8 Holiday Movies every Geek Should See

I'm Dreaming of a Geek Christmas Part One: Viewing Material
By Marissa Meli
 

Batman Returns - Warner Bros. Home Entertainment

It's the Friday after Thanksgiving, and you know what that means. First, trampling. And second, it's the beginning of the Christmas season. I know that the Christmas season really begins after Halloween nowadays, but like a younger Andy Rooney with thinner eyebrows, I am willing to forego reality to hang on to gilded traditions. So let's begin. Over the next few weeks, I'll present to you a few items that will help you deck the halls of your holodecks. This week, I'm taking a look at geeky Christmas movies.

I love A Christmas Story as much as anyone else, but the 24-hour marathon every year has just worn me out.  This holiday, I'll be watching these geeky Christmas favorites instead.

Die Hard

Bruce Willis is back in L.A. to visit his estranged wife for Christmas. Unfortunately (well, fortunately for us) a group of terrorists take over her a skyscraper during her holiday office party. It's up to Bruce (as John McClane) to make sure Alan Rickman (you may know him better as Severus Snape) and his crew end up on Santa's permanent naughty list. Reginald VelJohnson (Carl Winslow from Family Matters) appears as--you guessed it--a cop. Yippie-ki-yay!

Bad Santa

Billy Bob Thorton and Tony Cox (all you need to know is that he was an Ewok in Ewoks: The Battle for Endor) are conmen who get jobs playing Santa Claus and his Little Helper in order to rob department stores. Billy Bob's sick, gristly sense of humor shines next to a chunky, awkward 8 year-old who teaches him the true meaning of Christmas. A heartwarming tale, with boobs.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: A Very Sunny Christmas

Let this replace The Flintstones Christmas as the TV special you watch every year. The Paddy's Pub gang probably won't learn the real meaning of Christmas, but they will make you laugh and barf at the same time. Don't bother shelling out the extra bucks for the Blu Ray, though: sadly, it's basically a DVD burned onto a Blu-Ray disc. Warning: features copious amounts of Danny DeVito nudity.
 

Gremlins - Warner Bros. Home Entertainment

Gremlins

This movie is why I am afraid to go to the YMCA. Okay, there are other reasons, but the evil Gremlin Stripe multiplying in the public pool is more frightening than the curtain-less showers. Gizmo, the mogwai Christmas present who innocently spawned Gremlins because he came into contact with water, made us all treat our Furbies a little more carefully.

Batman Returns

You may only know Batman Begins and The Dark Knight as the good Batman movies. That's because you didn't have an older brother who snuck you in to the movie theater in a coat. Batman Returns is one of Tim Burton's greatest films. Michael Keaton is surprisingly amazing as Batman battling the Penguin, Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer owns this role forever), and Christopher Walken during Christmastime in Gotham City. Warning: features copious amounts of Danny DeVito.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Another Tim Burton movie that demonstrates the ineptitude of MPAA. PG? Really? TNBC is creepier than any horror movie I've seen this year, with the possible exception of Paranormal Activity. This is Geek 101 right here: if you haven't seen it, get it quick, or take your ignorance to your grave. Jack Skellington, of Halloweentown, wanders into Christmastown. Chaos (including the kidnapping and torturing of Santa Claus and some delightful musical numbers) ensues.

The Muppet Christmas Carol

It's hard to believe this movie is only seventeen years old: it's an indisputable classic that's smarter and more enjoyable than any kids' holiday movie out there. It's not just for your Geek 2.0, either: every worthy adult geek is a proud Muppet fan. This is also the only palatable version of the beaten-to-death Dickens tale besides Bill Murray's Scrooged. Michael Caine gives a curmudgeonalicious performance as Scrooge.

Elf

Will Ferrell plays the titular elf, a teetering man-child and the only known human to be raised at the North Pole. Buddy heads out in to the big city to find his biological father and ends up teaching a bunch of hustle-and-bustle types all about the real meaning of X-Mas. Genuinely sweet and hysterically funny.

Well, that's it for me: it's time to slip back into my turkey coma. See you next week with more advice to make your holidays geek-friendly. By then, hopefully I'll be able to locate that Star Trek: The Original Series menorah I've been hunting down.

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There you have it folks!  We'll be adding more stuff to the list as the shopping season progresses and be sure to keep an eye out for my geeky gift suggestions in the RedEye print edition!

Oh, and be sure to let me know what YOUR fave geeky holiday films are in the comment section!