Nix nix on these words

Ah, nice invitation. No shakedown on this one.

Brides, grooms, best ladies, best men, mothers of the brides, MILs to-be of the brides, anyone who's writing out any sort of invitation (but especially wedding related): LISTEN THE EFF UP.

Hear me now and hear me real: NO YOU CAN'T ASK FOR MONEY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

I don't care if you found a cutsey rhyming poem that "politely" asks for money. (Oxymoron right there. There IS NO polite way to ask for money.) And it doesn't matter (really) that the couple are in their 30s (or 20s, or 40s, or 80s...) and they "already have everything they need."

If you don't know the definition of "gift," greedy genius, then look it up. Here, I'll help you: "Something voluntarily transferred to one person from another without compensation." Key word there: voluntarily.

As we learned yesterday, weddings are not shakedowns; nor should showers be. It's rude to ask or hint for money in any format.

So promise me you'll obliterate these cringe-inducing phrases from your invitations:

• "No box gifts, please."
  
• "Cash gifts, please." (Worse: "Cash only." Really? Am I at a dive bar in Sycamore?)
• "If you'd like to give us something
  To help us on our way
  A gift of money
  Would really make our day." (Really? Eff you.)