This is part of my ongoing series "Helpful Tips".
If you plan on making a living by moving moderate amounts of cannabis from your suburban home, here are some helpful tips:
Helpful tips for home-based dope dealers
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- Marijuana use may heighten paranoia. If you are really into getting baked and playing Counter-Strike, be aware that you might become jumpy.
- If you are easily startled by loud noises and enjoy playing Counter-Strike while baked, don't keep a loaded semi-auto handgun within reach of your gaming console.
- If you are startled by a loud noise, do not automatically grab your handgun and fire two shots through the sliding patio door. Be especially careful, having deafened yourself with the first two shots, to not become confused and fire a third shot, for no reason, into your own basement.
- Do not be too quick to call 911 and claim that
you've been the victim of an attempted home invasion. Whatever you do,
do not claim that the offenders shot into your home. Even the most
careless or poorly-trained officer will probably notice the shell
casings inside your house. It will be painfully obvious that the shots
came from inside.
- Remember that marijuana use may impair short term memory. This is important. You might suddenly blurt out that you fired the shots, and tell the police where you put the gun. When you sign the consent form allowing the police to search your home, you might not remember that you left the gun right next to the duffel bag containing 18 pounds of cannabis. And not far from some more weed and $21,876 of your hard-earned dope revenue.
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7 Comments
Sarah Koz said:
Oh man, I hope that guy doesn't breed.
Joe the Cop said:
Sarah, thanks for commenting! I think we're safe in that regard--he lives with his elderly mother, and his girlfriend. The girlfriend sleeps in a twin bed in the same room as his mom.
Skylers Dad said:
I have these helpful tips printed out and posted on the door leading into my pot factory/handgun storage.
Moshucat said:
Maybe after I finish laughing...sometime next week....I can make a rational comment...Ha Ha Ha Ha....and I haven't smoked a thing.
Joe the Cop said:
Mosh, it's like I always say--if people only did things that made sense, I'd be out of a job.
Shannon said:
D'OH!
Message from Montie said:
I just can't wrap my mind around why someone would want to continue to smoke weed. It either makes you paranoid or extremely tired. For me, it did both. I said I'd do it for as long as I could count the number of times. I lost count around 18 or 19 and stopped...years ago. People are amazed that I really stopped. It was that simple to me. Lose count. Stop. But I don't even understand why I thought I'd REMEMBER the number of times WHILE smoking weed. That in itself tells me I didn't have any business doing it in the first place.
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