The House at Poo Corner
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"Sadly, we don't have a whole lot of time, but give me one quick burst of a story..."That simple request came from Bill Leff, host of ChicagoNow Radio, right at the end of our interview. It caught me off guard. My mind raced but I couldn't come up with anything. I remembered from Commercial Radio for Dummies that dead air is the enemy, so I coughed up a platitude about the holidays. Bill was gracious, and deftly handled my deer-in-the-headlights...
Entrance to the house on poo corner
Those spots in the lower right corner are from dead flies. Note the dark smears in the center.Recommended
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20 Comments
Skylers Dad said:
I am speechless Joe. Wow... just wow.
kathleen Ryan said:
This was hysterical, and it brought back many memories of my days on patrol in Suffolk County, L.I. (I retired after 21 yrs, I was lucky to have survived cancer and I decided to leave the job, although I loved it). It's all so true...and you've written it with such humor. I've always said, "the general public has no idea what the general public is like." I wrote an essay that should be published in the next Southampton Review, and it's about a 911 call I handled when a woman said she hadn't seen her neighbor in a few days, and you know it from there.
I love the scratch 'n sniff card suggestion -- perfect idea!
Fernando Diaz said:
please link us when it gets published kathleen!
kathleen Ryan said:
Thanks, Fernando, I certainly will. I joined a blog last March, if you'd like to stop by some time: www.womenofmystery.net. I'm currently at work on a true crime memoir.
Joe the Cop said:
Kathleen, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you liked it! Let me know when your essay shows up.
Gottaknow said:
Desperate to know why this is funny Kathleen. You shame law enforcement officers everywhere.
fitty1 said:
The bathroom is clean cause it was never used.
Katie Schwartz said:
That is a shitutation of shittastic proportions. Joe-Joe-Bean, You are the shit.
Tranzpc said:
I'm not in law enforcement but I've known dozens of friends Who are...The stories They related to Me are just as horrific as this one. It takes a much stronger person than I to do this for a living. I don't know how cops have any faith in humanity at all after coming home from a day like this..
Joe the Cop said:
Tranz, it can be a challenge, no doubt about it. But it's not like it's like that every single day
knuckles said:
wow! parts of this made me laugh so hard I nearly cried. Sign me a devoted new follower of your awesome blog Joe! I shall be following you on Twitter any moment as well. Keep entertaining with stories of the bizarre, humane, funny, creepy, mundane, "you can't make this shit up" world we live in! Cheers!
wow said:
Where are these peoples families????? Or friends????? Unreal to me, I clean my cats litter box twice daily. I do not understand nor do I ever want to.
That Dave said:
The scary part is that I can see my fiancee's mom ending up like this. She's halfway there, already. She's not quite agoraphobic, but she's close. She's anorexic, alcoholic, smoker and when you tell her that any one of those WILL kill her, much less the triple combo, she just laughs and says everyone has to die of something. Well, yeah. But you don't have to die like this...
Joe the Cop said:
wow, you mention families. In a lot of cases these people have pushed their families away years before it gets to this point. The woman with the burnt hot dogs on the stove had family in the area, but never let them come over. The outside of her house looked fine, so no one knew what was inside.
Dave, that's sad. Unfortunately there are some people who you just can't protect from themselves.
knuckles said:
I was a Meals On Wheels volunteer for a year, and know about things looking fine from the outside and not so hot from the inside. In fact, alot of the people operate on the look good from the outside, live like crap in the inside moto. Just don't let it get to hot dogs evaporating on your stove while you are are wedged between the toliet and bathtub. Her family may have been at an Alanon meeting during this episode, after years of watching her drift in and out rehab.
Fernando Diaz said:
i have daydreamed about being a cop for years, perhaps brainwashed by television into thinking it's a cross between COPS and CSI. But damn, this ain't so glamorous. Maybe I'll just stick to jockeying this keyboard.
Btw, Joe this easily qualifies as an instant classic. Thanks for sharing.
Freida said:
Joe, You are my snarky-ass hero.
I could definitely pass the scratch and sniff test and my sense of smell and my visualization abilities are so keen I could literally smell these smells from your too-apt descriptions. Damn you for that!
Tatum said:
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
Creepy said:
Ya gotta love someone who tries to cut their own head off with a bandsaw. That's unique.
Note to self: conduct an enema prior to committing suicide.
JanetOZ said:
So true, so true....My dad (a fireman) and I (a police officer) used to go to breakfast every Saturday after work. My sister (in retail)always complained that we never asked her. One day she decided to go with us. Needless to say, our conversation caused her to not eat any breakfast nor desire to go with us again. Apparently a conversation involving poop, dead people, and car accidents, wasn't her cup of tea. It was actually a bonding experience for me and my dad.
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