Catholic church in 'stunning' move

The number of Bingo players could grow sharply as the result of the Vatican's epochal decision today to add another free space to Bingo cards.

At press conferences in Rome and London on Tuesday, Vatican officials also announced that any time anyone makes Bingo on 0-67 that the winner will receive an autographed baseball from former White Sox catcher Ron Karkovice, who used to be urged by the announcers to "hit a little bingo," and indeed he was hitting for an average of .067...BINGO!

"It's a stunning turn of events," says Lawrence Cunningham, theology professor at Notre Dame University. "At the very least, it takes our mind off the fact that we were never really in the USC game on Saturday, and also distracts us from the stunning news out of the Vatican today that Episcopalians and Anglicans are going to be welcomed into the Church, which means there are going to be married clergy, which means a lot of Catholic clergy are going to ask why they can't be married, which means you're trying to have a little fun with a very sensitive situation, Bruce, and I know you mean no offense, but do you really have any standing, you know, because you went to Northwestern, which never even came close to a national championship."

Ok, sorry.