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Tiger should have slugged, not hugged, mother after speech

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Welcome to all of you who are looking at this blog for the first time because you read the piece on me by Mike Thomas in the Sun-Timeshttp://www.suntimes.com/business/2072262,SHO-Sunday-wolf28.article

I thought I'd try an eye-grabbing headline, which is why I semi-facetiously suggested that Tiger should have coldcocked mom after he left the podium.

(I should be more topical here. Okay. Quick Olympic hockey take. Chris Chelios said that the gold medal is more important than the Stanley Cup. Well, maybe that's easy for Chelios to say. He, after all, has won multiple Cups. The USA gets a hockey gold medal every couple or three decades. But the Blackhawks have been waiting since the year before Chelios was born. I'll take the Cup. Okay. Now back to Tiger.)

As Rick Telander has said two straight Sundays in the Bright One, Tiger self-flagellated in that public apology. And, of course, at the sex clinic he's not allowed to self-flagellate or even watch Jimmy Stewart nuzzle up to Donna Reed in "It's a Wonderful Life" while she's talking to Sam Wainwright on the phone.

Tiger is grandiose. His dad said Tiger would be better than Gandhi. (Even Gandhi was caught with his loin cloth down.)

Dad and mom dedicated themselves to making Tiger great but they didn't dedicate themselves to each other. They broke up. So Tiger gets to feel guilty about the sacrifice his parents made for his career, and he's angry his parents weren't together.

Now there's ambivalence that can drive a man into the arms of the nearest strumpet or two.

Tiger, as I've said, didn't owe the public an apology. His wife, yes. His kids, sure. But the public? The only way he wronged the public was by endorsing Gatorade, which he just lost as a sponsor, and deservedly so. Because Gatorade is a drink only a real athlete can benefit from. The couch potatoes who watch Tiger don't need it.

But Tiger hasn't learned much in his month and a half in sex addiction therapy. That's okay. It took him a lot longer to effect his last big swing change.

Meantime, even the camera that was trained on him during that speech blinked. There's only so much humiliation a piece of machinery can look upon.

You notice how Tiger said he felt that he had worked so hard that he somehow felt he deserved to taste the temptations placed before him? Maybe he shouldn't have had to work so hard. It's tough trying to be God. You wind up looking more like Fredo, banging two at a time.

Wondering if this has something to do with being black and the pressure to do the extraordinary to make up for lost generations. It's not enough for Tiger, like Barack Obama, to be Number 1. Tiger and the President have felt the mandate to transcend sports and politics respectively. Maybe Tiger should settle for beating Jack's record in the majors. (You think Tiger will win those last five by the time he's 46, which was Jack's age when he won his last Masters?)  And maybe the President ought to settle for health care in increments.

They could learn a lesson from a broadcaster trying to resurrect a career. Little steps. One blog post at a time.

Louis Armstrong, meet Drew Brees

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Fat Tuesday is a pagan holiday that comes every year in New Orleans. But today, for the first time, Super Sunday became religion. There are T-shirts in New Orleans that say "What would Breesus do?" They loved Drew Brees before the Super Bowl. Now they will canonize him.

"It was all meant to be. It was all destiny," said Drew Brees. Who wants to argue?

New Orleans equaled the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. Only fitting for a city that rose from the dead. It was one of the gutsiest Super Bowl victories. Sean Payton (Bears scab '87) went for it on a fourth and goal at the end of the first half and failed; he went for an onside kick at the start of the second half and succeeded. Who knows what he would have done had the game gone to overtime? Tried a 63-yard field goal like long-ago Saint Tom Dempsey made many years ago?

Can you overrate the importance of a Super Bowl victory to a city? Sure. But don't tell

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Bears get a state of the Martz offense

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

There's never been this much ado about the Bears offensive coordinator.

Mike Martz matters more than which Republican gets elected senator in November.  (And it will be the GOP as long as the President keeps pushing health-care while unemployment is in double digits.)

Mike Martz, who got the job today,  is the first certified genius to coordinate the Bears offense. The Bears have

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American English should have performed at halftime of the Pro Bowl

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The Pro Bowl is like a Miss Congeniality pageant the week before Miss America. Peyton Manning didn't play because he's got to be healthy for the Super Bowl, but congenial? He could have played without pads and in his running shorts and nobody would have touched him. The Pro Bowl is almost as meaningless as the NFC championship game was. Sixty great minutes, and then the thing was decided by a coin flip?

Want to make the Pro Bowl more interesting? The winning conference gets the ball if the Super Bowl goes into overtime. Plus the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders go against the cast of "Jersey Shore" for all special teams plays. Plus the game is moved to July and features the Super Bowl-winning team against the College All-Stars.

There's no way to make the game interesting.

If Phil can cheat, why can't Tiger phil-ander?

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Phil Mickelson is cheating, and he was called on it by fellow pro Scott McCarron, because Phil's using a wedge with square grooves even though square grooves were just outlawed. (Square grooves help golfers get better spin on the ball.)

But old old clubs (pre-1990) with square grooves are, in fact, technically permitted under a long-ago PGA agreement with Ping, which manufactured the square groove clubs. So by using an old Ping club, Phil is technically not cheating.  But he is violating the spirit of the new rule, which means a lot in golf, because golf is "a gentleman's game," says McCarron.

Hmmm. Is Tiger Woods cheating? Shouldn't he be allowed to get to cheat because in the old days, when blacks weren't allowed in the game, white guys got to run around with the babes and were pretty much undetected because there was  no such thing as a cell phone? Shouldn't Tiger be grandfathered in and allowed to be profligate?

The Barack Championship Series and Tim Tebow's right to shut up and get Stoned

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The President is considering screwing around with the BCS because he wants a playoff. And in this he's joined in his nanny statism by Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch because Hatch's Utah team was denied a shot at the BCS championship. How's about this? The President and Sen. Hatch can play fantasy football with the BCS all they want so long as they stay out of important things, like health care, for instance?

The President getting involved in the BCS. It's enough to make you go to your window like those people in those late-night commercials for structured settlements who

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Headhunters to get Hunter's head

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Bears linebacker Hunter Hillenmeyer is one of more than a dozen NFL players who have pledged to donate their brain and spinal cord tissue for concussion research.

Pro Football Hall of Famer Mike Haynes and retired players Zach Thomas, Kyle Turley and Conrad Dobler also have said they will help the Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy at Boston University School of Medicine.

Steve Young, the former 49ers great who suffered several concussions during his career, said he was willing to donate his brain, "but do i have to do it now?" asked Young, apparently still suffering from the effects of the concussions.

Meanwhile, ESPN's Monday Night Football has no plan on donating its show open, which shows two helmets colliding, to the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

Durbin: "Bring Mohammad to the Magnificent Mile!"

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill),  already pleased with the possibility of moving Guantanamo Bay detainees to Illinois, is "doubling down" and has put in a bid to have the trial of 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammad moved to Chicago.

"The trial could be a boon to a city that took an uppercut to the jaw when it lost the Olympic bid," Durbin said. "Yes, New York doesn't want the trial. Virginia apparently

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Highwood man must pay back $48 in NCAA office pool winnings because Rose cheated on SAT

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Chip Stroleviks of suburban Highwood has been ordered to return the $48 he won in the 2008 Rosellini restaurant NCAA pool because Memphis had its 38-win season stripped when it was discovered Derrick Rose cheated on his SAT exam by having someone take the test for him.

Rose was named yesterday as a reserve to the NBA all-star game.

"I'm extremely proud of Derrick," said John Paxson, executive vice president of basketball operations. "He represents the Bulls' organization in a way we all respect. He's professional and a great person, and he just keeps getting better as a player."

But Stroleviks is not very happy.

"I love what Derrick Rose is doing for the Bulls. Don't get me wrong," said Stroleviks,

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Ernie: Let's play Lou today; Tiger blows a gimme to Elin

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Ernie, echoing Lou's assessment of Big Mac, says Sammy should be forgiven. Oy. So, let's see now. In addition to all those Cubs who never went to a World Series who are or should be in the Hall of Fame (Banks, Williams, Jenkins, Santo), now the Cubs' greatest cheater should also be enshrined? It's almost enough to make Andre Dawson want to go into the Hall as an Expo, which he will be doing. But he doesn't want to.
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So the story now is that Tiger had his mistress (#1, if you're scoring at home) call Elin up on Thanksgiving night and explain that there was nothing going on. But then when

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If it weren't for a conflict of interest, I'd have no interest at all

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Today's Rob Feder post http://www.vocalo.org is about Ch. 9's Allison Payne's alcohol addiction and Carol Marin's eulogy for a CLTV reporter Below is my comment to his post.
 
Bruce Wolf #

what about me?


i'll be on wgn radio from noon to 3 p.m. sunday. i will be talking to the de facto general manager of all chicago tv, the rev. jesse jackson, about how awkward it is not to be permitted to have allison payne mention his name on the air because he helped her get into the mayo clinic a few years ago, and the station wants to look like it's avoiding the conflict of interest it should have avoided in the first place by not letting mr. jackson use his clout to help a news anchor get ahead in line.


so, for example, on martin luther king day i believe allison read the teleprompter thusly: "celebrations of dr. king's birth were held throughout the nation. chicago's very own, the reverend who is not al sharpton, had these inspirational words..."


i confess to a love for carol marin. it's personal. she has been very kind to me. and yet, as good as her eulogy was yesterday, i think her best work in that department was years ago for her fallen colleague paul hogan when she said, "for those who gather and report the news, we pray that they may do so honestly, fearlessly and fairly. unless, of course, said reporting could jeopardize the election of the first african-american woman, carol moseley braun, to the u.s. senate. then, of course, we should spike a story of her corruption (see new republic story, 1993). Because there are certain considerations that trump the truth. and when we trump the truth, we wind up with a gift that keeps on giving, even unto this day when allison payne shan't mention the rev. jackson's name."


but don't quote me on this. i may have it all wrong. i, for one, am willing to be corrected.

Diametrically opposed to Clewless Lazare

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

This is from Sun-Times media guy Lewis Lazare's column today. Look, there's nothing wrong with mentioning the shape of the table that Mike North is going to be using on his new show. Table shapes have their place. The Paris peace talks to end the Vietnam War basically got hung up on the shape of the conference table. The fight on the table shape was part of the posturing on negotiations.  But Mike North will succeed or fail on substance. Just like Scott Brown did in Massachusetts. It was about health-care, stupid. Lazare should be writing about what North will be saying. Is he going to be the antidote to the chick-fests on all the other stations?
 
 
Money monsters near
We're just a little more than a week away from the debut of "Monsters and Money in the Morning," the new early-morning sports and financial talk show set to debut at 5 a.m. Feb. 1 on WBBM-Channel 2. WBBM management is taking great pains to ensure this new program and new format don't resemble any other early-morning show on air in Chicago. The four co-hosts -- Sun-Times columnist Terry Savage, Mike North, Dan Jiggetts and Mike Hegedus -- will be seated around a custom 7-foot-diameter wood table with a rosewood veneer with a walnut stain. Two video monitors also are expected to be part of the studio set.
The co-hosts are expected to start rehearsing on their new set next week.

Mourning calisthenics

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Today''s Rob Feder post http://www.vocalo.org, is about Mike Damsky (a nice guy I've known for a long time and played golf with) bringing back the "luster" to WLS radio, which might include, among other things, the return of Ron Magers, and the live funeral coverage of a CLTV reporter. My comment below.

Bruce Wolf #
what about me?
i'll be on wgn radio noon-3 p.m. sunday to talk about, among other things, the collective narcissism of the media, which think that the deaths of their own somehow are more worthy of coverage than say, the death of a teacher or a fireman.
i will be using as an example the coverage of the death of jack brickhouse, which i think bill weir anchored on channel nine. or maybe that was tom brokaw. no, wait. brokaw vamped for hours on the death of the "liberal lion" (very tough words for brokaw to say) of the senate, whose seat was audaciously pilfered by a republican just the other day. don't those massachusettsians have any respect for the legacy of what nbc deems worthy of coverage?
anyway, i always enjoyed the extensive obituaries in the newspapers of linotype operators who just so happened to have worked for those newspapers. it's fascinating what is defined as news. perhaps this can be a topic for the resurrected ron magers to talk about with roe conn. cisco, i believe there's a nice pot belly's restaurant in the building that you can go to while that discussion is going on.
anyway, i may do a remote broadcast on the subject from the jack brickhouse statue, which is about 100 feet from the wgn studios. it all depends on how long an extension cord i can find.
as for this post, i certainly hope wls brings back the luster. to that end i would just play old tapes of art roberts counting down the top songs on the silver dollar survey. i would have my transistor radio right next to my pillow and try to stay awake 'til "eight days a week" came on.

I'm addicted to Tiger's sex addiction

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The rumor is that Tiger Woods is being treated for sex addiction at some facility in Hattiesburg, Miss.

I always thought golf was the cure for a horrible sex life. How's about teeing it up at the Bob Hope this week, Tiger? Oh, well.

According to the New York Daily News,  according to some author named Benoit Denizet-Lewis, according to his source,  Tiger is at Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services.

According, according, according. Hearsay, hearsay, hearsay. But hey, if some guy is allowed to testify as to what  Drew Peterson's now late wife said to him years ago at

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Three-dog weekend, and, uh-oh, this just in...

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

So the three NFL teams that looked bad toward the end of the season all won, in routs yet, and the team that was on a roll lost to the underdog. And the underdog provided the only interesting game in what otherwise was a dud of a weekend.

Don't ask me who will win next week. I thought the Vikings would lose, and I had the Jets losing last week to Cincinnati.

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I was on the SCORE hosting this morning with Mark Grote. We were in one of our typical jokefests, which included us doing imitations of the gravelly-voiced New Yorker Mike Francesa, who has a syndicated show that was on before ours.

And then the news came across that Gaines Adams had died. And Mark and I vamped

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Super Bowl Staredown: CBS eye vs. eye of the Tiger

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The Super Bowl will be outdrawn this year in the tv ratings by the Northern Trust Open, a golf tournament, in Pacific Palisades, Calif.

Because that's the weekend in which Tiger Woods will be making his return, this column has intuited.

Woods' friend, tennis champ Roger Federererererererererererer, er, give or take a few

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And 'the new 9:30' was never the same when it went to 7 p.m.

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Robert Feder's blog today, http://www.vocalo.org, addressed the Leno ill-advised move and other bad moves in broadcasting history, nbc5's use of canned network programming, the possible leave-taking of wgn radio's john williams and the re-upping of wgn's larry potash. below, my comment at his post done in the customary e.e. cummings style.

  

as for this post, other examples of bad moves: ed schwartz from wgn to the LOOP and mike royko from page 2 of the sun-times to page 3 of the tribune. he just got lost in all the gray.


i am not surprised that zorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraida is fronting for canned programming. but a confession: i, too, have fronted for that. i did the nightly pre-olympics show on nbc5. and i enjoyed it. i liked tossing to bob costas. granted, he wasn't really there. but i felt like i was kind of in the big-time. and i did get to toss in a dash of my humor. no, it wasn't "barely today," but not everything has to be. and i actually got very nervous before each show because i couldn't hide behind my full body armor of humor.


i have met john williams, and i like him. so i must recuse myself from commenting on him. however, before i met john williams i said what's the big deal about a guy who can do an

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Piniella says Corleones run legitimate olive oil business

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Lou Piniella is a big fat idiot.

He says Mark McGwire should go into the Hall of Fame some day. Here's the quote from Paul Sullivan's story in the Tribune:

"He has hit a lot of home runs. Put it this way: If the steroids (controversy) were not an issue, he would definitely (have been) a first-round selection to the Hall of Fame. How the writers treat it ... I think my opinion means very little.

"Is he a Hall of Famer? I would probably think that down the road he will be a Hall of Famer. Maybe not in the first few ballots, but people tend to forget, and rightfully so."

Let us parse this statement. "He has hit a lot of homeruns." But many of them were juiced. What do we do, Lou? Allow a third of them to be homers, reduce a third of them to ground rule doubles and make the final third fly outs? Cut the baby in three, oh

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Drop pounds, not anchor, Oprah

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Robert Feder's post today http://www.vocalo.org, reminisces about Oprah's short-lived career as a news anchor at channel 7. She couldn't be a news reporter because she found herself crying while she was covering a fire. She said she found her "truth" in being, well, you know what Oprah is. And if you don't, read my comment below to Rob's post. When I comment I basically use the lower case. 

 

as for this post, i was trying to imagine all the people who did not become sentimental talk show hosts and instead stuck to their roles as news anchors. and i think, based upon my reasonable degree of experience in the tv news business, that that universe contains EVERY PERSON WHO EVER BECAME AN ANCHOR! it's not just oprah's "truth," it's everyone's truth to cry because of a fire that kills people. that is why oprah has been called an everywoman. i think allison rosati, for example, could do a show equal to oprah's in sentiment

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Why doesn't Butch Harmon pose for the cover of Vanity Fair?

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

If Mark McGwire has any luck, he'll choose to meet the media about his admission that he used steroids on the day Tiger Woods comes out and agrees to wear a scarlet shirt on Sundays as penance for his sins. (Oh wait. He already wears red.)

Sex trumps steroids any day. Besides, Mark McGwire was only the Lee Trevino of

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A Big Mac attack of conscience

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

 

Mark McGwire admitted today that he used steroids. Wake me when O.J. admits that the glove fit him.

McGwire admitted it today in a statement the St. Louis Cardinals released to the Associated Press. Guess he couldn't face the chin music from testosterone-free sportswriters. 

McGwire said he was using steroids when he set the homerun record in 1998. Remember when McGwire and Sammy congratulated each other in Busch Stadium? Such joy. Cub and Cardinal transcending their rivalry. Turning swords into

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I don't know about you, but I had the Bengals winning the Super Bowl. Well, look what they did to the Bears.

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Arizona beat Green Bay 51-45 in the most exciting game in Arena Football League history.

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Ted Phillips said (on a SCORE interview with Hanley and Mulligan) that the Bears recognize they have problems and are doing something about it. In fact, he can't remember the last time a coach replaced his offensive and defensive coordinators in the same off-season.

Yes, Ted, because usually when that happens, the coach is replaced, too. Also

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In defense of the Bears former defensive coordinator

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

I admit my bias. I tend to go for the underdog. I'll watch a Cubs game, the Cubs will be winning, and then I'll root for the other team. The other team gets ahead, and then I want to see the Cubs come back.

Sometimes the underdog is owed $11 million over the next two years.

So here's a defense of Lovie Smith.

First, how does a guy who took a team to the Super Bowl (and had a chance to win it,

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To everything, Turner, Turner, Turner/This was a season, Turner, Turner, Turner/To find a scapegoat and save Lovie's hiny

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Ron Turner was canned today. Jay Cutler threw four touchdown passes in each of the last two games. Eight td's. When is the last time a Bear offense generated octo-passing like that?

Just when Turner was getting the hang of it.

Meanwhile, Lovie reportedly has been fired as defensive coordinator and will be

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Gallery sneak peek (1 image):

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Bears season, which ended in Cincy when Bengals scored at will, finally ends

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

It was either the last game of the 2009 regular season or the first game of the 2010 exhibition season, or in a no man's land in between, which is where Lovie Smith might find himself over the next few days.

It was a game that gave Daunte Culpepper a chance to audition for another team and Fox announcer Chris Myers an opportunity to try out his act for  "The Last Comic Standing," which NBC is reportedly bringing back because their former first comic, Leno, is down for the count. But Leno was only the second biggest Jay-flop this year. At least NBC didn't give up two first round draft choices for him.

Last I recall Myers was a sideline reporter.  Did he get the nod because other Fox

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Twitter atweet re Rush; Guess this trumps the news I heard about Hugo and Kim

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

I am writing this in part because I want to see how many page views I can get by talking about Rush Limbaugh. There has been, after all, a drought since Tiger Woods petered out.

I heard that Chet Coppock got gazillions (ok, gasousands) of page views by writing about who the best and worst Chicago sportscasters have been. (I was among the best

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Top 10 plays of the decade

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

10. The back end of Mike Brown's back-to-back overtime receptions returned for a touchdown.
9. Tiger Woods using the bank on the 16th green at Augusta to get the ball to roll back down and into the hole.
8. Devin Hester returning anything for a touchdown, but not in the Super Bowl. The
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New life for Lovie after sudden death victory?

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Welcome to Chicago, Jay Cutler. Glad you could make it before the year ran out.

Glad to have you as coach, Lovie Smith. How about a high five, Jerry Angelo.

Mike Shanahan was going to sign with the Redskins all along anyway, right?

Startling things appeared on the field, not the least of which was ESPN's play clock on the down and distance graphic. Also, there was Cutler finally using his head,  to pop safety Madieu Williams, and to find both his tight ends, Greg Olsen and Desmond

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It Boggles the mind, but Bears will win

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

When I was at Fox I did a parody of "The Professor," Brad Palmer  (who blogs on this site now). I called the bit "The Teaching Assistant," and I went to the board with a magic marker and played Boggle with the words "Chicago Bears" and "Minnesota Vikings." I came up with way more words for the Vikings (like "sinking" and, well, "stinking"), and so predicted a Viking victory.

But tonight the Bears will win. Why? Because Brad says so based on the Vikings' lousy record outside and on grass.

I second that because Brett Favre is very old. The reason he cried a couple of years ago

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