Ripped from the Headlines: Will you welcome Soulja Boy, Chicago?
"Bad rap? Soulja Boy definitely isn't alone"
Published on P. 4 in RedEye on 7/10/09
Update: To quote Stickyfingaz: "But, but, but, but, wait it gets worse." Thanks to @MilDollarGeek, other Twitter and Facebook Fam for additions you can see after the jump....
Crank dat. Turn your swag on. Prepare your best Bird Walk.
Soulja Boy Tell'em is set to perform at the New Regal Theater at
7 p.m. Saturday.
Credit: Vibe Magazine
I know all the real hip-hop heads have their tickets in hand. No doubt, the rap icon who taught us to "superman dat [bleep]" will rap rings around Jay-Z, who preceded him at the Charter One Northerly Island Pavilion on Tuesday.
OK, you got me. I couldn't even type those last two sentences with a straight face.
But on a serious note: I'm hoping local rap fans--even those that sidestep all things Soulja--will at least give him a warm Windy City welcome.
He is what he is, and even some of the MC illuminati, Jigga included, respect his marketing genius.
I've railed against Soulja Boy in the past, but--other than exposing a dulled intellect via Twitter--he isn't doing anything wrong.
More importantly, he is not killing rap.
Long before the Bird Walker was born, the mainstream music machine touted mass appeal over artistry. Soulja is far from the first to exploit the industry's lyrical loophole. Just ask these throwback acts:
2 Live Crew
Their bumping bass obscured the fact that all the crew was doing was chanting what 8th-grade boys write on bathroom walls.
The release of 'Whoomp/Whoot There It Is'
Remember the '90s-era debate between 95 South (Whoot) and Tag Team (Whoomp) over who created this idiotic anthem? The real battle should have been over who to blame for popularizing paltry rap.
MC Hammer
The rapper-turned-reality-TV-star is one of the greatest dancers alive, but he did not live up to the "MC" in his name. I challenge you to recite four lines of his that made any sense. Go ahead, I'll wait. I would add Vanilla Ice as a rap/dancing addendum, but that two-song terror doesn't even deserve credit for a kill.
Master P
This rapper/producer built the No Limit empire. But he also introduced us to an arsenal of annoyances, including mind-numbingly dumb lyrics and rampant nepotism that rivaled anything Donald Trump ever did. I'll never forgive him for signing Silkk the Shocker who, if he weren't P's brother, wouldn't have qualified for a karaoke night.
Snow (Added at 12:57 p.m., courtesy of @MilDollarGeek who Tweeted)
"let's not forget the canuck born Snow and the infectious Informer song that needed subtitles in the video."
Too Short
I know exactly what Too Short would call me for putting him on this list, but one of my Facebook fam wisely pointed out this man wasn't nice on the mic. I totally agree, though I will dance if they play "Blow the Whistle" at the club.
The Dogs
As mentioned by the always on-point Mashantala. I was freaking crying with laughter as I even embedded this ig'nant video. These MCs are straight fools, no chaser:
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12 Comments
Mashantala said:
Actual 'rap' hooks and lyrics from the '90s:
We like the cars, the cars that go boom; we're Tigra and Bunny, and we like the boom.
Your momma's on crack rock. (repeat)
I got the munchies for your bass.
Hey, watch me do it, ooooh you so nasty... hey watch me do it; I'ma tell momma... (repeat)
I agree Kyra: Soulja didn't kill rap; he's continued a trend previous 'rappers' have been capitalizing on since rap went commercial.
Kyra Kyles said:
I'm over here dancing to those hooks. yeah, I knew they were stupid. And no you DID NOT quote "The Dogs." That "Crack Rock" song was so damn offensive. Ha ha ha! Here's one of the lines I think is the dumbest. Tell me the artist and I'll give you a virtual fist bump, Mashantala:
"I don't beg, cuz I'm not a begonia."
Mashantala said:
I thought you were leaving 'Nice and Smooth' out of this Kyra!!! lol... *extends hand for obligatory fist bump ;)
Kyra Kyles said:
Consider yourself "bumped," and thanks for The Dogs idea. I updated the blog with the video of that rap travesty.
Mashantala said:
The Box. Music television YOU control. Why din't the people ordering those videos have better control of themselves? I grew up listening to some garbage. Luckily I had Tribe and Wu to balance me out later...
Kyra Kyles said:
How about this classic? "Boom! I got your boyfriend...boom, I got your man. I got 'em!" How about the "Simpsons Dance?" Okay, I need to stop. My mascara is running.
BigTy said:
When it comes to the degradation of Hip Hop, I point the finger at one man... Sean Puffy Squiddly Diddly Jiggly Puff Combs. When he ushered in the Shiny Suit Era with Ma$e, it signaled the beginning of the end. I always felt that Puffy should've been brought before some sort of World Court for his musical crimes against humanity. During this reign, calling somebody "wack" became "hating", and a Battle Cry of the Stupid was born.
So, there ya have it... add the Rev. Mason "Ma$e/Pastor Betha/G-Unit Soldier" Betha to the list.
Kyra Kyles said:
That "hater" insight is absolutely on target. Since when did calling someone out translate to envy? I was remiss in not crowning King Diddy as one of the major elements that eroded the talent out of hip-hop music. Yes, he brought us Biggie, but everything else he did pretty much cxld out that immense contribution. Keep bringing the deep thoughts, BigTy and I may re-name you Jack Handy. :)
MillionDollarGeek said:
Young Black Teenagers. They weren't even black to begin with, just a few white guys thinking that they could get into hip hop by bringing in a message. Black is just a state of mind. I mean honestly, they did sound a little wacky and they definitely didn't last long since they were snubbed by the rest of the hip hop world. Okay, seriously... they sucked.
Kyra Kyles said:
I had no idea where they were going with that name. And their song was a-ight, but definitely not anything I want to hear ever again. Thanks for coming by MillionDollarGeek. Stop by often and feel free to suggest pop topics.
BigTy said:
I have to disagree with MillionDollarGeek on Young Black Teenagers. I'm not going to defend their lyrical prowess, but on the turntables, they were absolutely bananas. What they lacked in quotable rhymes, they made up for with incredible DJ skills.
citygirl81 said:
He annoys me to NO end! I hate that dayum song and I wish he would go away, ugghhhh!
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