Every year we're reminded that sex offenders shouldn't give out candy, and the Cook County Sheriff's Department posts helpful safety tips for kids. Those items are helpful, sure, but I have a few tips of my own:
1) Don't go inside the house where that self-employed birthday clown lives. You know the one--he smells like stale laundry, cigarettes, and something else you just can't put your finger on.
2) Don't visit the house where that creepy security guard lives. He's got a mustache that won't quite fill in and some weird glasses that look a little too big for his head. He lives in his mom's house, in a special room in the basement. He might try and convince others that he's in law enforcement, but you know better.
3) Don't play in traffic.
4) Stay away from roving groups of teenagers carrying shaving cream and cartons full of eggs. They are not your friends.
5) Festive Halloween bonfires and cheap polyester costumes don't mix.
And now, in a spirit of public service, I have a trio of Halloween safety videos for you.
I don't know why Cletus here felt compelled to whip up some homemade fireworks for Halloween, but I'm glad he did:
In this next video you'll see a safety freak parent transform her little girl's cool witch costume into some vaguely ku-klux set of white robes, all in the name of high-visibility. I remember when the first wave of stranger-danger, razors-in-apples fear swept the country, and this film followed right after:
I think this Halloween safety video remix hits just the right note:
Finally, if you decide to just take all the dangerous thrill out of your own kid's Halloween, here is a suggested safety-friendly costume idea:
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