Coppock on Sports

Excerpt: Tell the NBA that "Fat Guys Shouldn't Be Dancin' at Halftime"

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Okay, no fat jokes. The fact is, I've been above and beyond my playing weight since Jimmy Carter was tossing us double-digit inflation. But let me suggest this. Should you plan on buying a "Matador" as a Christmas decoration, skip the traditional scotch pines and evergreens. Buy a pair of sequoias and hang the poor blubber gut between the two trees with chain-link fence. That would support your new "Fatador"-maybe. No guarantees.

This verse isn't really about the Matadors, it is about an NBA that's deathly afraid of letting its product stand alone. If there isn't constant music, constant scoreboard activity, or kids running around with signs that read "Make Noise," the league is convinced it might lose it audience to curling or table tennis.

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Coppock to NFL Network: Three Strikes amd You're Out!

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

I'm breathing a massive sigh of relief.  The 2009-10 NFL season has mercifully come to a close. I say "mercifully" because I made three lousy play calls on Saturday and Sunday when I decided to actually see what the NFL Network had to offer.  Trust me, the NFL's little TV stepchild makes Enron look tremendous. Frankly, and I don't want to sound harsh, the NFL Network would have to raise their game four levels to equal "Extreme Dating."

Quick side note:  Doesn't it seem like just yesterday that Jay Cutler was getting picked off four times in the Bears' week one loss to the Packers at Lambeau Field?

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Excerpt: Fat Guys Shouldn't Be Dancin' at Halftime -- Meet Jerry "the Crasher" Berliant

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Okay, quiet on the set.  Cue the actors.  We're "rolling film" at Rod Laver Stadium in Melbourne for the windup of the Australian Open.  You notice this well-dressed guy, closer to 70 than he is to 60 with what appears to be a salon-type tan, involved in an animated discussion with security.

Our guy is trying to explain to the gendarmes that, while he doesn't have anything resembling a ticket or a credential, he should be given immediate entry to center court and the high-end seats to have forced conversations with, you know, Ben Affleck, some Australian millionaires, and, maybe, Chrissie Evert or Paul McCartney.

Meet Jerry "the Crasher" Berliant, Chicago's godfather of gate crashing.

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AFC Championship Reactions

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

My house. My game. My loss. It's 5:04 on Sunday and the anguish of finality has settled in that my "AFC Play of the Year", the Jets plus 7.5 versus the Colts in the AFC Championship Game was roughly as successful as "balloon boy." I really could have used the extra fifteen bucks.

Why is Peyton Manning a football genius, the best in the business? Yes, he's got a terrific arm skill, but that's not the big ticket. Manning's ability to decipher the pre-snap read and break down coverage schemes is unmatched, far better than Marino, Montana or Elway. Peyton's in a league of his own.

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Favre Tempts Football Gods, and CBS too

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

For openers, shame on Brett Favre.  Shame on the Minnesota Vikings. What's my beef? The Vikes busted the NFL's unwritten code Sunday -- big time -- in their cakewalk over Wade Phillips and Dallas. A code that reads, "You can kick my tail, but don't run it up on me."
 
So with that in mind, can someone explain the following to me? Why did Brad Childress have Favre on the field with under 2:00 to play?  That's point number one; Brett is the main event. Point number two, why did Favre feel the need to go deep, to make that vertical TD toss to Visanthe Shiancoe?

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End the McGwire Circus Soon, Mr. Selig

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Here's all you need to know about Mark McGwire. There are hookers on North Avenue with more class than this arrogant bozo. I would rather replay Vietnam with your kid's tee-ball team before I go war with the sullen "Big Macne."

Last Friday, when I wrote about "Big Macne", I figured it was game, set and match. Well boy, did I miss the boat!  (And not just the two-foot-putt obvious merger of "Mac" and "acne" for Big Macne)

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La Russa Running Interference for Big Acne

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

"I'm not here to discuss the past. I'm here to be positive about this subject."
 
Mark McGwire, the former acne-ridden slugger, doing his hopeless comedy routine before that Senate Committee investigating steroid use in MLB back in 2005. God, I nearly vomit every time I reflect on McGwire basically saying, "Hell yes, I'm guilty, but my team of attorneys told me a bunch of politicians would buy this line of crap."

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Chicago Bears Kabuki Theater 101

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

I have been following the McCaskeys for years. Hell, I've had an eye on the family since Watergate was all the rage.  I've always understood one thing about how they operate.  This is their ball, their team and their league which pretty much covers all bets.

In other words, since their operation has charter membership in the empire known as the National Football League they can do whatever they damn well please - so help me Alonzo Spellman.

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Soul-Searching the Bears 2009 Season

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Mercifully, the Bears' 2009 season came to an end at the Ford Motor Company Mortuary on Sunday. The score?  Let's just say the Bears won a game that -- for the most part -- was so devoid of spark it created a new legion of soccer fans.
 
The end of a season is a time for reflection.  Who better to reflect with than Chet Coppock, the Godfather of Sports Talk Radio. Keep in mind, Sunday was a rather interesting milestone for me.  I have now watched the Bears play football in seven different decades.  And I'm only 61. It should tell you and, uh me, that I've reached a difficult age: I'm too old for the Jonas Brothers and still 18 years too young for plastic spoons at a retirement home. I hope.
 
So, why not join me as I look deep into my soul and question myself about the Monsters of the Midway.
 
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Current Pathetic Bulls anything but the Norm

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

I don't really take the NBA seriously. I haven't for at least 10 years, maybe longer.

What's my beef? The league used to be a man's game, a 48-minute showdown between competitors. In 2009, this David Stern marketing creation is all-too-often a glorified scrimmage between kids who don't know how to set a back pick, but will call their agents at four in the morning if room services at some Four Seasons Hotel isn't up to their over inflated standards.
 
You see Joakim Noah. I see Wilt Chamberlain .You see Derrick Rose. I see little Derrick getting his head knocked off by Oscar Robertson. You see Luol Deng. I see Dennis Rodman burning Deng's rib cage.

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Bears get another dose of reality from Ravens

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Attention people who live and die with Orlando Pace, Zach Bowman and Hunter "over the hill" Hillenmeyer.  Please be prepared. Season ticket renewals will be headed your way in March. Have your pen and checkbook ready.
 
It could be worse, one helluva a lot worse. Turn back the hands. In 1960, under Papa Bear George Halas, the "Monsters of the Midway" lost their final two games to the Browns and the Lions buy a combo score of 78-0. Trust me, I'm the only guy around who still remembers those two games. Why? I have no idea.

 

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Pack Lackluster, but Bears Looked Worse

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Ask for a recount. This can't be on the square. Do you remember the Bears began this season with a record of 3 and 1?

Here's what really disgusts me about the Bears 20-14 belly flop to Green Bay on Sunday. Mike McCarthy, the Pack front man, did his best to hand deliver the Bears a win.
 
Think about it. Green Bay came roaring out of the gate like the tail end of Haley's Comet. It took the team from the northland a grand total of one play and 0:11 seconds to jump on the Bears 7-0. The Pack would eventually lead the Bears 13-0 before a Soldier Field crowd that was two-thirds depression, one-third hostile and 92 percent loaded.

 

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Best Chicago Sportscasters of the Past 25 Years

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

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As I wrote in my book, part of me was nuts to make this list, as well as the upcoming "Worst" list. That one should really go over well!

But what the hell? I've been a TV sports anchor in Chicago, and I get a great kick out of people calling me the godfather of sports-talk radio.

So let's go back to 1983. Let's flip the dials, trot out the players, and come up with a list of the 12 best sportscasters over the past 25 years.


Gallery sneak peek (19 images):

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Ricketts Already Running Racket on North Side

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

This really aggravates me. I was convinced that Team Ricketts, the new owners of our North Side juggernaut Chicago Cubs, wouldn't commit their first public relations blunder before Valentine's Day.
 
Boy, was I wrong. In case you missed it, the Cubs - coming off a year of fantastic indifference - have gone ahead and raised the tab on about 50 percent of their tickets. The lambs who flock to that fire trap at Clark and Addison will no doubt see this as a gesture that Tom Ricketts is, by gosh, going to be a "fan's owner."

 

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Fat Charlie Exits Notre Dame as a Failure

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Good bye, Fat Charlie. Don't let Touchdown Jesus smack your ass on the way out.
 
Notre Dame has finally confirmed the worst-kept secret in North America. Charlie Weis has been told to get lost, and not a moment too soon. This guy is about as likeable as your average loan shark. Fat Charlie had to set some kind of record for alienating people from coast-to-coast during his tenure in South Bend. Weis' arrogance and bluster depart Notre Dame off a regular season that closed with a bedazzling four-game losing streak.

 

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Woe is the Bears, and woe is me for taking the over

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Hey, Bear fans I know you need a lift. Don't moan and groan about the misery at the Metrodome. Just reflect on 1965 when Rudy "The Rifle" Bukich playing for Papa Bear George Halas, led the NFL - no kidding! - in passing.
 
Thank the good lord that the Bears' third down defense was not our first line of defense in World War II.
 
Joe Buck, obviously trying to pump up a B-movie, began the Fox 'cast by saying, "The Bears really need this game." I couldn't agree more. With a win the Bears could have closed this dump truck season 8 and 8.
 
Part of me says that Troy Aikman is so crazy about Jay Cutler that he wears Jay's number 6 jersey to bed. Or maybe Troy slips into custom made Cutler silk pajamas. Another part of me says that Aikman feels sorry for Cutler because the poor guy is surrounded by so many stumble bums.
 
I'm convinced that referee Walt Coleman and his crew wanted the third quarter to last until New Year's Eve.
 
Don't get hostile about Anthony Adams, the Bears celebrated defensive tackle. So he drew a penalty for failing to report as an eligible receiver. Hey, it takes time to work out the kinks. The season is only 11 games old.
 
Book it. Percy Harvin, the Minnesota showcase receiver,  will only drive the Bears nuts for the next 11 years.
 
Make it a point to be at Soldier Field December 28 when the Bears get their chance to draw blood from the Vikes. Why? Oh, please, it will be Brett Favre's last appearance on the lakefront until 2010, not to mention 2011.
 
Time is running out. The two teams have combined to score 46 points. I bet the over at 47. Well, they don't build those joints in Vegas because the public wins.
 
Oh, did I ask you this? What's your favorite memory of the Gaines Adams era.
Gaines who? You know, the guy Jerry Angelo brought to Halas Hall from Tampa for a second round pick.
 
A Notre Dame nugget!!! The Fighting Irish obviously won't miss Charlie Weis as a leader but they will miss him as a recruiter. I'll have more on that later this week. Plus I'll tell you why defensive boss John tenuta is the real culprit in the South Bend demise. 

Bears Nation, Front Office Comfortably Numb

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

So, the Bears got knocked off by Philly Sunday night. Don't you understand? They were supposed to get licked. They were three point home dogs.
 
What does it mean for business at Soldier Field? Simple. Scalpers will still do big money on home dates with the Vikings and the Packers and the Bears will continue their endless run of sellouts through 2010 -- probably through 2020. Season ticketholders, you can expect your renewal forms sometime around the second week of March.

 

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Bears Already Bungling Sunday Night Spotlight

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Welcome once again to the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Halas Circus.  My only question -- since this is the "big top" -- where are the elephants, the clowns and the bearded lady?
 
In today's misadventures of team McCaskey, we have Lovie Smith, Jerry Angelo and Jay Cutler in starring roles. All three have turned on the red light regarding requests to be interviewed as pre-game guests by NBC's Bob Costas before Sunday night's Bears-Eagles tee off at the house that Ted Phillips built.

 

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Look out for Bears, Bulls and Bud Adams

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

"Make every play clear the way to victory"
 
Ok, so you root for the Bears. i know you're down in the mouth. I know you see Josh Beekman where the Vikings see Brett Favre and the New Orleans Saints see Drew Brees.
 
Here's a pick me up courtesy of Coppock. No runs, no hits, no charge. Sunday night on the lakefront bet the Bears and parlay with the over against the Philadelphia Eagles. The absolute worst you can do is lose your kid's lunch money.

 

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An open letter to Virginia McCaskey

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

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(AP photo)

Dear Virginia;
 
Son of a gun, its been a long time since we've seen each other. In fact we haven't spoken since we briefly chatted at Sid Luckman's memorial service back in 1998.
 
I know you're not particularly fond of me. I know you think I have it in for your football team. But you also know this. When your father - my blood and guts hero - George Stanley Halas died back on Halloween night, 1983 nobody eulogized him with more passion than i did.

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Cutler and Bears Baffled in Red Zone Again

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Hail the brilliance of the free press! I want to congratulate all my media colleagues who insist upon calling "little Jay attitude" a "franchise quarterback." Boy, Cutler certainly did deliver big in clutch time in the Bay Area on Thursday night.
 
Right now Cutler leads the NFL in one category and one category only: most interceptions in prime time football games. Why is this overpaid brat doomed to second rate status? The red zone, baby. When you get down deep in the opponents backyard and the field tightens up and you can't find the end zone, you don't know how to win. Silly me. Cutler also leads the NFL in interceptions, period, with 17.

 

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Monsters of the Midway a Myth

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Bears fans listen up. I'm, only going to give this sermon once because it is as legit as it can be.
 
Let's deal in reality. The Bears have no business being referred to as "Monsters of the Midway." Excuse me, but this club has won two NFL titles since 1946. For the most part, based on a strange stat called wins and losses, the Bears have been at best mediocre to average.  Good lord, the Halas men went 21 years - '63 to '84 - without a post season win.

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Bears Stink up the Joint vs Arizona

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Tommy Harris, the Bears overpaid defensive tackle is a bum. A jerk. He's also selfish. In the biggest game the Bears have played this year he gets tossed out roughly 45 seconds after the coin toss for slugging Arizona tackle Deuce Lutui.
 
It is a damn shame that NFL rules don't allow the McCaskeys -- jeez, when was the last time I was in their corner? -- to fine Harris his full game salary. If I'm Jerry Angelo I've got two options for Harris when his roster bonus comes due in March: shove off or shove it.
 
Meanwhile, Tommy Boy isn't the only culprit. The Bears lack of energy on defense was a disgrace to the most storied franchise in pro football.
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Bears deserve all the hostility you can give them

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

You're Ron Turner, you run the Bears offense. Right now, you lead the nation in one category. And what category might that be?

Take a bow if you responded with the following answer: absorbing close and medium range bullets.
 
Turner is a symbol of what's charmed me about the Bears for over five decades. The Cubs and Sox generate opinions. The Bears generate hositlity and the kind of anger reserved for your half drunk brother in law on Christmas Eve.
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The Cell Could Use Some Southside Sex Appeal

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

This is a challenge. I'm going to try and turn out a thought without going overboard on Jay "Red Zone" Cutler. In case you've been vacationing in Argentina, Cutler is to football what Freud was to head cases. 

The little lad simply can't do anything wrong. He isn't just an elite quarterback. Hell no, Cutler is a franchise quarterback. However, I might enjoy Jay just a little bit more if he discovered that Greg Olsen is on the roster.
 
Allright, enough on Cutler.  My offering today flew so far under the radar screen last week you'd swear the radar screen had a head cold. While Team Ricketts was doing its meet-and-greet with the press at Cubs park and our local sports fans were getting juiced about that barn-burner between the Browns and Bears there was an item that caught my interest on the Southside.

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Bears' Victory Defines Bland

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

It is common knowledge that I love the Bears. In fact, I came roaring out of the womb screaming "Bronko Nagurski" and "Red Grange." So, naturally I'm reasonably giddy that our psychologically vulnerable football team regained a minor chunk of self esteem on Sunday by beating a hapless group of Cleveland Browns 30-6.
 
Of course, I'm also thrilled that the Bears covered.  As Vince Lombardi or Jimmy the Greek once said, "That's why they play the game."
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Gutless McGwire now the Cards' hitting coach

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

I just cannot stand this. Why did Tony La Russa feel the need to bring a completely tainted Mark McGwire back into the fold?
 
And make no mistake this is Tony's call. The St. Louis Cardinals are just along for the ride. La Russa, a full blown stand up guy, is the Redbirds. If he wanted Osama bin Laden to instruct his hitters the club would support him 125 percent.
 
"I'm not hear to talk about the past. I'm here to be positive about this subject."
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Bears could use some Ditka right about now

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

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You talk about a train wreck. That Bears loss at Cincinnati wasn't just hideous it was any movie starring Ben Affleck.

My card says it was the Bears most pathetic performance since they were doused in flames by the Detroit Lions 55-20 on Thanksgiving day back in 1997. '97, that just screams Bill and Monica and that stained dress.
 
This brings us to a familiar issue. You know what really sucked about the Bears total team disgrace? Mike Ditka wasn't on the sidelines.

Can you imagine what Ditka's post game press conference would have been like? Michael Keller would have bum rapped himself, his coaching staff and threatened to put his entire offensive line on waivers. Mike would also have verbally slapped at least five different rerporters for asking "stupid questions."
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Bears may one day regret Cutler extension

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

Please! You certainly don't think this is a marriage that's going to remain locked in the honeymoon stage for the next four-plus years?
 
Congrats to Jay Cutler on his new deal with the Bears. A package that will A, keep Jay at Halas Hall through 2013 and B, assure about four or five generations of Cutlers that traditional Monday through Friday 9 to 5 work won't be a necessary part of their adult life.
 
Damn, there are McCaskeys who can relate to that.
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Bears and Cutler haunted by picks, other mistakes

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Chet Coppock

Legitimate Chicago broadcast legend and the pioneer of sports talk radio. Also teaches courses in humility.

I will be reading from my new book "Fat Guys shouldn't be Dancin' at halftime" Thursday night October 22 at Barbara's Bookstore, 1100 Lake Street in Oak Park. Game time: 7 P.M.

I would hope we can all agree on this. If Jay Cutler hasn't established a record for most interceptions given up on Sunday nights before the regular season reaches Halloween then we need to ask for a recount.
 
The thought that haunts? If Cutler seals the deal and takes the Bears to the house on the team's first possession in the Dome I have a lingering feeling the Falcons might have rolled over and played dead.
 
Take this to the bank. Johnnie Knox, the pride and joy of Abilene Christian, has ten times over better receiving skills than Devin "work in progress" Hester. Honest to gosh, Knox playing half drunk would run better routes than Baby Devin.
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