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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Robert Feder's post about the actual reunion of Bill Kurtis and Walter Jacobson, replete with actual quotes, appears at http://www.vocalo.org

 

The Brown & Williamson tobacco company plans on suing Walter Jacobson for libel today and hopes to win a verdict against Jacobson in time for him to read it on the air when he returns to Channel 2 Newsthey'reeverywhere tomorrow night.

Jacobson will be teamed with Bill Kurtis on CBS2 tomorrow night for one-night only because the current anchor, Rob Johnson, will have the night off. The move reunites the legendary Chicago news team and is the brainchild of news director Jeff Kiernan.

In conjunction with the stunt, Brown & Williamson will reprise its famous lawsuit against Jacobson which resulted in one of the most bizarre moments in Chicago TV news history when Jacobson as a news anchor delivered the lead story one night about himself. The story was that he had been beaten in a mult-million-dollar lawsuit. The announcement of the story was even more bizarre than the fact that someone could actually lose a libel suit to a tobacco company.

"It was like losing a defamation suit to Hitler," one insider texted this blog. (Ok, I made that quote up. So shoot me. Or make me the dean of the Medill School of Journalism as Performance Art.)

"When Walter read that verdict against himself on the air years ago it was even nuttier than when he went around as a homeless man even though there was a tv news truck right next to him where they had plenty of food inside. That was crazy enough, reminiscent of Sam Kinison's bit about the well-nourished film crew shooting starving kids in Ethiopia,  and Kinison yelling 'Give the kid a sandwich!!!!'" one outsider texted this blog.

But how will Brown & Williamson get through the legal system quickly enough if the company is just filing a lawsuit today?

Easy. The company will be using "The Good Wife," who is able to litigate at the speed of light. True, "The Good Wife" doesn't really exist,  but then again neither do Bill and Walter anymore.

Even more intriguing is why Rob Johnson wouldn't be working in the middle of the allegedly important November ratings sweeps. Rumor has it that he's working on an investigation of fellow anchor Anne State, whose picture appeared in Michigan Avenue magazine. The photo of State shows her as both unbelievably thin in the right places and unbelievably fleshy in the right places, which has led skeptics to dub her "Balloon Girls," a la the boy who was a fake and didn't really fly over Colorado.

"Let's just put it this way," said one insider/outsider who did/didn't text this blog. "The last person who looked like that was in a Playboy cartoon. Maybe we should rename Anne 'Little Annie Fanny State.'

"Maybe we should rename State Street for her. And have her intersect with Hugh Hefner Way. Would those two intersect? Don't ask Anne State. She certainly wouldn't know."

Rob Johnson is rumored to be investigating whether State's are for real. And he is expected to report back tomorrow night to the two boobs who will be sitting in his stead.

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1 Comment

chiguy23 said:

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Anne State, Va-va-va-voomski. Were talking arms, we're talking abs, we're talking breasts, heck we're not talking, we're gawking! Though in Atlanta we have Dagnar Midcap. She's worth a peek.

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