Fearing that Tiger Woods may not be let out of the house anytime soon, Augusta National Golf Club has taken the unprecedented step of delaying this year's Masters golf tournament until October.
In addition, in an attempt to placate Woods' wife Elin the golf club has decided to end its longstanding policy against admitting women as members and not only will ask Ms. Woods to join but will also award her the 1957 Masters championship.
"The delay 'til October is going to wreak havoc with the magnolias and azaleas. The course will look like a wreck," said Masters chairman Hootie Pusser. "But you do what you have to do. Just don't tell Doug Ford, who still thinks he won the 1957 Masters."
It was hoped that Ford might not know he has been stripped of the title. He is now 87 years old, the oldest surviving winner of the Masters and for years took advantage of the exemption that permitted former winners to play even if they couldn't hit a driver past the ladies' tees.
"But right now it's Tiger who got caught with his, er, 1-iron hanging out, as it were," Pusser said. "It's a shame about Doug because you know that he holed out from a plugged lie in the bunker on the final hole to beat Sam Snead by three strokes, but Tiger, well, without him our tuhnament might as well be the John Deere classic."
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