want me to paint what?

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Oh beauty standards.  Bleaching skin, straightening hair, removing hair, binding feet, stretching necks...color contacts, tattooed make-up.  We women subscribe to some pretty wild shit to achieve certain standards of beauty.  Well, this latest one might blow them all out of the water.

There's a new standard of beauty right now-- but it has nothing to do with the size of your feet or your hair texture.  It is the pink vagina beauty standard.  But fear not.  If you don't have a god given, rosy pink set of bottom lips, then My New Pink Button has just the right combination of who knows what and dyes to quell your woes.

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Courtesy of the product website



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There was dancing...and naked ladies

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

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Photo courtesy of mizzchicago.com

My first experience at Chances Dances was pretty much like stepping into someone's women and gender studies thesis.  I initially began to analyze the crowd and the behavior through the lens of an anthropologist or a taxonomist.  I showed up with a gaggle including Downtown, RedFemme, and gay boy, LatinLover69.  I figured our representation (black, white, lesbian, gay man, femme, butch, 'tweener, bottom, top) gave us a diverse enough array of perspectives from which to begin "studying" people.

We were very attentive to identity politics and had delicious, stimulating conversation as we classified random attendees.  We didn't want to repress anyone with our restrictive pronoun set, so we pointed out potential interests as, "What do you think about white tie-- appears to be F to M and attracted to girls."  Or, "We need to find RedFemme a boi.  No!  Not a boy, a BOI!  Boi, b-o-i."  This became increasingly difficult and frustrating.  Spell b-o-i and b-o-y aloud and tell me how different they sound.  Exactly.  And actually, forget sound.  Jock Jams were pumping, so it was a lot of lip reading.  I don't think there's any way to distinguish a 'y' from an 'i' when spelling boy vs. boi.  End scene.

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The Golden Globes are boring; you should go out

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

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poster courtesy of the B.Blyss Facebook page

If you don't have to go to work tomorrow (I hate you), or if you do have work and feel you can hit the 'rage' button for one more night, the lovely ladies of B.Blyss! Productions are throwing a party called DREAM: THE ASTROLOGICAL FREEDOM AFFAIR!! A Celebration of the Life and Legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  It runs from 9pm-2am at Vain Nightclub (2354 N. Clybourn). RSVP to vip@bblyss.com, to get a secret password that'll get you in for free!

If you go shower now, you can make it by 9:30 to meet Linda J. Pauel, candidate for Cook County Circuit Court Judge, who will be doing a meet and greet from 9:30 to 10:30.  B.Blyss parties are for women, by women, and bring together a very diverse crowd.  Definitely worth mustering the rallying power.

Suze Orman would want you to go to this

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Initially when I heard of this financial planning event, I thought, "Nah.  I don't need to diversify my portfolio."  Then earlier this month I sat down one day to pay a bunch of bills, left enough "discretionary funds" in my account to last me two weeks, and kicked the rest to my credit card bills (clue #1 that I should go to this event).  I was amazed at the dent I was able to make in my credit card payments and gave myself a little pat on the back for having been so good with my spending.  Two days later, I realized I had forgotten to pay my January rent, hence the seeming "surplus" in my account.

I then emailed celesbrity promoter, Amy Bloom, to confirm my attendance at the event.  What better way to meet women.  "You're broke?  ME TOO!  We should date."  As if lesbians need one more "pragmatic" reason to consolidate their lives and worldly possessions in less time than it takes to renew your passport.

While the event is financial in nature, Bloom assures me that you don't need to show up with a bank statement, a paycheck stub, and a copy of your last 401k contribution.  It's a mingling event, where you could talk to the financial advisor, Jennifer des Groseilliers, but she is not going to follow you around and make you talk about your finances or sign up for a future consultation or anything like that.  And maybe you're not concerned about that, but I was.

There are still a couple spots left, so if you're interested in attending, email Amy Bloom and reserve a spot.  It's free, there will be wine and hors d'oeuvres, and the Powwows will be serenading.
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Can you spell "free drinks"?

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Katherine Winfrey-King

a Chicago-based lesbian searching for her dignity

Boystown watering hole, Scarlet, will be making good on yet another of their new year's resolutions: going back to school.  Scarlet's Friday night theme parties this month will focus on 4 resolutions, tonight being 2 of 4.  Scarlet employee, Rob, says of the event, "Our host Chip will be challenging people to a spell different words.  If the patron spells it right, they get a shot or a drink or something.  It's fairly informal, but adds to the fun.  I think we may have a nun (or person dressed as such) there to spank you if you get it wrong."

I am in love.  It is so rare that one is rewarded for displaying redeemable life skills or any form of intellect with alcohol at bar events.  Cheers to you, Scarlet, for not encouraging the usual buffoonery and hooliganism.  And I am mostly excited because I can already smell the sweet eau de victoire.

I have a secret for you.  I kick ass at spelling.  I will dominate you.

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Poster courtesy of Scarlet's Facebook page

 


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