From horse-collaring to pony-tailing

ELIZABETH LAMBERT, A UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO SOCCER PLAYER, GOT A LITTLE TOO INTO IT AGAINST BYU AND STARTED THROWING ELBOWS, WHICH IS OK, AND COLLIDING WITH PLAYERS, WHICH IS OK. BUT THEN SHE YANKED THE PONY TAIL OF AN OPPOSING PLAYER. NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW IN THE NFL YOU CAN'T PULL A PLAYER DOWN BY THE BACK OF HIS SHOULDERPADS. THAT'S HORSE-COLLARING. BUT COULDN'T YOU PULL HIM DOWN BY HIS DREDLOCKS? BUT, SEE, THE PONY TAIL. THAT DRAWS TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE FEMININE SIDE. AND IT'S INCONGRUOUS TO BE BOTH FEMININE AND A MACHO FILTHY PLAYER. YOU REMEMBER WHEN BRANDI CHASTAIN CELEBRATED A WORLD CUP VICTORY BY PULLING OFF HER JERSEY AND SHOWING OFF HER SPORTS BRA? THAT WAS OK. BUT HAD AN OPPOSING PLAYER SNAPPED HER STRAP TO TAKE HER DOWN, WELL, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN USING THE UNIQUELY FEMININE TO SERVE VIOLENT ENDS. AND THAT'S MUD WRESTLING.

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