The metaphysical world is fascinating. A dream is the the collected material of the subconscious. I love dream analysis. If your interest is ever piqued, pick up a book.

If you ever want an amateur but accurate breakdown of your dream, I'm your woman. Common themes including sex and falling have a different meaning in slumberland.

A client/friend who we'll call "Reagan" told me she had a dream where she was trying to set me up on a date. Observation: Reagan wants control over her love life.

My daughter recently woke up and told me she had a funny dream. As a parent, of course I find her description adorable. In Halley's dream, she went to the desert and came back with a cat. She was flying back on an airplane and heard an announcement to duck.

There was a warplane overhead. She ducked in her dream. The plane ended up dropping Crunch bars and she got one to eat.

I explained to Halley that the "desert" in her dream was the unknown. The cat was something lovable, warm and unexpected. You can get something randomly great from unknown experiences. The Crunch bar warplane story symbolized getting something wonderful out of something that seemed scary at first.

When you can't quite put your finger on something that's troubling you, pay attention to your dreams. They might be telling you more than you realize.

For more advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Written by: Rachel Canis

Adam Fendelman here. Now that I've aged to almost a third of century, I've been writing for a minute or two.

There's a fable on a bathroom wall somewhere that claims I even wrote while in my mother's womb. It's not true, because if it were, I'd also have been smart enough to have never come out. I hear a Chicago winter is much more warm and cozy in there.

But I've changed how I write. And I don't mean I've adapted with the times because I've done that, too. Before blogging figured out a way to blend itself confusingly into the realm of journalism, sure, I "blogged". And I got personal.

I figured no one would care about the day I learned my cat had non-threatening iris spots, the moment I destroyed my own high score in Ms. Pac-Man, when I did my laundry, who I dated, how many minutes per day I slept and how "regular" I am.

Boy was I wrong. It turns out that while my audience was much smaller when I blogged at LiveJournal than where I've written since then, these people were loyal. All four or so of them were especially captive. The people who commented on my posts even exchanged contact information through my blog and became friends.

I had a "dating" service even then and didn't know it. Some of them even loved to hate me together. That blog is now defunct and I haven't really written about my personal life since, but it's not because I enflamed many of my readers. I just moved on to other forms of writing.

Try as we might, the array of technology and social networking out there today presents us with a challenge: How do we share enough to keep our virtual circles updated without having full-blown diarrhea of the mouth?

Do my Facebook friends really care what I had for lunch? (No.) Do my Twitter followers really give a hoot what I'm doing with my Friday night? (No.) But if you tell your Facebook world you're in a relationship, married or you're no longer married, the gravitational pull of the planet freezes for about 19 minutes and suddenly it's open season on you until your moment of fame passes because Britney Spears has a nipple slip.

Even through the years and despite how technology advances, the language of love truly is universal. People voyeuristically will always want to know your "status" either to gossip about you, score a date with you or secretly take pleasure in the fact that you're still single after they've dumped you.

Today, you've only got three choices: 1) be a virtual recluse and don't share a thing with anyone in any way, 2) become the master of TMI and tweet even about the quality of your bowel movements, 3) or strike a healthy balance between the two. I've gone the third route.

You'll hear when I'm particularly fired up about something because I think you might care and want to discuss it, too. I'll share with you about my upcoming laser eye surgery because the conversation could benefit someone else who might be considering doing the same.

But there is sanctity in certain private aspects of my life, and yes, I do wear a "filter" now. Unless you're going for the Howard Stern schtick and exposing your private parts works for you, I'd recommend finding your own middle ground, too.

For dating advice, contact Best Foot Forward.

Written by: Adam Fendelman

For better or worse, I give people more credit than they deserve. I wasn't born yesterday, but I have an open mind and try to look at people and situations in the best light possible. But sometimes that backfires.

Tuesday night after the Sub 51 party for ChicagoNow bloggers (which was a blast, by the way!), my cast of characters went to one of the more popular Rush Street establishments. Blame it on the caffeine or on heredity, but I talk to everyone.

On any given evening, I leave with five new business cards, three new Facebook friends, six great stories and a partridge in a pear tree. I'll even briefly chat with the weirdo or the intoxicated. You get my point. I was particularly wound up from enjoying the night with my new blogger pals.
 
In the reserved VIP section is a darling young lady sitting by herself. She has creamy and beautiful skin, thick and healthy hair, huge eyes and actress-like good looks. She was not overly made up and was wearing jeans and a semi-fitted sweater. Even as a 99.9 percent heterosexual female, you couldn't help but notice she had a rather large chest.

My friend, Bart, who I've known for 20 years decides to chat with her. But I knew I would find out more talking to her on my own. Though I can't remember her name to save my life, she claimed to have just moved to Chicago two weeks ago from Arizona for medical school.

This is supposedly why she was at the bar by herself. She planned on studying dermatology. She was 22, Polish and had very nice posture. She told me where she lived. I was warning her about Chicago winters and talking about my dating company. She was not skanky in the least bit. She actually looked like someone who would've played the clarinet in high school.

Satisfied, I returned to the group and told them she was a doctor. I may have bet on it. I told Bart he was being narrow minded. I said dermatolgists could be pretty, too.

Well, I'll cut right to the chase. As the place filled up, she went to the bathroom and came back. She apparently went to change shoes. The leg started swinging and she had on seven-inch stilletto open-toe boots. Tons of men were buying her drinks. Another Italian, leather-clad guy came out of the woodwork to chat with some of them. She was texting up a storm.

Bart will never let me live this down because clearly she wasn't prescribing zit or wrinkle cream. She was working it, turning tricks and was a member of the oldest profession.

As always, I have a point. Be aware of the social cues you are sending. (Doctors presumably don't behave that way.) First impressions may not be right. Whatever your career path, you should still dress well. Until next time, remember to always put your best foot forward.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Yes, the timing could have been better, but I tried a strength training workout class today. It's not that I stayed out late last night or drank that much, but if you have ever seen me in "full-throttle Rachel mode," you'd know why I'm tired. Girlfriend likes to party.

Though the early morning hour for this class is less that ideal, working out at The Peninsula is about as cush as it gets. I had visions of using light weights, drinking coffee and texting between sets of repetitions and arriving to work intact.

Of course, this was not the case. It was a hard freaking class. I guess The process of being and becoming strong isn't easy.

Let's flash back to high school. My allergies and menstrual cramps required me to miss class at least once a month. It took me more than a year to get over the death of my dog. Stress came in the form of a lot of homework and an overbooked social calendar.

In college, I'm a cheerleader practicing three or more times a week for at least three hours (plus at games). I'm taking insane course loads of 21 hours each semester (including the summer), doing my internship, executing a senior dissertation and planning a wedding for more than 400 people with 11 attendants just two weeks after graduation.

I pulled all-nighters constantly and gulped two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew like they were air. In a couple short months, I managed to need an emergency appendectomy, come back from Mexico with dysentery and have an allergic reaction to sulfa that had me hospitalized. But that was nothing.

Enter marriage one. Without selling out my ex, it wasn't the slightest bit of easy from the get go. Before that situation could be rectified, I was hospitalized five months into the marriage for a total of three months with acute myleoblastic leukemia. I had cancer.

Losing hair is nothing compared to the side effects of chemo. I was challenged with having my bone marrow extracted via a syringe, having a catheter in my heart, severe constant nausea, being packed in ice to reduce my fever, crazy secondary infections and the need for a hip replacement before my 22nd birthday.

During my hospital stay, I made embroidery floss bracelets for the interns, hung out with my friends (in my germ-free room) and made a Christmas tree skirt for Shriner's Hospital. I played a lot of jokes on people, made them laugh and had an outpouring of love from the community. After I was done, I just wanted to get out there and have fun.

So what is "strength training"? Apparently it's a one-hour class at The Peninsula gym that's taught by a pushy African-American girl with a hot bod. You know what else it is? It's life. It's having patience and coming up with solutions when you're tired. It's packing more into a day than Wonder Woman.

It's having a child who didn't sleep through the night for five years while you were single and working a full-time job. It's having people lay into you even when you explain you have a special needs child who can't help certain behaviors. It's professionally dealing with people who somehow skate through their careers half-assed and oversell you on their ability.

Strength comes after times that challenge us the most. I admire my daughter's father who still was able to parent when his mother passed away in an untimely manner. I look up to a girlfriend who buried her 4-year-old, went back to work and managed to have a huge Thanksgiving dinner weeks later.

Without sounding corny, we are blessed to have another day every day. We are granted another opportunity to "get it right". We can practice, build, plan and prepare for these hard times and operate from a place of inner strength that we are constantly cultivating.

So if you're coming to me for dating advice while feeling sorry for yourself with 9,000 excuses and a negative attitude, I'm going to explain to you why you are still single and tell you it's time for strength training.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

I attended Yogapalooza this past Thursday at the Park West. In actuality, I despise yoga for several reasons both simple and complex.

First, the positions and postures are uncomfortable, I feel ridiculous and I'm not particularly flexible. Second, it's boring. Third (and here's the big one), I have childhood issues.

Rewind more than 20 years. Growing up, I was one of the few Jews at a traditional Midwestern rah-rah cheerleader kind of school. Like every other teen and pre-teen in America, I just wanted to fit in.

I had wonderful and adoring parents. My dad was like Dharma's dad (from "Dharma & Greg") and my mom was like Mrs. Focker from "Meet the Fockers".

They loved it when I had parties and I had no curfew as long as they knew where I was. My lecture on drugs was: "Don't do drugs. You don't know what you're getting. They aren't like they used to be."

My dad practiced yoga before it was cool or trendy. As the story goes, a gentleman suitor was trying to impress my mother on a beach in Michigan with his boat. My father immediately asked the guy if he could stand on his head. (He couldn't.) Clearly it worked. The headstand and my dad's easygoing demeanor and patience beat the boat guy.

In suburban St. Louis, though, it was slightly embarrassing. My brother and I would beg my dad to stop doing yoga on the front lawn. None of the other waspy children had fathers who twisted and contorted. Even as kids, we thought it was out there.

So, my dad was right. Now everyone is preaching the 9,000 different healing, therapeutic and age-defying benefits of yoga. It's mainstream and effective.

The teacher ended up being cuckoo enough to be amusing. My abs felt awesome after the class. I got a cool new water bottle and mat as a gift. I felt so recharged that I cleaned out all six of my pet cages at home with a smile.

What does this have to do with dating? What lessons were learned from my one group class? First, try something new. Second, there are situations where you will literally and figuratively be uncomfortable. Finally, in realizing some issues are much larger than others, embrace your past so you can move on. Life is too short.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Though it's not good to make assumptions, I'm going to make one. In eras past when people had to get a message out, I'm thinking it was for something important.

No one sent a carrier pigeon, a telegram by stagecoach or used a Morse code machine just to rant.

I just spent the morning talking to a client who now lives in Michigan. She is an attractive, educated and petite blonde. She has been on several dates with a 40-year-old shy engineering executive. Here are some excerpts from e-mails she has been receiving from him (used with her permission):

I have been working in my yard the last two nights. I've been pulling out some overgrown shrubbery. Unfortunately, I have been getting home and it is almost dark. I solved that by setting up my 1,000-watt halogen light. It is like daylight when I have that thing on!

At least it allows me to still get something done at night. You never know when we will get bad weather, so I am trying hard to get this one last outdoor project done. Hopefully I will have it done in a couple more nights. Then there are leaves to pick up.

Well, I am kind of tired from digging out stumps, so I think I will relax a little bit and go to bed. Have a good rest of the week.

She was tired of responding to these lackluster e-mails. She was ready to not respond even though they had a nice time together. I explained to my client that the guy obviously wants to keep in contact, but clearly doesn't have a lot going on outside of work and home.

We discussed some other subjects she could broach to open up their back-and-forth e-mail conversation and make it a little more flirty and interesting.

I've got a friend who is a suburban divorced dad of two. He runs the sales force for a mid-sized company. His first post-dating experience was with a woman who texted him "60 to 70 times a day" with nothing in particular to say. For him, it was the beginning of the end.

I personally am not a fan of "checking in" via phone. I have 4,500 Facebook friends, and if each one of them had to check in for five minutes each, that is 22,500 minutes. That doesn't include prospective clients and people trying to sell me their wares.

What's my point? My point is to have a point. If you call, make sure you have a reason. If you are getting to know a potential date, have something to talk about. If you have nothing to talk about, find something even if it asking questions or talking about current events.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Monday, Nov. 1 was the day after a historically busy party weekend. Many of us donned fun or sexy Halloween costumes, partied like it was 1999, ate like pigs and drank like fish. Didn't we? Here's my story.

I'm on the committee of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and we nominate the man and woman of the year. We meet the first Monday of each month. As a cancer survivor myself, it has taken me 18 years to start giving back.

It's kind of embarrassing, but better now than never. I was truly touched to be accompanied by my friend, Will English IV. While Will has no connection to blood cancer, he's still committing the little spare time he has to supporting this cause. Last year's man of the year (Vin Tormo) was present.

While going through treatment for leukemia (he still is), Vin decided he would serve as a good example of handling adversity while thinking about the greater good of the world. Instead of asking "why me?," he raised more than $100,000. That all goes to medical research and patient care for blood cancer. And that is just the beginning.

Will and I decided to catch the tail end of a Big Love Little Hearts event. Talk about inspiring.

I spoke with Charles Tillman. The man has a daughter who was born with a heart defect. He saw the need to start a foundation to support the mothers and siblings of children going through similar surgeries. Charles Miller and Dr. Sri Rao were there from the International Children's Heart Foundation.

They have made it their life's cause to teach heart surgeries to doctors in third-world countries while saving thousands of lives each year.

I sat next to Mark Biery. He founded Live to Support Chicago. He decided his mission in life is to coordinate a local sports league that benefits several charities. I just sat there in awe with my friend, Chris Mahlmann (who organized sponsors and promoted the event), while feeling really shallow and douchey.

Dr. Rao mentioned that just the small group coming out for cocktails and getting out to support the charity on a random Monday night would pay for 100 pieces of non-reusable tubing for surgery.

These are the invaluable lessons I've learned from my random, tired Monday night out. An added benefit of charity involvement is expanding your social network and meeting members of the opposite sex. But don't compare yourself to others. Be inspired by them.

However small, daily and monthly acts of kindness are important. We can't all be Charles, Vin or Dr. Rao, but just being Will, Chris and Rachel is OK.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Webster's Dictionary defines the word "consistent" as "marked by harmony, regularity or steady continuity and free from variation or contradiction." People need consistency from birth.

Babies nap and are fed on a regular schedule. Children from loving, stable environments thrive when they can depend on their parents.

Professionally, we count on public transportation to be on time. Consistency allows us to manage our days, weeks and our lives.

When you exercise, eat healthy and take vitamins regularly, it affects the way you feel. The topic of many conversations nowadays is the distaste for drama. Though I hear it all of the time, some people seem to thrive on it. Does a consistent person have to be dull? There are certain elements of life that are unpredictable.

Everyone gets thrown for a loop on occasion. I'm a firm believer in not nitpicking or overanalyzing people and relationships. Still, here are several red flags that the person you are with is less than harmonious, grounded or peaceful.

1. Taking risks is one thing. Consistent bad choices and decisions are another.
2. What is the person's professional history? How long have they stayed in one city, with their company or at one job?
3. What is the person's longest relationship with someone?
4. When you make plans, do they cancel, reschedule or change more than once?
5. How about phone calls? Do you get calls three times a day and texting all day and then nothing for days? That's not a good sign.
6. People who are alcoholics and drug addicts will have different personalities with and without these substances.
7. How do they cope with life's adversities? Do they make lemons out of lemonade or do they complain and feel like a victim? Do they move past the past?
   

People can improve on certain elements of their character, but leopards don't change their spots. Feelings such as anxiety and confusion are often mistaken for chemistry and passion. Know the difference and make good choices.

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Today I received an e-mail from a New York doctor. Dr. Diane Kirschner is a clinical psychiatrist. She wrote about the "biggest mistake singles make".

In Sunday's New York Times, a very single millionaire matchmaker Patti Stanger said you should have "no sex until you are in an exclusive, monogamous and committed relationship".

Both of these women profess that this rule is set in stone. I'm not sure I know anyone following this rule. Welcome to close of the year 2010.

For couples who have been married and are older, the sexual rules change along with the criteria in the search for a mate. Younger singles are on the quest for stability and security. They want qualities that make for a good spouse and a partner to raise a family.

For older folks, the dynamics change. They already have children and careers. They want to share their downtime with someone. That often results in sex.

I'm not professing that sleeping with someone replaces love. It's part of the getting-to-know-you process and a way of showing a date that you enjoy each other's company. This is what I advise:

1. Both parties should be on the same page to move the relationship at the same emotional pace.
2. If you "hook up" (i.e. meet late at night after other plans), it's not a relationship.
3. If sex is the only thing that interests you in the other person, it's not a good match.
4. Be responsible. Practice safe sex.
5. Be honest. You don't have to tell everything, but don't be misleading.
6. If you have a friend who's a member of the opposite sex and you're sleeping with that person (i.e. "friends with benefits"), the odds are high that your friendship will end when one party wants more or meets someone else or both.
7. After sex, don't "get clingy," have different expectations or drastically change the pace of what is working in the relationship. That's a great way to scare or turn off the other person.
   

This blog post was short and fast. I hope your sexual experiences differ in that respect.

Written by: Rachel Canis

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

I'm being honest. I had an exceptionally fun, wild weekend again.

Admittedly, some of it had to do with a random night with a male friend of a friend who knew exactly what he was getting into when he asked me to dinner. I'm thinking back to how I personally have met members of the opposite sex.

Stories include attempting gymnastic moves from the ceiling of a boat on a booze cruise, helping out an overwhelmed bartender at a friend's wedding, riding a merry-go-round at Chuck E. Cheese's with a metallic paper tiara and starting a game of pretzel baseball with a two-liter bottle of Pepsi at a relatively tame party. The list goes on and on.

I have a friend, "Anna," who is married to an owner of a Major League Baseball team. She has an affinity for fast food, has gotten in a cat fight at a charity fundraiser she was chairing and has sneaked us into private concerts through the freight elevator and the kitchen.

I have another recently married friend, "Holly," who likes to swim in public fountains and propel tater tots through the air at restaurants. Prior to finally tying the knot, she tormented and tempted men from every continent. Another close friend, "Patsy," has been married for 20 years and has five kids.

I have witnessed her stealing the cue ball in the middle of a pool game and switching a valet parking key. Compare these behaviors to my single friend, "Jodie," who is an absolute doll. She's petite, beautiful, kind, mild-mannered, successful, easygoing, appropriate and sweet.

But "Jodie" hasn't had a date in months.

Women get a bad rap for being attracted to the bad boy. From what I've seen, the reverse is also true. I've known men to pass over many kind, agreeable and pretty girls who you can take home to mother with amazing careers. Instead, they go for the spunky, feisty ball buster who takes risks and is artsy. Why?

Boredom is the root of all evil. Even in a long-term, committed relationship, each party has to bring something to the table to keep things new and exciting. I am personally guilty of dating people who are perfect on paper but are about as stimulating as watching paint dry.

My parents have been married forever. They love the heck out of each other and have a truly unique borderline dysfunctional communication style. (Sorry, mom and dad.) They are both entertaining and funny as all tomorrow, have a ton of hobbies and interests together and apart and their friendships include a cast of characters who are unlike any sitcom.

I know a miserable, single guy named "Lee". "Lee" doesn't even call a first date a date. It's a 30-minute interview. He is a handsome guy, but this is rapidly offset by his generally disgruntled, tightly wound demeanor.

He goes on tons of miserable dates that are adding to his negative state of mind. Compare "Lee" to "Andrew". "Andrew" has to fight off the women who are throwing themselves at him. "Andrew" has his hands in about 10 different businesses he is passionate about, cracks jokes when things get stressful and wears a feathered fedora.

There is a reason Angelina Jolie was more seductive to Brad Pitt than good old consistent Jennifer Aniston. What's the most valuable dating advice I could give? Get out there, have fun, enjoy life and laugh hard and often. If you are bored or are borderline boring, do something about it.

Written by: Rachel Canis

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

People used to meet and marry young. The courting process has been changed by higher education and women in the work force. More people have had dates, partners and meaningful relationships prior to marriage than ever before.

In the dating industry, people often tell me the reason they are single is they are "too picky".

They "know exactly what they want" and actually have detailed lists. They pass over really great people because of trivial reasons. We hear stories like this all the time.

Women long for someone tall, dark and handsome, super successful with a ton of free time, the same religious background and a guy who gets along great with her family.

Men want a sexy, happy, athletic cook and housekeeper who has a great salary and knows all of the local sport scores and investment tips. Yeah, right.

We have all dated someone who has a few great qualities and a few not-so-great characteristics. Every person has strengths and weaknesses. We are human. But that's enough background. Enter Adam Fendelman's "Mr. Potato Head theory".

Remember Mr. Potato Head as a kid? You could pick out the hat, eyes, shoes and mouth and the result is exactly what you want. But life doesn't get to work that way. When you're dating online, the questions are really specific and companies make you think you're able to "order up" a specific person in their database.

In reality, people get frustrated and disappointed.

If you are single and have been on more than 10 different dates for several consecutive months and still haven't found what you're "looking for," it might be time to put your Mr. Potato Head away. Some of the qualities you're looking for in another person may need to found by digging deep within yourself.

If you have a mental list of 63 qualities you need in an ideal mate, the first step is realizing you don't need all of them. You just want all of them in a perfect world. People aren't perfect, but can be "perfect enough" for people.

To find your special "perfect enough" person, change your mental list of 63 qualities from what you think you need to what you want, absolutely must have and definitely can't have. And this is the most important part: put 10 fill-in-the-blank "mystery qualities" on your list that you never knew you'd love in someone.

The person you'll spend the rest of your life with will have many of these qualities you didn't even know you wanted.

Written by: Rachel Canis and Adam Fendelman

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

I love coffee. I've been known to swipe a cup from a random hotel just to have the feel of the hot brown, crack-like liquid in my "chi-chi-poo-poo" cup. I like being alert, animated, cool and social. These are all provided at a local coffee shop.

I worked with a girl who "knew Fall was around the corner when your lattes turned pumpkin". I have a theory on the success of Starbucks. It's therapy in a $5 cup. The people who work there have snorted the Via insta-brew. They told me.

I did the monthly math based on $5 a day (minimum) multiplied by five times a week. That's about $100 a week. In my mind, I decided I would save money, drink Mr. Coffee and milk at home, play with my apartment lobby's unpretentious styrofoam and cream and drink the Folgers and powder at work. It didn't start the morning the same.

In the past, every time I won a free Dunkin Donuts coffee at a Cubs or Bulls game I never picked it up. People rave about their coffee. The new Dunkin' Donuts on Division just got remodeled. It is beautiful. The riff-raff is elsewhere and it's a quality joint. For $5, I got their version of a breakfast sandwich.

It was pretty much a bacon fat taco. I got creative with the coffee: vanilla, extra shot, large coffee with a pump of pumpkin spice. It was disgusting. It was like someone extinguished their cigar in air freshener oil. Today, by some miracle, I was running 10 minutes early.

There was no line at the holy grail of Starbucks on Rush and Oak. It was a sign. I got my venti toffee mocha frappuccino in latte form with an extra shot. It was heaven. I told the adorable guy behind the counter of my Dunkin' Donuts experience. His name was Patrick. Patrick drinks black coffee only.

My theory behind black coffee drinkers, as I told Patrick, is that they are either really simple or really lazy. He claimed to be both. He also claimed to be my "simple knight in shining armor" and have some fabulous music blog that I can't remember to save my life. (I'll be back in tommorrow and will write it down next time.)

I looked around the place. Everyone was hanging out and enjoying the morning. People were friendly and happy. What is the moral of my tale? Positive energy exudes positivity and do what makes you happy. Life is too short.

Written by: Rachel Canis

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

Love is not a spectator sport. Did anyone catch the Chicago Blackhawks hockey game on Monday? I'm admitting I fell asleep when the Hawks were down by two, but let me fill you in on what happened.

The Hawks won in the last 12 minutes. They tied it up in the last period and won in overtime. How cool is that? Maybe it's the former cheerleader in me, but sports are like life. Every team has bad seasons.

You could be the best of the best and still have down moments, down weeks and down years. How is love like a hockey game? Here are a couple of observations:

• You have to show up to play.
• Gear is important.
• Sometimes you get hurt.
• If everyone is playing defense, no one is out there scoring.
• You could be amazing at what you do and still have a losing night.
  

Having a winning team and being a successful player takes work. I have an acquaintance from St Louis who will remain nameless. He flaked out his last semester of college and never got a real job. He was passed over by every girl in town.

He eventually got braces, lost weight, stopped smoking, started tanning and inherited a bit of money to make up for his mediocre job. At some point, he met an attractive woman who came with her own demons. They now have two cute kids and are happy as heck.

Question: What do you call a physician who graduates last in his class? Answer: Doctor. My St Louis connection is now a husband and a father. The Blackhawks are winners. What is my point? We don't have a crystal ball to see the future, but all is well that ends well.

Written by: Rachel Canis

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.

You are single and want to meet people, right? You go out -- night after night -- and meet the same people at similar parties and bars all within the same 3-mile radius. You talk to the people you know about local sports, the weather and parking and go home frustrated. Sound familiar? How do you get out of a rut and venture into the unknown?

I am going to tell you a little story. Adam and I have a cousin named Hari. Hari used to be Harry and have a government job in Indianapolis.

He is now some kind of spiritual guru living in Sedona, Ariz. and will burn paper, do a drum dance and give you his advice on your life. Hari believes that angels are literally leaving signs that people ignore. I believe we live in a world where opportunities are what you make of them.

On any given day, for example, I professionally and socially listen to the woes of so many folks that my brain could possibly explode. This past Saturday night, I decide to switch gears and recharge my own personal batteries. A did a quick catch-up session with some friends (a Chicago couple who met on Lavalife and have been married for seven years) and then did a movie solo. This isn't my typical, action-packed, story-filled evening.

Even the movie provided minimal entertainment value and I was paying a sitter $15 an hour. It's 10:17 p.m. and I'm about to call it a night. Standing on the street that forks into mine, I see the crappiest-looking dive bar that I didn't know existed. Still, something about it looked warm and inviting even though it was almost completely empty.

Clad in my taupe, patent dip-dyed boots, magenta-ruffled shawl and matching mini dress, I stood there like a deer in headlights having some kind of crazy conversation in my mind. Do I want to be the kind of person who drinks alone at a dive bar on a Saturday night? I'm doing the math (babysitter, cocktail, hangover, etc.). I must have been staring a long time because all four people at the bar all made some kind of synchronized gesture for me to come in.

I enter. They buy me drinks. I am by myself for two seconds. Mary is the bartender. She is sweet as heck and lives in the neighborhood. Steve made a fortune in the stock market. He is single and taking care of his 90-year-old mother. Steve's a little bored. I've got an Irish guy who is "straight off the boat" and needed a tutorial in American football.

The guys loved my explanation: "The Bears have no cheerleaders and someone will inevitably end up in jail." A former college football player begins talking about his music taste and I'm listening. He could be a model. A married couple comes in. We are all singing Tom Petty at the top of our lungs. They met at a Halloween pub crawl with three other couples.

They come to this bar every Friday and Saturday night. People were begging me not to leave. Apparently they have a huge local following and everyone is warm, friendly and on a first-name basis. I have a new favorite place, a fun upcoming event and a new arc to add to my social circle.

Sometimes we are operating at 150 percent of our capacity. Other weeks require more of an effort to navigate through the daily grind.

Cousin Hari would think happening upon this random place was a sign from the heavens. I'd like to think I seized an opportunity by venturing outside of my comfort zone. Who knows what will become of my new friendships. If you spend the majority of your time inside a comfort zone, challenge yourself every now and then to step out.

Written by: Rachel Canis

For more dating advice, contact Rachel Canis at Best Foot Forward.