Opening day is just around the corner and the baseball prognosticators are out in full force with their weighty predictions. The talk is often a dizzying mess laced with superlatives. So rather than inventing my own uselessly exciting predictions (which are based on the utmost statistical data [beer+baseball+brunettes/Peter Gammons=perfection]). I give you, my 2010 MLB Preview.
1) The New Face to America's Game
Currently, the unanimous "face" of Major League Baseball is St. Louis Cardinals' slugger Albert Pujols. Beyond his prowess on the diamond, Pujols' persona is routinely applauded amongst fans, particularly Cardinals' fans, who admire his Christian, straight and narrow mentality. But soon and very soon this will all change.
MLB 2010 Preview: The Things People Should Really Care About
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Yes, there will be a new face in baseball. Get ready America because soon enough this will be the guy on every commercial. This will be the guy winning MVPs. This will be the guy everyone is talking about. And no, his name is not Joe Mauer.
Yes, America, his name is Ryan Braun. You are likely familiar with him. He's not exactly an unknown quantity. But I'm not sure the world is really aware of how good he really is. So let's start with a little bit of a stastical comparison between he and Pujols in their first three years.
Batting Average:
Pujols: .329, .314, .359 (.334)
Braun: .324, .285, .320 (.309)
HR:
Pujols: 37, 34, 43
The Hebrew Hammer has all the elements of a superstar: 5 o'clock shadow, gaudy stats, fascinating love life, religious heritage and incendiary personality.
Batting Average:
Pujols: .329, .314, .359 (.334)
Braun: .324, .285, .320 (.309)
HR:
Pujols: 37, 34, 43
Braun: 34,37, 32
SLG.%:
Pujols: .610, .561, .667
Braun: .634, .553, .551
RBI:
Pujols: 130, 127, 124
Braun: 97, 106, 114
OPS:
Pujols: 1.013, .955, 1.106 (1.024)
Braun: 1.004, .888, .937 (.943)
Hits:
Pujols: 194, 185, 212
Braun: 146, 174, 203
Runs Created/Game:
Pujols: 8.8, 7.8, 11.8
Braun: 8.4, 6.5, 8.4
It should be noted that Braun had around 150 fewer at bats than Pujols in his first season. Obviously, Pujols numbers are better *cough cough steroids cough cough*, but Braun is certainly in the ballpark in terms of production. Additionally Braun is a threat to steal 15-20 bases a year, which adds to his value. Neither player is a tremendous defender, but both are rapidly approving and a case could be made that Braun is the best player at his position (LF), even if it is the least important defensive position on the field.
Although Braun is currently on contract through 2015, I fully expect him to receive a handsome raise in short order and join the $100 million dollar contract club.
2) Summarizing all 30 MLB Teams in Short Order
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: AL East cellar dweller seeks to generate excitement by re-enacting Cal Ripken's 2,131 in the midst of every defeat.
Boston Red Sox: Traditional power seeks to compete with team from New York in purchasing World Series trophies.
New York Yankees: Tradition power seeks to compete with team from Boston in purchasing World Series trophies.
Tampa Bay Rays: Youthful team with new age leader seek to restructure baseball to further appeal to stat nerds.
Toronto Blue Jays: Attendance numbers drop to new lows when rivals refuse to attend away games after boycotting Olympic US Hockey match loss.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: Recently Twitter-obsessed manager Ozzie Guillen begins tweeting pitching and lineup changes rather than leaving the dugout to discuss with umps.
Cleveland Indians: Seeking to rebuild their franchise, Indians hire famed and successful Nationals manager.
Detroit Tigers: After mistakenly believing they were included in the President's bailout plan, management routinely consults with Obama regarding middle relief strategies.
Kansas City Royals: Star pitcher Zack Greinke daily clicks his red cleats together and repeats, "There's no place like home." Unfortunately Greinke, you are still in Kansas (City).
Minnesota Twins: Management unveils new investments (Target Field and Joe Mauer) only to see them immediately depreciate in value due to struggling market.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem: Angels seek to further enhance their descriptive name, adding "of California in the contiguous United States of America."
Oakland Athletics: Six more players show exciting promise and brilliant GM Billy Beane immediately trades them for more promising young players.
Seattle Mariners: Addition of slugger Milton Bradley proves costly when Bradley complains of "racist" weather due to the constantly cloudy conditions.
Texas Rangers: TMZ captures candid photos of manager Ron Washington and outfielder Josh Hamilton routinely enjoying Arlington nightclub scene.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: Exciting rookie Jason Heyward lives up to hype, delivering Braves to Promised Land. Unfortunately, he was told the Promised Land was 3rd in the NL East.
Florida Marlins: Owner Jeffrey Loria completes stage three of his recurring ten-year plan to build-up, purchase a World Series and then blow up the team.
New York Mets: GM Omar Minaya continues to fulfill his life theme song: Whatcha'll wanna do?
Philadelphia Phillies: Acquire QB Donovan McNabb to bolster bullpen depth for World Series. When McNabb pukes down his leg, literally, Philly fans boo... again.
Washington Natinals: Team officially changes name to Natinals after President Obama accuses them of copyright infringement for the letter "O."
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: Fans discover ways to blame Milton Bradley for this season's failures as well.
Cincinnati Reds: Researchers unearth "Big Red Machine" from Marge Schott's grave. Blame Reds' failures on loss of this advanced technology.
Houston Astros: After much clamoring for the return of the Killer B's, ownership unleashes a colony of Africanized Bees in the dome following a loss to the Cardinals.
Milwaukee Brewers: Ryan Braun becomes the most exciting player in MLB before being eaten by Prince Fielder.
Pittsburgh Pirates: After much pondering of how to make his legal problems disappear, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger elects to play for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
St. Louis Cardinals: Pujols and McGwire become close associates. Pujols' head and biceps suddenly triple in size.
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: Mark Reynolds strikes out 300 times en route to winning NL Homerun title.
Colorado Rockies: After narrowly missing the playoffs, players admit to tasting the Rockies a bit too frequently.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Manny being Manny gets taken to new extremes when he agrees to host reality TV show about his life... during actual games.
San Diego Padres: Managements coaxes Tony Gwynn Sr. out of retirement. He immediately becomes Padres' best hitter.
San Francisco Giants: After the success of their CGI character, Giants enlist James Cameron to produce their season entirely in 3D.
3) Awards and Predictions
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez
NL MVP: Ryan Braun
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
AL RoY: Julio Bourbon
NL RoY: Jason Heyward
AL East: Yankees
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Mariners
Wild Card: Angels
NL East: Phillies
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Giants
Wild Card: Braves
World Series: Yankees vs. Giants
SLG.%:
Pujols: .610, .561, .667
Braun: .634, .553, .551
RBI:
Pujols: 130, 127, 124
Braun: 97, 106, 114
OPS:
Pujols: 1.013, .955, 1.106 (1.024)
Braun: 1.004, .888, .937 (.943)
Hits:
Pujols: 194, 185, 212
Braun: 146, 174, 203
Runs Created/Game:
Pujols: 8.8, 7.8, 11.8
Braun: 8.4, 6.5, 8.4
It should be noted that Braun had around 150 fewer at bats than Pujols in his first season. Obviously, Pujols numbers are better *cough cough steroids cough cough*, but Braun is certainly in the ballpark in terms of production. Additionally Braun is a threat to steal 15-20 bases a year, which adds to his value. Neither player is a tremendous defender, but both are rapidly approving and a case could be made that Braun is the best player at his position (LF), even if it is the least important defensive position on the field.
Although Braun is currently on contract through 2015, I fully expect him to receive a handsome raise in short order and join the $100 million dollar contract club.
2) Summarizing all 30 MLB Teams in Short Order
AL East
Baltimore Orioles: AL East cellar dweller seeks to generate excitement by re-enacting Cal Ripken's 2,131 in the midst of every defeat.
Boston Red Sox: Traditional power seeks to compete with team from New York in purchasing World Series trophies.
New York Yankees: Tradition power seeks to compete with team from Boston in purchasing World Series trophies.
Tampa Bay Rays: Youthful team with new age leader seek to restructure baseball to further appeal to stat nerds.
Toronto Blue Jays: Attendance numbers drop to new lows when rivals refuse to attend away games after boycotting Olympic US Hockey match loss.
AL Central
Chicago White Sox: Recently Twitter-obsessed manager Ozzie Guillen begins tweeting pitching and lineup changes rather than leaving the dugout to discuss with umps.
Cleveland Indians: Seeking to rebuild their franchise, Indians hire famed and successful Nationals manager.
Detroit Tigers: After mistakenly believing they were included in the President's bailout plan, management routinely consults with Obama regarding middle relief strategies.
Kansas City Royals: Star pitcher Zack Greinke daily clicks his red cleats together and repeats, "There's no place like home." Unfortunately Greinke, you are still in Kansas (City).
Minnesota Twins: Management unveils new investments (Target Field and Joe Mauer) only to see them immediately depreciate in value due to struggling market.
AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem: Angels seek to further enhance their descriptive name, adding "of California in the contiguous United States of America."
Oakland Athletics: Six more players show exciting promise and brilliant GM Billy Beane immediately trades them for more promising young players.
Seattle Mariners: Addition of slugger Milton Bradley proves costly when Bradley complains of "racist" weather due to the constantly cloudy conditions.
Texas Rangers: TMZ captures candid photos of manager Ron Washington and outfielder Josh Hamilton routinely enjoying Arlington nightclub scene.
NL East
Atlanta Braves: Exciting rookie Jason Heyward lives up to hype, delivering Braves to Promised Land. Unfortunately, he was told the Promised Land was 3rd in the NL East.
Florida Marlins: Owner Jeffrey Loria completes stage three of his recurring ten-year plan to build-up, purchase a World Series and then blow up the team.
New York Mets: GM Omar Minaya continues to fulfill his life theme song: Whatcha'll wanna do?
Philadelphia Phillies: Acquire QB Donovan McNabb to bolster bullpen depth for World Series. When McNabb pukes down his leg, literally, Philly fans boo... again.
Washington Natinals: Team officially changes name to Natinals after President Obama accuses them of copyright infringement for the letter "O."
NL Central
Chicago Cubs: Fans discover ways to blame Milton Bradley for this season's failures as well.
Cincinnati Reds: Researchers unearth "Big Red Machine" from Marge Schott's grave. Blame Reds' failures on loss of this advanced technology.
Houston Astros: After much clamoring for the return of the Killer B's, ownership unleashes a colony of Africanized Bees in the dome following a loss to the Cardinals.
Milwaukee Brewers: Ryan Braun becomes the most exciting player in MLB before being eaten by Prince Fielder.
Pittsburgh Pirates: After much pondering of how to make his legal problems disappear, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger elects to play for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
St. Louis Cardinals: Pujols and McGwire become close associates. Pujols' head and biceps suddenly triple in size.
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks: Mark Reynolds strikes out 300 times en route to winning NL Homerun title.
Colorado Rockies: After narrowly missing the playoffs, players admit to tasting the Rockies a bit too frequently.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Manny being Manny gets taken to new extremes when he agrees to host reality TV show about his life... during actual games.
San Diego Padres: Managements coaxes Tony Gwynn Sr. out of retirement. He immediately becomes Padres' best hitter.
San Francisco Giants: After the success of their CGI character, Giants enlist James Cameron to produce their season entirely in 3D.
3) Awards and Predictions
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez
NL MVP: Ryan Braun
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
AL RoY: Julio Bourbon
NL RoY: Jason Heyward
AL East: Yankees
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Mariners
Wild Card: Angels
NL East: Phillies
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Giants
Wild Card: Braves
World Series: Yankees vs. Giants
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