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Hold that Tiger news

Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

When the news breaks out about Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer in history, being seriously injured in a car accident, the Golf Channel breaks in.

With an infomercial on Humana Medicare's Advantage health plan.

Which I don't believe Tiger is covered by at Health Central Hospital in Ocoee, Florida, where Tiger was transported to after he crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant just outside his driveway near Orlando and then into a neighbor's tree at 2:25 a.m. eastern time today.

It was pretty scary early in the day before anyone knew that Tiger's injuries were not life-threatening. It turns out Tiger was rescued by his wife, Elin, who used a golf club to smash a window on his SUV and free him. He was lying on the ground and was unconscious for up to six minutes before he was taken to the hospital.

A golf club breaking glass. You know that Ben Hogan in his "five lessons" uses the image of the golfer standing in a pane of glass to demonstrate the swing plane. Our image of Tiger as immortal was shattered today.  Talk about a rescue club, Elin.

How hurt was he? ESPN and FoxNews and all the wire reports originally said he was "seriously injured," though now Tiger's people said he was in a minor accident and was treated and released in good condition.  Supposedly he got away with facial lacerations. But if Brian Westbrook of the Eagles could be kept out of games because of concussions,  then how long will it be before Tiger, who was knocked cold for the equivalent of two boxing rounds, gets to start torquing himself and striking a golf ball at 125 miles per hour?  It's jarring just to look at him swing.

 The air bag reportedly wasn't deployed, which meant he was traveling at under 33 mph, or about the speed of a half-wedge. Police say alcohol wasn't involved in the accident but charges are pending.

Questions abound. How come the Florida Highway Patrol didn't report the accident until after 2 p.m. today? Why was Tiger driving a Cadillac when Buick supported him so much? Why am I being so cavalier about this? Because I just want to believe he's going to be working out two to three hours six days a week very soon again.  

Why was Tiger pulling out of his driveway at 2:25 in the morning? Why would he then hit a fire hydrant? Was he in a hurry to go out to hit 75 buckets of balls by dawn? Or was he pulling out in anger and forgot about the hydrant, which, one would assume, was not placed at the end of his driveway just yesterday? If he was angry and peeling out, what was he angry about? Did it just dawn on him that he blew at least two shots to win a major last year?

Did he have an argument with his beautiful wife? Is she now available? Does she realize I got a birdie on a par 5 on Wii golf last night and am really getting my game into shape? How could Tiger hit a neighbor's tree? Wouldn't you think his closest neighbor would be at least a mile away?

For more than a second I thought we had lost Tiger. I actually prayed for him, which is to say I prayed for myself because if there's no Tiger then there is no reason to care about golf. Every tournament that Tiger isn't in is already asterisked. Tiger is the greatest athlete in the history of sports. In fact, it says here that the Cubs will never win a World Series until they get a player the caliber of Tiger Woods, one who is oblivious to the pressures mortals face. One with the talent and the toughness of someone who could win the U.S. Open on one leg.

So on this day after Thanksgiving, I am thankful that Tiger Woods is okay.  And I am thankful that it happened on Thanksgiving weekend. Because he should be okay in time for The Masters, right? Please?



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dude said:


Woods is a great golfer but still a student driver...

Running Balls Out said:

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It is always interesting to speculate on what "REALLY" happened in the Tiger Woods' incident, and I offer this likely scenario.

Tiger and his beautiful wife got into an arguement....he may have said something like "not tonight honey I have a headache". The wife who slaved all day cooking 5 turkeys and entertaining all his friends got totally pissed off and grabbed the wedge out of Tiger's bag(he sleeps with them like a good gun slinger would) and tried to wack it off. Tiger using every ounce of his athletic ability ducked, grabbed his pants, threw on a shirt while running balls out down the stairs, grabbed the keys and tore balls out once again out the driveway, HOWEVER not in time to miss the second wack from his beautiful wife who did not miss this time and took out the window as Tiger was driving out. This incident caused him to lose control of the car which resulted in taking out a fire hydrant and hitting a tree.

Anyone who believes that his wife ran outside saw Tiger in the car injured and unconscious then ran back into the house to get a golf club to wack out a window to "save" him........does not know what passion is all about.

Glad to know Tiger and his beautiful wife are 1) human and 2)live on the edge.

In My Humble Opinion

coalpuss said:

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I can answer one question about you thinking Tiger's closest neighbor would be a mile away. He lives in Isleworth which is a very exclusive place in South Orlando, not far from Arnold Palmer's Bay Hill. The homes there are huge mansions but his closest neighbor is quite close. As for all this speculation, I find it very upsetting that so many people are making up their own goofy scenarios. Tiger has always tried to fiercely protect his privacy and I am so sorry this has happened. I guess people, and the media, don't have enough to occupy themselves if they must continue to gossip about this. I am just glad that Tiger is supposedly not injured and that this stupid incident will blow over. He has led an exemplary life and for all these rumors to be encouraged just makes me ill. And I hope you read this "Running Balls Out."

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