Ask Mel

Gifts for your high school man

2010-03-19T00:24:57Z

Dear Mel,

My boyfriend's birthday is a few weeks away. We've been dating for 6 months-ish, so I want this gift to be a good one. Help, please?

-Gifter

photo courtesy of ttnk

Dear Gifter,

Aww, 6 months? Presh. Here are some good gift ideas.

Things you can buy:

-A sweatshirt for his favorite sports team. (Cubbies!)

-A nice bottle of cologne... Why not, right?

-An iPod Nano, manly colored. Get the least expensive one.

-Is he a bookworm? Get him a collection of his favorite books.

Things you can't buy:

-An adventure book. Up, anyone?

-A bunch of free coupons. (ex. Good for a hug at any time!)

-A really, really, really nice card.

-Bake his favorite dessert. (Or how about a gift-shaped cake?)

Good luck, and tell him I say happy birthday!

-Mel

Short but sweet: How to be a good friend

2010-03-16T23:07:34Z

Dear Mel,

How can I be a good friend?

-Wondering

photo courtesy of StuSeeger

Dear Wondering,

Your question is short, so my answer will follow suit.

Be trustworthy, be compassionate, be a good listener, be caring, be real, be honest, and always be lighthearted.

-Mel

Just say "no" to the red sketch cup

2010-03-13T17:00:56Z

Dear Mel,

I am a freshman girl in high school and I have a problem. Lately, my group of friends have started drinking and partying. They don't do it every night but from the way things are going, I have a feeling that they will start doing it all the time. I never do it with them because I was raised as a Christian and I just feel like teen drinking isn't a good idea. Also, I have very strict parents who would flip if they found out that I drank. I really just don't want to drink. However, I don't want to lose my friends, either. What should I do?

-Peer Pressured

photo courtesy of Yogma

Dear Peer Pressured,

First off, I applaud you for sticking to your morals and saying no to the booze. That's a really respectable decision to make. The bad consequences of teen drinking definitely outweigh the good ones. When I was a freshman, I noticed that everyone was beginning to party a lot, too. And I didn't like it.

My best advice? Just because you don't want to drink doesn't mean you have to lose your friends and become a hermit. However, now might be a good time to expand your horizons and make some new friends who don't like to party. If you have two solid groups of friends, you will always have people to hang out with. But the point is that if one of the groups is drinking on a Friday night, you can simply call up your other friends and go the the movies.

High school is tough when it comes to peer pressure. But with the right people surrounding you, you will have an amazing four years.

-Mel

Get ready for SB

2010-03-06T18:08:27Z

Dear Mel,

SB is only 3 weeks away and I'm freaking out! I'm going with my family to FL and I am definitely not bikini ready. I play soccer, but I don't think that is enough exercise for me. I also try to eat healthy, but I eat out about twice a week. Whenever I don't eat all I can think about is how much I want to eat! Ahh! Do you have any short, quick tips? I only need a few. Please and thank you.

-Feeling Chubbs

photo courtesy of titlap

Dear Feeling Chubbs,

Oops, you just reminded me about spring break! I'm in the same boat as you. I'll be in lovely Las Vegas, but I obviously do not want to look like a cow in my bathing suit. Over the years, I've picked up a few tips and tricks for toning up before a trip. I'm not a doctor or anything, so don't take what I say too seriously. But here goes:

-Eat. Having a cheese cube every few hours doesn't work. It'll just make you eat a ton when you can't stand the hunger anymore. So start munching on fruits and veggies.

-Workout everyday. I like to either jog around my neighborhood or go to my country club for some good ol' elliptical time. Anything helps.

-Do sit-ups before you go to the pool. This sounds weird, but I feel like it makes a difference.

-Get some tanning lotion. Looking a little orange sometimes makes you look a little thinner.

And always remember, stand up straight and be proud of your figure. Being as thin as a toothpick is stupid. Have fun in FL!

-Mel

Everybody was best friend fighting

2010-03-03T03:52:17Z

Dear Mel,

One of my best friends de-friended me. No, not on Facebook. In life. I don't know how to regain his trust, and I'm really frustrated and angry about the whole ordeal. How can I get my friend back?

-Missing A Friend

photo courtesy of Hot Rod Homepage

Dear Missing A Friend,

De-friended, huh? That's rough. It's happened to me before. In fact, I think it's happened to a lot of people. Every person is different, but if you follow these tips, you might be one step closer to getting your friend back.

1. Bake stuff. Does your friend like cake? Drop off a fabulous chocolate frosted cake at his house with an apologetic note. Nothing says sorry like layers and layers of cake.

2. Write a letter. Make it long and thoughtful. Pour your heart onto a piece of paper as if there is no tomorrow!

3. Leave lots of voicemails. Call him at least once a day. If he doesn't answer, which he probably won't for a while, simply leave a nice voicemail. Don't forget to say sorry a billion times!

4. Do something really special for that person. Figure this one out on your own.

5. Kidnap the kid. Take him bowling or to the movies so he is forced to be around you.

6. Say sorry a few more times. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

Before you know it, your friend will love you again. But don't forget that healing takes time. Read the signs and give him space if needed.

-Mel

Rise n' shine: tips for waking up in time for school

2010-02-25T04:16:13Z

Dear Mel,

It takes me FOREVER to get out of bed for school in the morning. I set my alarm for 6 AM and can't get up until 7 usually. This is hard because I am a girl who needs time for hair, makeup, etc. So my mom always ends up driving me to school late. Do you have any wake-up tips?

-Zzz

photo courtesy of alancleaver_2000

Dear Zzz,

I absolutely loathe crawling out of my warm, cozy cocoon of a bed in the mornings. I typically set my alarm for 6:15, and it's just so dang dark at that time! I used to have trouble conquering my morning routine, but after trying out a few different things, my body adjusted to the early morning wake-ups. Here's some tips for you.

-Set two alarms: one on your cell and one on your alarm clock. If you get up at 6, then set one for 6 and the other for 6:05. Two alarms are better than one.

-Another alarm tip is to put one across the room from you. This way, you need to get out of bed in order to stop "Bennie and the Jets" from blasting. (Yeah, that's my alarm ringtone. Special, right?)

-This is a no-brainer. Try to get to bed by midnight. Mo' sleep. Mo' sleep.

-Stand up and go to the bathroom when you hear your alarm go off. If you get your blood flowing, you're more likely to not fall back asleep.

-Or, get up and do 10 jumping jacks.

-Drink coffee before you start getting ready.

-Remind yourself that you need to straighten your hair. Sometimes I forget and allow myself to go back to bed.

-Make your alarm ringtone a sick techno jam. Nothing gets you out of bed in the morning quite like a little Basshunter. Rise and fist pump!

-If all else fails, set 15 alarms. There's no way you can hit 15 snooze buttons at once.

Good luck!

-Mel

"Ugh, your breath is like a stink bomb!"

2010-02-22T16:35:38Z

Dear Mel,

How do I politely tell my friend that his breath stinks?

-Disgusted

photo courtesy of VirtualErn

Dear Disgusted,

Ah, stinky breath. I once had a friend that had smelly breath ALL the time. How did I change that? Simple. I used these tips:

1. Nonchalantly slip your friend a piece of gum. The key word here is nonchalantly. Just take out a piece for yourself and hand one to him while in conversation.

2. Buy a new box of breath mints and act really excited about them. "Man, you gotta try these! They're just so... minty!"

3. Talk about another person you met recently who had bad breath. Make it seem like you are talking about someone else, and your friend will do a double-take and check to see if his breath is bad.

4. If all else fails, simply start holding your breath when you talk to your friend. I had to do this for awhile.

Good luck! Remember, try not to be rude. Don't come right out and say, "Hey, bro, your breath smells like rotten eggs with a sprinkling of cyanide." Yeah, definitely don't do that.

-Mel

Looking for love in all the (wrong?) places

2010-02-19T02:20:22Z

Dear Mel,

Lately, I've been listening to a Taylor Swift song called Today Was a Fairytale. It's about a girl and a boy, or a date I think. Anyways the point is that I've never had a special guy in my life and I'm already a sophomore in high school. I love the song and I just want love in my life! It sounds so magical. What can I do?

-Waiting For A Boy

photo courtesy of Made Underground

Dear Waiting For A Boy,

Ah, yes. I love that song. It's so cute!

Anyways... Don't worry about the fact that it hasn't happened for you yet. I know someone who got her first real boyfriend in the sixth grade. I also know someone who never dated in high school and got married when she turned 23.

Bottom line? You can't hurry love. If there's no one in your life, then fine. Relax and be a kid. You have, like, 50 years to meet a special person. So why stress out now?

If you don't meet someone by the time you're 30, then we'll talk. And I'll probably tell you to join e-Harmony.

-Mel

Looking for some Chi-town friends

2010-02-16T22:07:08Z

Dear Mel,

I need some help meeting some clean, decent people. I am not asking for much, just some drug-free people who have ordinary interests. I'm not looking to meet Mensa types, although I'm fairly smart myself. You know the sort of person that you can go over to their apartment, kick back a few beers and watch some teevee with. I'm not finding it, I'm finding a lot of weirdos and scumbags. Maybe it's because I live in Uptown? Also, I wouldn't mind finding a girlfriend, again. I'm not asking for much, like a supermodel or a girl with two percent body fat. To be honest, I used to have a crush on Chelsea Clinton. And a girl who looked like her but skinnier and with an overbite. Right now I'm crushing on a girl who by all counts is pretty chubby. But she's just so damn cute! I tend to like unusual looking girls...

I got my tax return and I got a new job, so I actually have money to go do stuff, but find myself doing the same solo things I always did. Also a bit of a problem for me is my life can be kind of a deal-breaker. Although it's not quite the same, my life has been as bizarre as an Augusten Burroughs book, but in its own way. I'm not sure how to ease into telling people how I live, I have no family and no parents, I'm roughing it on my own.

So, sorry to ramble, but I need some advice. My interests are pretty common: movies, dancing, seeing comedy shows... I just feeling weird going to a bar and dancing by myself.

-Need A Pal

photo courtesy of Mike Boehmer

Dear Need A Pal,

You're funny.

That's one of the first things I noticed about you while reading your question. You seem to be very sarcastic. I laughed out loud at a few things you said. So, that said, if you just be yourself around people, I'm sure you won't have a problem making friends.

But I know it's not as easy as that.

It sounds like you want a Seinfeld life. You know, have three best friends who always lay around your apartment until it's time to go to Monk's Café for some coffee and sandwiches. Just like Jerry. So here are a few tips on how to make friends in the city: (Keep in mind that I am only 16 and am by no means a city girl. I live in the suburbs. Chyeah.)

-Go to church. I got this idea when you mentioned your distaste for druggies and weirdos. Good people always hang out at church. It's a fact.

-Ask the girl out. If you like her, go for it. That way, you won't have to hit the bars by yourself.

-Make friends at your workplace. I'm sure your new job is filled with people wanting to be your friend!

-Take a class. You like comedy? Why not get involved at Second City? That would be a great way to meet a buddy or two.

-Be nice and smell good. Duh.

Good luck! I hope you make some fabulous Chicago friends! And I'm sure there's even some ChicagoNow readers who want to be friends with you now. Yay!

-Mel

8 things to do on Valentine's Day (For teens!)

2010-02-10T22:25:20Z

Take a leap of faith

2010-02-07T22:44:34Z

Dear Mel,

My mom finally said I could go to a camp with the youth group at my church. I was really happy when she said this but at the same time my mom has always been overprotective and I'm not really used to spending the night at people's houses. And the camp involves going away from home for 3 days, about 15 hours away from home! I really want to go and plan to, but there's a part of me that says go for it and the other isn't so sure. I feel it's a good opportunity to test how I do alone but I'm not sure so can you please give me your opinion!

-Not So Sure

photo courtesy of ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser

Dear Not So Sure,

This past summer, I was getting ready to leave for a mission trip with my youth group. We were going to San Francisco to help the homeless, and I was scared out of my pants. A week before the trip, I woke up every morning seriously considering backing out. I worried about absolutely everything. What if all of my friends on the trip ditch me or get mad at me? What if I miss my mom too much? What if something bad happens? This wasn't my first time leaving home for more than a few days, but it definitely was the hardest. After all, San Fran is all the way across the country. To make a long story short, I ended up going and having an AMAZING time. I miss it whenever I think about how awesome the trip was.

My advice to you is to take a leap of faith and go. Even if you're worrying a ton right now, I can promise you that the trip will exceed your expectations. Just take a deep breath and enjoy yourself. What's the worst thing that can happen?

-Mel

What to do with a rude BFF

2010-02-02T22:42:29Z

Dear Mel,

I have a best friend who drives me crazy. I met her last year and we immediately became really close since we had so many classes together. She was always very happy and extremely nice, and we never fought or anything. Then this new school year came and she isn't exactly different, but she is a little bolder when she speaks to me and sometimes even a little rude. Take today, we were at a small party and one friend was telling a story. He asked me a question and I answered him and my best friend just cut me off and said, "nobody cares." I was really upset because after the guy finished the story I wanted to talk to him again and she just cut me off.. again.. And said nobody cares. Not only that, but she can be so whiny about little things. She misses the bus almost everyday and can't get a ride to school until 3 hours later. It's like she isn't responsible anymore and is slacking. I still want to be her friend and I tell her that she misses school too much over lame things (she doesn't do anything after school).. I just don't know what to say anymore, and I'm still upset that she was so rude to me today. What can I do to let my frustrations go?

-Frustrated

photo courtesy of jelene

Dear Frustrated,

Oh, wow. I think you need to be frank with your friend and tell her that she's being a bit of a bitch. It's not okay for her to be rude to you and cut you off like that, especially if you're her best friend. It seems like you're doing everything right, like trying to tell her that she needs to quit missing school over dumb stuff. But there is one thing you need to work on: if she's bolder, then you need to be bolder, too.

My guess is that your friend sees you as a pushover of sorts, so she feels like she can boss you around and treat you poorly. That's why you need to boost your attitude. Stand up to her when she is rude, because you're not inferior to her. Friends are equals, right? Right.

However, if she keeps this act up, then you might want to put yourself back on the BFF market. (Or get a BFF in a can! See picture.) Who has room in her life for a friend who doesn't respect her?

-Mel

Mel needs your help!

2010-01-31T16:19:59Z

What do you usually do on V-day? A romantic date with your significant other? A fun night out with your friends? A movie night with the rents?

Send me your favorite thing to do on Valentine's Day. I'm going to make a giant list of V-day activities, and I can't do it without you!

E-mail me: askmelchicagonow@yahoo.com

Sweet 16 and time to party!

2010-01-30T17:52:44Z

Dear Mel,

I am a 15 year old girl and I want to have a sweet sixteen! I have a lot of friends I want to invite. Some are freshmen, some juniors, maybe even a few seniors but the majority would be sophomores. I need ideas for my big bash. I really want to do something fun that everyone will want to come to. My birthday is in May. I don't want to have it at a country club or a hotel because those are usually boring. Any ideas?

-Birthday Girl

photo courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt

Dear Birthday Girl,

Ideas for a big sweet 16:

-Throw a huge backyard birthday BBQ. Since your birthday is in May, the weather will be nice.

-Rent out a room in a club or something downtown. One of my friends did that once, and it was a hit! (Kind of like MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen)

-Have a boat party.

-Get a big room at your favorite pizza place.

-Buy a strobe light and put it in your living room. That's it. Nothing else.

-Beach party? Or a pool party.

-Ask one of your friends to throw you a surprise party. That way you don't have to think about it!

-Have a Vegas-themed house party, complete with sparkles and blackjack tables.

Make sure that whatever you choose to do is something that you will love! Have a very happy birthday!

-Mel

Look for someone your own age

2010-01-27T23:27:17Z

Dear Mel,

Ok there's this guy at my church, I really like him but he's 5 years older than me. Is that ok? I never talk to him because I get too nervous and I think he will ignore me cause he's the funny weird type! I really don't know what 2 do. And even if I would talk to him, I would feel that everybody would be staring at me cause I'm talking to him! Please help!

-Desperate

photo courtesy of Jason Pratt

Dear Desperate,

I hate to say this, but I think you should keep your feelings to yourself. If you were a 25 year old and he was 30, then it would be okay. But being with a guy that is 5 years old than you in high school is not really appropriate. Think of the maturity difference! I'm sure he's been through a lot more than you have. It would be like an 8th grader dating a senior in high school. (Which I'm guessing is the case.) However, you can still be friends with this guy. Just don't expect anything to happen.

-Mel