Jay Cutler Superstar

The Karmic Guide on Jay Cutler

Jonathan Shikes over at Denver's Westword blog has written a hilarious piece called "The Karmic Guide to Fantasy Football 2009". It features 10 players you might not want to draft because karma may be coming to get them like they were on the cover of Madden. Guess who tops the list? Here's what he wrote about our new QB:

Jay Cutler: QB, Chicago Bears

Analysis: The former Denver Broncos franchise player was traded to the Bears in the off-season after a very public, very whiny temper tantrum directed at the Broncos and their new, equally punk-ass coach. Jay Cutler could do okay in Chicago, fantasy-wise, but he's also blasted Denver and its fans in an ensuing tantrum, and his face looks perpetually bee-stung.

Karmic consequences: Cutler will indeed throw for some touchdowns in 2009, and a lot of interceptions. But just as you start to ride a wave of fantasy wins, right around week six, your ex-girlfriend will "accidentally" post your gonorrhea-positive test results on her Facebook page during the same week that your boss denies that raise request. Your testicles will swell to the size of small cantaloupes. You'll also get diabetes.

Wow. I may take my chances anyway. I'm a sucker when it comes to drafting Bears.



Recent Posts


No Comments

Leave a Comment?

Some HTML is permitted: a, strong, em

What your comment will look like:


what will you say?

Most Active Pages Right Now

ChicagoNow.com on Facebook