Helpful tips for dope rip victims, and other observations

A few random observations from this last week of suburban law enforcement:

I was wondering why it is that we don't get to arrest any hot trannies for credit card fraud.  We always seem to get the ugly ones.  Then I realized, we don't really get to arrest the "hot" anything.  It's not just trannies.

Getting flirted with by a tranny that you've arrested is like getting flirted with by a deranged southern belle.  There's lots of batting eyelids and fluttering hand gestures.

What image comes to mind when I tell you that someone has "Big Pimp Daddy Woo-Woo" listed on his rap sheet as a nickname?  Me, personally, I'm picturing a 300-pound black guy wearing a derby hat,  sort of a contemporary urban version of Fats Waller.  Well, I assigned a report today, a harassing phone call case where the victim alleges she's getting threatened by her daughter's baby daddy.  The suspect is a 20-year-old scrawny white kid from the northwest side.  I have two working theories.  One is that the suspect offered that nickname himself in a moment of alcohol-fueled bravado.  The second, more likely, scenario is that some jaded Chicago cop with a good sense of humor gave him that nickname and entered it in CLEAR just to f*ck with him.

Now here's the latest in my ongoing series helpful tips.  This helpful tip is for victims of violent dope ripoffs. 

If you get shot in the throat during a dope ripoff, remember this--when you're lying on your back going out of your head with pain, you probably won't be thinking straight.  When you grab the first passer-by and beg them to use their cell phone to call your buddy so he can come and get a few pounds of weed out of your car before the cops arrive, you'll probably attract a few other witnesses.  All of those witnesses will probably talk to the cops.  So...that means, a month or two after you get out of rehab, those cops will probably show up at your door along with your parole agent to arrest you.  Please don't whine when it happens. It's not becoming.

Finally, one more helpful tip.  This is from last night's news:

There is no death penalty for graffiti.  That is, unless you impose it on yourself by jumping into the Chicago river in an effort to elude police.  Darwin's natural selection in action.