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Tiger should have slugged, not hugged, mother after speech

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Welcome to all of you who are looking at this blog for the first time because you read the piece on me by Mike Thomas in the Sun-Timeshttp://www.suntimes.com/business/2072262,SHO-Sunday-wolf28.article

I thought I'd try an eye-grabbing headline, which is why I semi-facetiously suggested that Tiger should have coldcocked mom after he left the podium.

(I should be more topical here. Okay. Quick Olympic hockey take. Chris Chelios said that the gold medal is more important than the Stanley Cup. Well, maybe that's easy for Chelios to say. He, after all, has won multiple Cups. The USA gets a hockey gold medal every couple or three decades. But the Blackhawks have been waiting since the year before Chelios was born. I'll take the Cup. Okay. Now back to Tiger.)

As Rick Telander has said two straight Sundays in the Bright One, Tiger self-flagellated in that public apology. And, of course, at the sex clinic he's not allowed to self-flagellate or even watch Jimmy Stewart nuzzle up to Donna Reed in "It's a Wonderful Life" while she's talking to Sam Wainwright on the phone.

Tiger is grandiose. His dad said Tiger would be better than Gandhi. (Even Gandhi was caught with his loin cloth down.)

Dad and mom dedicated themselves to making Tiger great but they didn't dedicate themselves to each other. They broke up. So Tiger gets to feel guilty about the sacrifice his parents made for his career, and he's angry his parents weren't together.

Now there's ambivalence that can drive a man into the arms of the nearest strumpet or two.

Tiger, as I've said, didn't owe the public an apology. His wife, yes. His kids, sure. But the public? The only way he wronged the public was by endorsing Gatorade, which he just lost as a sponsor, and deservedly so. Because Gatorade is a drink only a real athlete can benefit from. The couch potatoes who watch Tiger don't need it.

But Tiger hasn't learned much in his month and a half in sex addiction therapy. That's okay. It took him a lot longer to effect his last big swing change.

Meantime, even the camera that was trained on him during that speech blinked. There's only so much humiliation a piece of machinery can look upon.

You notice how Tiger said he felt that he had worked so hard that he somehow felt he deserved to taste the temptations placed before him? Maybe he shouldn't have had to work so hard. It's tough trying to be God. You wind up looking more like Fredo, banging two at a time.

Wondering if this has something to do with being black and the pressure to do the extraordinary to make up for lost generations. It's not enough for Tiger, like Barack Obama, to be Number 1. Tiger and the President have felt the mandate to transcend sports and politics respectively. Maybe Tiger should settle for beating Jack's record in the majors. (You think Tiger will win those last five by the time he's 46, which was Jack's age when he won his last Masters?)  And maybe the President ought to settle for health care in increments.

They could learn a lesson from a broadcaster trying to resurrect a career. Little steps. One blog post at a time.

Louis Armstrong, meet Drew Brees

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Fat Tuesday is a pagan holiday that comes every year in New Orleans. But today, for the first time, Super Sunday became religion. There are T-shirts in New Orleans that say "What would Breesus do?" They loved Drew Brees before the Super Bowl. Now they will canonize him.

"It was all meant to be. It was all destiny," said Drew Brees. Who wants to argue?

New Orleans equaled the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. Only fitting for a city that rose from the dead. It was one of the gutsiest Super Bowl victories. Sean Payton (Bears scab '87) went for it on a fourth and goal at the end of the first half and failed; he went for an onside kick at the start of the second half and succeeded. Who knows what he would have done had the game gone to overtime? Tried a 63-yard field goal like long-ago Saint Tom Dempsey made many years ago?

Can you overrate the importance of a Super Bowl victory to a city? Sure. But don't tell

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Bears get a state of the Martz offense

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

There's never been this much ado about the Bears offensive coordinator.

Mike Martz matters more than which Republican gets elected senator in November.  (And it will be the GOP as long as the President keeps pushing health-care while unemployment is in double digits.)

Mike Martz, who got the job today,  is the first certified genius to coordinate the Bears offense. The Bears have

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American English should have performed at halftime of the Pro Bowl

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The Pro Bowl is like a Miss Congeniality pageant the week before Miss America. Peyton Manning didn't play because he's got to be healthy for the Super Bowl, but congenial? He could have played without pads and in his running shorts and nobody would have touched him. The Pro Bowl is almost as meaningless as the NFC championship game was. Sixty great minutes, and then the thing was decided by a coin flip?

Want to make the Pro Bowl more interesting? The winning conference gets the ball if the Super Bowl goes into overtime. Plus the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders go against the cast of "Jersey Shore" for all special teams plays. Plus the game is moved to July and features the Super Bowl-winning team against the College All-Stars.

There's no way to make the game interesting.

If Phil can cheat, why can't Tiger phil-ander?

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Phil Mickelson is cheating, and he was called on it by fellow pro Scott McCarron, because Phil's using a wedge with square grooves even though square grooves were just outlawed. (Square grooves help golfers get better spin on the ball.)

But old old clubs (pre-1990) with square grooves are, in fact, technically permitted under a long-ago PGA agreement with Ping, which manufactured the square groove clubs. So by using an old Ping club, Phil is technically not cheating.  But he is violating the spirit of the new rule, which means a lot in golf, because golf is "a gentleman's game," says McCarron.

Hmmm. Is Tiger Woods cheating? Shouldn't he be allowed to get to cheat because in the old days, when blacks weren't allowed in the game, white guys got to run around with the babes and were pretty much undetected because there was  no such thing as a cell phone? Shouldn't Tiger be grandfathered in and allowed to be profligate?

The Barack Championship Series and Tim Tebow's right to shut up and get Stoned

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

The President is considering screwing around with the BCS because he wants a playoff. And in this he's joined in his nanny statism by Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch because Hatch's Utah team was denied a shot at the BCS championship. How's about this? The President and Sen. Hatch can play fantasy football with the BCS all they want so long as they stay out of important things, like health care, for instance?

The President getting involved in the BCS. It's enough to make you go to your window like those people in those late-night commercials for structured settlements who

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Headhunters to get Hunter's head

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Bears linebacker Hunter Hillenmeyer is one of more than a dozen NFL players who have pledged to donate their brain and spinal cord tissue for concussion research.

Pro Football Hall of Famer Mike Haynes and retired players Zach Thomas, Kyle Turley and Conrad Dobler also have said they will help the Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy at Boston University School of Medicine.

Steve Young, the former 49ers great who suffered several concussions during his career, said he was willing to donate his brain, "but do i have to do it now?" asked Young, apparently still suffering from the effects of the concussions.

Meanwhile, ESPN's Monday Night Football has no plan on donating its show open, which shows two helmets colliding, to the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

Durbin: "Bring Mohammad to the Magnificent Mile!"

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill),  already pleased with the possibility of moving Guantanamo Bay detainees to Illinois, is "doubling down" and has put in a bid to have the trial of 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammad moved to Chicago.

"The trial could be a boon to a city that took an uppercut to the jaw when it lost the Olympic bid," Durbin said. "Yes, New York doesn't want the trial. Virginia apparently

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Highwood man must pay back $48 in NCAA office pool winnings because Rose cheated on SAT

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Chip Stroleviks of suburban Highwood has been ordered to return the $48 he won in the 2008 Rosellini restaurant NCAA pool because Memphis had its 38-win season stripped when it was discovered Derrick Rose cheated on his SAT exam by having someone take the test for him.

Rose was named yesterday as a reserve to the NBA all-star game.

"I'm extremely proud of Derrick," said John Paxson, executive vice president of basketball operations. "He represents the Bulls' organization in a way we all respect. He's professional and a great person, and he just keeps getting better as a player."

But Stroleviks is not very happy.

"I love what Derrick Rose is doing for the Bulls. Don't get me wrong," said Stroleviks,

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Ernie: Let's play Lou today; Tiger blows a gimme to Elin

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Bruce Wolf

life-long chicagoan. never left cook county. too scared.

Ernie, echoing Lou's assessment of Big Mac, says Sammy should be forgiven. Oy. So, let's see now. In addition to all those Cubs who never went to a World Series who are or should be in the Hall of Fame (Banks, Williams, Jenkins, Santo), now the Cubs' greatest cheater should also be enshrined? It's almost enough to make Andre Dawson want to go into the Hall as an Expo, which he will be doing. But he doesn't want to.
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So the story now is that Tiger had his mistress (#1, if you're scoring at home) call Elin up on Thanksgiving night and explain that there was nothing going on. But then when

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