Look out for Bears, Bulls and Bud Adams

There is one qualifier. The Bears are not permitted to jump offside on any field goal efforts.
 
Based on box office returns, Northwestern football, a pretty decent product, is about as popular in this town as twelve dollar valet parking on Rush Street.
 
Did you catch Bill Kurtis and Skippy Jacobson the other night on TV2 "Oldies but Goodies" revival? God, they were fabulous. WBBM is nuts if it doesn't make two one-foot putt moves. First, add Jacobson, the legendary ex-Cubs bat boy, to the payroll to do his "Perspectives" three nights a week. I was almost moved to tears when I heard Walter bust Mayor 2016's chops during his Friday commentary. Second, tag team Kurtis with Rob Johnson on the "6" and make Bill the Johnson fill in on the 10 o'clock main event.
 
I have begged and pleaded with the Bulls to handle this "issue" and belly flopped completely on deaf ears. Raise your hands if you despise those dumbo kids who run up and down floor level at the United Center waving signs that say "Cheer louder" or "Noise." I mean if you're paying a c-note plus to watch an NBA basketball game do you really want to have kids with acne problems telling you what to do while Vinny Del Negro diagrams a 12-foot jump shot off a back screen.
 
Have you seen the movie "Precious?" No. Well, get with the program. It's this year's answer to Mickey Rourke and "The Wrestler."  Mo'Nique, the beyond hostile mother in the flick, is on my card at 3 to 1 to grab an Oscar for best supporting actress.
 
There are times when the NFL is so pathetically hopeless I KNOW it only succeeds because gambling covers an overwhelming number of flaws. Did you see the league fined Bud Adams, the 86-year old owner of the Tennessee Titans, $250k for flipping the bird during the Titans Sunday win over the Buffalo Bills?
 
Two-fifty-large??? A defensive back would have to take out a switchblade on a running back to get burned that badly. You have to love the NFL. It pays lip service to head injuries, but lifts 250-thousand bucks from a guy who was obviously overwhelmed that his ballclub had vaulted to 3 and 6.
 
Go to the head of the class if you'd like to see Dave McGinnis as the new head coach of the Chicago Bears. And increase your level of Prozac if you honest to gosh believe that Gordon Beckham was only the fifth best rookie in the American League this year according to the Baseball Writers of America.