Be obnoxious on facebook! Rudeness rules!

Some basic etiquette tips for whatever you do today, whether you're at work, home, or out and about:

1. Chew gum, loudly and with your mouth open, during all conversations. 
2. Leave your cell phone ringer turned on to its highest volume, and let the noise fly today! Even better if your ringtone is an obnoxious, tinny-sounding dowloaded song. Everyone loves a crappy-quality version of "Tipsy."
3. Answer that call -- but only after you've thoroughly annoyed everyone within earshot by letting it go that long -- and speak loudly. Be sure to include personal details: your pus-oozing sore, your pap smear results, how wasted you got last night, etc. Everyone loves a show!
   
4. Interrupt everyone you speak with. Bonus points for interrupting customers!
   
5. Cut off others in traffic. Make a game of it! Keep a secret tally of how many drivers you piss off. Double points if they give you the finger.
   
6. Clip your fingernails at your desk.
   
7. Swear in front of your coworkers, friends, family, and children. Heck, drop the f-bomb all day and punctuate your sentences with an emphatic, "Shit."
8. Running errands? Make sure you keep up that loud cell phone conversation while someone like a cashier or barista waits on you. Then yell at him/her when you think he/she overcharged you by four cents.*
   
9. Facebooking? Post medical and personal photos. Describe personal instances between you and your s.o., and post these on your wall so everyone can see! TMI is the best!
10. Look at the calendar.