Heaven is a playground

Stormin' Norman: Hold on. Hey, we're all hypocrites about the NCAA's hypocrisy. Besides, go ahead and try to hit Red. But first you might want to dust some talcum powder off your hands just like Michael used to do and hope the powder forms a silhouette over where Johnny, who isn't, is.
Johnny Red: Ah,  Michael. The greatest ever.
Stormin' Norman: 'Til Rose.
Rick: How so? You can see into the future?
Stormin' Norman: I can see into the past. He managed to get someone else to sign his name on the SAT. Now that's a signature move.
Johnny Red: It was like he was at the test but really wasn't.
Rick: Kind of like you here now.

Stormin' Norman: Oh, you're better than Mariotti.
Johnny Red: But Derrick did what he had to do. He was the real victim here.
Stormin' Norman: Of course. All he wants to do is play in the NBA. But he has to go through a hazing that would make the Delta House rituals in Animal House seem like...
Bruce: The initiation rites for the Men Off Campus (the commuters) at Northwestern. You had to chug 22 ounces of beer. Which is why I didn't join. I couldn't do that.
Rick: You couldn't even get into the out group? Men Off Campus?
Bruce: No. But staying even out of the out group was great prep for blogging. So, Norm, it was Rose who was cheated?
Stormin' Norman: Yeah, he wants to play in the NBA. But first he has to go to this fake school, Memphis, where he can entertain Jim Nantz and Billy Packer and 200 million gamblers who should be arrested under the RICO statute for bracketeering.
Johnny Red: Everyone knows he isn't qualified to go to school.
Stormin' Norman:  Yeah, he isn't qualified to major in gender studies. You know there's a course at Cornell called Cyberfeminism? 

Johnny Red: You ought to be able to major in hoops.
Stormin' Norman: So it's just a big fake. Heck, even the SAT is a fake. They originated the SAT to ensure that people didn't get into places like Harvard by using clout. So the SAT was created to make college admissions fair. But then minorities got upset because they didn't do well on the SAT so it was decided that the SAT wasn't fair. So then they made the SAT fair, but minorities still didn't do well on it, so they decided that college wasn't fair. So they scrapped the SAT, or at least are doing that at some schools now. Apparently Memphis is behind the trend.
Johnny Red: But Memphis isn't upset that Rose cheated.  And you know how we know that? Because Memphis got stripped of its 38-win season, and do you think Memphis is ever going to go after Derrick Rose for perpetrating a fraud? The Balloon Boy's parents will pay more than Derrick ever will because Memphis doesn't want to scare away any other potential cheaters. Memphis needs guys like Derrick Rose.
Johnny Red: As much as the movie industry needs popcorn.
Stormin' Norman: So Derrick Rose cheats the cheater school that's just trying to serve 200 million hypocrites who watch this stuff.
Rick: 'I shouted out, Who killed the Kennedys? When, after all, it was you and me.'
Johnny Red: Oh no. I feel a garage band coming on.
Stormin' Norman: We'd better get out of here.
Johnny Red: Yeah, let's go to the United Center. The season's about to start.
Rick: Where you gonna be there?
Johnny Red: Hanging from the rafters. Where Norman's memory belongs.